Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

I very quickly noticed something annoying about the existing “defenses.” They were short. They were barely more than chest-high walls, many of them, which did me no good whatsoever since I was putting my crossbowmen up on the roof.

The thugs might have benefitted from some barriers, if they had spears or something. Instead, some utter genius decided that what thugs would carry would be hatchets and meat cleavers.

I stared at them. They stared back. Sub-One-Star intelligence, as expected. Big, meaty guys. You could imagine them fighting in the pit. What I couldn’t imagine was them fighting monsters with goddamn hatchets! It was insane!

“I don’t suppose we could equip them with spears.”

“Ah, the people with spears are the disbanded militia, twenty rune bones each. But you can’t summon them yet. I... just know that. Somehow.” Osian’s eyes went glassy again. I don’t think his brain comprehended the words he was saying.

“Disbanded militia costs the same as a Two Star summons?”

“They have armor, a spear, and work very well in teams.” Osian shrugged. “I don’t set the prices, Tower Lord.” Apparently, he had forgotten that he promised me the ‘lowest prices’ on the summoned troops. I’d have to keep an eye on him.

“Really hatchets. REALLY?”

“Well, they are cheap and almost everyone has one, or a cleaver.”

I wasn’t going to get anywhere arguing. Still. These people had been fighting monsters for who-knows-how-long. They understood the concept of reach. I refused to believe the people of the floating quarter, with time to prepare, didn’t rely on pikes or spears.

This was the devs. This was the devs saying “We need a cheap, disposable, unit. That way, we can have power scaling that is at least kind of meaningful.”

Which meant that my “keep them all alive” streak was about to end. These were units meant to be chewed up, lasting just long enough to get your economy going. Assuming you hadn’t been smart and spent all your rune bones in advance on upgrades for your summons.

God damn it. God. DAMN! IT! These were literally disposable cannon-fodder units. The way they were equipped gave them no chance of surviving more than one or two waves and there was not a single damn thing I could do about it. No wonder there was no cap on how many you could summon.

“Let me see those building materials!” I snarled. Slow them down, shoot them up, send Versai out to thin the herd where I could. Position the medics where they could maximize the healing output.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I saw the first two items on the list. Neatly stacked storage boxes, and essentially the same hedgehogs I had been making for days now. There were also sandbag barricades (for some damn reason, because I couldn’t see them being any damn use other than a tripping hazard), nine-foot stone walls, caltrops and similar. No traps though.

“Can I only put down barriers before the wave starts? Is there a limit to where I can put them?

Ossain hesitated. “No, you can put them down whenever you please, but they do take a varying amount of time, up to two minutes, depending on the structure being assembled. I know what Madame said, but some things just aren’t a question of money. You can’t put them quite wherever you like, they all go basically straight across the street, and you can only put them up to the first intersection.” He pointed, about forty feet away. So. Not a ton of room to work with.

No way up or down the stone wall, I noticed. Whatever troops were stationed on the other side of the wall were likely to stay there. Delightful.

“Madame, you are a mage?”

“Yes, a control mage when I have my Blue Roses with me. Basically, I can cast two types of spells. One is Glass Arrow, which is a quick, single target, medium range spell. The other is Final Revel, which is a short range, wide area spell that causes confusion, weakens enemies to all elements, and given enough time, is fatal. But I can only cast it with my girls, and it does take a good ninety seconds from the time the last spell ends to cast it again.”

Oh. Oh now that is spicy. “Do you need to be able to see them to use the spells?”

“Of course!” She looked at me like I was the weirdo, while she was standing there in her straw hat promising to magic my problems away.

“Super duper. Alright, how close is “short range?”

“Twenty feet.”

I smiled up at the sky. Was the sky particularly blue today? No, it was red and black, because the monsters launched a night raid and the whole damn city was on fire. Good enough.

“Alright. Stone wall goes down here. Two rows of hedgehogs go directly in front of that. Crossbows, stay up on the roof and shoot from right there.” I pointed. Finally going to get some of that enfilading fire Rakim was talking about.

“Thugs, you go up on the wall.” They nodded. I watched closely what happened next. The stone wall went up like a mushroom, rising out of the concrete as soon as the enchanted package was placed on the ground. The hedgehogs popped into existence in barely two seconds. I didn’t like what it said about their probable lifespan.

The stone wall rose steadily, and soon enough hit its nine-foot limit. Nine feet is another one of those “interesting” numbers. Nine feet is tall enough to make an NBA player have to crank their neck back to look up at someone. On the other hand, it’s not particularly tall in walls. I could see monsters snatching people’s ankles and hauling them off the wall. This was… weird. Was I missing something?

The walls were plenty wide though. That was something. Could stick artillery up there. Mmm. The thugs walked over and casually hauled themselves onto the wall. This was the reason. It was easy to get on and off. It also stopped players from building an impenetrable wall. They would always have to be saving up cash to build new barricades and using their thugs and melee to protect the ranged units up on the actually strong wall.

“What’s the failure condition for the battle? Other than everyone dying?”

“That’s generally it.” Osain looked ill.

“What happens if they run through the street and don’t find anyone. Don't ask how or why, what happens if that happens? If a certain number get past, do we automatically die?”

“I don’t…” His eyelids started fluttering. “Twenty. If twenty get past, the city is dead and we are dead with it.”

So much for just putting everyone on the roof and letting the ranged units slowly rack up kills.

I snorted hard through my nose. The first few rounds would be the most delicate. The size of the wave would be the determining factor there. I also noticed that there was not an unlimited supply of building materials. So. That was peachy. On the other hand… starting the game with a Six Star mage unit, four supporters, a Six Star Vanguard, two medics, three Thugs and three Young Gentlemen, not to mention the distinctly shiny looking spell tower, I was in a pretty damn strong starting position.

“Alright, Orders everyone! Crossbows, stay put and shoot down. Fire as soon as they are in range! Medics are behind the wall! If someone is injured, jump up and heal them, or they come down to you. Versai, you are with the Thugs for now. Madame and assistants,” who I was definitely not cursing four thousand five hundred times in my head “You get up on the wall too. Fire as soon as the enemy is in range, but don’t cast Final Revel until ordered.”

I looked around. I wondered if Madame realized she never questioned my presence here, or my right to give her orders. She didn’t even question the orders she got. She might not have the Awakened Soul look, but the devs had already trimmed back her personality and mind. Just needed that final transformation.

Christ alive, she looked like some random Irish biddy from a period drama. Or… oh God. Whatever the female singer was called from A Fairytale of New York. Don’t ask why I put together an Anti-Cheer Christmas Music Playlist. I have my reasons.

I hesitated, then at the extreme back edge of the battlefield that I could reach, I laid down a double layer of the sandbag walls. They popped up in a couple of seconds. Waist high. Vaultable for any of the monsters I had seen. Were they expecting ranged units? Or was this more Dev scumbaggery? I walked over. Coarse sacks made from some rough cloth. I lifted one up, rotated ninety degrees and dropped it on the ground.

Nothing happened.

I walked it all the way over to my wall.

Nothing happened.

I spent a few minutes tossing sandbags away from the wall. Nothing happened. I slowly grinned. The bags weren’t damaged. They were just disorganized. The wall was, therefore, not broken. Not sure how I was going to use this at the moment… but I would find a use for it.

I dumped four more rows of waist high sandbag walls behind us. Why not? Better safe than stabbed.

“Alright, everyone in their places?” I looked around. Couldn’t think of anything else to do until I had some more rune bones to work with. At least the fortifications weren’t costing me anything. I hauled myself onto the walls. “Alright. Begin!”

The giant barrier at the end of the street flashed, then faded out of existence. The monsters came through the instant it was gone. I started rapidly trying to count batlike noses.

“Twenty. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.” I didn’t quite sag with relief, but it was close.

“What?” Versai gave me a look. So did Madame and the Blue Roses.

“What?”

“Are you having a stroke or something?”

“What do you mean am I having a stroke? You could damn well solo twenty of these pricks, never mind all the ranged support.”

The monsters were really moving along. They would be in the archer’s range in seconds. Madame was casually firing off little blasts of light. She wasn’t quite one shotting the monsters, but they were badly injured. Her rate of fire was… not great. Slower than Rakim, faster than Mika. Highest damage per shot and longest range from someone that wasn’t a sniper or artillery. I’d take it.

“No, the peasy lemon squeezy thing. None of that made any sense.”

“I love our little talks Versai, I really do, but KINDLY KILL EVERY DAMN MONSTER THAT MAKES IT TO THE WALL, PLEASE!” I wasn’t quite shouting, but the horrible wolf/goat/bat things determined to turn me into a Clive Barker poster were coming real damn fast.

The Young Gentlemen up on the roof had no problem firing down into the mix. I was trying to evaluate the damage. Their crossbows were smaller than Mikas’ and clearly had less range. Unfortunately, they also had less stopping power. Fortunately, they had a higher rate of fire. It still took five hits center mass to put down one monster.

Big oof. Well. This is why we have the barricades, and Madame was helping a lot. The Young Gentlemen could finish off her victims with just one or two bolts.

“Madame, one Glass Arrow per target, please. Leave them to the Young Gentlemen to finish.”

“Aye.” I waited a moment. That was it. No bark. Just a casual acknowledgement.

If I won this battle, and I was going to win this battle… No. No. She was already dead. This… I can’t think about that. She would be a Six Star. Still basically intact. I had to believe that.

I had to.

The dozen monsters that were still on their feet crashed into the hedgehogs. They scrambled at them, trying to climb over or smash through. They were doing horrific damage to them, each swipe of a claw ripping out chunks of wood. Wouldn’t take them long to break the barricades entirely.

They didn’t have the time. The Young Gentlemen kept up a steady fire, and they were now close enough for Madame to one-shot. They died quick.

I waited with baited breath. There was a timer ticking down to the next wave, I was sure of it. “Osain, do I have to go loot-” The monsters vanished in a flash of light. I checked my pouch. Forty rune bones. Basic monsters were worth basic money, it seemed. No matter.

“Osain! Summon Miyuki, Pomoroy and Radz!”