Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

“I need you to tell me exactly how this plays out.”

Osain smiled and shrugged. It was a brittle, scared thing. “What’s to say? A few of the very weakest thugs in the district stand behind some loosely stacked crates. The monsters rush down the street, and everyone dies.”

“Nobody comes out? Not Sebastian, not Jim, not Madame?”

“How could they? Their appearance costs money.”

“The troops under them?”

“Money, but much less.”

“And I can summon whenever during the wave, so I earn money per kill.”

“Yes. It takes a few seconds for hired troops to reach the street, but yes. I think it’s intended to be a sort of virtuous business cycle.”

Except that I had just emptied my pockets leveling up the Blue Roses, expecting Madame to already be on the field. I quickly checked my pouch. I had exactly twenty three Runed Bones. Fantastic. Just… super.

“Is there a limit on how many I can summon?”

“Not that I know of. I don’t think so?”

So, in a way that’s good, but it also means that each summons was sub-One Star in brians, I’d bet.

“You said you can operate a summoning platform that also needs Runed Bones to operate?”

“Yes. I don’t know how I know, but I know you have more troops than just your… lovely companions here. For a fee, I can summon them to you.”

“Say more.”

“One Star summons ten runed bones each. Two Stars are twenty, Three Stars are thirty, and so on. Six Stars are a hundred, though. Whatever that means. I assume you know.”

I slowly nodded, seeing how it was all supposed to work. “Alright, alright, I can see it. How much for the local yokels?”

“In the first wave, you can only recruit basic locals. Jim’s thugs are three Runed Bones each, Sebastian’s Young Gentlemen are ten, and Madame’s Regulars are seven. Her working girls are fifteen. That’s the lowest possible price, I swear. They won’t come for anything less. Jim won’t turn up for…”

There was a long pause. Then another. “Jim… will turn up when there are enough monsters pinned up. And his sons.” Osain looked stunned. “He… has already been paid? Apparently?”

Not paid. He still owed Sebastian. I grinned. “And Sebastian?”

“Will come… as well.” Osian seemed to be watching a miracle unfold inside of his eyeballs. “He will arrive after one hundred kills have been made.”

“And Madame?”

“Madame has been here since the beginning.” The voice was strong, proud, and coming from behind me.

I wasn’t really sure what I expected. Some sort of languorous, sensual beauty, maybe, or some extra MILF-y dommy mommy. Madame wasn’t any of those things. She was, in fact, the single most normal looking person I had seen since I got isekai’ed. Middle aged, stout, immaculately dressed in a long dress and big hat. She looked like she could punch her weight. She was hugging her Roses instead.

“You were supposed to run away! Why are you in your work uniforms? Oh, have you been eating? Did anyone bully you? No, never mind all that, you need to run. Now! The monsters are coming straight down the road!”

“We were summoned by the Tower Master. Mostly we just hung out and chatted. No worries. He’s a creep, but he kept his hands to himself. And since he was coming to help you, we thought we’d tag along.” Becky said, cheerfully throwing me under the bus.

“Mmm. I’ll talk to him. This is no place for you girls.”

“No, Madame.” Becky was respectful, but for the first time, I heard the iron in her. “We won’t run again. Our place is here, supporting you.” Madame glared at her. Becky let it hit her, and pass right through. Eventually, Madame looked away. She strode over to me.

“You are the ‘Tower Master?’” I could hear the quote marks around the word.

“Didn’t pick the title, agree that it is dumb, have tried to get people to change it without success. The only name for you I have is Madame- what should I call you?”

“Madame. I have no need for the rest.” That’s a goddamn lie. She hadn’t been worked over as hard as some of the others, but the devs had clearly gotten their hands on her personality already. “You are here to assist in the defense?”

“Yes, and look who I brought with me.” I gestured to Versai, who was looking intensely uncomfortable. Madame grunted.

“You know, in my job, I thought I would have gotten immune to feeling awkward.” She squared her shoulders. “Hello, Lady Versai. You are looking fit.”

Versai drew a long breath through her nose. “Likewise. And yes, I too would rather not. But here we all are.”

They looked at each other for a long minute. I had the feeling that I should mediate somehow, or yell at them that they needed to work together or something. Couldn’t bring myself to stir even an inch. I fast forward through the awkward scenes.

“Look, this is blatantly not the time or place to hash everything out.” Versai said, gritting her teeth so hard I was worried she would shatter a molar. Madame blinked in surprise, but nodded in agreement.

“Yes, quite. I don’t imagine our opinions have changed much, but the situation has. It looks like your time in the Queen’s Guard did you well.”

“I can swing a sword.” Versai’s grin would have sent crocodiles running. “How’s your spellwork?”

“Now that my young ladies are back?” Madame’s smile wasn’t anything nice either. “I’ll hold ‘em. You hit ‘em.”

Madame cracked her knuckles. I noticed the base of her fingers just above the knuckles were shiny, much shinier than the rest of the finger. Rings. She had sold her rings. Sold everything. She wasn’t wearing a single piece of jewelry, and while it was a big hat, it was made of straw and decorated with paper flowers.

She looked over to me. “I overheard some of your conversation. How many troops can you summon right now?”

“Almost none. I spent everything I had strengthening the Blue Roses.”

She had a complicated expression hearing that. “Thank you, but…”

“Oh, believe me, I know. First things first though- I have to keep the troops we have alive.”

I looked over the street. This was going to be an uncomplicated terrain to fight in. The street was basically straight, with the alleyways filled with burning rubble. There was some chance that the barricades would be removed and the enemy would come pouring in from the sides, but… I didn’t believe it. This screamed boss arena.

There would be waves of overwhelming numbers. A few twists thrown in. A few scripted events. My hero units would get summoned and my defenses overrun in places. Well. I could work with that.

“Ossain, the barricade materials you have stored- how are they meant to be deployed?”

Madame snorted. “If they are what I paid for, they are already enchanted to self assemble. Just indicate where they should go, and they build themselves. Fast. Less than two seconds fast, or I’ll have the enchanter’s hide!”

Don’t need to summon the work crew, then.

“The range on the spell tower?”

“It can cover the width of the street, easily, and at least a hundred yards range. The problem is that they are meant to be deployed in large numbers, with supporting troops. The recharge rate is almost a minute long.” Versai answered. Osain nodded along.

“Basically artillery, then.”

“Yes, it’s a wide area attack, and very long as I said. They are used mostly in siege defense.”

I’d take twenty of ‘em for the Tower. Maybe one day.

My usual strategy of “slow ‘em down, shoot ‘em up” would be challenging here. I had a lot of melee troops for one thing (comparatively) and I don’t have a literal forest of stakes to work with. If wishes were horses, and all that.

“Don’t suppose there’s any cavalry around we could lay our hands on? Or just… horses?”

“Who could afford a warhorse in the Floating Quarter?” Madame snorted. I gave her a respectful, but questioning, look. She amended. “Other than Sebastian, and, once upon a time, myself. But Sebastian wouldn’t bother as he had his horses up at the manor, and I had better uses for my money too. Nearest livery stable that isn’t on fire is thirty minutes walk that way.” She waved vaguely behind me, outside the bounds of the map.

“Got it. Can we get people up onto the roofs?”

That got me a round of blank stares. “Pardon?”

“Can we. Stick People. On the roof? Like… archers, crossbow troops, knife throwing gamblers, people throwing bricks, whatever?”

This got me more slow blinks. Screw it.

“Versai, climb up that building right there.” I pointed at a three story building. There was a florist on the ground floor. Cheap bouquets wrapped in chintzy cloth stuck out of buckets in front. It felt weirdly anachronistic, but… these were people with spell towers. My common sense didn’t apply. Probably. Or there was something else at play.

“I… can’t…”

“Versai, you routinely went up and over our wall using a single thin rope. You can punch through the plaster on that piece of crap with your bare hands. It’s not on fire, get climbing. Or are you allergic to flowers?”

“I… I can’t say why I think I can’t, I just feel…”

“Jesus, alright, you know what? I suck at climbing and I can make it up onto that roof.” I hope. Please god.

I walked over and looked inside. Everything was boarded up. No entry. On the other hand, the nailed over boards made an easy ladder to climb. It was slow. Awkward. I put my hand in so much dirt, ash and bird poop I may never be clean again. But my doll body never gets tired. My fingers don’t ache from the strain. I can do a one-handed pull up. And greatest miracle of all, none of the ancient timber frame building crumbled under my weight.

I got up on the roof. Which was disgusting. Just… so much broken tile and bird mess. I can see the argument for not going up on the roof- sanitation. But hey, since none of us get sick…

I looked around what remained of Gradden March. From up here, you could see the limits of the world. The street was long, but the whole map was narrow. Barely the width of the buildings on it, in fact. A fact I knew, because the sky box ended two thirds of the way down, and there was just… void.

It looked like static. Grey, but colors burst and faded faintly in my eyes as I tried to make sense of the nothing. It wasn’t black, it was the absence of anything, even darkness. I could feel it damaging my mind every second I stared at it.

“Alright, I can tie a rope to a chimney and people can climb up.” I yelled down to the people below. They just blinked at me, like I had levitated or something. “Versai, can you climb up now?”

“No… maybe?”

“Try.”

I’m not sure what expression was on her face when she climbed over the edge of the roof. Wonder and confusion and something I couldn’t name.

“Alright, Tower Master’s orders, Okay? I’m serious. Eyes on me. Versai? I’m serious. For everyone’s health, NOBODY LOOKS AT WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOF. Got it?”

“Yes, Tower Master! But, why?”

“Because I have the training to look at brain damaging materials, and you all don’t. So don’t look.”

We got back to ground level and I clapped my hands once, loudly. “Alright, this makes things easier. Ranged goes up on the rooftops, melee holds the line up front, and support is scattered throughout. We can use the ranged attackers to hit ‘em from way further out too. Good stuff.” I nodded happily.

“How… did you do that? How did you know you could be on the rooftop?” Madame’s voice was slow, almost dreamy. “You can’t stand on the rooftop, it’s not possible. But you did it.”

Madame hadn’t met other Tower Masters. She was parked in some little nowhere space, waiting to be summoned for a battle that never came. Not like Sebastian and Jim, who had their own roles in their own dungeons. She’s never tried to push the edges of the ‘real.’ Well. Earth shattering revelations later, violence now.

“Alright, let’s not dwell on that. Osian, I have exactly three frozen diamonds. One spell tower, please. Then, go stand in that warehouse doorway you mentioned. I want to see what I can build when I have all the toys. Lastly, here are twenty Rune Bones. I want to summon two people.

“Who?”

“You said that there are some starting troops, right?”

“Yes, three Thugs and three Young Gentlemen with crossbows.”

“We got to keep them on their feet as long as we can, then. Summon Pammy and Maria. Time for the Medics to shine.”

And time for me to throw school kids into a war zone. Damn the developers, and damn me for playing along! I took a long breath. The only way out is through. The only concern is to live… and win.