The Married Life Of Immortals

Bane followed the female demon through the red veined forest, and she led him to the edge of the woods, but everything past it looked like a blasted landscape devoid of color or life.

"Is this the part where you say, 'if you want to live, turn back now'?" Bane asked sarcastically, and the demon woman nodded.

"The demon that we are going to fight is the tyrant of this region. Zibblefritts is a race of armed demons that enjoys tearing the flesh off its victims while they are still alive. A single pinch of flesh each time until the demon dies. Zibblefritts only plays with and eats them while they live, so when they die, he tosses them in a pile. All we have to do is follow the stench of rotting demon corpses, and we will find Zibblefritts's lair."

Bane frowned. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

The demon woman blinked. "Follow the stench of-"

"Before that."

"Zibblefritts?"

Bane paused, trying his damnedest to keep his face neutral, but failure was his only option, and he burst out laughing.

"I am sorry, I just can't take it seriously! I am going to kill the fucking Zibblefribbits, are you kidding me?!"

"Zibblefritts!"

"Dribbleshits?"

"Zibblefritts, and yes, I am being serious!"

Bane wiped the tears from his eyes. "How can anyone take him seriously with a name like that?"

"Let him tear some of your flesh off, and I am sure will be less concerned about his name! You don't seem to be the brightest person I have met!"

Bane shrugged. "I dropped out. Making your own fortune is hard. Better to let others do it for you. Anyways, this has nothing to do with Snoggledicks. What do rotting demons smell like anyways? Shouldn't we be able to smell it already?"

The female demon wanted to cry at her bad luck. It would have been much better for this one to eat her, but now he was leading them to the most unimaginable death. This was clearly not something she wanted, no matter how much she wanted to die, so she started to take her clothes off.

"Hey! Stop that!" Bane snapped, and turned around.

"No. Use my body. Do whatever sick and perverted you want! Anything! Just don't make me lead you to this monster! I have seen it kill!"

Bane kept his back to the demon. "Put your damn clothes on. I have a woman who is waiting for me, so I don't want to have sex with you! Dammit! This shit never happens to single guys!"

"Then just kill me and take my soul!"

"No, and no. Put your fucking clothes back on, and lead me to Snoggerslips."

The female demon didn't move, but eventually gave up. She was going to die anyways, and if it was her fate, then she could only accept it. Bane sighed. "Why are women so damn stubborn?"

"Why are men so damn annoying?"

"To keep you on your toes! Now lead the way!"

The demon woman reluctantly walked past Bane and towards the blasted land. Bane followed behind, and as soon as he stepped out of the tree line, his nose wrinkled.

"What the fuck is that smell?" Bane complained as he was hit with the most pungent flower smell he had ever smelled. It was like someone had just bathed in cologne and was standing right beside him.

"That is the smell of rotting demon corpses. It is only going to get worse as we get closer. The smell will become almost unbearable, so you will have to take that into consideration when you fight Zibblefritts," Karen explained, making Bane frown.

"Your rotting bodies smell like flowers?"

"Is that the word you use for this vile smell? Sadly, my burned flesh smells slightly of this as well, so I am forced to bear the toxic fragrance as well," Karen explained, but then shrieked when Bane got really close to her and started to sniff the burnt parts of her body. To her shock and dismay, Bane was taking in deep breaths.

"That's actually pretty nice. Not bad," Bane commented, and Karen felt like punching the man in his head, but instead she turned and stomped away, not wanting to speak to the madman any longer. "What? You smell almost fruity. Now I am starting to wonder what you taste like?"

"Does this mean you are ready to eat me?"

"Ugh," Bane groaned, slapping his hand over his face, but then sighed, and shrugged, taking his hand away. "Fuck it. Let me have a little nibble. I have to see what all the fuss is about."

Karen spread her arms, and tipped her head back with closed eyes, waiting to be devoured as Bane walked over. He looked over her body, and noticed a loose piece of muscle on her shoulder. He reached out and took the small strip of meat between his teeth, and pulled it off.

Karen didn't react, but her eyes did fly open, and her jaw went slack when Bane started chewing on the meat, and then spit it out on the ground, and then continued to spit and tried to rub his tongue off.

"That was the nastiest fucking thing I have ever tasted! Fuck, I want to puke now! Fuck! Fuck!"

Karen just watched him in bewilderment. "Is that not what you wanted to eat?"

Bane looked at her with a wild look in his eyes. "You fucking eat this? I don't know what rotten flesh tastes like, but I am pretty sure I do now! Fuck!"

"What if I give you some of my non-burnt rotting flesh?" She asked, but Bane's wild look turned to mortification, then back to perfectly calm, and he put up his hand.

"No, I think that is enough sampling of demons for the rest of my immortal life. No, I think I am ready to kill a demon now. I think I have lost my appetite for the next ten years," Bane said, and then muttered. "I don't give a fuck what it smells like! I am not eating another thing in this world!"