The Married Life Of Immortals

Bane weaved and dodged most of the demon woman's attacks, and quickly reattached the limbs that didn't make it out of the way in time.

"This isn't working," Bane muttered after about a minute, and then noticed a large tree to his right. An idea came to him, and he sprinted towards it. The female demon chased him, and as she got closer, he jumped and flipped around, planting his feet on the tree. Bane coiled his body, and then launched off the tree like a rocket, aiming directly at the female demon.

"What is that fool doing? Doesn't he know that trees are meant for cutting wood, not kicking off?"

The demon woman had no choice but to swing her sword, but she cut the air, not Bane, whole speared into her. They both flew backwards, and the demon woman was crushed into a tree. The sword fell from her hands, and Bane's eyes narrowed as he grabbed the blade. It was a simple thing, a normal looking steel blade, and a wooden handle, but it lost its flames when the demon woman let it go.

"Fancy little tool you have here," Bane said, but his voice wasn't teasing, but instead sounded almost angry. "But you aren't human, and you aren't a monster, so I can't tell what you are. And that's ok, because you have no idea what I am, either."

The demon looked up at Bane with her half-burnt face filled with defiance. "If you are going to eat me, then get it over with!"

Bane shrugged, and then hurled the sword into a far off tree. "Not really fun if you just ask me to kill you, and you are burnt. I prefer my meals medium rare, but I also prefer my meals not to be able to talk back to me. Have you ever tried tacos? They are surprisingly good."

The demon just stared up at Bane with a look of confusion. This pink demon kept saying words she had never heard before, and it was frustrating her. Even worse, she had lost again, and her miserable existence seemed destined to keep repeating.

"Why not just eat me already?"

Bane sighed. "You don't get to make that choice. I didn't even want to fight you in the first place. You clearly have had a bad day, so why don't we just call it a draw?"

Bane could just kill this demon, and get another tasty gem, but this demon just didn't feel like a bad person, as demons went. In his eyes, this woman was no different than most of the other women in his life. If anything, this demon woman was probably nicer than Nina, but in his eyes, that was not much of an accomplishment.

"Draw? Why not kill me? Or is that how your race of demons have fun?"

Bane shook his head, and offered the demon his hand. "Nope, but I have no idea what a demon's definition of fun is. I would have to be a demon, or know anything about them, which I am not and don't."

"Not a demon? What else can be in the world of demons, but a demon?" The demon woman asked without taking his hand.

Bane lifted both eyebrows, pursed his lips, and shrugged. "Fucked if I know. I was a human, I mean, I still am... I mean, I look like one and talk like one, so I must be a duck, I mean human... Do you know what I mean?"

The demon looked at the hand for a moment, and then slowly reached out her own good hand and took Bane’s. Bane easily pulled the woman to her feet, and she stared at his hand for a long moment before speaking.

"Does your kind do this touching thing a lot when you aren't trying to eat each other?"

Bane snorted as she stared at their hands. "We don't eat each other... I mean, it isn't popular. We tend to eat other less intelligent races... Wow, that really sounds messed up when I put it that way..."

The demon woman nodded. "It makes sense that you would eat the dumber and lesser races. They are only fit to be food if they are under you."

Bane gave the woman a side-eyed look, but decided that it would be pointless to correct her. "So, do you have a name?"

"I do not, and I have no desire to hear yours."

Bane sighed. "You really are the friendly sort, aren't you? Well, my name is Bane."

"I didn't ask. In fact, I told you I didn't care," The demon woman snapped, and Bane burst out laughing.

"Oh, you are definitely going to be a Karen!" Bane snickered.

The demon woman's good eye twitched, and she tried to pull her hand away, but Bane wouldn't let her. "No point in running away. I am the winner, so you have to listen to me, right?"

The demon woman gritted her teeth, but couldn't really argue. If Bane wanted to eat her, then she would become food. If he chose to use her body first in unspeakable sexual acts, and then eat her, it was fine. At this point, she would welcome the end of her meaningless existence.

"So, are you hungry?" Bane asked, and the woman flinched.

"Are you going to let me eat some of you?"

Bane rolled his eyes. "No. Point me in the right direction, and I will kill you a demon to eat," Bane said, spinning his finger in the air. "Not going to lie, I am kind of interested. All I have heard about is people eating each other since I got here, but I have yet to see it."

Karen gave him a puzzled look. "You want to watch me eat? Are you not going to just use my body first, and then eat me? Or are you trying to restore my body so I taste better? Maybe fatten me up first so there is more to enjoy?"

Bane felt like throwing up. "Oh, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth, and no, I am not going to do any of those things... Wait, if you eat a demon, will your burnt half heal?"

Karen gave him an incredulous look that made him feel like he had just asked a stupid question. "Of course, the flesh of another demon is the ultimate panacea, the cure-all, the elixir of immortality, the-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. But, why haven't you just killed a demon and eat him then?" Bane asked after cutting her off.

Karen crossed her arms, and a spider crawled out of her empty eye socket, making Bane shudder. "Because I am trapped here. All the demons outside of this small forest are much stronger than me. Any of them could eat me in a single bite!"

Bane nodded, then spun his finger around. "Pick the direction of the meanest bastard you can think of, my faithful guide!"

Karen lifted an eyebrow. "That way, but you aren't seriously thinking about killing a high-ranking demon, are you?"

Bane grinned wickedly. "We are both hungry, so yes. I also need to get stronger so I can face that annoying demon lord! Maidenless! I will show that bastard!"

"Demon Lord Gustave?! You want to pick a fight with him?"

Bane lifted his eyebrow. "Fancy looking hoe with five beautiful wives?"

"You mean the five great demon generals of seduction?"

"Yes, the THOTs."

"Thoughts?"

Bane put a hand over his face as he rolled his eyes. "Just lead the way."