The Married Life Of Immortals

Bane fell for several seconds before he began to panic, and he flailed around, hoping to catch something. This didn't really work, as nothing was there. He had hit ground from some pretty high drops, but this one was ten times higher.

"Shit, shit, SHIT! Why am I so weak?!" Bane snapped, and tried to force his mana to come out of his body, but it didn't do anything. "FUCKING WORK, DAMN YOU! SHOW ME THE MAGIC!"

Nothing happened.

"Oh, this is beyond bullshit, Onyx! Just let me use a little bit! Think of all the damage my body will cause the poor demons that I hit! Think of the demons!" Bane pleaded, but once again, nothing happened.

"I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS, ONYX! I CAN'T EVEN MAKE SOME WINGS OR ANYTHING! RAAH!"

"Ahhhhh~" Bane screamed in a high pitch voice that no male should ever make as his body smacked into the ground.

Bane's body sank down, and the earth collapsed beneath his weight. "Fuck you," Bane growled, but couldn't move yet. The fall had mangled him in ways he didn't think possible, but his limbs started to take proper shape as they regenerated.

"I need a new hobby," Bane growled.

While his body reconstituted, Bane had some time to think about the reason he was in this mess, and all signs pointed to that damned assassin! If Ezio hadn't pulled him into this alley, Bane wouldn't be laying in an earthen cast form of the backside of his body!

"Damn assassin, but also damn Onyx for sending me here! I don't even feel like my body is changing at all from the two demon hearts I already ate! Hey! Black Box! What do these things even do?"

Like before, there was no response, but there must be a reason for it, so Bane didn't push it. Instead, he stood up, now that his body had fully healed, and then looked around. "Just where the hell did that demon drop me?"

Bane was in the middle of a forest, but it wasn't the same as the area he had been before. The sun had also changed colors from black to blue. The trees were the same as before, but now they had weird veiny red masses growing off them that spread out onto the ground like roots.

"This looks really weird," Bane commented, and then noticed that there was a small clearing up ahead. "Maybe I will find something fun there?"

Bane's hopes were answered, as a single female demon stood there with her back turned to Bane. Remembering his most recent experience with a female of this race, he mentally began to picture Lysia chasing him with a frying pan while firing thunder bolts at him. This helped clear his head, and when Bane felt ready, he approached the demon woman. She had dark skin, and was dressed like an adventurer.

"Hello, I seem to have lost my way, could you help me?" Bane asked, and the demon woman turned around, and his eyes tried to jump out of his head.

Half of the woman's face and body were covered in what looked like burns, and one of her arms was gone. Bane wasn't sure if she could talk, so he waited, and after a minute, the woman opened her mouth. At least the half that wasn’t a burned fleshy hole devoid of lips.

"Help? What is this world you speak of? What does it mean?" She asked, and a spider crawled out of the burnt side of her mouth as she did.

Bane wasn't sure if he should kill her or run away, but then his body chose to do neither, and he walked over, and placed a hand on the demon's shoulder.

"If you don't want to live, then you don't have to," Bane said softly, but then felt something warm in his stomach. Looking down, he noticed the woman had stabbed him. "Rude. You just start poking holes without even exchanging names?"

Bane looked up and he locked his eyes with her one good eye, since the other was hanging out on the burnt side of her face. They stood like this for a full minute before the demon woman finally lifted her good eyebrow and asked, "No scream?"

"That sounds like a lot of work, and a little poke like this is nothing to get excited about. Now, as I was saying-"

Before Bane could say anything else, he was stabbed so many times that he gave up counting after fifteen pokes, and it was quite a few more than that. After the female demon was finished, she nearly stumbled back, breathing hard from exertion while Bane picked his nose.

"I mean, you already look pretty fucked up, so who about we call this a draw? You looked like you got some frustration out, and I got an acupuncture treatment that I never asked for! Everyone is sort of a winner, right?"

The female demon frowned, and then shook her head, and reached her good hand behind her, and drew her down the center of her head. Bane flinched at this, but then the blood left out the sword start to glow. The blood then burst into a solid blood red flame that looked fake to Bane because he had never seen anything so saturated with color in his life.

"Really cool move, but did you really have to use your head like a sharpening stone to do it? Wouldn't your arm be better?" Bane asked curiously, but the demon woman just screamed and lunged at Bane with her unnaturally blazing sword. "Hey! You could hurt someone with that thing!"

Just as she reached Bane, he tried to hit her with a roundhouse kick, but she cut his foot off just above his ankle. Bane spun, catching his foot before it could hit the ground with one hand, the other planting one the ground to launch a kick up towards her face. She cut the leg in half just below his knee, and Bane had to use his hand to catch the other falling piece of his leg while now holding a handstand.

"Ok, seriously, that's not cool!" Bane snapped, but the demon just started in shock and horror at him.

"How do you not bleed or scream?! What are you?"

Bane ignored her, and stuck his limbs back on his legs, using the magic in his back to reconnect the glowing golden stumps. Then Bane tried to kick her again, but she was still able to sever his leg just below his knee. This time, Bane had the sense to jump up and do a spinning hook kick with his other leg, but this was also cut, and the two pieces of his foot landed on the ground in the standing position somehow, and Bane landed on them.

"You're pretty good with the burning pig sticker, aren't you?" Bane asked, not really caring about the answer as he tried to figure out what to do with this woman. If she started to cut him up into too many pieces, it was going to be hard to put old Humpty Dumpty back together again. He was really wishing he had his horn daggers right now.

"You aren’t very good at dying, but I grow tired of your games, and wish to know what you taste like!"

Bane sighed. “Everyone wants to eat me.”