Rising Shards

I wandered into the dance floor, and it looked like how I imagined a school prom to look, a far cry from the majestic masquerade Jeans pitched me. But that didn’t matter. I screwed up again, somehow, and the guilt made me want to lie down in the center of everyone dancing and let them all trample me. I found a table on the outskirts instead and tried to enjoy a glowing blue drink I got after I made sure it was safe for non Cani or pre-awakening Cani.

I looked down at my phone. I was dreading the tones of the song, because then Jeans would go in on me again. I knew I'd somehow be able to hear it even over the loud music. I thought about calling Stella and asking for a ride home, but then she’d know something was really wrong. As far as she knew, Jeans and I were a perfectly happy couple. I just had to sit there and wait for Jeans to text me again.

A girl in a deep violet mask tripped in front of me. It looked like a strap on her shoe broke. I got up right away and held my hand out to her (in a way fulfilling Stella’s ‘handshake greet everyone you meet’ rule). She looked intensely confused by the gesture but took my hand as I helped her up.

“Hi, this is sudden, but can you dance with me?” She told me.

She looked about my age, as far as I could tell under her mask. In fact, everyone here looked like they were around my age. I thought this was a fancy ball for elite Cani. She had her hair wrapped up in a tight bun. Her voice was raspy. She must have been yelling all night.

“Or wait, just act casual,” She said as she sat down in front of me and hunched over a bit. “Keep talking to me.”

“I uh, what do…” I stammered as I quickly sat down.

A man walked by who must have been a chaperone. I was beginning to feel very confused by this.

“OK, phew, thank you,” the girl said, smiling widely. She had her fangs in. “I was trying to avoid that guy.”

“How come?” I asked.

“He works for my family,” The girl said. “Long story short, he’s been bugging me about going to another thing in this same building.”

“He’s trying to get you to go while you’re here?” I asked.

“Right, that’s what I said!” The girl said. “Wait…”

She squinted at me as she sipped her glowy blue drink.

“You don’t even have your fangs yet, how’d you end up here?” She asked, her voice slightly less raspy.

“I was…invited,” I said. “My…they couldn’t make it, though.”

“Which school do they go to?” the girl asked.

“Wildfire Hearts…I think…” I said. I knew it was Wildfire Hearts, but I still doubted myself for some reason. “Is this…just a school dance?”

“Yep! It’s a big deal for the five schools that go to this.” She said. “The school dance for a bunch of schools got hit with a huge snowstorm earlier during winter so it had to get delayed until now.”

“Oh,” I said. That kinda hurt to hear. Jeans lied to me.

“Have you danced at all?” the girl asked.

“No,” I said.

“Let’s change that!” She said. “If you don’t mind. If you do, I’m fine with just sitting here too. I really just want to avoid that teacher.”

I hadn’t received a text from Jeans yet. And to be honest, after she was treating me like that it made me not want to check my phone.

“Why not?” I said.

The girl led me to the dance floor, and while I completely sucked at dancing it was the most fun I’d had in a long time. We didn’t like slow dance or anything like that, we were just dancing together for a while with everyone there. There was a moment when a song ended when we both ended up in a slow dance pose somehow, but as everyone else was cooling down waiting for the next song we both just kind of stared at each other while we held hands.

I didn’t get her name when I left.

I got back home and set my phone down on the table in the living room. I felt so refreshed. The stage went completely dark, until my phone lit up. The messages appeared around me again.

I’m so disappointed in you.

Are you going to respond?

I went back.

I saw you dancing with her.

Do you even comprehend how I’m feeling right now?

The complete devastation.

Something about “The complete devastation.” Really hit me. I frantically picked my phone up. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely hold onto it. I tried texting back so many things but nothing looked right after I typed it.

“I’m sorry.”

Oh, so you can respond.

“Was the girl I danced with…her?”

No, it wasn’t, and I’m surprised you care enough to ask. I can’t believe you’re putting me through this.

The me on stage just kept texting back, as she received message after message after message, and the lights slowly dimmed again.

The lights came back on, but they weren’t quite right. Jeans led me to a campfire, holding a pile of presents.

“Today is your day!” Jeans said. “I’m so sorry about last week. But I wanted to bring you out here, because this spot always makes me so happy.”

Jeans handed me a huge box filled with tons of fun stuff. I wasn’t happy. I was afraid. But I did everything she wanted. I knew she was upset, but deep down I knew it was my fault she’d been so upset with me. But today I’d fix things. I didn’t want to go out to the campsite on the edge of the city, but I did it for her. I had my present ready for her.

I opened her presents. It wasn’t my birthday, but the apology presents were nice. Lots of snacks, lots of movies we liked, and some trendy clothes. Something about them made me more uncertain, though.

“I have something for you, too,” I said.

It was almost a whisper. I had thought about this moment all summer once I knew. The moment I imagined had changed with the way everything had, but I still had this. This could turn things back to normal. With shaking hands, I got out the gold wrapped box out. I couldn’t remember trembling that badly ever before. I held the small gift out to my girlfriend, and I knew as soon as it left my hands, I’d have to tell her. I gave myself three seconds and took a deep enough breath to finally say it.

“Jeans, I love—” I said.

Jeans took the present and chucked it immediately into the fire.

I stared for a second. I lurched, as though a dream had suddenly turned into a nightmare as the flames touched the wrapping paper, curling it up as it burned.

“I…” I couldn’t say anymore. I didn’t think it was possible for my stomach to drop harder or faster. It felt like the train we rode to the park on smashed into me. Jeans’ smile faded.

I felt a sudden searing pain in my wrist and tried to pull away, but Jeans was a lot stronger than me.

“Jeans! What the….?” I said.

My mind flared suddenly, and it was like a switch flipped to pure terror. All I could think was I’m dying I’m dying I’m dead it’s over I feel it I’m dead. I felt as though I was about to float away. I could barely see her now as my eyes were overwhelmed with tears. She just stood there.

“I don’t understand.” I said.

It was all I could say. Her expression was so upset and disappointed, I didn’t know what I did.

“Wait Jeans. Let me fix this,” I said. “Is there something I did? What did I do?”

I was babbling, but if I was dying, I had to make things right.

“You can’t.” Jeans said.

My head lurched, and suddenly everything felt too heavy. Jeans suddenly started crying.

“This is over,” Jeans said. “You’re going to leave me.”

I started to say something, but my voice was too hoarse. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

“I won’t leave you.” I said.

“You’re just doing this because you feel guilty.” Jeans said. “That wasn’t a gift, that was your pity.”

The present finished burning, nothing but ashes now. She never even saw what it was. I spent so long thinking about her reaction, and it felt as though my heart had turned to dust as well.

“I’m worried about you, Zeta,” Jeans said. “You’ve changed so much lately.”

“What?” I asked. “But you just…?”

“Zeta, I hate when you get angry with me. I told you, I can’t have anyone angry at me the way Harika did. Do you know how horrendous that is to bring me back there? That’s monstrous, Zeta.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t ever leave me.” Jeans said.

The world was spinning away from me, and all I could do was yell how sorry I was for something I didn’t understand. Jeans kept crying, and somehow, I ended up holding her, comforting her and telling her I’d never leave her over and over as the fire kept burning.