Isekai Speedrun

On the Staff Tribe territory, the blankets of snow were packed hard enough to carry our weight even without snow shoes. The old bottom layers were crunchy ice, while the fresh top layer was light powder snow reaching our ankles.

Ivorythief and Reavertooth feather-stepped and shadow-stepped over the snow banks like wire-fu stuntmen, but me and T-Sub had to move carefully to avoid sudden tree wells. The rimy snow-loads on the spruce branchlets forced the trees into curved shapes like papier-mâché art pieces. On the taller half-bent spruces around us, the snow falling down from the treetops was heavy enough to crush a person below.

Suddenly the twins dropped down, signaling us to stop as well.

“Marks.” (Ivorythief)

I moved forward quietly to see what they had found: faint snowmobile tracks snaking between trees. Judging from the snow on top of the tracks, they had went through here before or during the snowstorm yesterday.

“Yeah, Source Tribe snowmobiles. A group of three. Probably a scout patrol heading to Staff Tribe territory. Or maybe young warriors trying to touch the enemy to gain some respect points.”
“We follow.” (Ivorythief)
“I guess we do then.”

This is how it usually went during casual plays. Winter Forest was a large zone of nameless sub-areas filled with ice-topped boulders and snow-crusted trees (and random encounters with wild animals), but no matter which way you traveled, you eventually found tribal snowmobile tracks.

And by following them you ended up in a named sub-location.

Moving deeper, we soon found overlapping tracks dividing into three like a fan – routine Source Tribe attack formation.

Further still, we found corpses of both Staff Tribe members and Source Tribe members scattered around open area near a frozen creek. One broken aerosani was half-buried in the icy creek.

It was easy to recognize which corpses belonged to which tribe: Source Tribe warriors wore blue armor, Staff Tribe warriors wore red furs.

Ivorythief and Reavertooth kept guard while I checked the bodies with T-Sub.

“They had a fight during the snowstorm, or the snowstorm caught them by surprise during a fight.”
“Master, what are those?” (T-Sub)

T-Sub pointed at a pile of small, empty jewelry boxes half-covered by snow.

“Eh? Why are these here?”

Metallic jewelry boxes like these were used by Caliphate high hats to keep only the purest black crystals in them.

Most likely explanation: some Caliphate noble managed to slip out of Rukhkh Fortress carrying his valuables, tried to escape through the Winter Forest and got caught by the tribe warriors.

“Master...?” (T-Sub)
“Black crystal containers from Rukhkh. Some ugly bastard tried to Shawshank out and got reality checked by the tribes. There you go, Sherlock Speedrun solved the mystery of the strange jewelry boxes in seconds.”

The twins pointed at one torn corpse further away.

“Hungry wolves. This morning.” (Reavertooth)
“Yeah...“

Wait, no. Wolves here do not leave fresh food behind like this. Not without a good reason.

The snowmobile didn’t end up plunging through the ice accidentally.

“Everybody back away right now!”

Dammit, I got distracted by the boxes.

Stick Witch was here.

This alder glade next to flowing water under ice was exactly the kind of place where she spawns.

I suddenly heard a low rumbling sound, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. The twins quickly stepped behind snowbanks and T-Sub reacted almost at the same time.

“On the other side, behind trees! Master!” (T-Sub)

A strong gust of wind over the creek pushed snow and ripped twigs towards us like a mini-blizzard approaching us very fast.

“Aww, sh–“

Too late.

I was too slow.

I recognized Stick Witch’s wind blast magic, but this was vastly stronger than the one in game or anime.

This wind wasn’t even a directed attack anymore. This was massive area-of-effect attack strong enough to topple a tank.

Ragdoll it, ragdoll it –

…

…Huh?

Everything went dark for moment.

What happened?

It felt like a kick in the lungs. I was thrown in the air.

Did I manage to land on a soft snowbank? Hey devs, did you nerf collision damage?

When I opened my eyes, I was lying in snow with a tree behind my back. I definitely got stopped by the tree.

“Anyone got the license plate of that isekai truck...?”

Get up, Qwerty, this isn’t the time for inside jokes. Ready the talismans.

Wind Blast is a long range attack, so next attack pattern cannot be melee. Stick Witch is probably going for another long-range attack before gliding closer for a temp wide area magic to melt the ice and make the environment more dangerous for us.

Are the twins okay? Did they use their talismans?

“Kraj, Bodhi, attack as planned!”

No reaction. How about T-Sub?

“T-Sub, status!”

No answer. I tried to look around, but there was something wrong with my eyes. I couldn’t focus.

“Test Subject, status report!”

Suddenly I saw T-Sub lying next to me face down in the snow. I could see a trail of blood coming from his ear. Dead or unconscious?

The frozen tree behind us had bent and splintered. T-Sub’s warhammer was stuck to the tree.

So that’s what it was. T-Sub protected me with his body and got injured.

He’s not dead, right? Main character plot armor still works, right?

Blood on my hands. Sudden pain in my neck and skull. I’m not fine either. Did my old war-wound open?

Is this the end? Is this where I permadie? I’m the weakest link in the chain.

Don’t panic. Maybe the twins canceled the second long-range attack.

Roll and push forward.

I tore off my snow cloak and checked my body, but my eyes kept unfocusing.

I’ve made a huge mistake. I should’ve listened my own advise and stayed safe inside Starfish Mansion.

Where’s Stick Witch now? She’s not sliding in for melee attack? Was this just a drive-by shooting?

She did drive-by’s in the game, but not like this. Not as powerful as this. We might have a massive problem on our hands if Stick Witch has powered up for her temperature magic. If anything, this powered-up wind blast was closer to Dancer’s AoE skill.

Is this something that happens to Stick Witch, if you don’t kill it within game time? Does it grow stronger like a dragon over time automatically? Or maybe Stick Witch becomes unstable like Dancer?

Still no follow-up attack. Did it de-aggro when it saw the talismans? No, maybe it doesn’t want to cross the frozen creek and make the water under the ice warmer? But it could easily use wind-jump to jump over. A small creek doesn’t force hard movement limits like the frozen lake.

What the hell are the twins doing?

“Krajannar, Bodhi, are you guys okay?!”

The world was spinning. My eyes were spinning. I felt like throwing up.

My eyes kept tilting to the right, how do I stabilize – wait, hold up. I know these symptoms.

I saw a recommended video back when I was researching neurogaming Field-Of-View hacks. What was the title of that video...? Tags were “positional vertigo”, “foveated tracking”... Why do I remember tags from a random video seen years ago? My head is so full of useless trivia, ready to trigger on moment’s notice as a reaction commentary. This is the level of scatterbrained-ness it takes to be a professional Mu-Ur streamer.

Common distortions in field of vision – eyes pulling FOV to the right. That should mean there’s something wrong with the calcium crystals on my right ear; my delicate balance-sensing kinesthetic organs are out of whack.

But there was a specific maneuver you could do to alleviate the dizziness.

Heimlich Maneuver? No, that’s old chokepoint tech.

I basically need to lie down, but… What the hell was that procedure called? Elf maneuver? Epic maneuver?

Epley Maneuver! That’s what it was.

A real world Konami cheat code against vertigo.

From the corner of my eye, I finally saw the twins. They dropped down from the tall, snowy trees unharmed, with pieces of inked paper covering their eyes.

Okay, Stick Witch wasn’t meleeing us then, but why didn’t the twins counterattack?

But if I had their skills, I would’ve shadowstepped up in the trees for safety as well. Wind Blast has more horizontality than verticality.

The twins raised their paper talismans like knights raising visors of their helmets.

“Speedrun.” (Reavertooth)
“Kraj, are you guys okay? Why didn’t you answer? I’m okay, by the way, I’m just dizzy, nothing to worry about.”
“Dizzy.” (Reavertooth)
“Yeah, I just need to lie down and do the Epley cheat code, and maybe wear a cool headband to stop the bleeding, and wait for the spinning to stop...”

Oh crap I’m going to –

I vomited.

Argh. I need to keep my head still. I might have some new neck problems as well.

“Brother, it’s the ship disease.” (Ivorythief)
“Eh?”

The what disease? Excuse me?

“Speedrun, it’s ship disease. There is no ship here. You die.” (Reavertooth)
“What are you talking about? That’s definitely not canon. This is just normal dizziness, my ear crystals are confused, that’s all. I just need to reset my audio equipment. Maybe it’s the cold weather, or maybe it’s getting blasted dozen meters in the air, but it’ll get better in few hours, or few days at most, I’m sure.”
“Brother, disease spreads under evil tides.” (Ivorythief)
“Brother speaks truth. Weak die cold, strong hunt warm.” (Reavertooth)
“We take warm witch, make witch pregnant.” (Ivorythief)
“Wait... what?”

They covered their eyes with talismans again. They moved away from me, turning towards the creek.

You’re going to what?! And you’re just going to abandon me here?!

“Wait, guys! Dudes! This is not a disease! Stop in the name of law! There’s no such thing as ship disease, it doesn’t exist! That’s just a superstition! Did you misunderstand something when you crossed the ocean?! I’m not going to die, vertigo is not contagious! We even have a new healer back in the... Bodhicoirn and Krajannar, come back right now! Listen to me! This hunter is still strong! Don’t make this weird, guys! Don’t make any hasty decisions!”

Aaand they’re gone.

Shadowstepped and featherstepped out of my sight in the woods. Zero hesitation.

“Don’t do this to me, guys... You’re my favorite characters… You stupid, primitive pieces of...”

No hesitation before leaving wounded comrades behind.

“We’ve been hunting together for two years! Our time together didn’t mean anything to you?!”

Despite all the things I’ve tried, they’re still ignorant, superstitious idiots. Tribal-minded, feral teenagers. If you’re too sick to hunt, you’re just a burden. That’s how they roll.

From their POV, they expect me to not to be a jerk by staying behind and dying. They expect me to sacrifice myself for the common good of the tribe instead of slowing them down.

I can’t blame them for their nonexistent upbringing, so I blame this world and its abysmal karma balance mechanisms.

And how do they think they can impregnate a ghost? How does that even –

They’re absolute idiots. Complete insanity. Why, oh why, must all the best Mu-Ur characters be total jerks? Why did this have to turn into a tragedy of misunderstandings and random deaths?

Please learn to be more flexible about the rules depending on circumstances!

I blame Crys for forcing this bad end on me.

Should’ve seen this coming. Should’ve listened my instincts. This project was a mistake from the start.

I feel like I’m going to vomit again...

Calm down. Keep your head still. Breathe. Drink water.

...Ugh.

“T-Sub, get up! Get up, T-Bone! You can’t die from a single attack. Stick Witch didn’t roll a nat, she did not!”

I probably need to survive alone to prove the twins I’m not a burden. And then we need to have a long talk about how diseases work.

But first, Epley Maneuver: if your eyes keep tilting to the right, lie down on your back, turn your head 45 degrees diagonally right and wait for the spinning to pass about 30+ seconds. Then turn your head 45 degrees diagonally left and wait for the spinning to pass again. Then turn your whole body on your left side, keep your head 45 degrees diagonally downwards left and wait for the spinning to pass. Then rise into a sitting position while keeping your head still positioned diagonally.

This is not intended to work as a substitute for real medical advice.

Must put that disclaimer in the stream just in case, I don’t want to get TOSsed for quackery.

Action: activate ear crystal manipulation.

…Oof.

Done. Okay. Feeling slightly better, probably got the crystal positioned correctly.

Let’s do it again to be sure.

...

A bit better. Maybe I won’t die immediately after all.

Random neurogaming trivia saves the day again.

Don’t give up on me, party boys, I can do this all day. NG+ 24/7. Keep going forward, me. You can’t hold viewers by whining about bad beats.

...Hold up, pause the game. I have to vomit again.

Don’t look. I’m muting the mic.

...RAINBOWS...

Don’t clip that. Nothing happened.

It’s all gonna be okay. The vertigo is going away.

Do I hear footsteps on the snow?

“T-Sub?”

No, T-Sub is still face down on the snow.

Did the twins come back for me? They came back, right?

“Well, well, well. Who are you then?” (Thiefmaster)

Oh.

Hell.

No.