Isekai Speedrun

I haven’t been failing much recently. Which means I haven’t been trying anything new and difficult for a while.

Getting near your Personal Best routinely is fine, but near-PB is not a new PB. If you plateau, someone will take your world record.

It’s like how countries must always have a real war going somewhere because if there’s no war, soldiers don’t get realistic live practice and fall behind relative to countries that do get live practice.

Getting complacent and staying inside is what ultimately lead to the fall of Revolution Movement in the original timeline. I can’t let the same happen here simply because I prefer safe and comfort. A muscle grows only when it’s uncomfortable.

At the same time it feels like I’m grinding real-time strategy missions every day. We talk about logistics and resources, send orders to gangs on far corners of both continents, make fast surgical strikes against unsuspecting boss enemies.

But even that has turned into a routine. I remember the immortal words of certain uncontested world record player: “When winning becomes routine, losing starts to look like progress”.

That’s not a good direction either.

I’m the complete opposite of adrenaline addicts like Thiefmaster. I want to live a boring, safe life without drama. I just want to play games and chill. That’s my jam.

I choose the easiest routes and targets, and then kill them decisively without putting anyone’s life at risk.

But I can’t deny the fact that there’s this growing sense of inner and outer pressure pushing me in the direction of dangerous risk-taking; a persistent, dull pulse of ennui constantly provoking me to finally open one of those heavily padlocked doors of Starfish Mansion and step into an adventure.

Maybe it was Dancer’s death that started this hemming and hawing in my head.

Yeah, Dancer blew himself up.

It happened just few months after Caliph Tze’s death.

Sad, but not unexpected. It was always clear that Dancer would be the first MC to die.

I saw him becoming more and more restless and unstable over time. His instability put everyone at risk. When everyone could see the time of his final mental breakdance coming, we had a long discussion about it and made a plan.

I accompanied him on his final mission halfway and watched him explode from a safe distance.

When Dancer spun his last spin, he took a large Caliphate fortress in northern Reignland with him.

Crys immortalized Dancer as the high martyr of the Revolution Movement in an obituary he wrote for a propaganda pamphlet. The story was that a loyal Revolution Movement supporter made a solitary last stand in an important enemy fortress, surrounded by hundreds of enemy soldiers, and sacrificed himself by setting up the underground gunpowder warehouse while shouting “Long live the Revolution Movement!”

Of course, a smart reader would immediately ask how the author of the pamphlet could possibly hear the final words and survive, or see Dancer's final actions if he really was alone in the gunpowder warehouse – just like a smart reader would immediately ask how the authors of the Bible could possibly know what Jesus-chan said when he was hiking alone in the desert or speaking to himself in a garden. A smart reader would immediately see the underlying techniquebulary of fiction.

Well, small details can be handwaved with “inspired by real events” or “artistic license”.

Dancer was quite eager to make babies with Pikatrate ladies, but in the end his desire to explode was stronger than his desire to reproduce.

And even if his status as one of the High Lords of Hallways made Pikatrate women interested in hooking up with him, they quickly (and probably intuitively) realized that a happy long-term relationship with Dancer-kun was impossible.

But let’s look at the bright side: in the original timeline, Dancer was unable to dance his last dance because he got trapped in the geometry of the Strangers Cube in Sun City and starved to death. Blowing up a Caliphate fort in Reignland was how he himself preferred to go.

Rest in peace, Dancer.

Good night, Saif Know-Not psikir dhyankhoi.

You were a perfect bumbling sidekick.

By the way, Dancer’s heroic kamikaze story was also adapted into a shanty called Last Dance of Revolution by local minstrels, but he was genderbent into a beautiful prostitute dancing on a gunpowder barrels. The song was accompanied by a striptease performance when the minstrel troupe toured local saloons and inns.

---

Next morning, I was boiling potatoes alone in the kitchen and thinking about a simple dish with goat butter and garlic, when Kurdt rushed in again.

“Master Speedrun, I saw a vision!” (Kurdt)
“Another spoiler dream, huh...”

Barging in the kitchen to tell me about his newest nightmare over breakfast was turning into Kurdt’s routine.

“So, what was it this time? Another nightmare about deviants in the dark? Did you see Thiefmaster doing a barrel roll?”
“No, I shall describe it now! I saw a large room–“ (Kurdt)
“Hold on, can you at least wait until we sit down?”
“A large room made of stone, with a heavy wooden door, locked and decorated with iron and other dark metals!”
“Or you can just tell it immediately, sure...”
“On both sides of the door, I saw large metallic cabinets with machines made of stone and glass, both of them with an intricate clockwork mechanism! Water flowed down from bowl to bowl like arms of a mechanical clock!” (Kurdt)
“Oh. You’re talking about the water puzzle level in Deep Basement.”

Sounds like Kurdt saw an actual vision related to Deep Basement. Sometimes his dreams hit a bullseye, so he definitely had some sidekick-level ability.

He called his skill Dreamlight (because he called himself “the keeper of the dream-lighthouse”), but I dubbed his skill Nightmare Clairvoyance: he saw prophetic visions at sleep, but only when his random dreams turned into horrible nightmares and he woke up in cold sweat.

Trade-off between advantage and disadvantage, as was the principle in Mu-Ur world.

Kurdt also had to remember what he saw in the nightmare, of course. It used to be rare that he remembered, but lately it seemed that his nightmares were becoming clearer. He once said that the most horrific visions he saw in his dreams were things his mind simply refused to remember; like maybe some retro-cognitive stuff about Strangers.

Most of his prophetic nightmares seemed to be related to the 'silly places' I wanted to stay away from, like Winter Forest and Deep Basement. And most of the stuff he described I already knew. And even when if it was something new, it was trivial and irrelevant.

Often his vague dream-visions were hard to distinguish from actual nightmares. He also had common nightmares about a houses full of never-ending hallways, or trying to punch when his muscles didn’t work, or driving a horse carriage blindly from inside the cabin, or teeth rotting and falling out.

And since Kurdt used to live alone in his Floating Islands roomworld just like Alphons in his room (like a hidden boss in a hidden dungeon lair), he saw a lot of claustrophobic nightmares about being trapped inside caves and coffins and such.

“Kurdt, you should really learn how to read and write properly, and start a dream diary.”
“No! I must tell you before I forget!” (Kurdt)
“Okay, you saw the water puzzles level. Got it. Noted.”
“I saw those strange contraptions to control and guide the flow of water! First, you have to solve the left one! Not the right one, the left one first!” (Kurdt)
“That’s how the puzzle works.”
“You open the cabinet and on every shelf you see–” (Kurdt)
“Hold up, did you actually see the solution in your dream? If you did, that’s actually impressive. If you did see the correct solution. Like, this is the kind of accuracy I expect from real prophecies. But don’t spoil the puzzle to Crys, he might enjoy the intellectual challenge of solving it... If we ever go down there, that is.”

There were two mechanical water flow puzzles at the bottom level of the main stairway to the Deep Basement area. The puzzles themselves were not that hard (difficulty rating 6 or 7 maybe), but the elegant mechanical design was an absolute delight from an artistic point of view. They looked like some kind of mix-and-match designs swiped out of Remedios Varo’s paintings. I also saw a video of a group of Japanese trick box designers who handmade a working physical version of the Mu-Ur water puzzles with Yosegi-style marquetry and all.

First you solved the left one: a cabinet full of Rococo-style blocks and miniature gates on every shelf preventing the occasional bursts of water from flowing down to the cup at the bottom. You had to move the shelves horizontally and vertically in sequence to make the water flow freely into the cup.

Then, you would take that cup, with very exact amount of water from exactly one burst, and take it to the other puzzle on the right.

The puzzle cabinet on the right side was a stack of cylindrical metal drums; a pile of large concave steel pans with holes in the middle and spaces between. When you poured the exact amount of water in a bamboo hookah (well, that’s what it looked like) at the bottom of that mechanism, the bong slightly spilled over, and a whirlpool started forming in the steel pan, which then started rotating the whole stack of pans above, and opened a passage to the next Deep Basement level on the right side of the room.

Innovative mechanical puzzles aside, this was still Deep Basement. I don’t want people to wander down there without my guidance. Only instadeaths and bodyblocks await. If you know, you know.

I could draw models of the puzzle cabinets and ask a local carpenter to make replicas for Crys to play with–

Hmm? What is Kurdt trying to say?

“But it’s a deceit! It’s a forgery! The one at the bottom requires water, and you direct the water by turning and moving the decorations on the shelves, but there’s a hidden trick! In my dream, I grabbed the edges of the cabinet and pulled the inner part outwards, and it moved! Stars above, all the shelves moved!” (Kurdt)
“Wait, wait, wait. You pulled all the shelves? Like the whole inner part of the right cabinet?”
“Yes, it was just like that! You pull them out, but not completely! Only halfway out, all of them, all of them halfway out, and the water drips down through the seams, water flows down the edges, under the shelves! That is when the secret mechanism opens! I saw it! A rotating wall on the left side opened with a loud noise, a dark passage without dungeon lights, a long spiral stairway down!” (Kurdt)
“On the left side?”
“And when I approached the dark spiral stairway, I suddenly felt scared! My heart was about to explode from the horror that was waiting down there, and I looked away! I remembered your wise words and I forced myself to wake up and remember, just like you told me! Oh, how horrifying it was, that dark passage! I could barely turn my head!” (Kurdt)

I didn’t know about that trick. Pull the shelving halfway out and let the water flow through? That’s a completely new way to do it.

It should be possible in principle. Kind of obvious in hindsight even. If I didn’t know about it, other player probably didn’t know about it either.

An unknown legacy path.

I guess it was because the community already found a way to skip Deep Basement completely, so there was no incentive to do research on alternate water puzzle solves when you could circumvent the whole place.

I wonder if the real world puzzle-crafters ever stumbled on this alternative mechanism...

I used to grind Deep Basement before the full area skip was found (shoutout to fellow speedrunner ItWasMeD10 who found the skip) so all my prep work there went to the crows. All that useless grinding was one of the reasons I hated the idea of going down to Deep Basement again – you know, besides the horribly bizarre deviants living there, and the broken game logic of apparition magic, and gravity-altered sub-areas.

“Well, congratulations, old man. You might have divined a previously unexplored route. By the way, you should know that spiral is two-dimensional, the correct term for a 3D stairs is helix.”
“Really?! I did well?!” (Kurdt)
“Yep. It’s not a major find, but... Well, it’s probably just some half-assed side quest. The fastest strat still is to use dynamite. Alexander’s sword solve for Gordion Knot is usually the fastest way everywhere... But yeah, congrats, you’re starting to catch up to the lore. But don’t let this get into your head, remember that Rain killed you in the OG timeline because of these random dream-beams.”

Puzzles aside, this is kind of worrying too. My usefulness in the group is diminishing. If Kurdt becomes the main source of future-info and Crys keeps getting better at strats, my position as the visionary of the Revolution Movement is in danger.

Well, that probably won’t happen anytime soon. But maybe I should start saving for my retirement. I won’t be twenty-something forever... he said, hoping it could actually be true.

“Small change of plans, Kurdt. If you see the same dream again, try to peek down the stairway a bit and report back to me. But don’t take it too far. We don’t want you to turn into a babbling madman, if you see some mythos monsters down there. Your sanity points are already low enough.”
“Yes, I remember your teachings about lucid dreaming, master! I will be careful!” (Kurdt)
“Repeat the precautions we took during the experiments.”
“Yes, master! I will sleep in my own bed, and I will have two Pikatrate guards in the room to make sure I don’t sleepwalk, and they will wake me up in case of emergency.” (Kurdt)
“And what else?”
“Yes, it is dangerous to make depictions that are too lifelike because they might open a door to a different reality! And it could be similarly dangerous to venture too far in your dreams and remember too many details of them! My dream-lights and visions are powerful and dangerous and strange, and that’s not safe!” (Kurdt)
“No need to exaggerate, just remember the basic precautions.”
“Yes! The guards I will borrow from her highness Achlop, they must be ones you have taught the rib technique in case my heart stops during sleep.” (Kurdt)
“CPR in case of heart attack, yes. And?”
“...Was there something else, master?”
“If you see an expressionless girl...”
“Yes, don’t follow her into the forest! Yes, I won’t follow her! She’s scary!” (Kurdt)
“You don’t say.”
“...Who is that expressionless girl in my dreams, master?” (Kurdt)
“Like you said yourself, it’s dangerous to know or draw too many details. Keep calm and dream on.”

Good thing I was in the kitchen alone this morning. If T-Sub had been here, he would’ve definitely tried to push me to open the door to Deep Basement and see the cabinet puzzles live.

---

After breakfast, it was time to grab the bull by the horns and get to work – that is, to continue negotiations about the Thiefmaster situation and the Reignland plan with Crys.

Who would win a boss vs. boss battle between Thiefmaster and Stick Witch? Hmm...

Anyway, the political situation in Reignland… nah, I can’t do this today. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to think.

Maybe I’ll just call in sick and take a day-off. Skip the whole day.

Maybe draw some maps, paint some pictures, go on a date with Sera, play around with my prototype bicycle.

Yes, I’ll do that... Maybe I’ll do just that.

It’s good to take full rest when you can.

---

Next day, when I exited my bedroom, Kurdt was already walking in circles in the main hallway with a serious look on his face.

“I saw it, master! I gathered all my courage and looked into the hidden stairway and saw it!” (Kurdt)
“The same dream?”
“Yes! Down there, the spi- helix stairway, I looked down there! There was a light at the bottom, I saw it through the steps of the helix! And it… It looked back to me! And I screamed and screamed, and I forced myself to wake up! The guards, I sent them away! I had to come here!” (Kurdt)
“Okay, calm down. What did you see?”
“I saw a skeleton!” (Kurdt)
“A skeleton? You mean like the skeleton gardeners in the Petrified Garden?”
“No, not like them! It wasn’t like them! It was white like bone, but it had white skin, and glowing white eyes, and it was looking straight at me!” (Kurdt)

Skeleton-looking dude with white skin and white eyes glowing in the dark. That sounds familiar...

“Wait a sec, K-Dawg, I'll draw you a picture.”

I sat on the floor, took out my pocket journal and drew a quick sketch.

“Is this the man from your dreams?”
“Th-that horrible face! Yes, that is the horrible skeletal face I saw in my dream!” (Kurdt)

Check and check. All details match.

There’s only one place in Deep Basement that spawns melanin-deficient deviants that fit the description: Dais Floor.

But going from water puzzle room straight to Dais Floor via staircase? That would be a major sequence skip.

“That’s Dais Floor. Big if true. Big skip if true.”
“Master, do you know that creature?!” (Kurdt)
“Well, yeah. Your description fits a deviant called Argoidar. There’s a whole collective of Argoidar living in a deep level called Dais Floor. They look freaky, but they are actually rare neutrals in Deep Basement. If you don’t attack them, they won’t attack you. But if you attack one, they all attack you, so there’s that. Their main weapons are long bone knives and short bone spears. Their eyes glow because they’re actually kind of blind and live mostly in dark areas between dungeon lights. The dude you looked at you probably couldn’t even see you, it just reacted to sharp changes in lights and shadows. They’re kinda cute, aren’t they?”
“T-th-those creatures, cute?!” (Kurdt)
“Yeah, like albino gibbons or tarsiers. Well, you’ve never seen those...”
“...A-as expected from the Chosen One! Even such disturbing creatures do not weaken Chosen Hero’s courage and resolve!” (Kurdt)

People of this world haven’t played much horror games or watched classic horror movies. Weird inhuman monsters and strange creatures still scare them, while for me it’s common entertainment content. Inversely, the real-life violence and the wild sword-and-revolver culture around here that scares me is just normal everyday life for the people of this world.

Cultural differences.

Also, I need to keep my cool even if I feel nervous inside. If patricians lose their cool, plebs get nervous.

“These horrible monsters live under the floors of this house, our home! Master, we must kill them!” (Kurdt)
“Nah, we don’t need to kill the Argoidar. They just live their own weird lives there without bothering anyone.”
“B-but those horrible creatures! They live under our feet!” (Kurdt)
“They’ve always lived under our feet and nothing has happened. We’re not gonna to take a full-on genocide route simply because their appearance scares you.”
“B-but the puzzle is open! The door opened, and it looked up! It looked straight at me!” (Kurdt)
“That was just a dream, Kurdt, no one has… Or, wait... Dammit, let’s go check.”

I better check immediately that the door to Deep Basement is still locked.

Just in case someone in the house had the stupidest idea ever.

Hopefully it was just theoretical prediction of what could maybe possibly happen.

---

The door to the Deep Basement seemed locked and undisturbed. There were even some new warning signs attached to the wooden boards affixed over it, written somewhat hastily with red ink.

Mirim was taking her job as a Door Guardian seriously.

I looked left and right to check that no one else was around watching us in the main hallway.

Then, I rattled the iron locks and tried to pull them.

Solid. No slack.

Should I, maybe... open the door myself? Go down to check the water puzzle?

Break the routine, get on with the campaign?

...Nah.

“Master, are you going to open it?” (Kurdt)
“Nope, not happening. Not going to the Deep Basement. Rejected. Not falling on that baitquest. Hashtag notonmywatch hashtag notinspirational.”
“But master, my prophecy! Those monsters down there…!” (Kurdt)
“Mah props, muh predetermins... Come on, Kurdt. Argoidars are like sharks, they just chill down there, you don't need to swim with them. I keep telling you that you take your dreams too seriously. I’ve told you dozen times that tempting me with dreamboats won’t change my main strats. I know how this show runs. Taking dangerous side missions in silly places is just going to end up ruining the whole operation. I’ve seen the show, nonsense dream sequences are the thing that killed the franchise.”
“Master, you told me to look down there…” (Kurdt)
“Well, okay, sorry. I said too much. I apologize. I encouraged you to look deeper, so this is partially my fault… Look, what we need to do is just do what we always do: ignore the noise, stay home, stay safe, and grind the safe missions. Top ten basic survival tips and tricks number one: stay out of trouble. Don’t open that grimoire written with blood on human skin. Look for the monochrome technical manual with a stock photo cover instead.”
“But master–” (Kurdt)
“Don’t be a clown, sleep in the first tutorial town. Buckle up and stay in the hub. Real heroes eat, sleep and repeat. Put on your comfy slippers on and forget the Argoidar. Come on, old buddy, let’s go eat some potato-quality breakfast.”
“Master Crys won’t be happy if we withhold this information from him! Something big is coming!” (Kurdt)
“Kurdt, really...?”
“Master, you are the Chosen Hero, the hero chosen by dream-lights! I must guide you forward! My dream-lights exist only to guide you! There is a greater path for us, greater path under us, isn’t there?!” (Kurdt)
“...Did you see more than the puzzle solve?”
“There is a path, isn’t there?!” (Kurdt)
“Okay, fine. Fine. We’ll go down there, but only to check the water puzzle... Someday. We’ll go down someday in the future. Maybe even near future. But right now we have bigger puzzles going on outside the house, so don’t hold your breath waiting for it. Got it?”

Crys is going to push all the buttons if the full ramifications of this discovery are revealed.

Fluffin' shortcut to Dais Floor.

Effin' hidden fast travel route to Winter Forest.

It feels like the world keeps pushing me to visit silly places harder and harder.

And I’m pushing back. You can’t break my will to not advance, Mu-Ur!

But then again... then again...

...what if we really jumped to Winter Forest via Deep Basement?

We could check the Sparkling Source. We could get a jump on Stick Witch. We could kill Thiefmaster, if he happens to be there at the same time…

We might be able to eliminate at least two major threats on one trip, kill multiple flies with one strike like brave little tailor.

I can’t believe I’m actually considering this.