Isekai Speedrun

“Why, Crys, why? You went ahead with a dangerous bossbaiting strategy without asking me first?”
“You wouldn’t have agreed. You are not ready to make the necessary sacrifices.” (Crys)
“Crys, are you really self-sabotaging? For real?”
“No. You are.” (Crys)
“I’m self-sabotaging? ’No you’, that’s your answer? Dude, gaslighting and self-sabotage...”
“Let’s discuss the future.” (Crys)
“Sure, let’s ignore the past and talk about the future! That’s that, and this is this!”
“The future is what matters. Assess the level of risk versus reward.” (Crys)

This is horrible. Crys has been aggroing Thiefmaster straight to our home territory behind my back.

I need to take a moment to double-facepalm.

But why Winter Forest? Why male models?

“...What does he know? What did you put in his head?”
“Indeterminate rubric. Rumors and whispers. Perhaps Winter Forest at Wineep Isthmus is the secret dungeon where the dragon’s head of Revolution Movement sleeps on top of mountain of ancient weapons. Perhaps umbrellas are for snow, not for rain.” (Crys)
“That’s the story you’ve been feeding him?”
“I expected him to arrive hiding among escaped slaves, but it seems he travels alone. A group of bounty hunters was found dead in Crumbling Shores few weeks back, then multiple bounty hunters disappeared at western No-Lands. Insignificant individually, these reports form a significant pattern together. Now Thiefmaster was sighted at Pearl Town and Kurdt saw a prophetic dream. His movements and motivations have become crystal clear.” (Crys)
“Well, that’s just fine and dandy… Wait, was that last one a pun?”

I don’t even know anymore. Things keep slipping out of my control.

Could Thiefmaster use his special skill against the Stick Witch? Does he actually know anything beyond old legends and stories when it comes to Stick Witch, Wintersmith, and the tribes?

Did he visit Valkross Fortress library to collect info about the adventurers who explored Winter Forest in the past? That’s something you would do in a first playthrough.

Is there some connection between Stick Witch and Thiefmaster I don't know? Are the wind blasts just a coincidence?

I have so many questions and I can’t pull any definite answers from experience.

I feel like this game just got a major rebalancing update and I have to adjust to new settings.

“Let’s try to stay in the topic at hand.” (Crys)
“Well, hurray for staying in topic.”
“Heh.” (Kimono)

Kimono, please. You can stop with those smug smiles every time I raise my voice. You’re thinking I’m just a court jester dancing in front of a bored god-king, aren’t you?

“Crys, you really should’ve asked me first. You know that Thiefmaster’s special ability is a massive risk, especially if it works on apparitions like Stick Witch the same way it works on baseline humans. He never attempted that in my timeline, so there’s no telling what happens. Thiefmaster is a mid-boss, was a mid-boss, but he might turn into a high-level boss threat, if something goes wrong.”
“He was defeated in the future as you described.” (Crys)
“Yes, he found his way to Starfish Mansion via traitors and loose-lipped idiots. But those folks are not here and don’t know our location in this timeline, so it would have to be some glitch-level ability, or some fluffin self-sabotaging protag; not naming any names here. We need to tighten our security, pump up our defenses instead of going on a wild goose chase.”
“No, the method used to defeat him. Sorry Man.” (Crys)
“That’s what you’re talking about? Sure, Sorry Man strat is legit, but please, not in the house! Not in the house, Crys, not in this timeline. I’m starting to regret everything I’ve told you...”
“Your perspective is still not wide enough. The risk is adequately calculated. Hastening Reignland project is necessary. Perhaps the court physician’s daughter is a trigger that requires moving troops to offensive positions faster.” (Crys)
“Are we changing topics again?”
“It is all the same topic. All strands are connected to the Reignland plan.” (Crys)
“Sure, but even if we hurry the bluff squad and the tunnel thing, we still need the Flame Tank.”
“That’s why we must act against Thiefmaster today to prevent distractions tomorrow.” (Crys)
“...Speaking of that, how exactly is the Flame Tank project progressing? What are the latest news?”
“It is on schedule. Do not change the topic.” (Crys)
“I’m the one changing topics now?”

Let’s take a deep breath. This day has been full annoyances.

“Okay. I think the main question here is this: if Thiefmaster really goes to Winter Forest and gets lost in silly shenanigans, or just hangs around there instead of trying to find us, then, well, he could possibly die in the forest just as well. Maybe we don’t need to lift a finger. It’s not like he can use Stick Witch’s Sparkling Staff immediately even if he might be able to acquire it using his ability–”

I realized mid-sentence that I was making up excuses.

Thiefmaster definitely won’t stay in the Winter Forest. He might be crazy, but he’s not a complete idiot. If he hasn’t realized it already, he’ll realize soon enough that rumors about Winter Forest were just a bait.

Then he is likely to spawn closer and ruin our schedule.

...Damn mid-boss taking more time and effort than final boss. Game balance issue.

“So we should actually attack now and prevent him from reaching Winter Forest, huh? But Thiefmaster has dodged all our traps so far, and it’s impossible to guard every corner in such a large area. We can’t send the twins everywhere at once.”
“Based on your own previous assessment, Thiefmaster is a major threat. Reignland plan cannot move forward if he stands behind our backs with a dagger ready strike.” (Crys)
“Sure, but–“
“You might stay out of this completely, if you don’t understand what brother says!” (Kimono)

Kimono suddenly got angry. She probably didn’t even follow our discussion, she just reacted to my continuing hesitation.

“Kim-chan, we’re not really fighting here. We’re just having a heated co-op discussion while trying to come up with the safest winning strat together. Let’s use our inside voices, okay? This is exactly the kind of internal strife and forced infighting drama from the original timeline we should avoid at all cost.”
“Do as ordered then! You keep going around in circles and repeating excuses! Your usefulness is on the floor and keeps sinking!” (Kimono)
“Ouch, that last one sounds like a direct quote. Crys, you didn’t say that about me behind my back? ...Crys?”

Crys was riffling through his notebook, probably contemplating the proverbial big picture in his galaxy brain once more.

“Thiefmaster is a poisonous snake slithering on our backyard and avoiding our traps. We have a pair of hunters working for us, but since you don’t want to include them into the Reignland plan, they are free agents. I have already changed my plan due to Dancer’s demise. Altering the plan further would require certain methods you deem unsavory.” (Crys)
“So we’re ignoring my worries and making indirect threats now? That’s too deep in-character for you, Crys. Look, I don’t want the twins to follow Thiefmaster inside the Winter Forest. If they can’t catch him outside the forest, sure, but if they go in without proper prep, they’ll just get lost or get caught in ghost traps.”
“You will guide them then. This impasse is inane.” (Crys)
“Me? Personally?”
“Do not make me repeat myself.” (Crys)

---

Talking with Crys like this and making major decisions on a dime is tiring. I want to keep the overall stress levels of the party on the low side so that we don’t end up in weird two-party situation inside the house like in the original story.

But Crys does have a point: I don’t take much risks. I don’t challenge myself anymore.

I stay inside the mansion like the main characters in the original timeline. Except I don’t party hard with drugs and alcohol, but still.

It’s like back in the days when I goofed around with new neurostreaming equipment instead of producing interesting content and viewership numbers started winding down.

Cleaning, cooking, housekeeping, keeping people out of trouble... Holding the gang together, nudging everyone in the right direction...

I’d like to think those have been my main managerial responsibilities after Big Bad’s death.

But life isn’t that light.

Just like pain and death were the central ideas of Mayan and Christian religions, slavery and restraints were the central ideas of Strangers religion. People on both continents still held their silly beliefs and worshipped imaginary masters even after their high prophet Caliph Tze was gone.

Poor people everywhere are starving and dying under slavemasters. Area bosses and middle managers are still kicking stray dogs left and right for fun and profit.

Well, at least people don’t have to deal with an immortal tyrant messing up. The people of this world dodged a bullet bigger than North Korea. They don’t even know how lucky they are to live in this dystopia instead of that dystopia.

There’s always more work to do outside.

I don’t have the luxury of working remotely all the time.

But still, the main story arc of the anime is over and I’m running out of canon lore. Every day brings more surprising developments and deviations from the original story. I feel more and more out of my depth.

Living in the luxury of Starfish Mansion like a sheltered prince is very different from what I used to do before. Crys is right about that.

And I’m also too much of a goody two-shoes to ignore all the evil things that are happening for people who can’t afford a single piece of bread. All the evil you ignore will come back to bite you.

First the climate change came for the Sub-Saharan tribes, but I kept playing games because I lived above the Arctic Circle...

---

“Why did you have to choose Winter Forest? Was Mandarin River too obvious?”
“Everything is progressing in schedule except this problem with Thiefmaster. He should’ve been dealt with posthaste. Your hesitancy to engage him earlier has lead to this. I went through extreme effort to set this stage for you, player of games. Do not disappoint me.” (Crys)
“There you go again with threats and accusations and declarations and emotional manipulation... What’s next, light torture and domestic violence? How long have we worked together, Crys? You do realize that it’s Winter Forest we’re talking about here? The conditions where and thither our troops are training right now are the complete opposite. We don’t want to repeat Napoleon’s mistake. You haven’t been there yourself, so you don’t know how difficult it is to just get past the Staff Tribe that patrols the outer edges.”
“Paupers and serfs from Ur and Mu are flocking in our territories and creating new shanty towns, expecting us to deliver your promises of freedom, security and stability while bringing none themselves. Are you going to invent work and possessions for all of them, or implement these things like ‘minimum wage’ and ‘universal basic income’ out of pure air?” (Crys)
“So it’s about those refugee camps... We don’t have any territory-wide social security programs or housing plans running yet, and they don’t know our local customs and rules, but they’re better off than being beaten for no reason by landlords, so returning is not an option. They won’t move east to deviants lands, so Wineep Isthmus is the logical endpoint, even if they have to live in common land that cannot be farmed–”
“Enough excuses. You’ve been careful at selecting people you know until now. These people are unknown and diseased both in mind and body, by your own standards. Will you select the healthy ones you recognize and kill those who you do not? How deep in the Black Forest will you allow their camps to spread, how many crops will you allow them to steal to feed their young? The problem must be solved at the source with haste. Naive idealism for an unspecified future won’t help.” (Crys)
“You keep calling it naive idealism when it’s merely a question of civilization level. After we can use the Strangers Cube as a bottomless energy source, it opens a new tech tree branch. We should to prepare for that eventuality from the start and implement–”
“Don’t let your vision blind you. Thiefmaster is an obstacle that must be removed forthwith to initiate the Reignland plan and turn the flow of people. Do you have any realistic alternative to offer?” (Crys)
“What kind of non-violent alternative do you accept? We are on the same page about Reignland, but I don’t get why you keep insisting – look, don't even try to give him any more hints, and maybe don't follow dubious hints from fortune tellers even if you get stuck, this new hint system you're creating helps the bad guys instead of good guys–“

Even more frustrating negotiations about territory management and logistics followed.

The gist of the matter was that Crys kept pushing me personally toward Winter Forest for some reason I couldn’t really grasp and refused to explain properly. And I was dead set on not going.

Kimono looked like she was ready to cut my throat, but since T-Sub didn’t react, I knew her attitude was just empty posturing.

After long string of mostly circular arguments, a long silence followed. Kimono got bored, drew back and sat in a corner like a sulking child. I was pretty sure Crys wanted to take a break too.

I should end this heated discussion on a positive note to encourage cooperation.

“...So Flame Tank project is on schedule. That’s great. What about the second team?”
”Digging team sent a short message together with Flame Tank team’s message.” (Crys)
”Archaeological team. Let’s keep using that name.”
”Unimportant. They have found more artifacts since last report, but they haven’t found anything that looks like sarcophagi, Strangers cards, nor any clues leading to other Reignland dungeons. They are sending all the artifacts they’ve found in the next caravan.” (Crys)

I heard a quiet squeal behind me. Our artifact otaku T-Sub was most excited about this report about new artifacts. Probably just common trash items, but it’s all interesting to T-Sub.

”Great. Maybe we should–”
“Leave now, I'm tired.” (Crys)
“Exactly what I was thinking.”
“We will discuss this again. Very soon.” (Crys)
“Yeah, let’s put this on hold and sleep on it. By the way, new shipment of Root of Veracity came today. It’s still in the car, I’ll send someone to bring it.”
“Sure.” (Crys)
“I’ll... make it so.”

And with that, I left the room feeling exhausted.

---

Mirim returned from orphanage soon after my late dinner, so I left T-Sub under her watch and returned to my room, leaving the door half-open.

I placed my shoulder bag, revolver holsters and bandoliers on the nightstand. Then I removed my dark blue Bridgehead Miner Battle Bowler, liner cap and dark orange Mandarin Buff Coat, plus some other uniquely named artisan-level items I had collected one by one over time and bundled into an ensemble outfit that gave me high-level protection against most types of piercing attacks.

This outfit made me look like I was wearing April Fool’s Day exclusive character skin from an old FPS game, but it wasn’t too far out in this world where gangsters dressed like 18th century aristocrats mashed together World War One soldiers. Defense over speed, stats over fashion.

I don’t particularly want to look like a tryhard tacticool knight-wannabe, but dressing like a filthy die-easy casual isn’t a smart move either.

I usually wore a rain cloak over everything outside so I didn’t bother color-matching my setup.

By the way, the shoulder bag was a gift from Sera. She made it herself from multicolored snakeskin that was found and acquired during princess Achlop’s hunting expedition in the Jungle Room – a skin shed by a half-apparition called Shirker Snake. Players used to call it Camper Snake because it avoided moving targets and attacked only if you were sleeping or unconscious, or stood still for a long time next to it; a nasty surprise for idling players.

Crafting snazzy boots or rifle wraps from Shirker’s skin wasn’t a bad idea, but a shiny snakeskin messenger bag was something else. In the game, this kind of apparition bag expanded your inventory slots more than than a regular bag of similar size, but here it was just a normal bag, unfortunately. But Sera certainly had the right idea when she decided to turn the Shirker skin into a bag. Or maybe it was Achlop’s idea to create a gift for me?

Oh, perhaps they decided to gift it to me together because they thought I liked flashy accessories due to my garish body armor setup? Or perhaps they just wanted me to wear more bling-bling befitting a high noble.

Whatever the reason, it’s a nice shoulder bag. I use it all the time.

That’s one thing to remember when you criticize people’s fashion choices: that weird or cheap piece they always wear might be a handmade gift from their their wife or daughter, so it’s actually a priceless unique artifact with a clear provenance.

I took off the bulletproof undershirt Kimono stole from the Snowflake Fortress and added it on top of a pile of sweaty laundry.

I keep saying to Sera that she’s not my maid and doesn’t need to do my laundry or clean the table after me, but she keep insisting that she enjoys supporting my work.

I’ve already given up trying to share most domestic tasks, but cooking is non-negotiable. I want to do it either together or alone. It’s not because I’m worried about deliberate poisoning; I’m more worried that they might add inedible or poisonous ingredients out of ignorance.

After a few lazy stretches and push-ups, I sat down on my canopy bed and stared at silent raindrops hitting the window of the mansion for a while. The rain and fog outside was usually so soupy that you couldn't see the moorland at all.

Out of old habit, I grabbed my dead smartphone, stared at the black screen, slapped my forehead, and slipped the phone back into my patch pocket. I kept carrying the phone like a lucky charm.

Soon there was an expected knock on the half-open door.

“Master?” (Sera)
“Come in.”
“Welcome back. Would you like to take a bath?” (Sera)
“Nah, I’m really tired. I’ll just take a shower later. Could you wash my outfit? I mean, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but if you don’t have anything else to do, it would be helpful.”
“Understood. Is there anything else?” (Sera)
“Nope, that’s all.”
“I’m ready for anything master wants.” (Sera)
“Are you really sure you want to make that offer to a man with an imagination like mine?”
“Um, yes…?” (Sera)
“You’re too defenseless. Get outta here, you scandalous minx.”

Sera giggled adorably, collected my gear and left the room tiptoeing backwards.

“Good night, master.” (Sera)
“Good night, Sera.”

She is totally yamato nadeshiko, isn’t she?

...I’ll just take a shower in the morning.

I double-checked the Ruby revolvers on the nightstand, locked the door, slipped under heavy blankets and closed my eyes.

Another long day at the office.