Isekai Speedrun

Kimono was waiting for me in front of the kitchen room. I immediately realized that Kurdt had told Crys about his dream and Crys had connected the dots.

Welp, breakfast might have to wait today.

“Sup, Kim. Can’t wait to eat breakfast?”
“Brother wants to talk.” (Kimono)

Kimono grabbed my hand.

“Aa, unprotected handholding!”
“Shut up.” (Kimono)
“If Sera walks by and sees this, there might be some romantic comedy style misunderstandings.”
“Fine.” (Kimono)
“No, wait–”

Kimono grabbed my hair and dragged me to Crys’ office like walking a dog with a very short leash.

Why can’t I keep my big mouth shut?

“Sit.” (Kimono)
“My body wasn’t ready, I can’t get married anymore...Well, I’m fully awake now. What’s happening, Crys?”
“It’s been confirmed. A message from the southern corner of Winter Forest. They found tracks at the treeline. Single person entered the forest at night on foot.” (Crys)
“Could be some random drunkard who got lost. Maybe the winds pushed him in.”
“It’s Thiefmaster.” (Crys)
“Or it could be a trap. Or just a prank. Maybe someone walked out from the forest backwards.”
“Is there an individual in the Winter Forest who would do that?” (Crys)
“No...”
“He has been alive too long. If there’s a path, you must take it.” (Crys)

I wanted to say well, that’s just like your opinion man, but held my tongue.

“And by path you mean...?”
“A path through Deep Basement.” (Crys)

Yep, Kurdt and his big mouth. I guess it’s useless to try to keep it under wraps.

“Right, well, I don’t know what Kurdt thinks it is, but that path is a murky one. I’ve told you this before: Deep Basement is like a Minotaur’s labyrinth with strange geometries in all directions. A real Escher’s House of Stairs or Bosch’s Hell panels situation, like Piranesi’s Imaginary Prisons meets Stanislaw Szukals–”
“Stop. Explain using familiar concepts.” (Crys)

I hear that a lot from Crys when I venture forth to abstruse references. It’s problematic that I can’t communicate using my native language: gaming jargon, Internet slang, art memes and image macros. I end up sounding like a pretentious swindler or a babbling madman.

“Shaka, when the walls fell–”
“Enough witticisms.” (Crys)
“...Sorry, I’m trying to get there, I haven’t had a proper cup of morning coffee or popped any nootrops for two years, please understand… So, we discussed before how Deep Basement is a crazy weird and dangerous dungeon and no one should go down there unless absolutely necessary.”
“Continue.” (Crys)
“On one of the first levels when you go down there is this water puzzle room Kurdt saw in his nightmare. If you solve the water puzzle one way – the casual normal way, I should emphasize – a door opens on the right and you can continue into an area called Cartouche Floor where vampiric minions suck blood to acquire mana to cast illusion magic, and there’s a boss monster vampire called Arimo. But anyway, Kurdt’s claim is that if you solve the water puzzle differently, a secret door opens on the left side and then you can go further down instead, skip three whopping levels, and descend to this relatively peaceful area called Dais Floor, where neutral deviants called Argoidar hang out. They don’t attack you unless you attack them first, or if you break their taboos and step on carved floor lines. And after Dais Floor, you can continue to the next area called Kronoks Floor, and one of the small rooms in Kronoks area is called Teleportation Trap Room, also called Spawn Trap Room.”

When I stopped talking, I realized I had gotten up from the chair and wandered to the other side of the room, gesturing wildly. Embarrassing. I quickly returned to my seat.

“...Crys, you should let me eat breakfast first. My dialogue game is off when I don’t get my morning proteins.”
“Noted. So, teleportation?” (Crys)
“Yep.”
“Explain teleportation.” (Crys)
“We haven’t talked about this before?”
“No.” (Crys)
“Really? I thought we did.”

---

The game had six fast-travel systems:

- underground autorail from west coast of Ur to east coast of Ur;
- undermountain autorail through Hidden Village;
- underwater passage from northern Ur to southern Ur;
- above-ground autorail link from Wineep mine to Rukhkh Mountain;
- above-ground autorail link from Warship City to Sun City;
- and last (and also the least) the “soft Easter Egg” teleportation route: secret one-way teleportation link from Deep Basement dungeon into Ice Cave Dungeon under Winter Forest.

Only the autorails were used in a record-level speedruns. The underwater passage and the teleportation link were for casual playthroughs.

---

“Deep Basement is what you would call a ‘teleportation trap’ dungeon in a classic fantasy story. Teleportation traps are transfer circles carved on stone, and kind of related to the portal doors of Starfish Mansion, the instantaneous movement between roomworlds. But teleportation traps are not always online. When you trigger the circle, it instantly jumpifies you into a different circle, and the circle is in the same world, not in a different pocket dimension. The carved destination ring must exactly match the carved origin ring. It’s kind of like those pneumatic tubes we saw in the Acritarch Room before, but without the actual tube in between. The tube between teleportation circles is kinda like a wormhole, meaning a tube in some higher world-pocket... Am I explaining this clearly enough?”

In the game’s flavor text, Deep Basement’s teleportation traps were sometimes called Exotic Wormhole Warpgates, They were handwaved with pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo just like everything related to roomworld portals. Ancient Strangers tech – don’t think about it too much.

“Like a maelstrom in a cave that expectorates you out to the sea at high tide.” (Crys)
“Yeah, that’s a decent analogy.”
“You have go through a maelstrom? Sounds uncomfortable.” (Kimono)
“It’s not painful or dangerous. It’s like stepping into a different roomworld through a door here, just instantaneous change of scenery. Or you might be thinking that maybe you... Okay, there’s this old story about Theseus’ ship and what counts as destructive transfer and what doesn’t, like if the person who comes out is just a situs inversus copy of you instead of actual you, or if the continuum of consciousness is not preserved and all that jazz. But those kind of problems were already solved in modern physics by mirror transposition theory, because we’re all just configurations in–”

Now I was really rambling. Real world lore high above my pay grade.

“...The gist of the matter is that you don’t have to worry about dying when you step into a this type of teleporter. The person who comes out of the other end is, by all science, actually you and not a copy. Only Boomers think that Moravec procedure doesn’t preserve identity. Right, Kim-chan?”
“Why are you asking me?” (Kimono)
“...For the memes?”
“Write down full details later.” (Crys)
“Sure. But for the record, this is all based on my popular science level understanding, so I actually cannot give full details.”
“Boomers? Are they deviants in the Deep Basement?” (Kimono)
“No, Boomers are something much worse. But thankfully they don’t exist in this world... Anyway, teleportation traps are just the kind of nonsense you have to deal with when you go to Deep Basement. Unlike roomworld doors that can be used both ways indefinitely, this is primitive one-way transfer, you can’t return the same way.”
“I understood, no need to repeat.” (Crys)
“Okay, there’s this one particular teleportation circle with origin point in the Deep Basement, but if you know a special trick, the destination point becomes a teleportation circle in the Ice Cave Dungeon, a dungeon directly under the central White Forest sub-area of Winter Forest. To be exact, the destination point is in the middle of ancient ruins at the bottom of the ice cave system. And before you say anything, I can already guess what you think: a shortcut to Winter Forest is worth the risk.”
“It is suspiciously convenient at this moment in time, yet also something expected.” (Crys)
“If you think I’ve been keeping this information from you on purpose, that’s not it. Not at all. Without Kurdt’s dream about a shortcut to Dais Floor... Well, if the shortcut doesn’t work as dreamed in the first place, it’s very dangerous to take the normal route through Cartouche Floor and beyond. Not recommended. I cannot recommend it at all. It would actually be faster and safer to walk through the Staff Tribe lands of Winter Forest in that case.”
“But you recommend checking the puzzle.” (Crys)
“Well… maybe? Maybe we should at least check the puzzle. To make sure it hasn’t been opened by anyone else or cannot be opened in principle. It’s impossible for Arimo to open the door from their side, so I don’t worry about that at all, but... But, I mean, it wouldn’t be Thiefmaster or anyone coming in from Winter Forest either because the teleporter is one-way only... But there’s some enemies beyond Cartouche Floor and Dais Floor... Oh, right, there’s a party limit too. The circle can teleport only four people. That’s exactly four; no less, no more. Only four, or there will be problems.”
“What kind of problems?” (Crys)
“The room triggers a trap instead of activating the teleportation circle. More than four, and the rest of the party has to stay behind and take a long, long way out. Less than four, and it turns into an RNG hell both before and after teleportation. Then again, there’s always unknown unknowns...”
“I see. Another opportunity and a limitation.” (Crys)

Uh-oh. You’re not thinking what I was not thinking, Crys?

“If the puzzle pieces fit together and the secret passage opens, four members will teleport to Winter Forest to eliminate Thiefmaster.” (Crys)
“I’d prefer we don’t go that far just because someone who might be or might not be Thiefmaster wants to get into winter sports.”
“Your hesitation must turn into action. I will send you on this mission.” (Crys)
“You send me?”
“You, Test Subject, and the twins.” (Crys)
“Now now, let’s not rush things. Can I get a second opinion about this?”
“Brother has decided, you will go.” (Kimono)
“I didn’t mean a literal second opinion, Kim-chan.”
“You take pride in your fast feet. If the door opens, you will step in.” (Crys)
“Am I like your employee now? I don’t remember signing a binding employee contract...”
“Dragon’s Head Sorry Man is giving you an order.” (Crys)
“...Oh-kay?”
“It’s good that you understand your position.” (Crys)

Welp, that’s it then. Big Boss Crys has decided that I’m going. Resistance is futile. Objection overruled. A job offer I cannot refuse. My single no-vote doesn’t mean anything.

“You’re not trying to– nah, if you suddenly wanted to get rid of me, you would just do it directly...”
“I do not throw a sword without a reason.” (Crys)
“I know, I know, but... you know, just talking. Please remember that I’m the only one here who is able to have deep philosophical conversations with you, okay?”
“Sure.” (Crys)
“So it’s Operation Snowdrop then...”
“What is that?” (Crys)
“Language of flowers. A long, irrelevant, boring story from the future.”
“Do not bring it up then.” (Crys)
“Sorry.”

Every time I start thinking we’re all friends and equal partners in the company, Crys pulls the rug under my feet and reminds me who calls the shots.

And he does it very much on purpose, this sadistic dum-dum.

“Crys, just saying in general: we shouldn’t take Kurdt’s dreams too seriously.”
“You seem to think his insights regarding the future are of lower quality than your own.” (Crys)
“Um, yeah...?”
“You still cannot see the wider strategic situation. The Reignland campaign plan, the twins, your stories about the ‘original’ future, the sudden appearance of an individual from the itinerant court, the camps of escaped slaves, sightings of Thiefmaster; multiple aspects fit together and converge into a complete picture almost suspiciously well. Kurdt’s prophecy reinforces the picture and points to a single answer.” (Crys)
“Come on now, let’s not fool ourselves. Kurdt sees dreams all the time and even two or three bullseyes in a row can be just random luck. You can find any deterministic pattern in any sequence of random events if you ignore enough data. Maybe if Tze and Thiefmaster had suddenly died of heart attack at the same time, now that would be suspiciously good RNG. We’re just getting a series of moderately lucky-seeming draws in a row because we’ve been deliberately stacking the deck for two years.”
“Exactly so. Manipulating the fates of individuals based on your knowledge has brought us into an unexpected yet advantageous situation. Thiefmaster is an obstacle that needs to be removed before the current state of affairs can be forced forward. If we know his location and we have a way to get there quickly, the opportunity must be seized.” (Crys)
“Sure, Thiefmaster seems to be an obligatory enemy in this timeline. But then again… then again...”

No matter how valuable I make myself, I’m just another pawn on the board for Crys in the end. If I don’t move according to his commands, Crys will just force the board into some cruel configuration where I must do what he wants. If I really don’t want to do something, I need to make Crys not want to make me do it.

“You say we shouldn’t stay inside because it caused problems in your foolish future. But it is you who stays inside. Jump out of the window, if you can’t look in the mirror!” (Kimono)
“So cheeky, even though you’re just Kimono. I guess this is what we call ‘sinking in’ painting in the business. Heh. dry humor...”

No reaction. Yet another joke falls flat because no one here understands. At least in my streaming days there was always some weirdo otaku in the chat explaining my stupidly high-level art jokes.

“You know, because it’s wet outside and I’m drying inside… ah, forget it. It’s true that I’ve been routing more than running. Danger is not my middle name, cozy-core is my jam.”

I guess even Kimono can see the mismatch between my words and actions.

I try to go out every week, but I don’t go beyond the safe areas under our direct influence.

Crys and Kimono often leave the Starfish Mansion together to take care of business in the ganglands. They are certainly working for the cause and taking risks.

“Eliminate the obstacle and open the path. Use the twins as your arms.” (Crys)
“I was thinking about waiting until we get a general hospital up and running.”
“We have followed your visions of the future. It is now your turn to follow Kurdt’s visions. Equality in ideas and actions; is that not what you wish yourself?” (Crys)
“Oof, appealing to fair play, using my own words against me... that’s not numberwang. Now I feel guilty for disparaging Kurdt’s prophecies.”

I can’t postpone things forever. The story must move forward.

“I guess it can’t be helped. Let’s just get this over with.”
“Good choice.” (Crys)
“But you, Crys... you enjoy being the puppet master too much.”

Crys gave a nonchalant handwave, opened his big leather-bound notebook and started writing something.

There’s an RNG hell ahead in the Winter Forest already, so the last thing I want add is more random elements by going to Deep Basement.

But considering the situation, if the skip to Dais Floor works and everything else matches the game world – even after all this time idling – then taking the teleportation trap route should be the least dangerous and most consistent path to the heart of Winter Forest.

Which means four is the magic number.

“Me, T-Sub, and the twins... No, let’s not lock in the party composition yet. What if I take the twins, but leave T-Sub behind, and– no, T-Sub definitely wants to go, he’s locked in.”
“Just pick whoever and go.” (Kimono)
“Kim-chan, did you know? If you don’t vote for one option, you’re basically voting for all options equally. Do you really want to split your vote equally to all candidates?”
“What are you talking about? Summon the twins and get out!” (Kimono)
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sensing this general vibe that I should go out and touch some snow, but maybe I’m misunderstanding your signals–“
“Brother, can I kill this clown?” (Kimono)
“A bruise on his bride’s face would motivate him more.” (Crys)
“Whoa, whoa! Guys, this bad-cop-bad-lieutenant routine is getting old. Can I just think for a moment?”

If I take the twins, that means Rain or Mirim are out because pairing those four might lead to unwanted drama. Even if the twins have wives at Spyglass Tower now, they are still unpredictable when it comes to interacting with women.

Backroom yokels unfit for genpop, workplace harassment guaranteed.

Well, it’s not an uncommon story. People who are brilliant in their professional life can be disgustingly incompetent in their personal life. That’s why I avoid having personal life myself – can’t fail at a game you don’t play, right?

It’s better for Mirim to stay safely in her flesh and blood form in the mansion as long as possible, and it would take time and effort to convince Rain. I don’t want to use all my rainy day activation tickets yet.

Speaking of non-consensual intimacy, Sorry Man can’t exactly give consent to Rain’s skin-to-skin behavior either, so it’s not just the twins who need education about physical boundaries...

How about Cleaner-Goby? No, that walking shonen redemption trope cannot be allowed inside Starfish Mansion. He’s obedient because he lost a duel, but he’s not the smartest or strongest bulb in the toolbox. Thiefmaster could easily manipulate him in doing something seriously detrimental.

Do I really have to go personally? Can’t I find a sub-contractor for this job?

I’d like to choose from the main characters and keep them close because they have the strongest plot armor (lore-based superstition or not), but I don’t want to treat them like disposable pawns.

If only Dancer was still alive...

Let’s stay practical now. We need stealth, speed and firepower for sure, and the twins hold frame advantage in all melee positions. How enthusiastic are they to return to Winter Forest? They are also susceptible to Thiefmaster’s special skill and could fall for the lakeside illusion traps, but as long as they know about his hypnosis skill and don’t get too close…

T-Sub obsesses over Strangers tech, but I know how to keep his personality quirks under control, and since he follows orders without asking too many questions and doesn’t need special speech alterations to comprehend my intentions, that takes some party management weight of my shoulders.

“It seems you are still having trouble deciding. Use the twins and Test Subject.” (Crys)
“...Is that really the best party composition?”
“Test Subject is strong and follows your orders. The twins are skilled and follow your sleight of mouth. Control them as your pawns.” (Crys)
“I guess you rolled the perfect team on your first throw... You’re not worried that I’ll die there?”
“A person can die anywhere and for any reason.” (Crys)
“Comforting words from Crys, how unexpected.”

I guess the final party composition is me (role: strategy guide), Test Subject (tank-bodyguard), Reavertooth (DPS) and Ivorythief (DPS).

No opposing opinions from other departments? Four against one is good enough.

“I’ll borrow Steve to invite the twins here.”
“Of course.” (Crys)

A minor character called Steep Ear Second (or Steve, as I called him) was the only orphanage school graduate who knew Starfish Mansion’s location. He worked as Crys’ mailman, delivering a package of letters twice per day. Steve was only ten years old, but he had a set of skills suited for courier work: he was a natural long-distance runner, looked like a common beggar and kept a low profile, kept his mouth shut and never caused any drama in the series. He had already worked as a courier for years under Blueskins gang, so after Blueskins became one of Revolution Movement’s sub-gangs, I immediately scouted Steve to work for us directly. My original idea was to station Steve at Airship Base, but then Crys decided to make him his personal courier.

Deep Basement level plus Winter Forest level. Two silly places in a row.

Great. What a perfect combo.

I need to gear the F up.

“We need warm clothes, snowshoes, firestarters... Kim, are the fur coats we took from the Frozen Pyramid room still stored in the airship longbox?”
“Ask Mirim.” (Kimono)
“I’ll do that.”

I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.