Weight of Worlds

Sansir burst into another fit of laughter, before stepping away from the windowsill. “Hooooh.” He ran a hand over his forehead, wiping sweat from laughter away. Ranvir leaned back in his seat on the couch, reluctantly setting up a game of chess. He didn’t really fancy getting beat again.

“Fuck.” Sansir collapsed into the chair opposite him still recovering from the laughter fit. “You should’ve seen it. He shook her hand. Didn’t go for the hug or anything, walked up to her like they were meeting for business arrangement and shook her hand.” He let out another long breath, his lips cracking into another smile and another snort of laughter.

After Esmund and Kirs had gone off to the rimeoak. Ranvir was sure Grev would’ve joined Sansir at the window to see them if he could’ve. An hour earlier a group of men in blue and white had arrived and taken Grevor away, Star-Stone guardsmen supposedly. They weren’t wearing the red-white of Elusria or black-white of the United Alliance, so Ranvir didn’t know what else they could be and Grev seemed comfortable with them.

With Grev gone and Es and Kirs leaving on a date left Ranvir and Sansir alone. They didn’t share a lot in common as such. Their work ethic was maybe the closest, though Ranvir felt he fell a little behind the taller tethered, despite his best efforts. Ranvir was interested in the super natural nature of tethered and how their powers worked. Sansir was interested in the tactical education they would get—or at least be exposed to—at the academy. Ranvir liked combat for the exercise and the ability to defend himself, with minor ideals about becoming a hero. Sansir seemed to like combat for the sake of combat.

Ranvir would’ve thought he was very different from Sansir. Ranvir had thought he was different. Until he fought Skufi. He’d liked the look in Skufi’s eyes, the domination of combat. At least a part of him had.

“White starts.” Sansir said, gesturing to Ranvir.

Moving a pawn, Ranvir couldn’t help but try to read Sansir’s expression, the quirks of movement that gave his attitude away. Most of them he wasn’t really aware of, until he started playing against Sansir and Grev more regularly. Now with his sight back, he luxuriated in every detail he could pick up, every hint of his friend’s intentions.

“What are you thinking about?” Ranvir asked, seeing that Sansir’s mind wasn’t on the game before him.

Sansir pursed his lips, the last of his good humor fading. “How lucky Kirs and Esmund have it.”

“Lucky?”

Sansir looked up at him. “You must’ve noticed it. I know you have. Either you’re purposefully ignoring it, or you’re lying to me.”

Ranvir nodded slowly, he knew better than to check the room auspiciously. There were a small group of students in the opposite corner hiding from the heat of the late summer, just like they were. If they acted like it was a normal conversation, they wouldn’t notice it wasn’t.

“I’ll admit to having little experience or understanding of your circumstances.” Ranvir said, picking his words carefully. “But uhh… I don’t really get it.”

Sansir frowned, looking up from the board. “Liking men?”

Ranvir paused, “Well that too. I guess I don’t understand it all?”

“Why are you asking me?” Sansir looked genuinely confused. “What do you mean?”

Despite his best efforts, Ranvir felt the pink breath of embarrassment move through him along with a blush on his cheeks. “You know… Well… I’m not sure, I guess… Why, maybe?”

“Why? As in… why you would want to be in a relationship?” Sansir looked like he’d just seen a mouse stand up and ask him a question. “Have you ever been with someone?”

The flush spread as the breath of pink became a gust. “Once. Right before we left. With…” Ranvir searched for her name. “Shiri, I think.”

“Didn’t you like it?”

Ranvir began waving his hands haphazardly. “Why are we talking about me all of a sudden?”

Sansir’s green eyes sharpened. “Answer the question and we’ll change the topic.”

“It was fine. Like good. But it wasn’t like I lose my sanity, like Esmund.”

“So you’ve never been in love?”

“Why would I?”

Sansir’s brows raised, leaning back in his chair. “Why would you? It’s an amazing experience. It’s part of being alive.”

“Really? It kinda seems like being injured.”

“Injured?” The tension in the air changed as Sansir sunk in the chair. “It’s not always sunshine and flowers. Not everyday is like what Kirs and Esmund are experiencing right now. But it’s far better than it is bad, at least in my experience.”

Ranvir pursed his lips. “Can I be honest?” He asked, feeling his heart beat firmer in his chest, as a little bit of wounded red appeared in the gusts of pink, dragging it down.

“Yeah.” Sansir said, nodding.

“It kinda just seems like living with an open wound.” Ranvir explained. “Like on the days when it’s fine it doesn’t bother you. You could go on for days without even noticing, but there’s always the chance of it going bad. It could become infected and it’ll have a much larger effect than simply putting the work in to let it heal.” Ranvir felt slightly out of breath when he finished speaking. Vulnerable yellow warnings flashed through the pink gusts, that were steadily losing its strength.

Sansir leaned back in his chair, staring intently at Ranvir, a light seemed to be flickering behind his green eyes. “That’s a… I don’t want to say the wrong attitude, but that’s what it feels like. To me, at least. I can’t speak for others, but I can tell you that for me it hasn’t been like that.”

Ranvir pursed his lips, halting question from the escaping his mouth.

“Go ahead.”

“There were other… gay people, like you in the village?” Ranvir asked.

“One that I know of. No, I won’t say his name. He wasn’t comfortable telling anybody and I’m not going to out him.” Sansir frowned, staring intently at the chess board. “Maybe this is a bad analogy, but it’s like a limb. It can scratch an itch that you can’t quite touch, lend you support when your arms don’t have the strength to lift you up.”

Sansir folded his arms, clearly slipping into memory. “Yes, that does expose it to the world and sometimes it gets injured. Maybe even amputated if the injury’s bad enough, but it’s worth having none the less.” He sniffed, wiping a hand over his mouth then putting his attention on the game, and finally making his first move.

Ranvir considered Sansir’s words. “You really think it’s worth it? Even with someone like Grev? Who has all the responsibilities of a noble?”

Sansir startled, looking up at Ranvir just as he made his next chess move. “I don’t know why I’m surprised you noticed that.” He admitted. “It wasn’t like I didn’t suspect it, but still.” He turned his attention back on the board and shifted a piece.

“It’s the probably the fact that it’s suddenly out in the open, when you’ve been trying to keep it quiet.” Ranvir said, moving his own piece.

“I guess that makes sense.” Sansir said, considering his moves as he spoke. “It’s not as bad as all that. Grev’s older brother is the one who’s supposed to inherit the House. Grev’s supposed to be the bodyguard, that’s why he’s getting all the training and sent to the academy. It’s also why his father’s okay with… us. In part because he doesn’t have to provide any heirs, but also because it adds another tethered to protect the head of the family.”

Ranvir frowned. “Didn’t Grev’s father go to the academy as well? And he’s the head of his family.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be. There was an accident.” Sansir made his move. “That’s all I will say about it. It’s Grev’s story, if he chooses to tell it.”

Ranvir nodded, shifting his piece to setup a trap in a few moves.

“Are you going to try?” Sansir asked.

“Try what?”

Sansir rolled his eyes. “A relationship.”

“I don’t… Is that how it works?” Ranvir continued, before Sansir could answer. “I doubt it would be very fair, even if that was the case.” He rubbed a hand over his chin. “The academy, training, and research takes a lot of my time. I don’t know that I would have time lot to spend outside of those activities.”

“You could be training right now.” Sansir pointed out, moving a piece.

“I’m recovering from an injury.” Ranvir rebutted, stifling a grin as he further turned the board in his favor.

“Better recover quick. Classes begin again tomorrow.” Sansir took Ranvir’s bishop with his rook, the move instinctive rather than thought through.

“We’ll see how it goes.” Ranvir replied. “I’m actually a little worried about physical.” As he made his final move.

“Because of the injuries?” Sansir asked, shifting the wrong piece. Ranvir bit his lip trying to hold back a curse. “You really think you lost that much strength?”

“Some of it, definitely.” Ranvir replied, moving a pawn forwards.

Sansir took Ranvir’s queen with his own, smiling to himself. “I think you’ll be fine. You’re going to recover quicker than you think.”

“I hope so.” Ranvir said, moving his rook into position. “Anyway, Kirs mentioned some uproar with the teachers and the principal, but she couldn’t—or wouldn’t—say anything for certain.”

“That is worrisome-“ Sansir paused mid-sentence, looking over the board. “Son of a bitch.”

Ranvir smiled big and bright. “Checkmate.” Ranvir knew Sansir had been distracted and a little out of sorts, but he still couldn’t help the grin of delight from spreading over his face, just as the glowing golden and blue flashes washed the other lingering emotions out.

“Nicely done.” Sansir shook his hand.