Weight of Worlds

Esmund reaches for the door handle to the library. His breath hitched, and his heart raced. He pulled his hand away, pivoting. “Maybe it’s better to wait. She’s really busy now with all preparations for the second trimester. I should probably wait until classes have begun again.”

“No, uh.” Grev said, holding up a hand to stop Esmund in his tracks. “Then you’ll say you’re too busy, and then it’s better to wait for a later time.”

“At which point.” Sansir picked up, glancing at Grev. “You’ll come up with a new excuse. After which there’ll be another one. Right until she finds someone else.”

Esmund opened his mouth to speak, before he could Ranvir butted in. “It’s exactly how it would go. You would wait and dither your time away until finally you’re ready to almost do it, then wait a little longer.”

Esmund closed his mouth, his eyes ones more catching on Ranvir’s. The healing hadn’t been perfect. There was some scarring around his eyes, though you had to look closely to see it. It was basically invisible compared to the other features of his eyes. Ranvir’s usually dark brown eyes had lightened several degrees and gained a grayish tint, that made them seem washed out. Another effect, either of the damage or the healing, was that his pupils had melted.

Well, his right pupil had melted. The black of the pupil had melted down onto the iris, looking almost like it was about to shed its own teardrop. Esmund would’ve been more worried about the damage if he hadn’t seen the life return to Ranvir after he regained his vision. He’d only had it for a couple of days and his eyes were like that of a hawk’s. Esmund could tell just by how he carried himself that Ranvir was thanking the Goddess that he got his sight back.

The thought brought a smile to his lips. Until he remembered why they were there. Then his stomach did an uncertain flip as it filled with all sorts of birds and other creatures.

“Just go ask her.” Grev said. He slapped Esmund on the back and turned him halfway to the door.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Sansir added.

Esmund put his hand on the handle, but turned to look at them. He had to swallow a few times before he could get the words out and even then his voice shook, “She could say no.”

Ranvir began to shake his head and open his mouth. He paused before saying anything, then more slowly, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Esmund cocked his head at him. Had he actually gone mad? “No? It would be bad.”

“But you would know, right?” Ranvir continued. “If you know, then you can move on.”

“Don’t listen to the iron heart over there.” Grev said. “Just cause he’s made of reason and unfeeling logic doesn’t mean you have to be. Listen to your heart. What does it tell you to do?”

Ask her. Esmund realized. It wants to ask her.

“See if you ask her, then you know. If you know, then it’s no longer scary and there are steps to take afterwards.” Ranvir continued. “It’s the not knowing that’s scary, say it.”

“Ask her.” Sansir put the final nail in his coffin.

Esmund opened the door and stepped into the library. Looking back, he saw Sansir catch the door and wave him forwards with an eager smile. Esmund felt his stomach try to escape through his mouth, and he did a little hop to suppress it.

“It’s weird that he’s more afraid of Kirs, than his Ceremony.” He heard Ranvir mutter in a tone that suggested it was mostly for himself. Oddly, that notion made a grin creep onto Esmund’s face.

Stepping further into the library, he looked around, searching for her. He saw the trolley full of books appear first. Kirs followed in her work uniform, the cut similar but not quite the same as his uniform. She was looking down at the book in her hands, a finger on the spine as she read the title. The light of the bright torches, throwing brilliant reflections off her hair as it fell down her back in a tail. Esmund admired the slope of her neck, and the slight pursing of her lips as she scowled at the book in her hands.

Someone cleared his throat next to Esmund. “Can I help you?”

Startled, he looked over to see an old man with white hair so thin it seemed to drift on a breeze that Esmund didn’t feel. “Uh. No, I’m doing fine.”

He turned back to see Kirs pushing the trolley into another alley of bookcases. Her uniform fit her well. Teasing what lay beneath without revealing much. Though when she walked, it drew tighter around the-

“If you’re just going to be ogling our librarians, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The old man said, this time more sternly. Esmund could hear the snickers from his friends at the door. “Tell me, what’s going on here?” The old man was getting up.

“Oh, would you look at that.” Esmund said, pointing at one of the nearby shelves. “I have to go.”

Turning around, he’d barely made it three steps before his friends intervened. All three of them bursting through the door.

“Oh, no you don’t, Esmund.” Grev said, as they blocked his way out. He knew there were other exits from the library, but he didn’t know where they lay.

“Esmund?” The old man said. “Are you that young man Kirs’ been going on about?”

“She has?” Esmund turned so fast, he felt something in his neck pinch.

“Yes!” Ranvir insisted, shoving Esmund forwards. “Now go talk to her.”

The old man laughed. “Go ahead, boy.”

Esmund shot a nervous look in her direction before giving his friends a hateful one. They all smiled and waved at him, blithely ignoring his glare. Taking in a deep breath, he set his shoulders and walked into the library. He looked into each of the lanes of bookcases as he walked.

He found her stretching onto her toes to put a book back on the top shelf. The movement rode her shirt up, revealing enough of her midriff to make Esmund dizzy. He ducked around a bookcase. The ends were wide enough to easily hide from someone in one of the lanes. He swallowed nervously again, his mind wandering to the pale smooth flesh of her stomach and his breath came too fast.

Esmund blinked rapidly, trying to clear his mind, but the image kept on intruding. He couldn’t even flee to tether-space as it kept chasing him and break his concentration. He heard the sound of his friends’ barely muted laughter. Looking over, he saw a red-faced Grev having to support himself against the counter with the old man behind it. Ranvir too was red-faced and going cross-eyed with repressed laughter. Only Sansir kept a somewhat restrained look on his face. He lifted a hand, gave a thumbs-up to Esmund.

Rolling his eyes, Esmund turned face-to-face with Kirs.

“What’re you doing?”

“Yyai.” Esmund blinked as more blood flooded to his face. He was feeling a little dizzy as he stared at her. She was so close. The image of her reaching for the book returned, and he felt his knees go a little weak.

“What?” Kirs cocked her head. She grabbed his forearm in her hand and pulled him in between the bookcases.

The world felt a lot smaller surrounded by shelves, taller than he was. The books blocked most of the light, darkening it noticeably too. Her hand was still on his forearm. It felt very nice, even through his sleeve.

“I am.” He coughed to clear his throat. “Do you want to be-“ He cleared his throat again. “Can I be on a date?” His breath was coming faster now, and the world wobbled around him.

Kirs let out a delighted laughter. Even the songs of the Goddess couldn’t match the beauty of her giggles. The force of Kirs’ smile as it split her face could sway the hearts of kings and bow the heads of their false gods. Esmund was sure.

“Yes.” She said, her other hand on his chest. He glanced at it, then returned his gaze to find her getting closer and closer.

Esmund couldn’t begin to describe the kiss. He’d kissed girls before, though for some reason he’d held off on kissing Kirs. Back in the village, he’d been pretty popular and, as such, had a few experiences. But Kirs was different. She was so much smarter than all the people back in the village. Maybe with the exception of Ranvir, but no part of Esmund wanted to kiss him.

Esmund fell over, the kiss broken too soon as he lost his balance, the world darkening slightly around him.

He didn’t know what happened, but he gathered his wits and looked up to find Kirs kneeling next to where he was sitting against one of the bookcases. “Are you okay?” She was still smiling, her eyes slightly wet and her cheeks had the most beautiful rose color to them.

His own face split unconsciously into a grin. “With you I am.” The color in her cheeks intensified, and she kissed him. Briefly this time, and it was over way too soon. “I must’ve forgotten to breathe.” Esmund said, using the bookcase to get back to his feet. Kirs held his other hand. Hers was smooth, warm, supple, flexible, beautiful, enticing, comforting-

Esmund didn’t notice her leading him out of the lane of shelves until he heard the hoots and cheers of his friends. “So that’s what was going on.” Kirs said. She didn’t sound mad. She was still grinning just as widely as he was.