The Outer God Needs Warmth

This is my first time stepping out of the room.

Of course, I do go out once a day for my blessing, but that’s just a trip down to the underground with Hieronymus and back up, so I always take the same route.

So technically, this is my first official outing.

When I say “official,” I mean you can take that as you will, regardless of the reality of it.

Countless people blessed by me have roamed this area.

So, the map of this neighborhood is nearly filled.

Thus, the significance of this stroll isn’t about observing my surroundings but about getting some exercise. What was it they said? Was it that I should run for an hour?

If I dig through my fading memories, now reduced to gray, I see that kind of imagery. But back then, I quit after two days of working out.

This time, I’ll have to exercise more.

As I stepped out of the room and started walking, Hyungkesuni followed behind me.

“Hey, Rebecca. What’s your purpose for coming out? If you’re after warmth, I can’t let you.”

“They prepare three people a day for that, right? I came out to go for a run. People say you need to run to maintain your body.”

That’s just the tone of someone who claims to have seen it somewhere. They might think Rebecca Rolfe knows, but in reality, I just saw it in a video.

I’m not lying.

“Running, huh? Right. That’s definitely not a bad way to train your body. But are you going to run with that body?”

Hyungkesuni pointed at my body while saying that. I looked down at myself. Though I can’t see well below due to my chest, my body is healthy. I turned to check my mobility.

It moves well. I can flexibly move around here and there.

I can even easily assume postures I never tried when I was a man.

I stretch my legs in a straight line and do a handstand before standing back up.

“My body moves well.”

Looking at Hyungkesuni, I noticed a look as if she’s seen something she shouldn’t have. Then she scratched the back of her head and came closer to me.

And then, she lifted my chest. Her hands are quite small. It feels like she could lick light through her hand. She’s close enough to gain warmth.

Of course, I endure it.

Yes. Still.

I need to hold on for now.

As I’m honing my patience, Hyungkesuni lifted my chest a few times, then grabbed my clothes and touched them. Then a deep sigh.

“If you’re moving with such thin clothes while carrying something so heavy, both your outfit and body are bound to fall apart. There are fixing clothes, remember?”

Clothes, huh?

There are several in others’ memories. For example, Isla had a hard time moving after suddenly becoming an adult due to my blessing.

I have memories of testing various clothes from that time.

But there are none in Rebecca Rolfe’s memories.

“There’s no such thing in Rebecca Rolfe’s memories.”

“Then I should prepare it for you. How about returning to your room for now?”

Ah, indeed.

Hyungkesuni didn’t want me out of my room. At the very least, she needs time to prepare.

Was she just waiting for the opportunity to tell me to go back?

Or did she find a good excuse to test me once?

I know that this person hasn’t relaxed yet.

Sometimes, she faces me with a pained smile. I think most of it is just for fun, but in reality, it’s the exact opposite.

It’s like a habit of hers. A very long-held habit.

When she’s scared, instead of showing a frightened expression, she smiles. So much so that she’s forgotten what scared faces look like at whatever her actual age is.

If she speaks in fear, I’ll go along with it.

“Yeah. I understand.”

So I turned around and stepped back toward the room I live in. As I did, I stealthily observed Hyungkesuni’s expression. She looked relieved.

And beneath that expression, there’s light at the center of a person. It’s a significantly large light compared to the average and a very small warmth compared to the light.

Big light and a lot of warmth.

Big light and little warmth.

Small light and little warmth.

These three exist.

But I’ve never seen small light and a lot of warmth.

The light is the vessel, and the warmth is something else.

At first, I thought it might be a possibility, but if that were the case, it wouldn’t make sense for a baby to have small warmth. So the true nature of warmth remains shrouded in mystery.

I speculate that the change in color of the light when I’m enclosed is because I filled the vessel. Originally, it’s a clear glass, and water is held in it, but when I enter, it turns to murky water.

In other words, Hyungkesuni has a truly massive vessel.

I look forward to the day the inside warms up.

If I could, I’d want to gain a lot of warmth. So for now.

I went back to the room.

Upon returning and sitting down in the chair I often use, Hyungkesuni left with the remark that she’ll go look for underwear.

I suppose it’s true that she’s looking for underwear. But surely, that’s not all she wants. There’s a high chance she’ll tell Hieronymus.

But that’s fine.

I don’t mind.

Hieronymus completely views me as his subordinate.

Yes. He thinks he’s completely trained me. His gaze, actions, and expressions display the contempt of looking down at someone lesser than himself.

Especially when he talks to me formally; seeing his displeasure is truly a sight to behold.

But I don’t care.

Yes. I can read everything, but I won’t claim I know as long as I don’t say it. After all, he hasn’t asked, right? If he asked whether I could read his expression, I’d answer yes.

I have no intention of lying.

So, it’s highly likely that Hieronymus thinks this way.

Rebecca Rolfe’s body weakens if left alone. And though I went out seeking exercise, I returned at Hyungkesuni’s words.

I’m a creature perfectly under his control.

Sfx: Clink clink.

The weakness of the creature is clear.

It obeys orders.

There’s no problem anywhere.

I’ve shown such a low intelligence, so there’s no need to think too complicated about what he thinks of me. Unfortunately, I see a lot, but I’m not particularly clever. I can’t even do complex calculations; that’s just it.

I wish I could have become a monster and genius.

But there’s no use wishing for what’s not there.

So I might as well lower myself to make it easy for him to infer.

For warmth, I can only push forward with the cards I have without thinking too hard.

I need more warmth.

While scheming about the future, the door opened. Joanna came in holding new blankets and covers.

“Welcome, Joanna.”

“Yes, Lady Rebecca. I’m back. Ah, could you step aside a bit? I don’t want to bump into anything.”

Joanna was full of blankets in her arms. But as I followed her gaze, she seemed to know exactly where I was, thanks to the mirror or reflections in metal.

I wouldn’t interrupt someone who’s diligently tidying up the room, right?

I got up from my spot, picked up the chair I was sitting in, and moved to a corner where I stood.

Seeing me, Joanna smiled slightly, took the blankets to the bed, and skillfully started tidying up.

The mattress inside looked so large that it seemed difficult for a woman to lift, but Joanna could hold a human-sized water container with one hand.

Among those blessed by me, she’s quite strong.

But her light isn’t that big. Below average on the scale.

So, just because her vessel is large doesn’t necessarily mean she can exert great strength.

I’m unsure.

“Lady Rebecca, where has Hyungkesuni gone?”

“She went to find underwear.”

“Oh, underwear? That should all be in this drawer, right? Those underwear belong to Lady Rebecca, don’t they?”

While covering the mattress, Joanna spoke. She mentioned underwear, but figured out that it was my clothes, not Hyungkesuni’s?

Curiously, I confirmed that yes, it was mine.

Then Joanna deftly smoothed the cover, and after giving it a few shakes, it folded neatly and was organized.

Her skill is incredible.

Then she approached me. When I say she has blue skin, you might think of a blue bruise, but it’s a bit of a different shade.

Looking at her appearance, she seems more like a girl than an adult.

Her eyes are white with black pupils, a peculiar look often referred to in various works as “demon eyes,” which draws attention away from her odd appearance.

Joanna came before me with a gentle smile.

“I see it’s an outfit I haven’t seen before, so is it true you were planning to go outside?”

She understood well.

Joanna is not just a simple person. It’s quite strange that she puts on such an expression.

She was abandoned by her husband, and after being kicked out of her home, she did all sorts of hard work.

She deceived people, even sending them to dangerous places knowing they’d die.

And for just a few coins.

She lived that way. If you didn’t take her to the temple—magical places that heal—what she inherited in this world could severely damage a person’s body.

And not just the body, her mind was damaged too.

She became a typical villain out of misfortune. And that continued even after she entrusted herself to Future Hope Church.

Just to survive, she dragged others down while climbing up herself.

Then, when her damaged body could not endure any longer and began to decay, she was eventually cast out. While dying, she was brought to me as a test subject by Hieronymus.

“Yes, that’s right, Joanna.”

“Then Hyungkesuni went in search of exercise underwear? If that’s the case, I know someone who can help. Should I go get it?”

Joanna said that and placed the chair she had in its original spot.

“It’s not too late to check what Hyungkesuni brought first.”

Joanna nodded. There’s no light of faith in her gaze toward me. She’s simply taking care of me because I’m someone of higher status.

In her memory, she relied on me as her pillar of spirit; I thought she might become obsessed with me, but no such distortion appears.

Instead, she’s changed very healthily. During the day, she takes care of me, and when night falls, she goes to where the faith warriors train.

So, both Isla and Wide have also crossed paths with her, but they didn’t pay her any mind.

While she neither voices her opinions to anyone, she quietly bows her head and passes by. Most of those blessed by me have grown large egos and trusted their strength over the Gods.

Or perhaps she understood what I was thinking with her experiences?

Maybe I’m just a beast, and she’s treating me like an animal in a zoo.

So we maintain a distant relationship.

Ah, once I startled Joanna. One day, far away, I focused on the knight wrapped in light fighting my harvesters. To divert my attention toward that, I laid Rebecca Rolfe down on the bed.

After the battle finished, I found Joanna reading a book beside Hyungkesuni. The moment Rebecca Rolfe got up, Joanna closed the book.

I then told her just to look. To do what she wants.

At that time, she seemed surprisingly startled. Of course, nothing changed afterward.

Well, if there’s been a change, it would be that she occasionally reads books from the bookshelf where Hyungkesuni usually sits.

But it would be boring to have her stare at me sitting still, so I need to stir things up somehow.

Because after death, everything will be taken.

I’d like to gather as much as possible. That way, I can take more when I leave. The importance of warmth remains unchanged, but memories can also be quite fun to savor.

It’s roughly like this.

This is how I live in this vast room.

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