The Mad Rat’s Lab

“Fufufu! Hahaha!” I laugh alone, standing proudly in the middle of the Freezer. “Nobody will expect this, I’m sure of it. Aaah, I’m so looking forward to watching the invader’s reactions…”

You should be expecting it by now, and I’m sure you’re right. What I just did was to add five Braindead Flamethrowers – the name I gave to the Stitched with the dragon’s innate skill – inside the Freezer.

They’ll be randomly assigned to the Braindead Leaders at dungeon instancing so that each squad maintains the same number of monsters, an unknown amount of which will be Braindead Flamethrowers.

Not wanting to waste any time, I raise a hand and shout, “To the control room!” before leaving the place.

I sit on my comfy chair. As usual, an Octocat is resting on the armchair. But this time, there’s an Octobbit on the opposite side. Don’t ask me why, ask Clara.

“Alright.” I rub my hands together. “It’s time for the show to start! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

 

---

 

“Boss, what shall we do now?”

The man referred to as ‘boss’ raises one of his thick eyebrows and sends his subordinate a killing glare.

“...why do you ask? Obviously, we’re pressing forward.”

“But we’ve just lost two of our units in the last battle. Shouldn’t we consider taking a break to recover, or even retreat?”

“I’ve said we’re pressing forward.” Repeats the man, a speck of anger in his voice. “We’re not wasting this chance.”

“But we didn’t know about those monsters! What if we find more of the ones who can spew fire? Don’t you agree that, the, best…” The subordinate’s voice trails off as he realizes the warping expression on his superior’s face.

“Hmph! This is why you should rely on your strength and not on your minions, Jonah.”

“...”

He stays silent. Knowing his boss’ temperament, he knows it isn’t time to complain. Otherwise, he’ll be kicked from the group.

The boss stops polishing his weapon and starts walking. With almost a meter in length and a barrel wide enough to fit a whole arm inside, the monstrous weapon would make anyone scream and run away in fear if pointed at them. This is a hand cannon, a very expensive and strong weapon exclusive to one of the game’s factions.

The man himself, though, isn’t much taller than the weapon. Stout, well-built, and sturdy. His body makes anyone who sees him believe a rock could land on him and he wouldn’t feel it. In fact, the rock might break first.

Thick eyebrows and muscular body. A beard so long it almost touches the ground, braided into several strands, with metal decorations holding them in place. Armor covers his whole body, leaving just enough space for him to see and a cigar to hang in his mouth.

This ‘boss’ is the perfect dwarf. He even has the temperament to go with it.

While the subordinate, a normal-looking human, is taller than the boss, he wouldn’t dare go against his opinion ever. Not against the ‘Bulldozer’, known for being as stubborn as he is strong.

A group of disfigured humanoids pops out of the corner.

“Be careful, there might be one of them mixed in the group, we must…”

The subordinate tries to protect him from the enemies, but he pushes him out of the way before pulling the trigger. A large projectile flies to the first enemy and explodes upon contact. When the smoke clears, the monsters are gone.

“Tsk.” The boss clicks his tongue. “More nuisances. Are those the guys you were scared of? Pathetic!” He grumbles. “And whose fault it is we had to deviate from our path, huh?”

“It was my fault… I’m sorry.” The human lowers his head in shame. “I let those guys escape, giving us no option but to go this way.”

“Hmph! At least you understand it.”

Left behind by the grumbling dwarf, the subordinate mutters in a low voice. “Not everything can be solved with a bigger gun... He always thinks he’s enough, but having a few dead units will hinder our progress…”

“What did you say!?”

The dwarf’s shout surprises the subordinate. “N-no, nothing. I didn’t say anything at all.”

“...Thought so.”

They continue advancing, blasting every enemy that comes their way with the hand cannon.

“Boss, the way is clear. We’ve reached the door to the next area.” Suddenly, a cloaked shadow pops right next to the dwarf. There was no sign of them until the voice was heard. “Follow me, I’ll guide you there.”

Other than the black cloak, the only visible part of this new individual is the two glowing blue orbs where the eyes should be.

“Good job.” The dwarf turns to his human subordinate. “See this? This is how you should act! Stop acting like a sissy and man up, Jonah!”

“Yes, sir…”

“Shadow, there’s no need to guide us. We know the way. Instead, tell Brugnor to get ready. We’re going to clear the sealed area in one fell swoop. Don’t hesitate to use everything at your disposal.”

“Sure thing.” The cloaked figure banishes, leaving these words behind.

The only remaining players, the human and the dwarf, keep advancing without hesitation. Behind them, there’s a group of five armed soldiers, two of whom are holding bows.

The dwarf’s laughter echoes on the frozen walls, creating a phantasmagorical effect.

“Hahahaha! Even after your mistake, we’re making good progress, Jonah! I’m sure of it now. Today we’ll achieve the shortest time to clear The Mad Rat’s Lab since the last layout changes! We have the best scout, the best tank, and the best ranged attacker.” He pats his weapon. “Even you have your uses. We’re sure to achieve the speedrun record! Hahaha!”

“I’m not so sure about that… all our healers died a minute ago…”

“Did you say anything!?”

“N-no, sir! I didn’t!”

“...Thought so.”

 

---

 

“Here we go again…” I sigh as the more than familiar scenery fills my view. A forest path surrounded by plants with a slight red tone, leading to a cave entrance. Inside the rocky mouth, equal amounts of despair and surprise await us.

“Fuhahaha! I’m back! It’s time to play! My dear teacher, I’m back. Allow me to learn a lot from you today too. Thanks a lot!”

“Smash, kill, pain! Hehe! …Do you think we’ll meet him today? I want to introduce myself to him… Aaah, I got wet thinking about him…”

How many times has it been? Why don’t they ever get tired of this?

I furrow my brows at the actions of my two comrades. To be more specific, at the stuff they say. If only I didn’t have to come here… I came once out of curiosity and since then, the responsibility to get information has always fallen upon me.

“Alright, let’s go! Ana, Spy, follow me.”

“Let’s gogogoooo!”

“...”

The crazy duo raise their fists in excitement while I observe them. I’m sure my furrow gets deeper every time I have to play with them. Soon, it’ll be so deep it’ll pop out from the other side of my head.

When he realizes I stay silent, Bil turns around and kindly asks. “Are you okay, Spy? You look like you have to visit the bathroom…”

“N-no, don’t worry. I’m fine…” I quickly answer.

“You sure? Okay. Then, let’s goo!”

“Let’s gogogooo!”

Actually… my insides twist when I remember I have to spend the next one or two hours with Bil and Ana. It doesn’t have anything to do with me having to go take a shit, though.

It’s all that stupid speedrun contest! Aaagh, I hate it so much!

I must learn everything they know about the traps and monsters, so my team can win it. But it happens that they are the group that knows this dungeon the best… so I have no choice but to follow them.

For some reason I can’t comprehend, when I indirectly ask them what I want to know, they tell me I should experience it by myself, leaving me no choice but to follow them and hope they’ll expose their secrets. Let’s say it works. When they ‘enjoy’ the dungeon, they talk a lot about what they like and what’s the best, giving me valuable information. They creep me out at the same time.

But the worst is that… I don’t want to admit it, but, slowly… I’m starting to enjoy it…

“Aaaaaaaah…!” I shout to forget my worries. “Let’s goooo!”

So far, it went as expected.

Ana and Bil first competed for who would dare to taunt more turtles and survive. Then they got eaten by the tunneling worms twice… twice each, I mean. They played tag with the Panicky Spitters, and when they finally killed them all, they decided they wanted to take the long route through the Freezer, where we are right now.

The only thing I learned so far? That if you can manage to move behind a wall or column, you can avoid The Tunnel’s Nightmare’s forced eye-catching feature and successfully escape, avoiding the fear attack completely.

Was it worth the trouble? …I’m not sure.

“I’m excited to see what will he create in the future,” comments Ana, walking side by side with Bil. “It’s been a while since the last time he created a new dungeon area – Ouch!”

Bil bumps her head. “Don’t dare question his actions, Ana. He’s always right and makes no errors. Whatever’s going on in his head must surely be aimed at our enjoyment. If there’s something new he wants to show us, we have to wait until he decides to illuminate us with the truth!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry…” She rubs the place he hit with a pouty face. “But aren’t you curious?”

“Of course I am. Who wouldn’t?”

Me, me! Here! Here is someone who doesn’t care! But if I say it, they’ll expel me from the Mad Rat’s Cult and won’t be able to obtain any more information, so I stay silent.

“So this is why you should give thanks to him every day when you wake up and–”

Bill’s monologue gets interrupted by a wave of fire pouring out from his right. The fire comes like a wave, engulfing the three of us.

“Wha, what was that…?” I ask.

“I don’t know.” Bil starts looking around, trying to find the origin of that attack. “There comes a group of Braindead. But they shouldn’t be able to use fire. It must be… It must be something new.”

His eyes start shining. When Ana hears what he says, hers too. “Something new? It’s amazing!”

So we’re in one of these situations everyone dreads in the forums when something new appears and obliterates everyone’s plans and previous assumptions. It doesn’t apply to the madmen in front of me, but everyone else prays they aren’t the first to find those changes.

“It’s the unknown! Ana, Spy, rejoice! My teacher hasn’t forgotten me and has allowed me to be the first to enjoy his blessings. To learn his teachings! Fufufu! Hahaha! Bask me in fire, so I can reach paradise!”

“Hit me hard, with fiery passion. Give me your love!”

They start running around, trying to find the origin of that fire wave. They leave me behind, alone. My head feels like it’s about to explode. I’m fed up with their craziness!

But maybe… maybe I should try it too? It’s only a possibility, but maybe the fire will cleanse all my worries so that I can forget all about Ana, Bil, and their group, returning to the day I didn’t know anything about them.

Aaah, fire! Burning, purifying fire! Incinerate all my worries so I can emerge anew from the ashes!

 

Nobody expected the havoc the Stitched with the Dragon’s Breath skill would cause. Even when considering their lack of SPI, the base damage of Dragon’s Breath was quite high at 50 base damage. Adding to this the fact the damage was dealt in an area of effect, one or two hits were enough to cripple most low-level parties.

Since there was no visual difference between them and the other Braindead units, the players had to assume the possibility any number of Stitched they found could be Braindead Flamethrowers. This made their progress very slow, as they had to inspect each monster or tread cautiously; or very dangerous, if they disregarded everything and decided to test their luck.