The Mad Rat’s Lab

“Straight passage. Clean and polished walls, excavated on the rock or constructed with metal, wood, and stone. There are no visible signs of traps.”

The first thing you must do when entering an unknown dungeon is to investigate the surroundings. In Dungeon Battles there’s no restriction on traps and monsters, you can put them right next to the entrance. It’s a widely abused tactic.

The place I find myself in is a perfectly regular underground passage. Parts of the walls are covered in wood and metal plates; the rest is either directly excavated on the bedrock or constructed with polished stones, similar to bricks. This passage resembles parts of my opponent’s dungeon, The Mad Rat’s Lab. They look the same as some of the areas there.

Overall, it gives me the feeling there’s something wrong with the construction of this place. It’s disorganized, chaotic even.

“Everyone has their quirks. I should focus on the traps and tricks instead, though there seem to be none. I can only move forward.”

At the end of the passage, there’s a door blocking my vision. It’s one of those sliding metal doors that require you to press a button to open.

He put a door, he’s capable of this much, at least. He would disappoint me if he allowed me to see what’s inside beforehand. It’d make this too easy. I want to show him who’s the best, fighting against a noob would make this worthless.

I carefully open the door and look inside before stepping into the room.

“...no danger in sight.”

The room is similar to the passage, except it is as wide as it is long. About five meters.

On the other side of the room, there’s an identical door to the one on this side, except it has no button to open it. Instead, there’s a writing on the left side and three one-meter-tall columns in the middle of the room. There’s also something written on them.

The text next to the door says Choose wisely. The text on the columns goes like this, from left to right. Poison. No poison. More poison.

Is this some puzzle? I must figure out how to proceed. Given the random nature I saw when I went into his dungeon, I’m sure this is a trap.

It’s annoying there’s no clue. I know this is a Dungeon Battle and the objective is to defeat the opponent, but still… we’re here to show off our intellect and superiority. What does he intend to achieve with such random crap? Even if I die here, it won’t bring him any good.

But before I touch anything, let’s take a look at how he’s doing. The sheep countdown should have ended by now.

Did he fail to prevent it, or did he succeed?

On the screen that pops up, I see his pathetic and stupid face as he sleeps on the floor. Meanwhile, the ceiling keeps falling. Soon, he’ll be turned into mush.

“Hahaha! So pathetic! How could he fall for such a simple trap? He allowed the Dreamshift to happen, and now he can only watch in despair as the ceiling squashes his champion. How does he dare call himself the Evil Mastermind when he’s so easy to fool?”

He only needed to kill the sheep to prevent the countdown. He could also leave the area to prevent the teleport.

There were so many ways to avoid this simple trap… but he failed to achieve any.

“Tsk! It wasn’t worth my effort.” I shake my head and close the window displaying my opponent’s fate. “Regardless, I’ll clear his pathetic attempt to imitate my teacher, completely crushing him and his dungeon.”

So, returning to the door in front of me. I’m sure it’ll open after I press the buttons on top of the columns. The problem is which one. But first…

“Guys, it’s time to work!” I clap my hands. “It’s time to find me some traps.”

At my order, the small furry balls that have been following me since I entered this dungeon scatter. As they start inspecting for traps, they keep a distance between themselves so that if one triggers a trap, the others don’t get affected.

When dealing with traps, numbers are what matters. It doesn’t matter how strong the unit used to investigate them is because there’s always a chance of dying instantly. This is why it’s best to use critters for this role.

I wait for a while as they wander around randomly, bumping into everything on their way. After being sure there aren’t traps nearby, I start moving towards the three columns.

“Yes. As expected, there’s a button on top of each. Then, one of the three should open the door.”

Let’s think about this. Which one makes more sense to try first? If I had to guess, I’d say the one that says No poison, right?

I grab one of the furry balls and put it on top of the middle column. I then order everyone to come to me and move back to the entrance door.

“Press the button.”

My minion stands on the button, making a click sound. For a second, nothing happens. But then, the column, my minion, as well as the surrounding terrain, suddenly collapse and disappear below.

“Wrong choice.”

Curious, I get closer to the edge and look below. There, the Unina – Unina is the name of this unit type – is looking at me with its adorable and enormous eyes. It jumps with its small paws, but can’t reach where I am because there’s a height difference that’s more than four meters.

“Poor guy. He’ll have to spend the rest of the dungeon exploration there. I have no means to rescue it.” I say while shaking my head.

Thank god it wasn’t me. It’d be an awfully lame way to lose.

The door remains closed, so it wasn’t the No poison button. The More poison sounds dangerous, so I’ll try with the Poison one next. Like the first time, I put one of the Unina on top of the waist-height column and move back to the entrance with the rest of my support mobs.

After the Unina jumps on the button, there’s a puff sound. Then, the area around it is painted with a green gas that quickly disappears, only leaving my monster’s corpse on top of the column.

I’m sure that was toxic gas, it truly fits the Poison warning.

“It wasn’t this one either,” I shrug my shoulders. “There’s only one remaining, so it must be it.”

These things happen when you rely on chance. There was no way to know which one was the right button because there was no clue anywhere. Poison, no poison, and more poison. How are those supposed to help you find the correct answer?

I hate it when players think they’re smart when they create riddles that are impossible to solve, either because of a lack of information or because they have no solution at all.

Riddles should have a solution, puzzles must have enough clues to solve them, and traps must be possible to avoid.

Otherwise, you don’t test the player’s skill and intelligence. You test their luck.

“Let’s finish this and move on…”

With no other option left, I put a third guy on top of the last column and step back.

This time, after the click, the entrance door suddenly closes. Then, the same green gas as the one emitted from the Poison column starts spreading from a hole on top of it.

“Everyone, run!” Evading the hole in the middle of the room caused by the column’s collapse, I run to the other side of the room.

Shit! I can’t allow that gas to reach my monsters or they’ll all die! It isn’t common to find such wide-area traps, I didn’t expect this to happen!

I must agree, the poison cloud truly fits the More poison warning. But what am I supposed to do now? We’re trapped here, and the gas keeps spreading.

“Maybe I missed something?” In front of me, there’s the door that should allow us to continue. There has been no change since we came in. “Aaagh, come on, open up!” I stomp my feet in anger.

Am I going to be defeated like this? Betrayed by an opponent who supposedly created this trap to show off his ingenuity?

Bullshit! What a load of crap! This is just random stuff!

“Something. I must do something! There must be a way out or the game wouldn’t have allowed him to create this room!”

As a last resort, I put my fingers on the crevice between the door and the frame and start pulling. Without much resistance, the door slips to the side, opening the way forward.

“What!? Why did it open?”

Don’t tell me… please, don’t tell me it was open since the beginning. Please, don’t tell me I overthought the whole thing and wasted my time and minions for nothing.

“It was as easy as ignoring the message and buttons? Are you kidding me!?” I’m starting to understand why he puts ‘Evil’ at the start of the nickname.

I close the door when all of us cross it, but the poison seeps through the gaps. On the other side, the passage, with a similar look to the previous one, branches off in three directions. Then, every one of the three paths branches again.

“Now it’s a labyrinth… Why now of all times…” A labyrinth is easy if you have time to think. But I don’t because I don’t want all my minions to die. “Just move, I can’t stop. I just hope I don’t reach a dead end.”

I choose a random path and start running, followed by my minions. There’s no time to check for traps. If I move faster than the poison cloud advances, I’ll have the option to backtrack a certain distance.

“If only I didn’t press the last button…”

I won’t allow you to defeat me like this, Mad Rat! At least, I’ll make sure you die first!

Talking about his death. He should be squashed by the falling ceiling right now. I open the window a second time. There, I find him leisurely walking while watching something invisible in front of him and laughing maniacally.

“How did he manage to survive that? And he’s watching me? Shit! He had to see me act like a fool… Why! Why did he have to watch me falling for his trick…!”

Ashamed, I continue running. I reach two dead ends, but thanks to my higher speed, I manage to avoid the poisonous cloud.

“Haaa… I can’t find the exit. Should I follow the arrows?”

There are arrows painted on the walls. I’ve been purposely ignoring them because it’s clear they’re a trap, but… there’s nothing else to do but follow them. Otherwise, the poisonous cloud will surely eat us and my minions will die. I’ll survive longer, but I’ll eventually succumb.

“Alright, I’ll follow them…”

Following the arrows, I reach a door. This time, it’s open, as if calling us in. The fog is upon us, so I quickly go inside, hoping to escape it.

The interior looks quite different from what I’ve seen so far. It isn’t half-assed, with wooden boards and metal plates filling the gaps. Instead, there’s a large wall filled with screens and what looks like a giant console with thousands of buttons.

There are three buttons, though which immediately stand out to me. They’re absurdly big for normal buttons, they’re red, and have something written right next to them. It’s evident those are the only working ones. The text is written in the same font as the one on the columns, which gives me the chills.

“Not this again!” I shout, but I don’t have time to waste as the poisonous cloud is about to enter the room. “A solution comes first, I’ll complain later.”

I scan the buttons. The text on them goes like this: Close the door, Open the door, Self-destruct.

“Self-destruct? Who would put such a button on their lair!? No. Safety comes first.” Without thinking twice about it, I quickly press the Close the door button.

I hope it all goes well…

 

“Which button would have you chosen if you were in my situation? It isn’t so easy to answer, right?”