The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Morning came with a chill and with the sweet smells of freshly baked bread and sour beer. For a place that lacked alcohol, the inn seemed to have found quite an efficient workaround. Given Theo’s generosity, it was natural for the innkeeper to show some initiative. Furthermore, the rumors that the baron would deal with the brigands once and for all had already spread throughout the entire town. Officially, no one approved of this measure. The local earl, and all other nobles, continued to pretend that Theo and his party didn’t exist. Shopkeepers even refused to let them in their shops, despite being awake hours before dawn. Not that it mattered, since the innkeeper was more than willing to sell the group anything they wanted, at a slight premium, of course. Unfortunately for Theo, it appeared that Amelia was easily affected by the fear of missing out.

“Are you sure this would be enough rope?” she asked the innkeeper. “Maybe we need some more, just in case?”

These were words capable of bringing joy to the heart of every merchant. However, there was a point beyond which even the most conniving swindler would feel guilty.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, your ladyship,” the man said, with a forced smile on his face. “Don’t forget that you have a seasoned adventurer in your midst.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.” The woman nodded. “Baron d’Argent will manage even if our equipment is lacking.”

“You’ve bought enough rope to build a bridge between here and Rosewind,” Ulf grumbled. As the only adventurer with some experience, he could see the waste but didn’t want to get involved in the potential argument that would result from telling Amelia otherwise. “If there’s anything we need, it’s more alcohol.”

Amelia gave him a glance that could wither flowers. Now that they had spent a rather uncomfortable night at the inn—at least as far as Amelia was concerned—they had calmed down enough to get back to their standard behavior.

“For wounds,” Ulf added. “Nerves... Courage. Maybe a bit of energy.” The man glanced at the cup of liquid in front of him. It was heavily watered down, but even so, he preferred it to water. As he frequently liked to tell Cmyk, the purpose of ale, mead, and beer wasn’t to get drunk; it was just a way of life. Right now, his way of life was less than fifty percent fulfilled.

“Think Octavian is alright?” Avid asked. “It’s the first time he’s been alone for so long in a new environment.” He glanced at the window. It remained closed and shuttered. “We should have brought him here.”

“Keep a griffin in a stable?” Amelia asked, looking at Ulf for support.

“Don’t get me involved.” The adventurer leaned away from the table. “I’m just here because my uncle sent me.”

“All of you are here because your parents sent you,” Theo’s avatar grumbled. “Or relatives. That’s why we’ll do this as quickly as possible. Eat up, gear up, then we head out.”

Amelia opened her mouth to say something.

“No washing up!” the avatar said preemptively. “You’ll do that when we get back to Rosewind.”

Silence surrounded the table. The trio of adventurers looked at each other, then quietly finished their food.

YOU FEEL DEVASTATING HUNGER!

The annoying message appeared back in the dungeon’s main building. If it wasn’t for that, Theo would never have sent his avatar on this stupid quest. It wasn’t even certain that the brigand’s items would satiate his hunger. Then again, it gave him something to do.

As the group prepared for their hunt, the innkeeper subtly slid another bottle of alcohol to the avatar, on the house. Theo had absolutely no use for it whatsoever, but seeing the enthusiasm in the man’s eyes, he could only thank him and put it away in his dimension ring. Then, finally, the group set off.

According to the map that Theo had procured, the Forest Marsh was relatively close to town. Red Orchid had insisted that it was a day’s journey on foot, but by flying—Theo’s preferred mode of transport—they were there in less than an hour. That gave them more than enough time to deal with the matter and return. With luck, they’d be back in Rosewind by evening and wouldn’t have to spend another night at the local inn.

The Forest Marsh was exactly what the name suggested it would be: bare trees sticking out of a shallow swamp. The smell of rot filled the air, along with sounds of mosquitoes, frogs, and other annoying creatures. No wonder no one liked to visit.

The map didn’t give any details as to the exact location of the brigand’s base. The only clue Theo was given was a dotted line venturing forward with several question marks surrounding it. Clearly, from here on, it was all up to him.

“Alright,” he said, putting the map in his dimension ring. “This is it. From here on things get serious. Be on guard. I’ll take the lead, but I want you to keep your eyes open at all times. If you see anything suspicious, let me know. And have your weapons ready.”

“Err…” Amelia ventured.

“Yesss?” The avatar glared at her. “What is it?”

“Won’t our weapons harm the floating bubbles?”

That was actually a good question. Theo had enveloped them in an aether shield sphere to protect them and also to keep them in one place. He had only said the thing about the weapons to create the illusion that they were useful. Truth was that if he could’ve gotten away with leaving them at the inn, he would have done so. The reason he didn’t was that he didn’t trust them not to cause any trouble while his avatar was away.

“They will,” Theo’s avatar said. “And that goes for enemies as well. The aether bubbles aren’t invulnerable. They’ll save you from one strike, after which you have to act. That’s why you have to be ready to enter battle the moment the shield shatters.”

“Ah, I see.” Amelia nodded.

Good thing they’re stupid, Theo thought.

“Any other questions?” He looked at each of them in turn. All three shook their heads. “Good. So let’s go.”

Floating through a forested swamp turned out a lot more difficult than originally thought. While Theo had eliminated the danger of having anyone get stuck in the muck, the forest was just dense enough to prevent the spheres from passing between most trees. The avatar felt like he was walking through a maze, and not one of the cool mazes, but those on the back pages of magazines he’d try to solve as a child in his previous life. The issue was that back then, Theo was terrible at it. Now, thanks to his dungeon sense, he was only moderately bad.

“I’m stuck again,” Avid said, fifty feet behind the avatar.

Why couldn’t it have been tunnels? Theo asked himself. All this would have been so much easier. Trees and swamp, however, made it a lot more difficult to create a mental map of the area.

“Can’t you squeeze the sides of the bubble a bit?”

“No!” This isn’t a balloon.

Initially, Theo had aimed to catch the brigands by surprise. The trio with him had made it impossible.

“Ice blades,” he whispered.

Massive ice blades emerged all around him, then dispersed in all directions. With deadly precision, they flew through the trees in the area, slicing them down like straw. It wasn’t particularly difficult—most of the trees were half rotten, standing up only through habit. Within seconds, a small clearing had formed, a very swampy clearing.

Done, Theo’s avatar continued forward.

“That was stupid,” Amelia whispered behind. “The brigands know we’re coming.”

“That’s the point,” Ulf whispered back. “He set up the battlefield to get them to come to us. This way, they won’t have the ground advantage.”

“I still think—”

An arrow split the air, shattering Amelia’s aether shield. The surprise attack was followed by loud splashing as a dozen brigands ran through the marsh, weapons drawn.

What the heck?! Theo thought. They definitely hadn’t been here moments ago. As difficult as it was to see, he would have at least noticed twelve people in full armor. Even more confusing, the life crystal he was wearing indicated the presence of only three living beings.

“Stay together!” the avatar shouted as he summoned the heroic sword from his ring.

His yell attracted enough attention, causing the next half a dozen arrows to fly in his direction. Half of them missed by a hair. The rest hit spot-on.

“There goes another set of clothes,” the avatar grumbled beneath his breath, while casting swiftness on himself.

With a series of quick actions, the avatar pulled out the arrows from his leg and chest, while darting at the nearest brigand. The man didn’t react, continuing his charge towards the startled trio of youngsters. At that point, the avatar swung his sword.

This was the first time that Theo had attacked a human. Back during his previous adventure, he’d faced goblins, trolls, demons, suits of armor brought to life, and even a golem. Each had provided cores, increasing his hero level and acquiring new skills. He knew that fighting brigands would be different. Yet, he didn’t expect the attack to result in a complete lack of blood.

The upper half of the brigand flew off his legs, landing in the marsh with a splash. Normally, this would be enough to cause anyone to pause. In this case, no one did. The brigands kept charging, and so did the dungeon’s avatar. A second cleave attack followed, slicing the next attacker diagonally. The parts of this one continued forward, splitting apart ten feet from the group of adventurers passing by on either side.

Faced with the prospect of a bloody death, the trio joined in the fight. Ulf was first to swing, chopping off the head of a brigand with one strike. As fancy as that looked, it didn’t stop the enemy from continuing his attack. Thankfully, Avid reacted by kicking the headless brigand back.

“They’re undead!” the avatar shouted as he dismembered his third enemy. “Low level goons, so you’ll be fine. Just don’t use—”

Amelia thrust her sword through a brigand’s chest. The creature paused, looked down at the hilt sticking from his rusty breast plate, then looked back at the woman.

“—piercing attacks,” the avatar finished.

If there was any lingering doubt that taking these three misfits on an adventure was a bad idea, it had just evaporated. Bringing them wasn’t just a bad idea, it was a complete disaster! Using telekinesis, the avatar pulled the brigand backwards, sword and all. It was fortunate that Amelia let go as he did so, else she would have fallen face down in the swamp.

Several more arrows struck the avatar from behind. The archers were nowhere to be seen but had still managed to hit their target quite effectively. Anyone else would have perished by now. Theo, though, only had to suffer a few more holes in his avatar’s clothes.

“Ice wall!” he shouted.

A thick wall of blue ice shot up from the swamp, completely surrounding Ulf, Avid, and Amelia. On cue, the brigands switched their target, rushing towards the avatar instead. This was precisely what Theo was hoping for. Now it was all between him and them. There were many ways he could deal with them: he could cast a fireball, launch ice blades, or use blessed lightning. The latter was a bit risky since there was no telling whether it would harm the adventurers as well. To be on the safe side, and because he didn’t want to spend too long thinking about it, Theo used more ice magic.

The visible brigands were the first to fall, sliced and diced by ice blades. The archers followed soon after. Technically, Theo only assumed they followed. Despite his best efforts, he still wasn’t able to actually see them, forcing him to launch clusters of ice blades in the direction from which each of the arrows was coming. When the arrows stopped, he assumed that the archers had been dealt with.

“Excuse me, sir,” Spok said back into the dungeon’s main body. “Might I ask what you’re doing?”

“Fighting brigands, what do you think I’m doing?” the dungeon snapped, several doors in the house slamming as he did.

“You’re using a rather large amount of energy. Normally I wouldn’t make a point of it, but with your current ailment, maybe be a bit more conservative?”

Before the dungeon could slam the doors where Spok was located, the spirit guide disappeared, emerging in another part of the city. This was all part of her routine—since the avatar’s departure she was dealing with the day-to-day stuff, and that included making a point of being seen by the townspeople. Up till now, Theo hadn’t complained since it left him more time to act depressed—which for a dungeon meant to do nothing whatsoever. Of course, that made it more difficult for him to lead a proper conversation with her.

Today, Spok was making her way along the main road of Rosewind—which was also part of the dungeon. Quite a few people greeted her along the way, and she returned the greeting in kind. Patiently biding his time, Theo waited until she turned a corner to a spot in town that was currently void of people, then created a statue around her.

“Is that necessary, sir?” Spok sighed, arms crossed as she stood in the hollow base of the statue. “Until you deal with your problem, I’d advise against using magic for frivolities.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” the dungeon asked. “I want you to give me some answers, not go running about town!”

“If you had questions, you could have simply asked within the main building. As your spirit guide, I’m aware of what’s going on within you. There’s no need for my avatar to be there to respond.”

“Oh…”

All of a sudden, Theo felt a bit silly. Having to focus on his avatar had made him forget that simple fact. Now there was a perfect statue of Earl Rosewind erected in a random part of town.

“Anyway, what can you tell me about necromancers?”

“Other than the obvious?” The spirit guide arched a brow. “They are exceptionally good groundskeepers. Powerful dungeons would create necromantic minions to tend the surrounding area. There even have been instances in which they would invite natural necromancers. Unless the individual in question has been affected by demon cores, it’s a win-win situation. Necromancers prefer to be alone, the same as dungeons. Both groups dislike people, and especially adventurers.”

That was rather interesting. It meant that there was a chance that Theo could come to some sort of an arrangement with the brigand leader. Inviting him to the town could be a bit too much. On the other hand, Rosewind’s cemetery could use some more people to tend to it.

“Thanks for the info, Spok,” the dungeon said.

“You’re welcome, sir. Now I’ll have to think of some excuse regarding the statue…”

Theo, however, was no longer focusing on the events in Rosewind. His entire attention shifted to his avatar once more. After he removed all arrows from his body, and created a new set of clothes to change into, he searched the area for brigand remains. To no surprise, he didn’t find any. Quite likely the necromancer had summoned them back to his hideout—bones, armor, and all.

“Baron?” Avid asked from within the icy encirclement. “Are you alright?”

With a sigh reserved to a babysitter at the start of work, the avatar undid his spell. The wall melted away, sinking into the marsh.

“It’s over. They’re gone.”

He waited for a few more moments, mostly to hear some praise, but none followed.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” He frowned.

“It’s just that… I was hoping you’d let us get some experience,” Ulf said. “We know you can handle them. You’ve defeated armies. We, though, are just starting out and—”

“You’re afraid your uncle will scold you, aren’t you?” The avatar narrowed his eyes.

“Well… something like that. He’s already got a low opinion of me and if I don’t show some adventuring spirit, he might get mad.”

That wouldn’t be such a bad thing, Theo thought. In his eyes, Ulf was just as useless as Cmyk. The other two weren’t much better. A partier, a bookworm, and a spoilt princess. That was what he had been given. The mere thought of relying on them in battle sent shivers throughout the dungeon.

“Next time,” he lied. “This was just the greeting party. The real force is probably at their stronghold. That’s our goal. You’ll get plenty of experience there.”

Lady Amelia started verbalizing a question, but was instantly cut off by the dungeon’s avatar, who briskly turned around.

“We’re continuing on foot,” he said. If they wanted experience so badly, he was definitely going to give them some, just not in the way they thought. When this was over, they’d be begging their parents not to go on adventures with him.

Thus, the group continued, making their way through the thick, stinky muck on foot. Theo still had no idea where exactly he was going. If there was a path through the marsh, it wasn’t visible. In his mind, he drew a theoretical line between the group and the invisible archers and went on in that direction.

Nothing of interest happened in the next half hour. The adventurer wannabes got stuck a few times in the marsh, only to be pulled out by the avatar using a spell or two. It was more annoying than anything else, though thankfully, it didn’t slow the progress by too much.

After approximately half an hour, another group of brigands appeared, charging very much like the first. They were wearing the same sets of rusty armor and wielding substandard weapons. Now that no one was caught off guard, they could see the wretched state of the attackers. It wasn’t only a matter of pitiful equipment. The actions of the enemies seemed slow, almost sloth-like, and very predictable. It made sense given that they were likely simple undead following orders. Theo remembered how incompetent Cmyk had been when he had first been created. The skeleton minion could barely open the door without additional instruction. Then again, maybe that wasn’t the best example, since even now Cmyk remained quite useless.

One after the other, the metallic monstrosities were chopped up. It couldn’t be said that they were killed, since once again there was no trace of their remains once they sunk beneath the swampy marsh. Theo attempted to hold on to some using the spells of his avatar, but as he did, an arrow freed it from his grasp. The avatar turned around, ready to cast a spell at another invisible archer, when he saw a large figure with a composite bow a hundred feet away. The figure was massive, probably six and a half feet tall, with enormous bulging muscles, long hair, and a full metal helmet. This didn’t look like any type of necromancer Theo was aware of.

“What do we have here?” a deep voice asked. “A new set of mercenaries coming to try their luck. That’s what happens when I try to be a nice guy.”

“Careful,” the avatar whispered to his group, gesturing with his left hand for them to keep back. “Did you throw a flaming wagon at us?” he asked, taking a step forward.

“I was already dealing with another group of mercenaries and decided to combine tasks. They’ll be quite disappointed to find that their sacrifice was for nothing.”

“You killed them?

“Ha! They were so terrified that chasing after them would have been a waste of time. I just set their stuff on fire and tossed it at you. That was supposed to serve as a warning, in case you missed it.”

“Well, it didn’t work,” the avatar stated the obvious.

The large figure put the bow round his left shoulder and started slowly making his way through the marsh. The ease with which he walked through the muck was a clear indication of his strength.

“The entire town will suffer because of that.” The mountain of muscles kept on walking. “There was one simple rule, an arrangement if you will: the town doesn’t bother us, and we don’t bother it. Mercenaries and adventurers—sure. The only people we’ve laid a hand on here were thieves and robbers. Never could stand those types.”

A brigand that didn’t like thieves? That was unusual, although Theo could empathize. He too detested thieves, though he’d never gone out of his way to beat them up.

“And now, look at what you’ve done.”

Without warning, the man grabbed a nearby tree with both hands and tore it out from the ground. Flames covered his arms, setting it ablaze. Theo didn’t have to be a genius to know what would follow. As fast as the brigand leader, he cast his ice spell, sending a multitude of ice daggers at his opponent. Both collided, causing the burning tree to explode in splinters.

Fortunately, none of the tag-along adventurers were hurt. Unfortunately, the avatar’s new set of clothes hadn’t escaped that fate.

“Not bad,” the brigand leader said, striking at the dungeon’s avatar. As he did, a sword appeared in his hand. It was no mystery that he had a dimension ring as well.

Thanks to the swiftness effects, Theo’s avatar was able to summon his heroic sword just in the nick of time and parry the attack. A loud sound, like thunder, resounded, shaking the branches of the nearby trees. One glance was enough to tell that both swords were legendary.

“Where did you get a legendary sword?” Theo asked. Usually, his strength was enough to deal with nearly any threat. This time, though, he wasn’t sure.

“Funny.” The brigand pushed on forward, causing the avatar to slide backwards through the marsh. “That’s my question too. You’re not a hero.”

“Yeah?” Technically, Theo was just that. The heroic trait of his avatar granted him the abilities of a hero, even if it was a very low-level hero. “Neither are you.”

Energy flowed through Theo’s sword, causing flickers of electricity to flow through. The brigand sensed that something was up and quickly leaped ten feet back. Theo expected for his enemy’s sword also to light up with some heroic energy, possibly even catch flame. To his surprise, no such thing occurred.

“Your weapon isn’t magic?” the avatar asked.

“Not all legendary weapons are magic,” the brigand leader replied defensively. “Some are just sharp and durable. Besides, it’s not about the magic of the sword, but how you use it.”

As if to prove his point, the brigand performed a vertical slash, splitting the marsh for several feet in front of him. The strike was no doubt impressive, but didn’t pose any danger to Theo’s avatar.

“That’s it?” he asked after several seconds of anticipation.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. Maybe something a bit more—”

“Baron!” Amelia’s yell filled the air. “Look around you!”

It was terrible advice, but Theo couldn’t help himself, glancing over his shoulder to see what the commotion was. He didn’t have to look for long. The entire area behind him was filled with low-level brigands. There had to be over a hundred of them, holding rusty swords, axes, and maces. None of them had an inch of flesh visible, clad entirely in their usual suits of armor.

“Something like that?” The brigand leader laughed.

Damn it! Theo thought. This was going to cost him more than a bit of energy.