The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

“Third one,” Ulf said in a smug tone. “What about you two?”

Left with no immediate enemy, the large man paused for a few moments to check out how his companions were doing. Amelia was still having trouble with her first statue. It wasn’t that she was a poor fighter, or that her stone opponent was particularly skilled or crafty. The issue came from her relying on fencing above everything else. Against a flesh and blood enemy, she would have julienned it several times by now. When dealing with stone, even an invincible blade would bounce off, causing minute damage at best.

Meanwhile, Avid had teamed up with his griffin and was on the way to catch up. Ulf considered that cheating. The two had known each other since childhood, although even back then it could be said that they ran in different crowds. Avid was the more bookish type, spending most of his time alone, while Ulf was part of the wilder crowd that always got in trouble. The only thing that united them was the desire to make a name for themselves—something that, sadly, both of them had failed in so far.

The griffin released a squirming statue, making it shatter on the estate’s wall.

“That’s three for me,” he replied, directing Octavian to another target with a pat on the side.

“That’s one and a half!” Ulf couldn’t keep himself. “There’s two of you!”

The conversation quickly came to a pause as a stone statue of a sea lion was spotted a short distance away. There was no telling whether it was a gargoyle or just a standard decoration, but neither of the two was willing to take the chance.

All this time, Theo’s avatar sat on the flight of steps in front of the main entrance, thinking heavy thoughts. He had long defeated the three waves of gargoyles that had descended from upper floors and rooftops. Destroying them had been elementary, bringing him nearer to the next avatar level. Then, he learned about the curse. While he was certain that he hadn’t been affected, there was no telling whether the same could be said about his companions. Now, not only did he have to defeat the abomination, but he had to keep a closer eye on the trio as well.

“I got it!” Avid yelled. “That’s four!”

“There’s two of you, so it’s two for you and two for the griffin,” Ulf protested.

A short distance away, Amelia said nothing. Through skill and effort, she had managed to chip her way through the statue’s neck, ultimately destroying it. There could be no doubt that her results were the worst of the group.

“I don’t think there are any more.” Avid made a circle in the air. “We can check the other areas of the estate.”

One look at Theo’s avatar and all three quickly changed their minds.

“Or maybe not,” the earl’s son said, in an attempt to remedy the situation. The brief time he had spent with the baron had taught him that whenever the noble was in a bad mood, it was usually them to blame.

Directing the griffin to the ground, Avid joined his companions as they approached Baron d’Argent.

“I think we should have been faster,” Ulf whispered to the other two.

The whisper caught Theo’s attention.

“Oh, you’re done.” The avatar looked up. “Any issues?”

Fearing this to be a loaded question all here shook their heads.

“Good. Let’s continue.” The avatar turned around and used his open spell on the door.

There was a loud click, after which the door creaked open.

A thick purple carpet covered the inside floor, making the atmosphere even more dreary. Ironically, it was the lack of tears, insects, and rat droppings that gave the ominous feeling. No sooner had the avatar set foot inside than the energy consumption back in his main body spiked.

“Ahem,” Spok coughed as she proceeded to feed the rabbit within the dungeon.

“Don’t say it,” Theo grumbled. “Okay, say it. How bad are things?”

“Normally they would be negligible, but due to your condition, I’d advise being a bit more conservative.”

Internally, Theo felt like yelling. This was so annoying. It had to be a curse or trap of some sort, but who in their right mind cursed a carpet. The abomination clearly didn’t have better things to do! Cursed letters, cursed gates, cursed statues, and now cursed carpets.

A minute later than needed, the dungeon’s avatar cast an identify spell on the carpet.

BLOOD CARPET Level 5

A cursed carpet that saps the blood of anyone who steps on it, increases its strength in the process.

Depending on its level, the carpet can sap blood through leather, wood, steel, and stone up to a distance of 5 inches while contact is maintained.

In order to be destroyed. the link between the BLOOD CARPET and its creator must be severed.

Blood and curses. It was looking more and more that vampires were actually a thing.

“Stop!” the avatar said, as Ulf approached to enter. “Let me see your shoes.”

“My shoes?”

Everyone immediately looked down.

“Did I step in something?” The large adventurer looked at the sole of his left boot.

It was a sturdy traveler’s boot, well made, comfortable and suited to use in an urban, river and mountainous terrain. Even so, there was no way that the soles were more than an inch thick. In theory, it was possible for the dungeon to create platform shoes and force the adventurers to wear them, but while he could use a laugh, that would only make them even worse at fighting than they currently were.

“Hold still.” The avatar sighed, then went to bless each sole of Ulf’s shoes. “The carpet’s cursed,” he added as Amelia and Avid got the same treatment.

Upon reaching the griffin, Theo paused. There was no way he could bless all that.

“You stay outside,” he said in a firm tone.

The griffin let out a loud coo of disappointment.

“You stay here or I’m sending you home!” the avatar grumbled. “And you can forget about snacks!”

In this world, the dungeon had never given the griffin any snacks. In fact, he would often make it a point how much he disapproved of the practice. In his previous life, he had the displeasure of being invited by people with pets and would often witness the conversation. In more cases than not, the threat seemed to work and moderate the pet’s behavior for an hour or so. Judging by the lack of further protests, he could only hope that he’d achieved the same effect here.

“Okay, we’re going in.” The avatar turned around again. “Be on your guard.”

“What about you?” Amelia said.

The avatar paused, his foot still in the air. Slowly, he turned his head, glancing at her over her shoulder.

“Won’t you bless your shoes?” she asked in a somewhat fearful voice.

“My shoes?” Theo had completely forgotten about it, but there was no way he’d admit it in public. “You think I can’t handle a cursed carpet?”

“No, I—”

“Alright, if it makes you feel better.” He cast a quick blessing. “Now, let’s go.”

Based on the width of the corridors and the general size of the estate, it was safe to assume that it fell into the “small” category. In dungeon terms, that meant it probably had less than fifty rooms in total. Of course, that was only true provided it didn’t extend further below ground.

Paintings and sets of armor decorated the long hallway. Each of them was diligently examined by Theo’s avatar to ensure no further surprises. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on the point of view, everything so far was nothing that old, normal, decorations that had seen better days. The only thing missing was light, which Theo provided on his own.

For close to ten minutes the group kept on walking and walking until they suddenly ended right back where they started. The door remained wide open, granting a glimpse at the gloom outside.

“A moebius curse,” Avid muttered.

Everyone turned towards him.

“I read it in a book,” he said defensively. “It’s a curse used to exhaust travelers to the point that they are too weak to fight anything off.”

“Makes sense with the blood carpet.” Ulf nodded.

“We can still get out, though.” Amelia looked at the entrance. “Maybe we go out and find another way in?”

“No.” The avatar said. Theo was tired, tired of walking around in circles, tired of constantly dealing with curses, tired of this whole adventure thing. There was a reason that dungeons didn’t become adventurers. Now, he had had enough. “We go straight in!”

He placed his hand on the wall, then created a room. In this instance, the room happened to be a corridor leading to another section of the castle. The new area was immense, ending in a massive staircase—split into three—that led up to the second floor. Massive chandeliers of rubies hung from the ceiling, illuminating the richly decorated area with warm crimson light. Portraits the height of buildings covered the walls, overlooking statues of white marble and potted rose bushes. Also, there were close to a hundred skeletons in flashy armor looking in at the people who had interrupted their serenity.

“Oh, crap.”

The avatar instantly cast a wall barrier in an attempt to block the opening he had created. No sooner had he done so, streaks of blood were seen seeping into it, forming cracks as they ate through.

“Arm up!” he shouted, summoning his legendary sword. “Things might get rough.”

The instant he said that, blood red walls rose up from the ground outside the castle, creating an entirely new building section. The only escape was quickly blocked off.

At this point, there could be no doubt that things had indeed gotten a lot worse.

“Octavian!” Avid shouted, worried that something might have happened to his griffin.

“Forget the stupid bird!” Theo shouted as the ice block disintegrated in front of him. Unwilling to risk anything happening to the adventurers he charged forward, swinging his sword with as much strength as he could.

The display was magnificent, and suspiciously effective, destroying five skeletons at once.

CORE CONSUMPTION

4 Skeletal Soldier Minion core fragments converted into 400 Avatar Core Points.

AVATAR LEVEL INCREASE

Your Avatar has become Level 20

+1 STRENGTH, SHIELDS skill obtained

3900 Core Points required for next Avatar Level

“Shields?!” Theo shouted as he struck down two more skeletons—these dressed in servants’ outfits. “Why’s that even a skill?!?”

SHIELDS - 1

Grants shield proficiency, allowing you to masterfully use bucklers, tower shields, riding shields, and other shields.

The dungeon’s mind couldn’t fathom why such a useless thing even existed. Surely anyone could use a shield—all they had to do is hold it and hide behind it. There was nothing complicated in that. It was a miracle that heroes managed to get out of bed, if they required skills for the simplest of things.

As misfortunate would have it, while his avatar had kicked a skeleton bee hive in the cursed estate, the dungeon’s main body had troubles of its own. Today they came in the form of Count Alvare. The annoying noble knew full well that the baron was dealing with noble quests, and yet that hadn’t stopped him from going to the baron’s mansion and insistently knocking on the door.

On the fifth knock, the door opened.

“Good morning, Count,” Spok said with a polite curtsy. “How may I be of assistance?”

“Where is he?” The old goat barged right in as if he owned the place.

“The baron is off teaching the town’s hopefuls in the ways of adventuring, sir.” The spirit guide said, maintaining her dignity. “If I’m not mistaken, it was the council’s decision that he do so.”

“Blast!” Holding a rolled piece of parchment, the count instinctively made his way to the most expensive bottle of alcohol within sight and poured himself a glass. “He’s already out on that adventurer rubbish.” He gulped down the glass in one go, then poured himself another. “Can’t he pop up like one of those eye things he’s been using all over town?”

Up in the attic, Theo whispered a definitive “no.”

“Unfortunately, it will be a few hours before he could make use of that spell, Count,” Spok said in apologetic fashion. “Is there anything I might assist with?”

“Well…” The count looked at her with the distrust he’d give an apprentice claiming to do their master’s job, then downed a second glass. “Now, I consider myself a very reasonable person.”

Internally, Theo braced himself. Each time someone led with that phrase, it meant that he most certainly wasn’t. In fact, if there was one universal principle. it was that anyone who began claiming to be something, it was the last person they were.

“I’m all for local entrepreneurship,” the count continued as he poured himself yet a third glass. “Not many know this, but I was one of the few that were glad when the baron bought the lot. Mind you, I’d been eyeing it as well, but only a fool would buy it at such a price.” He snorted in what was supposed to be polite laughter.

“The baron is most grateful, sir,” Spok nodded.

“He damned should be!” He took a gulp from his third glass, this time only managing to consume half of it. “As I was saying, I’m not one to stand in the face of profit, but there are things that go too far.”

“Too far, sir?”

“This.” The count shoved the piece of parchment into the woman’s hands.

The quality of the paper was middling at best, though it couldn’t be called dead cheap. Upon unrolling it, several windows within the mansion creaked in horror.

“Switches’ Scientific Workshop,” Spok read out loud. “Backed by Baron d’Argent. Find any contraption at a reasonable price. All contraptions made with materials of the client are eligible for a twenty percent discount.” For the first time since her creation, the woman’s left eye twitched. “How did you happen to get that, sir?” She calmly rolled the parchment back up. It didn’t help that there was a crude picture of the gnome, standing proud with a contraption of some sort in his hand.

“Something stuck it to the window.” The count finished his glass. “At first, I thought it was one of the griffins.”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“What?” the man blinked.

“Having things stuck to your window, sir? I thought that was the reason you came here.”

“Why would I walk all the way here for that?” The confused expression shifted to annoyance. “I’m here because the baron never asked for a permit.”

“Permit?” the dungeon asked on the top floor of the building.

“Permit, sir?” Spok repeated the question.

“Just because he’s part of the council, with my support I must add, doesn’t mean that he could start things without asking permits. In order to have a—” He glanced at the scroll in Spok’s hand.

“Scientific Workshop,” the spirit guide repeated.

“Scientific Workshop, he needs to apply for a permit and pay the respective fee. Since the workshop is located on his personal land outside the city, a minor monthly fee would have to be paid. Not that he’ll have any issues, of course.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Good.” The count took one step to leave, but then stopped. His head quickly turned, focusing on the bottle as he calculated whether he could down another one before leaving.

“You’re welcome to the bottle, sir.” Spok put a quick end to his hesitation. “I’m sure the baron would be delighted.”

With a grunt of approval, the man snatched the now half-full bottle and headed out.

“Just one question if I may, sir.” Spok added. “Do you happen to be related to the tax collector, by chance?”

“He’s my nephew,” the man replied, then left without further explanation.

That certainly explained a few things.

Sensing that the coast was clear, Cmyk appeared from the gardens below. Having done his job, the minion-turned-town champion was about to head to town to get for a long day of doing nothing, when the door suddenly slammed.

“Damned gnome!” Theo shouted.

“You did make a promise, sir…” Spok said.

“I don’t care what I said. You two are dealing with this! I’m a bit occupied at the moment.”

“Of course you are.” The spirit guide wasn’t one to put every word of the dungeon to doubt, but when it came to work, he had a tendency to delegate it to others.

“Cmyk, go to Switches and tell him to stop whatever mess he’s gotten me into,” Theo ordered. “Meanwhile, Spok, you deal with the permit thing.”

The spirit guide didn’t want to argue that if Cmyk was going to stop whatever the gnome was going, there was no point in getting a permit, but decided it was faster not to argue. After all, money wasn’t an issue, and with a large part of the town being part of the dungeon, she could venture to most places.

“How is your quest going, sir?” she said, feigning interest.

There was a lot that could be said on the topic. Theo, on his part, preferred not to go into details, at least not until the fight was over. So far, things had gone from bad to worse.

After dispatching a few of the skeletons, the rest had ceased with brainless attacks, but retreated further in. That, for some reason, had encouraged the trio of adventurers to charge forward in an attempt to help.

The moment all three had joined the dungeon’s avatar in the new section of the castle several transformations had taken place. The walls on both sides of the opening had slammed together trapping them inside. That was to be expected. Even rookie adventurers knew that dungeons, demons, and rogue mages had a habit of blocking the exit the first chance they got. The unexpected bit came when the remaining dozens of skeletons merged together.

Like mechanical fragments, they bent into various shapes that merged together, forming one massive mountain of bone that went all the way up to the chandeliers. Arms the width of barrels stretched as knuckles adjusted into place.

“You!” the bone amalgamation said, its voice booming throughout the room. “You ruined the mistress’ carpet!”

Immediately, everyone looked down. The bright red carpet had dozens of footprints, only instead of mud, it seemed like the spots had been thoroughly burned. Out of curiosity, the avatar lifted his left foot. A new burned mark lay beneath.

“Good thinking, Baron!” Ulf said with a grin. “Leave it to you to find a way to ruin a cursed carpet!”

In truth, that was the last thing on the dungeon’s mind. The reason he had blessed everyone’s souls was to keep them from having their blood sapped. In the darkness of the corridor, he hadn’t even noticed the effect their shoes had on the carpet.

“You will pay for it!” The skeletal giant charged at him.

Ice swords flew straight at the construct, shattering as they hit the ten times reinforced ribs. Fireballs followed, wrapping the thing in a layer of fire.

“Cool!” Amellia shouted.

Sadly, the cheer was premature. The large flaming entity continued forward, then punched Theo’s avatar in the chest, sending it flying across the room. The wall cracked at the impact, creating a cloud of dust. The legendary sword slipped out of his hand, falling to the floor.

Back in Rosewind, the dungeon felt a large portion of energy diminish. The hit was serious, capable of killing anyone remotely human. Theo attempted to get out of the hole he had created, only to be quickly slammed by another punch in the chest, then another.

“Sir,” Spok said back in his main body. “Should I be reminding you that you haven’t gone through your daily halving yet?”

“I’m not the one doing it!” Several doors slammed.

No matter how many times he attempted to get out of the wall, the skeletal amalgamation would slam him back in over and over. Aether spheres didn’t work, neither did fireballs or ice magic.

Seeing the trouble the baron was in, Ulf changed forward, landing a blow on the creature’s ankle. The blade bounced off, as if it were made of rubber.

“Stay—” the avatar shouted just before getting a punch in the head. Even with the constant energy drain, Theo was far more worried what might happen if the skeleton did the same to any of his companions. Then, his fears came true.

As Ulf struck the ankle for a second time, a series of skulls integrated in the monster’s leg turned his way. A moment later, they were followed by the amalgamation’s head. Pressing against the avatar with one hand, the skeleton raised its other hand.

The adventurer quickly leaped back, but it was already too late—he remained well within reach.

The monster’s bony fist swung in the direction of the human. Just as it was about to hit its target, squishing it into a pool of blood, part of the ceiling exploded. A figure with a glowing two-handed sword fell from above, striking the creature in the shoulder.

A loud cracking sound followed, similar to a ten-foot piece of chalk cracking. The attack didn’t end there, though. With a swing, the new arrival struck the skeleton’s ribcage, sending it flying all the way to the opposing wall, where it too made an impression on the wall, destroying two portraits in the process.

Finally! Theo said to himself as he pulled himself out of the wall. Casting a dozen swiftnesses round himself, he was just about to use telekinesis to pick up the legendary sword from where he had dropped it, when someone handed it to him.

“Here,” a female voice said.

“Thanks, I—” The avatar paused. “Liandra? What are you doing here?”