The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

In every person’s life, there were times when it felt as if nothing more could go wrong. That was a defense mechanism the psyche played to find the silver lining of every cloud. Sadly, more times than not, it was untrue. Theo’s previous life could be described as a chain of such events. Now was certainly no different.

Upon finding his avatar transported to a damp, cold, misty recreation of a horror movie, he noticed three silhouettes emerge from the mist. For a split second, he held on hope that these were merely bandits in an attempt to mug him. Unfortunately, that proved too much to ask.

“That was sudden,” Ulf said, looking around. “Maybe a warning next time, Baron?”

“If I’d known I’d come to such a place, I’d have taken better attire,” Amelia said, every word filled with scorn. “You could have at least let us take some gear?”

“Adventuring is facing the unexpected,” the avatar lied. “What would you learn if you’re constantly coddled and never get to experience real hardships? The world is a cruel place.”

“Didn’t you say that we must always be prepared?” Ulf countered. “Heading on a mission without gear is—”

“A perfect way to teach you how valuable gear really is!” Theo quickly finished the sentence. He was talking crap, of course. The truth was that he knew as little as them, but allowing them to learn that would cause panic, not to mention he’d lose his avatar before admitting he was on the same level as the adventurer trio. “So, tell me, what do you see?”

“Mist,” Ulf and Amelia replied simultaneously.

“Yes, but what’s beyond the mist? Think, people! Is there anything that might provide a clue where we are? A unique fragrance in the air, a local plant that grows in specific regions? As I said, being an adventurer is making quick decisions in the most efficient way possible.”

That had to be the third definition of what it was like to be an adventurer, yet it also made sense in a very superficial way. At the very least, it was enough for the pair to start looking around in an attempt to come to some conclusion. It wasn’t that the dungeon expected them to do anything right, but rather that would give him enough time to discuss the matter with Spok back in his main body.

On her part, the spirit guide went through an expedited worrying spree on her own. She had checked and double-checked the dungeon’s energy reserves. There was no way he could send his avatar to distant lands—or anywhere, for that matter—without a substantial spike in energy usage. A portal was also out of the question.

“Are you absolutely certain, sir?” she asked. “Might it be that your avatar is suffering from hallucinations?”

“Hallucinations?” All the internal doors of the Baron’s mansion opened halfway—the dungeon’s equivalent of frowning. “The terrible trio are here with me. Are they experiencing hallucinations as well?”

“Oh,” Spok replied in a tone of voice that suggested that she hadn’t come to any conclusion, either.

This left Theo with two options: send eyeballs throughout Rosewind to ask more people, or to explore with his avatar. After a brief period of consideration, he decided to do both.

“Well?” His avatar went to the junior adventurers. “Anything?”

“Lots of plants have died out,” Ulf began. “They mustn’t have been getting enough sunlight. Because they haven’t rotted completely, I’d guess that whatever happened here must have occurred a few months ago at most.”

“Based on the design of the castle, even a child can tell that we’re in Cimich Kingdom, just as we were supposed to be. My guess is that would be the cursed estate,” said Amelia.

“Not bad,” the avatar admitted. Internally, he still considered it a lucky guess on their part. “Anything to add, Avid?”

To the dungeon’s horror, the third of the adventurers was nowhere to be found. There were no signs of blood on the ground where he had been, which was a good thing, but the sudden disappearance didn’t bode well.

Immediately, the avatar created a basic armory.

“Lesson’s over,” he said in a stern voice. “Gear up.”

Theo then took out the life sensing gem from his dimensional ring and put it on. There were four living entities in the immediate area which, for all intents and purposes, was at least one too many.

The legendary hero’s sword also found its way into the avatar’s hand. Although it could be considered overkill, there was something about limited vision that made things appear a lot scarier than they were. Having the blade glow with a faint white light only added to his concern.

“Spok,” he began in his main body. “Any chance you could scry here?”

“That might be possible, if I knew—”

“Wallach!” he shouted in annoyance. “The town of Wallach!”

“Very well, sir.” Pushing back a lock of hair from her forehead, the spirit guide went to the guest room and peered into the large crystal ball there. “Technically, I’m able to see the spot. Unfortunately, it’s surrounded by black mist, making it impossible to see through.”

“Some use you are! Isn’t there a spell to break through it or something?”

“There are many, I believe, sir, but all of them uniquely belong to heroes.”

That was beyond unfortunate. Adding insult to injury, while the avatar could be considered a hero, he hadn’t obtained what was needed.

Casting a dozen swiftnesses and a flight spell on himself, the dungeon’s avatar floated up. Ten feet from the ground, the mist thickened, hiding the castle and even his companions from view. There could be no longer any doubt that this was one more supernatural inconvenience.

The things I do for mana gems, Theo thought as his avatar cast a fireball, instantly encapsulating it in an aether bubble. Glowing lights emerged one by one like lanterns, revealing more and more of the area. Each time one was created, the mist would move, fleeing away from the light.

Soon, it became apparent that they had ended up on a former meadow right in front of the estate’s wall. Whoever had described the estate as cursed was definitely playing things down the same way someone might describe the Titanic’s crash as “springing a leak.” No wonder the quest had remained uncompleted.

Theo was just about to ask whether beings such as “vampires” existed in the world when a black shape composed of wings and talons flew by him, shattering several bubbled fireballs in the process. Released from their cages, the clusters of fire exploded, commencing a chain reaction that filled the air with flames.

Not again. Theo sighed internally. Even in the damp, dark middle of nowhere, fate would still find a way to singe his clothes.

Pointing both hands in different directions, he went on an ice dagger spree, launching thick icicles in all directions around him. After ten seconds, he stopped. Everything seemed still and quiet. Waiting for another ten seconds, Theo cautiously created a few encapsulated fireballs, keeping them close.

“What was that?!” Amelia asked in a somewhat unnerved voice.

Oh, they’re alive, the dungeon thought. Lowering a bubble of fire revealed the two standing back to back, gripping their weapons. No one had managed to fully put on their protective gear. In the case of Ulf, the man had a leather vest hanging from his left arm. As for Amelia, she had merely been able to place an ill-suited helmet on her head. The issue was Avid. His demise would cause serious troubles for Theo back in Rosewind, not to mention that despite everything, the dungeon felt a trace of guilt for the predicament he had put them in.

“You’re unhurt, right?” The avatar flew down to the ground.

“Yes.” Ulf nodded. “Just a slight scare.” He forced a smile.

“Good.” Theo’s avatar bent down and touched the ground. Instantly four thick walls rose up around them. “Stay in there while I deal with this.”

The fog creatures were obviously fast and well-concealed. In all probability, they had to be demons similar to the ones under Lord Mandrake’s employ. Defeating them would be impossible for most heroes. In the case of Theo, all he needed was a clear line of sight to throw a blessed button or pebble at the target, and that was simple to arrange.

A host of fireballs flew in all directions. They were followed by a series of bubbled fireballs. The mist quickly receded, vastly increasing the visibility of the area. At that precise moment, the attacker swooped down directly from above.

“Careful!” a young male voice said as a large mounted griffin landed a foot away from the avatar. “Easy, easy…”

“Octavian?” The avatar narrowed his eyes. “What’s he doing here?”

“Sorry about that,” Avid said, petting the large creature’s neck in an attempt to calm it down. “I guess he wasn’t used to your way of transport. The first time was a lot calmer, so he got a bit excited.”

“Oh, really…” The avatar’s tone was capable of shattering glass. “It’s a good thing that it wasn’t more than ‘a bit’ then.”

A faint breeze of relief swept through the dungeon in confirmation that his relations with the earl wouldn’t worsen. It was quickly followed by several waves of regret.

“Now, if everyone’s had their fun—” The avatar lowered the protective walls around Ulf and Amelia back into the ground “—let’s get on with this.” He turned to the castle. “I expect us to be done by dinner. Do I make myself clear?” He glanced over his shoulder.

The silence was accompanied by a series of nods. Even the griffin got the hint and acted as dignified as a creature with the personality of a cat could.

Leaving the trio to hurriedly find and put on any gear they could from the offered selection, Theo went to the gate of the estate. At one point, the tall metal gate must have been rather remarkable, depicting numerous creatures and possibly a crest among the iron bars. The splendor had long faded away, as moss, rust, and corrosion had eaten into the design.

Most people would have tried to push their way in, but Theo didn’t want to risk anything else ruining the clothes of his avatar, so he cast an arcane identify instead.

DEATH GATE Level 5

Radius: 10 miles

A protective death curse created by a high-level demon or abomination, that instantly marks the person who crosses it for death.

The Death Mark consistently decreases the life of any living entity it’s put on, resulting in death within seven days unless removed by a blessing or holy prayer.

In order for the death curse not to have an effect, the Death Gate must be unlocked before its threshold.

What sort of curses are these!? The dungeon thought.

This was extreme by any stretch of the imagination. Theo already suspected that his arrival there was somehow linked with the curse. Now, even before setting foot in the estate itself, he was confronted with a death curse.

“Spok!” the dungeon shouted back in his main body. “What’s an abomination?”

“I hope you haven’t come across one of those, sir,” the spirit guide said with the tone of a teacher who had caught her students doing something they weren’t supposed to. “They are the second major classification of evil entities within the world. If demons have the goal of destroying all deities in their effort to subject the world to their rule, abominations have less idealized motivations. They merely wish to conquer the world for their personal reasons.”

“So, something like Switches?”

For the first time in her life, Spok felt the sensation of choking, forcing her to cough ever so slightly in an attempt to clear her throat.

“No, sir. Nothing of the sort. Imagine if the demon hearts had developed a mind of their own,” she tried to explain. “They don’t follow demon hierarchies, aren’t interested in global conflicts or politics, but merely want to subjugate everything to their nature, which in all cases involves torture of some sort.”

“Ah.” That didn’t sound at all good. “Rogue demons.”

“That…” Spok paused for a few moments. “That would be a valid description, sir. The only difference is that their powers are different from those of demons. They don’t so much seek to corrupt than to decay.”

“Undead rogue demons.” Theo had no mind of backing down from his analogy. There was no denying that they sounded more and more like vampires, though.

“Please tell me you haven’t come across one, sir.”

“I haven’t yet. The blasted critter has surrounded the estate with a death gate. How come I don’t have access to such spells?”

“You’re a dungeon, sir.” Spok sighed. “Besides, such spells have no effect on heroes and high-level adventurers.”

That was good to know, although it still wouldn’t save the trio accompanying the dungeon’s avatar. Taking a step back, Theo cast blessed lightning on the gate. Bolts hit the metal bars, sending sparks all over them. The jolt was enough to fry anything demonic. Sadly, in this case, all that happened was for a bit of moss to fall off part of the gate.

Naturally, this wouldn’t work. Although cursed, the gate wasn’t alive, and unless Theo wanted to have his avatar spend several hours continuously zapping it, another way had to be found.

“Spok, one final question.”

“I could only pray for that to be true, sir,” the avatar said beneath her breath.

“Are curses magic?”

“No, sir. Curses aren’t considered magic.” The woman managed not to shake her head. “They are curses and as such, couldn’t be dispelled.” There was a momentary pause. Every instinct within the spirit guide yelled for her to stop while she was ahead. Yet, after being so long in Theo’s service, she found herself unable not to utter the fateful word. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason,” the dungeon replied, making matters even worse.

While his spirit guide was fretting over what he was up to, the dungeon beamed, having found a significant loophole in the abomination’s defenses. Even better, that had helped him transform a useless spell into something actually useful.

Placing his hand on the center of the massive gate, the avatar cast “open”.

CURSE BROKEN

You have opened the Death Gate, breaking its curse.

The curse is no longer in effect.

1000 Avatar Core Points obtained.

A thousand points? Breaking curses was rather profitable. No wonder heroes roamed the land, helping all sorts of cursed people and animals. A lich had earned him half that much.

With a loud creak, the gates swung open, promptly slamming onto the ground as the rusty hinges no longer had the strength to hold their weight.

“Umm,” Amelia said, a short distance behind. “Should we be making so much noise?” she asked.

The avatar turned around. The duke’s daughter had somehow managed to take a selection of common armor elements and combine them into something that looked both functional and fashionably suitable. Beside her, Avid had attempted to do the same, combining an iron breastplate with leather elements. And as for Ulf, the muscular adventurer had chosen to wear nothing but a vest of hardened leather and a pair of gloves.

“There’s a time to sneak and a time not to sneak,” the avatar explained. “The time not to sneak is first.” He crossed the invisible threshold of the death gate. Nothing happened. “Stay close and stay quiet.” He shushed them and continued towards the main building of the castle.

A large open plot of ground divided the gate from the main building. At some point in the past, it had probably been a sophisticated garden. Now, only rotting twigs remained in spots that once must have been rows of bushes. Once majestic statues were reduced to examples of postmodern art.

“Don’t get too close to the statues,” the avatar warned.

It wasn’t so much that he expected them to attack, but he didn’t want to miss the chance of breaking another curse or two for the core points. Thus, the dungeon was moderately surprised when, upon casting an arcane identity on the nearest statue, it actually sprung to life.

GUARDIAN GARGOYLE

A statue cursed to protect the domain of its creator.

Unliving, the statue is immune to mind control, poison, and other status ailments. The only way to destroy it is to shatter it to pieces.

A massive cluster of ice spikes emerged from the avatar’s hand, shattering the corroded marble, spreading fragments like dust.

CURSE BROKEN

You have destroyed a Guardian Gargoyle.

200 Avatar Core Points obtained.

Two hundred wasn’t particularly high, but it was better than nothing. Theo was about to proceed to the next statue when the sound of crumbling stone sounded behind him. Inspired by his example, the trio of adventurers, and the gargoyle, had killed off a lion statue that had approached them and were now charging at more.

“Careful!” the avatar shouted. “Don’t—”

“As you said, we can’t be coddled forever!” Ulf shouted as he decapitated a slab that, at some point, must have been an eagle. “What kind of adventurers are we if we can’t handle a few statues?”

That wasn’t in the least what Theo was concerned with, yet he didn’t have the will to argue. A few hundred core points lost wasn’t the end of the world, although it remained annoying.

Just as he was voicing a sarcastic comment in response, a dozen stone statues—twice as large as the previous ones—slammed onto the ground from above. Curiosity made the avatar look up, seeing tens more perched on roof edges and upper floors of the castle.

Ah, right. Theo thought. They were gargoyles, after all.

Meanwhile, back in Rosewind, the Lionmane guild master was having problems of his own. The man had never appreciated the idea of a “grand adventurer resurgence.” The town simply wasn’t at a location which attracted real adventurers. Transforming it into a tourist resort was merely going to get all the lazy good-for-nothings to move out of every part of the kingdom and stack here. The council clearly wasn’t thinking straight when they had come up with the plan, Baron d’Argent least of all.

Given no choice but to play along, Karlton had done so, resorting to the last and only means to let his feelings known—sarcastic passive-aggressiveness. However, even to him, it had come as a shock seeing the entire adventure party disappear in a cloud of mist upon formally accepting the noble quest.

The first few seconds had passed in disbelief, the second ten in denial. Anger, bargaining, and concern quickly followed, until his emotions reached the bedrock of every adventurer’s soul: unacceptance. The gears in the man’s mind, rusty after decades of calm life, creaked into motion, bringing memories of the time he had gone monster hunting and dungeon exploring.

Flushing all speculation from his mind, a small number of facts remained. One, the entire group—griffin included—had vanished upon accepting the noble quest. Two, the baron was still reading the quest when it had happened. Three, the quest was described as cursed.

There always was the slight chance that the baron had done all this to prove a point. He was a highly eccentric mage, after all. However, Karlton couldn’t imagine him doing so mid-sentence. Thus, only one option remained—it had to be linked with the curse of the quest. And getting to the bottom of this required research.

The man took a large key from one of the drawers beneath the counter, then went to an unassuming cabinet and opened it. Back when the guild had seen better days, this had been nothing more than a simple storage closet. As times had gotten tougher, Karlton had been forced to store more and more of the guild’s valuables there. Books, maps, and adventure journals that no one saw any value in were stacked one upon the other amid all the dust. Several enchanted necklaces hung on the wall, protecting the space from thieves, rot, and decay, as well as rats and other insects that could damage the contents of the closet.

Taking one long look at the guild’s past, the man sighed. He never thought he’d be forced to go down memory lane, especially due to such circumstances, but here he was.

It took several hours for everything to be taken out and twice as long for the man to arrange them by category. Maps of all sorts covered the floor, creating a pretty good picture of the known world. If there was something that adventurers were good at, it was mapping and exploring.

“Where are you?” the man crossed his arms, looking pensively at the “world” at his feet.

“Quite impressive,” a voice said, coming from above his shoulder.

The old man acted instantly, grabbing a letter opener from his belt and sticking it in the source of the voice. A loud pop followed.

“What the hell was that for?!” the voice asked, this time coming from a floating eyeball at the open window.

“Baron?” The guild master narrowed his eyes, still gripping the letter opener.

“Who did you think it was?!” The eyeball floated up to his face. Despite the eye’s lack of eyelids, it created the distinct impression in Karlton that it was frowning at him. “What the hell did you do to us?!”

“Sent you on a cursed quest, it seems.”

“Yeah, I know! It was in the description!”

“No…” The man put the letter opened away. “I sent you on a cursed quest. Not a quest dealing with something cursed.”

“Explain,” Theo ordered. Clearly, his idea to send eyeballs around had paid off. It was still strange that Spok wasn’t able to be of much assistance. The spirit guide was a walking encyclopedia by definition. Sadly, it seemed that she too had her limits, and adventuring stuff, curses, and abominations were part of it.

“Let’s just say that it’s not only nobles in need that send out quest requests,” Karlton said in a deep, pensive tone.

“You mean I was scammed?”

“Yeah. Usually, there are ways of detecting this, but one or two requests always manage to sneak through the cracks.”

“But the estate is real. I’m looking at it.” Fighting in it, even. “Are you saying I was catfished?”

“You were what?” Karlton looked confused.

“Sent to a place that wasn’t what it claimed to be.”

“Oh, lured.” The man nodded as he spoke. “You wizards have strange terms for everything. Catfished,” he chuckled. “Well, I’m still not sure. That’s also a common occurrence, done a lot by dungeons, but this doesn’t seem their style.”

“Why are you so sure only dungeons do it?” Theo felt a certain degree of indignation in the comment.

“It started with them. One dungeon used to spam requests to adventure guilds claiming to be an imprisoned princess. She would offer anyone who saved her a chance of marriage and a substantial reward. That’s how it became known as the “imprisoned princess quest.” Less than a decade later, every guild was flooded by quests coming from “real” princes and princesses. What’s different here is that you were actually transported there.”

“So, a dungeon isn’t behind it.”

“Not unless it’s a very powerful dungeon with a sick sense of humor,” the guild master grunted, making Theo feel even more uneasy. “That’s why I believe you’ve fallen victim to a zombie cursed quest.”

“A what?”

“An evil entity, usually an abomination, infests the domain of an actual noble and slowly curses it.”

That seemed to confirm what Theo had seen so far.

“Yet, that’s only the start,” the man continued. “Having a constant desire to grow, the abomination quickly infests the lands of neighboring nobles, adding them to the curse. There have been cases in which entire kingdoms have fallen into decay before the rest of the world found out. In the last few centuries, abominations have become a lot more sophisticated. Rather than relying on standard methods, they also use the original nobles under their control to send out cursed letters in need of help. All it takes is for the recipients of the request to agree and they are sent straight to the source of the curse, where they are cursed and returned to their own homes, zombies of their former selves.”

“Just great…”

This was terrible in more ways than one. Not only did it open the prospect of another confrontation, similar to the goblin war, but there was no doubt that it would attract the attention of all hero guilds. By the sound of it, the fastest way to deal with the situation was to stomp out the cursed areas before they had a chance to spread—in this case, the entire town of Rosewind, if Theo wasn’t careful. And even if he was, the knowledge that an adventurer’s guild there had accepted a cursed quest would be reason enough to have him carefully examined, revealing his true nature.

“So I just have to break the curse,” the eyeball said.

“Technically true, but there’s a catch.”

“There always is…”

“Abominations are different. Killing them might not always get rid of the curse. There might be additional conditions that have to be met. Otherwise, the entity would be reconstituted within one of its victims.”

“Like a zombie.”

“Like a zombie.” Karlton nodded. “The best way is to learn what you’re facing before taking any action. The moment you set foot in the domain of the abomination, you’re already caught in its web and it’ll be a heck of a lot more difficult to get out.”

“Oh…” Shutters throughout the town slammed as the dungeon cursed internally. “That’s good to know.”