Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

We quickly progressed through the different guns and moved to each relevant section of the range that was appropriate for the weapon being used. I have to admit that using a fully automatic rifle was pretty damn fun. Natasha seemed to enjoy it as well, because we were soon competing to see who could group their shots the closest on the targets. I now knew why she had signed out so many bullets, because she had wanted to do this.

She won, of course. Her subtle shifting of the barrel compensated partially for the recoil of the weapon and the arm's tendency to drift if held steady for too long.

It had been difficult for me to not use my spider-sense to do the same thing. Just imagining I would be hurt if I missed the target had already given me too much of an advantage, because I used the same ability when shooting weblines to secure myself and keep swinging. I did not focus on the bullseye and think the same thing, though. That would put me far too high on the accuracy scale to be believable.

When we moved on to the sniper section of the range, Natasha left for a few minutes and came back with spotting equipment and headphones with microphones. She showed me how to set up the rifle properly and then showed me how to use the scope to adjust where I could safely shoot.

“It took a week to safely dig a tunnel long enough for this range.” Natasha said and attached a paper target marked for a sniper on the little delivery system, then she hit the button and waited. And waited.

“Do I even want to know how far that thing goes?” I asked.

Natasha smirked at me. “Your spotter will tell you how far it is to the target when it's time. She will also tell you any conditions you need to be aware of and compensate for.”

I smirked right back. “You remembered my comment about how far I could shoot a handgun.”

“Yes, so assume the proper firing position.” Natasha ordered me.

I took off my suit coat and laid down on the prepared mat. I checked the rifle and loaded the single round, settled down and nestled my eye into the holder to look through the scope as I dug the gun's butt against the nook of my shoulder. Her previous instructions helped me make a few adjustments to the sights and I nodded.

“I'm ready.” I said with a shallow breath.

Natasha laid down next to me on my left and used the specialty view binoculars that were braced on a small stand. “Range, 610 meters or 2,000 feet. Wind resistance is negligible. The crosswind is direct at 32 kilometres or 20 miles an hour. No obstacles. No change in elevation.”

“Acknowledged.” I whispered and adjusted the scope for the distance and then turned the other wheel for the wind compensation. “Aiming.” I whispered and moved the gun a minuscule amount to put the little dot into the center of the target. I felt my spider-sense tingle and I didn't ignore it as I moved just a smidgen more.

Natasha must have felt me move, because she turned her head just enough for one eye to look at me, then she looked back through the viewfinder.

I took a shallow breath and exhaled as I pulled the trigger.

*BANG!*

Natasha caught her breath a moment later and then she stood up to hit the button for the target retrieval. I didn't ask her what she saw, because I knew I had hit the thing. It wasn't a bullseye, because I wasn't aiming for that. I just wanted to hit the target. I did wonder why she was surprised, though.

As the paper target approached, her attention was solely on that, so I took a quick peek through the viewfinder. I saw the crosswind was actually 40 kph or 25 miles per hour.

Dammit! I was supposed to miss. I thought and tried to come up with why I hadn't, even though she had given me faulty information. Then I smiled mentally without letting anything show on my face. “Wait a minute.” I said and stood. “I can't feel any wind. How did you do that?”

Natasha gave me a look and then reached for the target paper. I had hit the person outline on the shoulder. If it had been a real person, they would have lost the arm and probably bled out.

“We have a series of industrial fans installed all along the tunnel to simulate different wind conditions.” Natasha said and circled the hole, wrote my name and the time on it, and added it to the stack of target papers that were mine.

“I assume they rotate to add angles and things?” I asked and she nodded. “Does anyone ever clean them?”

Natasha stopped moving and turned to look at me. “Why do you ask?”

I pointed at the target. “That's way off from where I was aiming. If the winds were as strong as you said, then I should have hit the body of the target, not the arm. That means the fans might have dust build-up on them and its slowing the air flow. It could be on either the blades themselves or the shutters that the wind blows through.”

Natasha didn't move for several seconds and then she smiled. “I'll call maintenance and have them send someone down to check. We can't have our tests be compromised like that.”

“It'll throw off the readings a little, that's for sure.” I said and looked down at the rifle. “Are we going again or...”

“No, this one is good enough to rate you, even if the wind reading was off.” Natasha said. “I might bring you back for a follow-up if the fans need to be cleaned.”

I nodded and she took the time to show me how to disassemble the guns and clean them, then we packed everything back up, including all of the spent shell casings, and added everything to the cart before we secured it. We started discussing which weapons were the best and easiest to use while we brought everything back up to B2 and the weapon dispensary.

The guy there chuckled as he took back the empty ammo boxes and he nodded to us before he started pulling the weapons out to check them. “Ha! I love loaning these out to true professionals. You guys really know how to take care of your equipment.”

“It's the least we could do for you. You let us have so much fun.” I said and he smiled at me. “What do I have to do to get an RPG to play with?”

The guy laughed and pointed to Natasha without saying a word.

“Well, fuck.” I said with disappointment and he laughed, which cemented in his mind that it was never going to happen and that I wasn't going to try and get one.

“See ya later, kid.” The man said and put the first gun away before he started checking the others.

Natasha and I left there and went to the elevator to go back down to B3.

“That was nice of you.” Natasha whispered before the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

“Even if I thought letting people know that I'm sleeping with the most awesome agent in the entire roster of SHIELD agents would rocket me to prominence, I still wouldn't do it.” I whispered back.

Natasha gave me a sly smile and led me over to the large room with the obstacle course inside. “You're really trying to get me horny, aren't you?”

“If I say yes, will it enhance how much we go at it tonight?” I whispered.

“Maybe.” Natasha said and closed the door.

“I am specifically trying my best to show off without actually showing off, because only you know that I'm not trying to pass the exams. I'm trying to please you with the results.” I whispered to her.

Natasha looked surprised for a moment, then she schooled her features as we approached the man near the beginning of the indoor course. “New recruit. He needs a brief explanation of the obstacles and what he needs to do to complete them.”

The man gave me a grin. “Fresh meat for the grinder, eh?”

“Black Widow has taught me a lot, even though we haven't done these exercises specifically.” I said and looked at the course. “I can already see a few things I can do to circumvent a few of the obstacles.”

The man laughed. “I get a few of you arrogant guys every year.” He said and then pointed at the first obstacle. “You are to climb it and go over it. Don't just walk around it or go through the climbing net. It has to be traversed to count, or you forfeit.” He said and then explained each of the next obstacles and what had to be done to pass each of them.

“I'm not being arrogant when I say that my self-taught parkour training is going to let me tear up this course like it's outdated.” I said and the man looked surprised. “I only have one question.”

“What's that?”

“Am I allowed to cheat?” I asked.

“Cheat? How?” He asked, clearly confused.

I handed Natasha my gym bag and put my suit coat on. She looked a bit surprised by this, so I winked at her and ran over to the first obstacle.

“Putting knots on the ascending ropes really makes it too easy.” I said and climbed up the rope like a monkey, just like I had during gym class, then I hopped over the top platform and slid down the other rope with just my ankles and wrists, thanks to my pants and my suit sleeves.

“Jesus Christ.” The guy said as I ran over the balance logs like they were a flat floor.

The tires were barely touched as I traversed them and then I hopped over the barrier logs like they weren't there. I was sweating a lot by this point, and it didn't matter, because I swung across the water hazard on the knotted rope and landed at a run. The see-saw was crossed without the thing even tipping, because I only put a foot down on the center part and jumped over the end.

When I reached the barbed wire section that I had to crawl under, I glanced over at Natasha. She sighed and gave me the sign for 'under cover' and I chuckled. I dropped to my knees and rolled over onto my back, then I climbed the barbed wire to drag myself under the thing to pop out of the other side completely unscathed.

“That doesn't count.” The guy said and was clearly in denial.

“Oh! Sorry about that.” I said and jumped on top of the barbed wire and walked back to the beginning of the obstacle and jumped down, then I dropped to my belly and slithered like a snake as I crossed underneath it without touching it. “Was that better?”

“Yes.” The guy said with a sigh and marked it down on the clipboard he had.

The tire jump was easier than it sounds. The log balance and log barriers were easily hopped over or slid under, which would make the guy tell me that wasn't allowed and I would have to do them again. The rope swings were hilarious and I did them with one hand, which surprised the guy running the course.

By the time I had reached the last obstacle, a zip line, I pretty much had to do each obstacle twice. Once my way, which was the easiest, and once the 'right' way.

Just for fun, I actually hung from the zip line with my knees and flipped over and landed on my feet when I reached the end.

“Jesus, Ben.” Natasha whispered and shook her head.

“What? I do all of this and more during gym class.” I said and pointed to each obstacle and rhymed off the gym class equivalent, then I chuckled. “The rope ladders you have here are actually easier than the ropes with knots in them that I've used. I didn't even have to worry about balancing myself.”

“There's no way you just did all of that.” The man said and looked at his clipboard. He saw the double time markers he had recorded for each thing and sighed. “Dammit, you really did do it all.”

“Is there like an advanced course for field agents or something?” I asked and the guy looked at me like I was stupid or something.

“That was it.” Natasha admitted.

I looked back at the course and then back to her. “You're joking, right?”

“No.” Natasha said with a sigh.

“Oh. Okay.” I said with disbelief in my voice and on my face before I walked over to her. “I'm sweating quite a bit. Should I shower or will I be good to go to the next assessment without showering first?”

“You're going to keep sweating, so you don't need to waste the time.” Natasha said and nodded to the guy as she handed me my gym bag and we left the large room. “I thought you said you wouldn't be showing off?”

“I wasn't.” I said and she looked surprised. “I could have walked through that thing backwards while looking over my shoulder.”

Natasha gave me an incredulous look.

“No, seriously. My gym classes are more advanced than that.” I said and took out my cell phone from my bag and went through some of the pictures I had taken of Liz, Max, Gina, and Val on the various equipment we had access to. “The coach saw I was wasting my potential with the freshmen and let me join the seniors for their workouts.” I said and handed her the cell phone.

Natasha went through the photos and her eyes were wide as she looked at the intense training we went through at a science and technology high school.

“It's a requirement for the entire school to do that on Friday afternoons to make up for all the sitting on our asses and thinking we do all week.” I said with a laugh and Natasha smiled. “The funny thing is, it works. It also lets everyone interact on a personal level, because when there are group activities, all the grades participate.”

Natasha finished looking at the photos and handed the phone back to me. “I'm going to have to talk to HR about the obstacle course's lack of intensity.”

I chuckled again. “Maybe your expected standards for normal people are unrealistic for some recruits.”

Natasha smiled again and nodded to me as she led me into the medical wing.

“Hello, Black Widow.” An older man said as we entered the main area.

“Full physical on a new hire.” Natasha said and motioned towards me. “Ben Parker, meet Doctor J. Streiten.”

“Hello, young man.” The older black man said and held a hand out to me.

“Hello, old man.” I countered and shook his hand.

The doctor laughed. “Now I can understand why Widow likes you.”

“I'm sorry. I was warned about making sexually provocative jokes, sir.”

Dr. Streiten laughed again. “Yes, it's no wonder.” He said and waved at the treadmill. “We'll start with the basics to get the numbers for the baseline.”

“Is there anywhere I can change? I brought my gym clothes for his part.” I said.

The doctor nodded and pointed at a door at the back of the room. “Bathroom.”

“I'll be right back.” I said and walked over to the door and went through without shutting it all the way, because I wanted to hear.

“We want a full DNA sequence drawn up, doctor.” Natasha whispered. “He claims to be replacing a previous agent's son.”

“You know there are genetic resequencing machines available on the black market, so there's no guarantee that I'll detect anything at all.” The doctor responded.

“How much will that change the gene profile?”

“Either not at all or so much that it won't match either the original or the person he's replacing.”

Natasha sighed. “I really wanted to know if he's really who he claims he is or if he's a pretender like he also claims.”

The doctor chuckled. “I'm not going to ask why you're saying contradictory things.”

“It's complicated.” Natasha said. “How long will it take for the blood samples and the DNA to come back from the labs?”

“With a rush priority? A day, maybe two.”

“I want this by tomorrow.” Natasha said.

“Is this that important to you?” The doctor asked.

“More important than you can imagine.” Natasha whispered.

I quickly changed into my jogging pants and t-shirt and went back out to where they waited. “Can you watch this for me again, Miss Widow?” I asked and handed her the bag.

“You know I'm going to make you pay for using me like a servant later.” Natasha said.

I opened my mouth and made the 'o' of surprise, looked at the doctor to make him laugh, then looked back at Natasha. The smile she showed me briefly almost made me laugh.

“He doesn't even have to make a joke and I laughed anyway.” The doctor said and led me over to the treadmill. He quickly set it up and started it. “Go ahead and start running. I preset it for the test, so do your best.”

“Thanks, doctor.” I said and jumped on and started jogging. I did not tell him that I knew what the average person's performance was and I went slightly above that and then pretended to be winded and hopped off of the treadmill.

The doctor recorded the results and then ran me through several other machines to test various muscle strength, endurance, agility, heart rate, and a few other things. Since I knew what a normal human was able to do, I did that and slightly better. When all of that was done, the doctor brought me over to his office and I sat down. He started gathering the supplies to draw blood and I wasn't letting that happen.

“No, thanks.” I said and stood.

“It's one of the requirements to...”

“No, it isn't.” I said and he closed his mouth. “Having a physical to check my fitness level does not require you taking genetic samples from me.”

“It's just a simple blood test to check for drugs and...”

“If that was the case, a simple finger prick would do it.” I said and gave him a look. “Didn't you swear an oath to do no harm when you became a doctor?”

The doctor looked confused. “How is this harming you?”

“You could easily add my DNA to whatever database SHIELD has. I do not want my DNA anywhere near a scientific think tank with practically unlimited resources to copy it, alter it, or grow it.”

“I was ordered to test your blood.”

“Why?”

The doctor closed his mouth and didn't answer.

“And that's why I'm never going to volunteer it.” I said and went to the door. “If I ever find out you've taken it without my permission, or gathered any of my genetic material for testing, I'll kill you, delete the entire SHIELD medical database, physically destroy all of the samples ever taken and not just my own, and I'll leave evidence to frame you for it.”

The doctor looked shocked.

“Just to be clear, I'll count anyone else bringing any of my samples to you as violating my trust and you will get the same treatment.” I said and then smiled. “That counts for both Black Widow and Hawkeye, too. If they bring you a sample, take it and destroy it when they leave. If you don't... and I'll know it if you don't... you will not like what I'll do to you.”

“You... you can't threaten me like this! I'm a respected medical doctor and...”

“...just following orders. I know.” I interrupted. “Some of the worst crimes in history were done by men just following orders, doctor. Remember that.”

He stared at me as I opened his office door and left.