Paladins of the Pickle Goddess

The next time the door opened, I was ready. First I ran for the door, although the guard anticipated my movement; as I ran, he simply closed it on me. After a few moments, his voice came through.

“I’ll only come through if you promise not to be next to the door. I don’t want to hit anyone with a sword.”

“I want to make a deal!” I said, through the wood. I had seen brief flashes of light, and now I was adjusting to the darkness all over again.

“I can’t make any deal. What power do you think I have?”

“Bring us Lady Sylvia! I want to speak to her!”

There was a long silence.

“Please step away from the door,” he said. His voice was low, begging, sad. “I really don’t know if I can bring you Lady Sylvia. But I have to feed you.”

“I won’t eat until you bring me Lady Sylvia.” That came out as more of a question. I wasn’t that dedicated to seeing her.

I wasn’t actually sure how dedicated I was to solving this mystery now, not really. Knowing that I had been chosen only out of desperation; that made me lose my already minimal effort. But I had been thrown in here out of petty instinct. That, of everything, irritated me.

Sylvia had no reason to throw me in here. She couldn’t know everything. I had only been here for three days- well, probably four, by now. She ought to come and speak to me herself.

“Um-”

“In fact,” I said, getting myself angrier as I thought about it, “Don’t even open that door unless Lady Sylvia is with you! I’ll attack you unless you bring her!”

“Ah-”

“And tell her to bring a book with her! Otherwise, I’ll refuse to negotiate!”

“What?”

“Where will the World Go!” I said. “I want a copy! And-”

“Look,” said the guard, through the wood. “Can I give you this food? I’ll do my best with the other stuff. Really.”

“And I want a lamp,” I added, but I stepped back in time to let him slide the food through. He looked frightened as he did, retreating instantly and closing the door quickly.

“Well,” I said, watching the door close. “I tried.”

“I doubt the Lady will come to speak to us,” said Apis, who had stayed cowardly and quiet the whole time. “She’s going to leave us in here until the vote’s complete. Then she and her husband will take advantage of the new world, using the law as a single pillar. It’s so obvious, now.”

“I really don’t think so. If they wanted to take over, why would Teuthida work with them?”

That was the crux of the matter; we’d argued over it for hours, over days. Lady Sylvia and her husband clearly wanted to change the balance of power in the Capital- in the country at large.

I thought the Lady Sylvia hadn’t been part of the arson. That she’d only taken advantage of the chaos and confusion, used it to her own advantage. I’d seen it many times before; the way she could turn any problem around. She’d done it as a teenager, too.

A specific incident stood out clearly to me, an example of this behavior. We had been brought into the headmistress’s office for skipping class. We’d left with bonus points on our records because Sylvia had convinced the old Warhammer we’d actually been cleaning the forest. I had been swept along, another teenager who couldn’t possibly want anything but the best.

“By that same measure, why would the priests of Teuthida work against their own interests?” argued Apis, who didn’t have the same amount of experience with Sylvia. “I think they were tricked- Sylvia must have lied to them about what the arson would accomplish. Perhaps they thought that it would give people more sympathy for the temples.”

Without knowing what the letters actually said, we couldn’t decide. Instead, we could only argue in circles. I huffed out in frustration and kicked at the wall. Below us, a letterboy yelled. They weren’t doing well, either.

“What does it matter,” I said. “What does any of it matter! We’re stuck in here and we won’t get out. It’s not like-”

The door swung open. Illuminated in the light was Lady Sylvia. She was wearing a horrible dress, some peasant-style, and her head was covered with a hood. She was carrying a lantern, a book tucked under her arm.

“Well,” I said. I was so stunned I forgot my initial plan- to tackle her and run. “You didn’t have to dress up, just for me.”

“I heard you were refusing to eat,” said Sylvia. “I hope you aren’t taking this… personally. I do still see you as a friend, Elysia.”

“Can you blame me for wanting to speak to you?” Before I could get control of myself and run for it, the door had closed behind her. We were trapped inside, the three of us.

“Don’t get any bold ideas,” she said, stepping across the floor, boots thudding evenly as she finally set the lantern down with a click. We’d only been in the darkness for a day, by my reckoning, but I couldn’t stop staring at the light, still. It felt like the center of my world. “I’ve told the guards to only open the door at a specific sequence of knocks from me.”

“I really did want to talk to you.” Lie. “I thought we were friends.”

Sylvia sat down, re-arranged her skirts, and placed down the book next to the lantern. That left the chair for me or Apis. Without any further discussion, I took it.

“What did you expect? You can’t honestly have expected me to believe this…” she gestured to me. “This lie about working for Andrena.”

“What?” That brought my world to a stop.

“I’m sure your mother claimed we were working together,” she continued. “As usual, she only gave you half of the information.”

“My mother?”

“You should have come to me first. I certainly wouldn’t have forced you into the center of this.” Sylvia’s lips tightened. “But it’s too late now- I have too many cogs turning. After the colony’s flight, I’ll have to return your host gift. If it helps, I can claim you were on the hunt until the very end.” The returning of a host gift was the strongest way she could exercise her power beyond accusing me in court; she would essentially be banishing me from the city. I would care more about it if I wasn’t actively imprisoned in a ship, at the moment, by her command.

“I am not working with my mother,” I said. “Never have been. Never will be. She doesn’t even know I’m in the city.”

“Oh, of course,” said Sylvia. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, demure. “I do apologize. You’re the Voice of Andrena. That’s why you’ve been…. hmm, let’s see… attempting to free letterboys, starting fights with the small gods, consorting with known pirates, and… oh, yes! Not approaching the Spire.”

“I’m here to find justice,” I said, defensive.

“You’re here to get your mother’s fingers into my pie,” she said. “She’s still angry about that little mess last year. I’m sure she’s angry she didn’t get an invitation to our plans this time around. No matter: easily forgotten.”

“Pretend that I wasn’t told anything,” I said, desperate. “What did I ruin?”

“Ruin?” Sylvia laughed. That, of everything, annoyed me. Once, I had been considered worthy of being involved in her plans.

Upon reflection, however, had I been involved? I had been the one to jump first, to try bold athletic feats, to explore the woods first and light the cigar. She had sent me to commit the crimes, had created the codes with me. But I hadn’t always been involved. When it had been important- when she’d been trying to marry that idiot Lord Julian- I’d found myself iced out.

Where we had once been two friends, dodging authority together, I’d found myself trailing behind. Watching her laugh with new friends as I taste-tested snacks at the edge of a room.

I watched the Lady in front of me and realized something. We hadn’t been apart for fourteen years. We’d grown apart long before that.

“No,” she continued. “You didn’t ruin anything. You only slowed it a little, and that’s for the best. Julian’s always too impatient for my taste.” She leaned forward, put her hands over mine. “Don’t worry, Elysia. It’ll all be over soon.” She smiled, teeth gleaming. “Besides. I have some jewelry that can go missing easily, and I think that can cover whatever your mother promised you. Yes?”

“What did you think Apis was doing?” I said, after a moment.

“Sorry?” She seemed genuinely confused.

“The other person imprisoned with me. Apis.”

“Hello,” he said, still half in the darkness.

“Oh,” she said. “I’ve no idea. I thought he was just some…” She gestured vaguely. “You know, some priest you paid off. None of my spies really mentioned him, other than the priestesses.”

“At least tell me about some of your cogs,” I said. I needed to get something. Behind me, I could hear Apis shifting. We had both forgotten about him; he was just out of sight, in the darkness beyond the lantern. “It’s boring in here. What could it hurt? It’s not like I’ll leave.”

“I’ll give you a hint,” said Sylvia. “When the truth comes out, the hammer district’s going to be very busy indeed.” She winked at me, then drew back, patting me on the arm. “Now, I really have to be going. Can I be reassured that you’ll keep eating, now, and behave for the guards?”

Absolutely not. I kept quiet, behind her back, as she stepped towards the door. I lifted a hand, illuminated by the lantern, and pointed for Apis.

For all of his faults, he didn’t hesitate. He crept up next to me, raising his hands in what looked like a boxing stance. Could we overpower both of them, our strength combined?

I recognized the code from school as Sylvia tapped it out. Her name, repeated twice.

Then the door widened, into brilliant light, and I lunged forward. I wrestled Sylvia to the ground, her hood flying off. She shrieked, hand pressing into my gut. My superior weight meant I kept her down even as she kicked at my shins. I could see Apis running out of the corner of my eye; he might actually make it.

Then something came cracking down on the back of my head, and I saw nothing but bright light. It faded at the edges, spiraling out. I tasted blood on the back of my tongue. Everything went black.