Emmy And Me

For once Emmy woke up and got out of bed before I did. I finally climbed out of the familiar, comfy little bed, put on some sweats and strolled into the kitchen to find Mom, Tiff and Emmy eating breakfast.

“Good morning, Lee,” Mom said. “Sleeping in your own bed must have agreed with you two. You both have a certain glow about you.”

I blushed, and Emmy laughed in that musical way of hers that I hadn’t heard in far, far too long.

“What?” Tiff demanded, aware that she’d missed some joke.

“It’s nothing, Tiffy dear,” Mom said, pouring her some more milk.

Once I’d settled down with a plate of my own, Emmy put her hand on mine and asked “Can I tell them?” with a questioning look on her lovely midnight black face.

“Tell us what?” Tiffany was getting a little upset at not understanding what was going on.

I was super nervous, but I nodded at Emmy to break the news.

“Mrs. Farmer, Tiffany,” Emmy said, taking my big hand in her little one. “Leah and I have news for you.” I could see the look of shock on Mom’s face when she realized what Emmy was about to say. “Last night, Leah asked me to marry her and I said yes.”

“You guys are going to get married?” asked Tiffany, her eyes wide with excitement. “Can I be the flower girl? My friend Maria got to be the flower girl at her sister’s wedding.”

“Of course you can, Tiffany. I could not imagine anybody else I would rather have be our flower girl,” Emmy replied.

Mom finally recovered enough to speak. “Well, that’s some news,” she said. “I don’t want to rain on your parade, but aren’t you two a little young to be talking marriage?” I knew it was coming, but it still stung.

“You and Dad were high school sweethearts, weren’t you?” I tried to keep my tone light and I almost succeeded. My words had their effect, though. Mom shut up, not voicing what she was going to say next.

Emmy stepped in to ease the tension a bit, for which I was immensely grateful. “Yes, we are too young to get married just now, that is true. I think it will be a little while before we get married. Perhaps when we finish college? I am not certain. What I am certain of is that I wish to spend the rest of my life with Leah, and she with me.”

Mom really didn’t know where to go with this, so she had the good grace to say nothing but “I wish you two the best.”

After breakfast, I told Emmy that I needed to go see Stephanie. “The last time we talked we got into a big argument, and I told her that we would discuss things when I got home for break. I need to be honest with her, Em. I need to tell her that there really is no chance at all of us working things out, now that you’re back in my life.”

“I feel sad for her,” Emmy said, almost too soft to hear.

“I do, too. Sad for me, too. But even more than that, happy for me, Em. The thought of being with you forever, that’s… Well, that’s enough to make everything else seem as if they don’t matter.”

“It makes me happy, too, to know that I will be together with you the rest of my life, Leah. I simply wish it didn’t have to be at the expense of Stephanie’s happiness.”

“Em, I haven’t wanted to talk to you about this, about me and Steph. It’s been something I’ve been trying to avoid. But the truth is, I just don’t think that we- Stephanie and me, I mean- could have gotten past the problems we were having. It just wasn’t gonna work out anyway, whether you came back into my life or not.”

When she looked at me with doubt in her eyes, I went on. “I mean, I think we broke up about three weeks ago. That’s when we had our big argument, and she hung up on me. We haven’t talked since. I left her a couple of voice mails, but she never called me back. I was thinking even before I ever spotted you on campus that day that the conversation Steph and I needed to have was about making it official- the breakup, I mean.”

“Oh,” was all Emmy had to say.

I gave Emmy a big, long kiss, putting everything I had into it to tell her that she was the one, the only one, for me. When we could both breathe normally again, I suggested she should go talk to her parents.

“Talk to them. Tell them that we want to get married and have kids. Tell them that I will be by your side, no matter what we have to do. Tell them that you will still be the princess that they need. But whatever you do,” I added, smiling so she’d realize I was trying to make light of it, “don’t let them take you back to Paris again.”

My ‘let’s be friends’ talk went about as well as I could have expected. There was some yelling, some tears, and some hurt feelings- and that was just me. Stephanie didn’t take it any better.

Actually, I’m kidding. It wasn’t like that at all. Stephanie and I had both known for a while that it wasn’t working and probably wasn’t going to be able to work out with us, so calling it quits was almost a relief for both of us. It had become obvious to me that Stephanie simply wasn’t ready to tell the world she had a girlfriend, and nothing I could say was going to change that. I didn’t want to hide anything, so there was just no middle ground for the two of us. I told Steph she would always have a special place in my heart, and she said I was her first real love and she was happy that I was the one who’d taken her virginity. I knew that I was her first, but to hear it expressed so candidly was still a bit shocking to me.

We went to lunch together, not as girlfriends any more, but just as friends. It was a little bit sad, the end of what we’d had together, but we were both accepting of it and both willing to return to being merely friends.

When Steph asked “Can there still be benefits?” with a hopeful look on her face I finally had to tell her about Emmy. I knew that I had to tell her at some point, but I wasn’t sure if there would ever be a good opportunity.

“Steph, I need to tell you something. This is really important that you understand, this has nothing to do with what was going on with us-” I started, but Steph interrupted me.

“You’ve found someone new, haven’t you?” she demanded, a hurt look on her face.

“Sorta,” I admitted. “But this only happened a week ago, after we had that big blowout.”

“What do you mean by ‘sort of’?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing.

“A week ago- well, a week and a half, actually, so two weeks after we got in that big fight, when it was obvious things weren’t working out with us,” I began, trying to make it very clear that there was no overlap, “I ran into Emmy on campus.”

Steph slumped back in her chair, a defeated look in her soft brown eyes. “Emmy. Well, there’s no way I can compete with that, can I?”

“Stephanie…”

“I always knew that I’d lose out if she ever came back. I mean, I was only the consolation prize, after all.” The hurt in her voice was killing me. I hated seeing Stephanie so crushed.

“Steph, look at me. I want you to know some things. It’s very important to me for you to listen,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “Stephanie Houk, you are an amazing, beautiful, wonderful person, and I’m glad for the time we had together. I’m very sorry it didn’t work out, but that wasn’t because Emmy swooped in or anything. It’s because you and me, we want different things in our lives right now. Honestly, if you and I- if we’d hooked up before Emmy ever showed up at FHS, I never would have been tempted to leave you for her. If we could have worked things out, if…” I trailed off, at a loss for words. “I guess what I’m saying is that you were never second best, Steph. You were never the ‘consolation prize’. We just, well, I don’t know, found each other at the wrong time in our lives, that’s all.”

Stephanie smiled a sad, resigned little smile, and said “Yeah, I guess so. In junior year I, like, fantasized about you, you know. Nothing really sexual, I’d just imagine you… it’s silly,” she said, blushing.

“O.K., now you have to tell me,” I said. “’Fess up.”

“Seriously, it wasn’t sexual. I’d just, like, imagine being your friend, the two of us at the beach, or swimming in my pool, stuff like that. I used to think about how, I don’t know, like, fierce you were and how I wished could be like you.”

“Me? Fierce?” I asked, dumbfounded. I mean, I know she’s told me that’s how she used to think of me, but it still seemed so unbelievable.

“Well, maybe ‘fierce’ isn’t the right word. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe unstoppable, or something like that. I guess that’s why it, like, affected me so much when Emmy went away. It was like a kick in my stomach to see you so low, so… devastated, Leah. It was like Superman getting a big dose of Kryptonite.”

I laughed at that, but she insisted “No, it’s true. It was- it hurt me to see you hurting so bad. And I guess it makes me happy, if you’re happy with Emmy. I just wish it could have been me that made you happy.”

“Thanks, Steph. That means a lot to me. It really does.”

When we were finished with lunch, Steph asked if she could get one last goodbye kiss.

“You know that Candace and Alyson have been watching us from over there, right?” I asked, tilting my head to indicate the other side of the shopping mall food court.

“Yeah, I know. That’s part of the reason I want you to give me a big, sloppy kiss with plenty of tongue. And, like, if you can grab my ass, too, that would be even better.”

“You asked for it,” I said, taking her into my arms and kissing her like it was our last time, which of course, it was. When I finally let Steph go I looked straight at Candace, and when I saw she had her phone out and was videoing the whole thing I caught her eye and winked as I cupped Stephanie’s butt in my hands and gave her nice, round cheeks a good, long squeeze.

We walked hand in hand back to Stephanie’s car, where we agreed to keep in touch, and promised we’d remain friends.

Following a one hundred percent no secrets policy, I told Emmy everything that happened, including the kiss and grope. “We should check Facebook,” Emmy suggested, sounding excited. “I expect Candace has already posted it.” I was relieved Emmy took it in stride, and that night, after we watched the video (which Mindy had ‘shared’, otherwise we never would have seen it) we reenacted the scene in our bedroom.

The rest of the week went by too fast. Emmy and I did some shopping, took Tiff to the movies a couple of times, and just generally relaxed. Emmy was almost completely back to the way she was before she left, which made me very glad. There were still a few moments of depression, but it seemed Emmy had regained most of her joy for life. We went back to Palo Alto with a car full of mostly her stuff, but some of mine, too. After all, I wasn’t limited by the size of a dorm room any more, right? We had a townhouse to make our home, so the more personal stuff the better.

A few days after Thanksgiving break, Emmy was waiting for me when I got back to the condo from Bio Lab.

“I have some things for you to sign,” she announced, her voice excited.

“Um, what?” I asked. My mind was still on protein structures, and Emmy’s statement was completely out of left field.

“I had some paperwork drawn up, and I would like you to sign it,” Emmy repeated. “Please, Leah. It is on the table.”

I sat down and looked at what she had for me. “Is this what I think it is?” I asked, holding up the first piece of paper in surprise.

“It is the title to the Mini,” Emmy agreed. “I signed it over to you. Now you need to sign right here, so we can transfer ownership to you.”

“But Em, it’s your car!” I protested.

“Not any more. It is yours now, Leah. I have the X6, and you need a car. It was doing no good at my parents’ house, so I had it brought up here.”

“Wow, Em. Thanks, but I can’t take the car. It’s too much. It’s just…”

“You need a car,” Emmy interrupted. “I have a car that is not being used, and that you like very much. I see no reason it should not be yours.”

All the long-buried issues of Emmy’s family’s wealth versus our family’s relative poverty came rushing back at full bore, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I mean, sure, rationally Emmy was right. It would be nice to have my own car, and the Mini had just been sitting in a garage down in Fallbrook, right? But for Emmy to just give me the car was something else. That car cost, what, forty grand? The nicest car anybody in my family had ever had before was the Camry my uncle Bob bought his wife Alicia five years ago, and they bought it used. For Emmy to simply say ‘here, Leah, take this’ was a bit much, and just didn’t seem right.

“Em…” I stammered. “I can’t accept this. Let’s just keep it in your name, and I can use it once in a while, O.K.?”

“Leah- I want you to have it. I want it to be yours, Leah. This is very important to me,” she said, looking me straight in the eyes. She put her hand on mine and reaffirmed what she’d just said. “This is very important to me.”

Torn between guilt at accepting such a nice gift, pleasure at actually owning the car I loved so much and wanting to make Emmy happy, I took the multicolored paper (it wasn’t actually pink, I thought idly) and signed it.

“Thank you, Leah,” Emmy said, her voice expressing her pleasure that I’d agreed to accept the gift.

“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” I said. Somehow the whole thing had seemed to have some meaning to Emmy that I wasn’t grasping just yet, and I was a bit puzzled.

Emmy slid another piece of paper in front of me, and when I realized what it was the surprise about the Mini faded into insignificance.

“Um, this is to list me as co-owner of the townhouse!” I squeaked, completely blown away. “Em-”

“Yes. We need to have you listed as joint owner of this house,” Emmy agreed.

“But…” I protested, words not really working that well for me at the moment.

“Leah, if something happens to me I want to be certain that you are provided for. This is our house, and I want the paperwork to reflect that.”

“Something happens to you? What’s gonna happen?” I worried.

“I hope nothing will happen, but if it does, we need to be prepared. You need to be prepared, Leah.”

Emmy slid some more papers across the table to me, and I saw that all of them were to add my name as joint account holder, co-owner, co-signer or something like that for any number of Emmy’s assets. I held up the paper that would name me as joint bank account holder. “Em, you’re making me worried. What’s all this about?”

“I do not want to worry you, Leah,” Emmy said, her voice going soft. “That is not my desire at all. I thought that this would be a celebration, a way for us to formalize this,” Emmy said, holding up her hand to show off the ring she was wearing- the same ring I gave her last Christmas. “We are a couple, and I want the legitimacy of it to be clear in the eyes of the law. We cannot be married yet, but we can do some things to legally cement our relationship.”

“Are- are you really sure?” I asked, overwhelmed by what Emmy was saying. It was suddenly clear to me that what Emmy was trying to say was that she considered us as good as married already, and she wanted us to share equally. Right on the heels of that realization, it occurred to me that I had nothing to bring to the arrangement. I had nothing but the few possessions I’d brought over from the dorm. No money to speak of, nothing at all. Emmy was willing to sign over half of what must be millions of dollars worth of property and funds, but all I had in my bank account was six hundred and forty-seven dollars.

Emmy, worried by the expression of dismay that must have been running across my face, asked “We are a couple, are we not?”

“Em, it’s not that. Of course I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s just that, well, I have nothing. I mean, I’m poor. The only way I could ever have possibly come here to Stanford is my athletic scholarship. My bank account is nothing to be proud of. I…” I trailed off, lost in self-pity or something harder to define. Shame, I guess, at my inadequacy.

“Leah,” Emmy said tenderly as she straddled my lap and ran her fingers through my hair. “That does not matter to me. You have the one thing in the whole world that I treasure most, and if you are willing to share that with me then I will be forever happy. That is all that I could ever wish from you.” With that, Emmy gently kissed my lips, then laid her head on my shoulder.

“What’s that?” I asked, stroking her back. She was still way too skinny, and I could feel her ribs under my fingers. “I’ll give you anything you want, Em. Anything.”

“I want you, Leah. If you share yourself with me, that is enough. I could never ask for more,” Emmy whispered, planting little butterfly kisses on my ear and the side of my neck.

“I’ve already signed that over to you,” I sighed, as she continued to kiss my throat.

I sat up straight, and took Emmy’s shoulders in my hands. I pulled her away from me so I could look her in the eyes. I wanted her to understand how serious I was when I told her “You know, that’s all I really, truly want from you, too, Em. We could live in a cardboard box down by the river for all I care, as long as it was with you.”

“Thank you for saying that, Leah,” Emmy replied, just as serious. “But do you not think this is much nicer?” she smiled as she waved her arms to indicate the luxury condo.

“I suppose,” I agreed.

“So, uh, Leah,” Emmy said, a little bashfully. “Could I talk you into sharing yourself with me right now?”

Lying in bed later that night, holding Emmy in my arms, I felt her slow, rhythmic breathing. I gazed at her in the glow of the streetlights filtering through the blinds and admired her exotic beauty- her snow white eyelashes defining her closed lids as black as night, her long, narrow nose, her pouty lips. She was so gorgeous, and so very different than I could have ever dreamed my lover would be.

How different was my life than what I could have imagined a year and a half before, I mused. I thought about what all that paperwork had meant, and how by signing those pieces of paper Emmy and I had bound our lives together in so many ways. I remembered the daydream I’d had at work in the nursery the day after Emmy and I first made love, and how warm I’d felt inside imagining a life for Emmy and me together. The townhouse was a lot nicer than the little apartment I had daydreamed of way back when, but that wasn’t the important part. What was so wonderful, so amazing, so, well, perfect I guess, about how things were was the simple fact that Emmy and I were together, and would be sharing our lives forever. Forever is a very long time, but I was happy to be starting down that road with the girl I loved.

I couldn’t help myself. I stroked Emmy’s fine snow-white hair and caressed her midnight black cheek. She woke, and looked at me through her groggy, vivid green eyes.

“What is it?” she asked, her voice sleepy.

“I love you,” I replied, my heart bursting. “I love you more than I can possibly say.”

“Me, too,” Emmy agreed, then her eyes closed and she fell back asleep. I pulled her in tightly against me, and soon did the same.