Born of Silicon

Ivy helps me to my feet. I don’t even want to put in the effort to stand up, but I can’t let her do all the work. She gently leads out of the room with her hand across my shoulders. The pressure helps.

We head down the hallway and stop at room 3-14, Lucas’ room I assume. She gives two short knocks before immediately opening the door. 

Lucas’ room is just as small as every other room I’ve seen, but laid out differently. His slim bed is leaned up against the wall, and a folding table is set up in the center of the room. Five flimsy chairs are placed around it. There’s barely enough space for the whole setup in this room. Lucas is already sitting on the furthest chair, shuffling a deck of cards.

How did he already have this set up? Nobody told him we were going to be coming. Maybe they were already planning on playing, and they only invited me because they had to? But then why would they sit up five chairs?

“Sorry if I’m interrupting something,” I say, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Ivy stands behind me, preventing me from leaving.

“You’re not interrupting anything!” Lucas says excitedly. “I’m glad you could make it.” A large, warm, and genuine smile spreads across his face.

I slowly pick my way around the table, heading for the most cramped chair. I don’t get uncomfortable so I might as well take the worst one. Ivy takes the seat next to me, still offering her silent support.

“So how have your days been?” Lucas asks. Either he didn’t hear my breakdown, or he’s just really good at hiding it.

“I have to tell you about the new kids I’ve been training.” Ivy thankfully picks up the conversation. “They’re a worse shot than you are, Lucas.”

“No way.” Lucas puts down his deck of cards to give Ivy his full attention.

“They’d be better off sniping with a shotgun and just hoping something hits.” 

“At least that means you have less work to do.” He jokes.

“I wish, one of them is determined to be a sniper. He’s the worst shot of the lot! Enough about that though, what’ve you been up to?”

“Not much.” Lucas says, relaxing in his chair with his hands behind his head. “A little car work and a lot of sleeping.”

“You’re so boring,” Ivy says flatly.

“What! I’m relaxing and recovering. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing?”

“Go blow off steam, get laid, anything.”

“Psh, you know no guys are into me.” Lucas picks his deck of cards back off the table and begins slowly shuffling them once again.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard your complaints.” Ivy says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You can change that though.”

“You know you’re allowed to speak, right Blue? Anything on your mind?” Lucas asks me, ignoring Ivy’s last comment.

Yeah, way too much. I’m not sure how much I want to share it though. I guess there’s one thing I could use an outside perspective on.

“Do you think I should unlock Trochilidae?” I ask. “Let her grow into an AI?”

“Nope, I’m not even going to think about that.” Ivy shakes her head as she speaks. “We’re here to relax, not ponder the morality of androids.”

“What’s that about morality?” Vince asks as he enters the room. He takes the seat next to Ivy and gives her hand a small squeeze.

“Just Blue bringing down the mood. What did- oh! Cassie! Welcome!” Ivy’s voice is full of genuine surprise.

“Mm hm.” Cassie follows Vince in and takes the chair furthest from me. Her eyes glance at everyone at the table, everyone but me that is. I think she’s doing her best to pretend I’m not here.

“So what do we wanna play?” Lucas speaks up, seemingly oblivious to the growing tension in the room. He reaches under the table and passes a beer to everyone except me. “Poker?”

“Hell no. I’m not playing poker against a bot with no tells.” Cassie complains while popping the top off her beer.

“Spoons?” Ivy asks.

“She can just memorize every card perfectly.”

Cassie used she when she referred to me. I’m not sure she’s ever done that before. That’s a good sign of progress, I think.

“Liar's dice? It’s a little more strategic than poker.” Vince offers.

Instead of responding, Cassie begins to quickly drink her beer. She must be halfway through it by the time she puts it down and speaks.

“I guess.” She says reluctantly

“Awesome!” How is Lucas still so excited? “Do you know the rules, Blue?”

“No.” Finn didn’t put a single game in my mind. I can’t imagine it was a big priority for him.

“That’s ok! We’re going to start out by rolling 3 dice and keeping them secret.”

“Ok, done.” It only takes a moment to pull up three random numbers in my mind.

“What? I haven’t given you the dice yet?” Confusion shows on Luca’s face until Cassie speaks up.

“He meant physical dice.” Cassie says to me, rolling her eyes.

“Oh. Sorry.” I’m so dumb. I just thought since there are no dice out, I mean how would humans even do this without dice?

“It’s fine!” Lucas reaches over to a nearby shelf, passing three dice and a cup to everyone. “We start out by rolling all our dice in secret. Go ahead and do that.”

Everyone else drops their dice into their cup and shakes it around. The cup’s open end is then brought down quickly onto the table without letting any dice spill out. Everyone then tips the cup up, using their hands to cover the sides, and looks at their dice. Ivy leans over to look into Vince’s cup very overtly, only to be pushed away with mock surprise on her face.

 I mimic their motion and peek at my dice. A two, a three, and a four. I have no idea if that’s good or not.

“Good!” Lucas continues his instructions once I’ve finished. “The game is pretty simple. Vince won last time, so he’s going to start by making a bet. Go ahead.” Lucas gestures across the table to him.

“Alright. One two.” Vince says confidently.

“So, Vince thinks there is at least one two under all our cups together. Ivy can then call him out if she thinks none of us rolled any twos. Or, she can increase the bet by claiming there are a larger number of twos.

“Could you be more boring?” Ivy asks. “Five twos.”

“So, just like Vince, Ivy has claimed there are five twos under all of our cups together. You can call her out if you think she’s lying, or increase the number once again.”

Ok, so this is mostly a statistics game then? I know what my dice are, meaning there are 12 unknown dice. There’s a one in six chance of any random dice being a two, and four others of them would have to have landed on a two. The chances of that are less than 5%.

“Ok. I think you’re wrong.” I tell her.

“Let’s see!” She says with a grin, lifting her cup up. All three of her dice are twos, and Vince had one as well. “Sorry Blue.”

I guess that means I lost?

“That was mean.” Vince tells Ivy. “Sorry Blue, looks like you were wrong. Get rid of one dice and roll again. You get to make the bid this time.”

I set one off to the side and everyone rolls again. I peek under my cup to find a 3 and a 5. The simplest option would be to call one three and play it safe. A much more interesting idea is to call one one. For it to come all the way back to me, everyone else would have to raise the bet. The chances of five ones being rolled in the 12 unknown dice is extremely low. It’s a safe start.

“One one.” I say to the table.

Ivy gives me a raised eyebrow, can she see straight through my strategy? Does she know I don’t have any ones? No, of course she doesn’t, that’s impossible. But then what is that look for?

“I can buy that. Two ones.” Lucas says, looking at Cassie for a reaction.

“Four ones.” She says confidently with no hesitation. 

Vince takes a moment to think and peaks at his dice again. “I’ve got to call that.” 

Cassie wordlessly lifts up her cup, revealing two ones. Ivy reveals a third and Lucas had a fourth. She gives me a look, noticing I didn’t have a single one, but I have no idea what it means.

“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t I suppose.” He says with a shrug, tossing one die to the center of the table.

Over the next few rounds Vince and Lucas go out incredibly quickly due to no fault of their own. They had bad luck and got put in worse situations.

I’ve stayed in the game, mostly through luck, although I do manage to call Ivy out on a lie. Cassie squeaks by while only losing one dice.

That leaves Ivy, Cassie and I with two dice each, and it’s my call. We all roll and I get two sixes. That’s really good! The chances for one of the four unknown dice to be a six as well is just over 50%. It’s not the safest call, but it’s one I have to make.

“Three sixes!” I do my best to keep my voice steady, but a small bit of my excitement and worry sneaks its way in.

“Fuck off.” Cassie says, her voice is a little more friendly than when we first started playing. That must be the alcohol doing its work. “Ivy, please tell me you don’t have one.”

With a sad smile Ivy slowly lifts her cup, revealing the third six I needed.

With a sigh Cassie tosses one of her dice into the center. She doesn’t even wait for me to reveal my dice before rolling for the next round. 

Her and Ivy have gotten incredibly good at reading the tone of my voice in just the few minutes we’ve been playing. I know I’m not great at controlling it, but does it really give away that much information? 

We roll again. Two fives, another lucky hand. As long as Cassie picks fives that is.

 “One Five.”

Excellent, I don’t think it’s possible for me to lose.

“Three Fives.” Ivy says. She’s impossible to read, but if she’s calling three fives, then she must have two under her cup. I guess that means that every dice on the table is a five? It’s unlikely, but not impossible.

I could call five fives and have a guaranteed win, but that would end with Cassie losing her last dice and being eliminated. I don’t want her to hate me, and knocking her out of the game would only make her hate me more.

“I’m calling you out.” I tell Ivy and reveal my two dice. It’s the only way to keep Cassie in the game.

Cassie and Ivy both reveal that they had one five under their cups. What? Ivy didn’t have two fives? It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that Cassie is still in the game. I set a second of my dice to the side.

“What? Why?” Cassie asks me, confused about my callout.

“I don’t know.” I respond quickly.

I can see her connect the dots and quickly figure out what I did. She doesn’t look happy about it. 

“How about you don’t baby me? Believe it or not I can lose with grace.”

“Sorry.” I say quietly.

I roll my last dice, one four. Since I lost last time, I get to start. 

“One four.” It’s the only real choice I have.

“Two fours.” Cassie follows up.

“Five fours.” Ivy says while smiling, only to pick up her cup and toss a die to the center as well. “I thought it would be more fun to make it even again.”

“Ugh.” Cassie grumbles.

“It’s not much of a game if everyone has only one dice. How about we make this a little interesting?” A hint of a smile finds its way onto Ivy’s face. “We all roll and the highest number gets to decide right now if Blue joins the group or not.”

What in the world is she thinking, risking my life on a roll of the dice? Does she think it’s the only way I’ll make it in?

“I’m in, long as it’s veto proof.” Cassie says, a grin spreading across her face. Vince turns to Ivy before speaking quietly.

“Don’t you think that’s a big decision to make over a game of dice?” Vince asks Ivy quietly.

“Are you going to veto it?” Ivy responds with a knowing look.

“You know I won’t.”

“Good! Are you in, Blue?” 

I guess I understand Ivy’s idea. Cassie already holds my life in her hands, if she doesn’t want me in, I’m not in. I have to take a 2/3rds chance to live, it’s better than any other chance I have.

“I’m in.” I say.

“Hell yeah!” Cassie exclaims. “Roll.”

She throws her last dice in her cup and rolls it, slamming it into the table. She doesn’t reveal her cup however, she waits for us to roll. There’s nothing else left to do. I put my life in the hands of a dice.

Ivy is the first to reveal her dice, a one. Even though she has no chance of winning, she still keeps her ironclad poker face. I can’t take the tension, I just want to be done with this. I lift up my cup. A five! That’s really good! I might actually get to live!

Cassie takes her sweet time revealing her dice, letting the tension in the room turn palpable. Millimeter by millimeter she slowly lifts her cup, before finally ripping it into the air with a flourish. A six sits in front of me.

I’m dead.

“I’ll make my choice when I’m sober.” She quickly says, immediately taking another large swig of beer. She didn’t immediately say no? Do I still have a chance?

“Of course you don’t.” Jared whispers in my ear once again.

“You’ll be joining us soon, don’t worry.” Simon follows up.

“And then you can really see what kind of Hell you’ve put us through.” Kara hammers another spike into my mind.

They’re not real, don’t yell. I can’t freak out. If I do, Cassie isn’t going to trust me at all. I have to endure it and show her I can lose with grace too. Cassie continues talking.

“How about another game?” Cassie asks the group. “I’d love to play poker against a bot with more tells than a snitch.”

“Am I really that easy to read?” I ask. Even I can hear the fear in my voice, I know they can too.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Absolutely.”

“Mm Hm.”

“Even I can read you.” Lucas gets up to fish chips out of a box near his chair. Maybe that’s a good thing?

“I can tell you from experience it’s not.” Kara pulls up a chair next to me. I hoped she wouldn’t show up, she always hurts the worst.

Our night of poker is fun, even if everyone knows how good my hand is before I even say a single word. Having other people around helps me handle the comments from my old friends, however relentless they are. 

That doesn't mean their words don’t hurt. Every comment about a missed play, every reminder that even the smallest spark of hope is undeserved, every sentence twists the knife deeper into my mind.

Throughout the night Cassie gets a little more comfortable with me and way more drunk. While she still doesn't talk to me very often, it’s no longer an intentional avoidance. I just never say anything if it isn’t my turn. 

Ivy is an absolute powerhouse at poker, somehow picking up on clues from people’s faces when I’m sure they didn’t so much as twitch. Vince holds his own for the most part, although, true to his character, he’s way too trusting. Even the smallest bluff is often enough to get him to fold. Lucas is a wild card, bluffing, folding, and raising seemingly randomly, just for the chaos of it all. I had a good time, in spite of the assault on my sanity. 

The night can’t last forever though, it’s not long before people begin to yawn. Vince is the first one to stand up after a few hours.

“Alright, I’ve got to turn in. Y’all should too. Cassie, mind if we have a quick conversation?”

“Am I going to like it?” She asks. Vince only gives a shrug in response. “Alright, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

I cannot be alone right now. I can’t listen to the lab members. They’re going to tear me apart if I go back to my room alone.

“Ivy? Can I sleep with you?” I ask.

Cassie chokes on her drink at my question. Did I say something weird? Ivy looks unsurprised as ever.

“That’s a little forward, don’t you think?” Ivy asks, her voice lower than normal.

“I just need some help relaxing.”

“Holy shit Blue, you get some!” Cassie doubles over with laughter, very nearly falling out of her chair.

“What’s so funny?” I ask. Did I say something dumb?

“Alright Cassie, let’s leave these lovebirds and get you to bed.” Vince helps Cassie to her unsteady feet. She’s a lot more drunk than I would have expected. After they leave Ivy turns to me.

“You’re just asking to sleep in the same room, right?”

“Yeah of course. What was so funny?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” She says, standing up to leave.

“I’m pretty sure I’m older than you?”

“Barely.” She says while I follow her to her room. “What’s wrong?” She asks once we enter her room. 

It’s almost as sparse as mine is. Just a few changes of clothes, hair dye, and makeup sit atop her dresser. Her shelf has been changed into a little workstation, with bullet casings, gunpowder, and cleaning tools spread all over it. Her massive rifle leans against the wall in the corner.

“Can you do, you know, that head thing?” I can barely get the words out. It’s so embarrassing to ask. 

She doesn't even hesitate before sitting down at the head of the small bed, patting next to her. I immediately lay down with my head in her lap. Her fingers trace through my hair while I work on getting the courage to start talking.

“I’ve been hearing voices all night.”

“I think we could all tell something was up.” Her voice is always so gentle. I wish I made my voice more like hers. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want Cassie to think I’m crazy.”

Ivy reaches down and wipes away tears I didn’t even know I was crying. I make no effort to stop the flow.

“She’d say I can’t join, and I don’t know what to do if that happens. I don’t want to die.”

“Tell me next time.” She says firmly. “I don’t care what’s happening, just ask and we can talk in private.”

“Sorry. They weren’t as bad as usual. Being around people helped, I think.”

“I could tell by the lack of screams.” I appreciate her joke, even if I don’t have the energy to show it.

We sat there silently for a while. Even after she was forced to lay down and sleep, she still kept her hands lightly on me all night. Her presence luckily keeps the others away. My entire night is consumed once again by the ever ticking clock, waiting for Ivy to wake up. I wish I could let myself sleep.