Wreath of Lilies, Cauldron of Poison

Chapter 194

Love is Give and Take

The "performance" was warmly accepted, with many townspeople eager to become followers of the mysterious Grand Teacher. Some of them were more apprehensive and refrained from taking part. This was expected. Connie smiled, as she saw them looking at the newborn Cultivators with doubt and skepticism on their lips.

They will succumb to temptation, sooner or later. And by then, they would regret not taking part now when they have the chance.

When those who have become Cultivators started their first lesson, led by the Grand Teacher, they could feel the change in their bodies. And they immediately rejoiced and praised him.

After imparting some basic knowledge, the Grand Teacher floated into the air and disappeared into the sky.

In a small house hidden away from any prying eyes, the Grand Teacher landed on the ground. He wobbled unsteadily before clumsily taking off his mask. The monotone, dignified voice changed into that of the gruff voice of Nick, who breathed out with relief.

“Fuck…that was scary.”

“I didn’t know you have a talent for drama, Nick,” Martell said, appearing out of nowhere.

“Hah, I’m not proud of it, but I did serve the house of my most hated person in the world for a few years while staying in character,” he said derisively. “Also, please…lower the height next time. I was so afraid of falling I can’t feel my legs up there.”

“Sorry, if I made you fly too low, it’ll not have the dramatic effect we’re going for.”

Nick sat down on a stool and exhaustedly threw off the boots he was wearing. “To think, that we can fly by using a Skill like Telekinesis on pieces of clothing. Amazing.”

“It has its limitations, but it should suffice,” Martell said. “With this, the persona of the Grand Teacher has been fully established.”

Two nights before the arrival of the mysterious figure in Greyvault, Connie and her party had a secret meeting in her room.

“I want to create a persona. A figurehead that can be used to lead the Sect,” Connie said.

“Hide? What for? Isn’t it easier for us to gather followers with your current standing, Mistress?”

“That is a valid point, Martell,” Connie pointed out. “However, my identity is too unique to be used for something like this. It’s easier for us to make our moves if we have this persona,” the blonde sighed. “After all, a Sect could be seen as a heretical move by those who do not understand it.”

“I see. Then who’s going to be this…leader of the sect?” he asked again.

“Not just leader, my dear Martell. The Grand Teacher. A fitting name for someone who is going to teach the mortals the way to become immortals. And to answer your question. It’s all of us,” she said, glancing briefly at the Centaur standing by her side. “I mean, all of us who are bipedal. No offense meant.”

“Okay, I’m not the sharpest stick in the shed, fine,” Akula shook her head with a smile that was so brief it might as well not exist. “So, can you explain it to me, without all this double meaning stuff?”

“What the Mistress meant is this…” Martell smirked when he realized what his Mistress was going for. “It’s not that the person who is going to be the leader will be wearing the mask, but the person wearing the mask will be the leader.”

“Indeed. What they will see is this piece of art, whether the person behind it is me, or you, or Nick, or anyone else for that matter, matters not. All the Grand Teacher needs to be is a symbol. And thanks to the Voice Changing Talisman Lihua graciously made for us, we will not need to think about the voice.”

“There’s still the matter about height, though,” Nick added. “And, you know,” the man made a rude gesture in front of his chest. “The size of the party’s fairer genders’ (cough) womanly endowments.”

Illumca threw him a sharp look, which made Nick raise both hands in quick surrender.

“Hey, I’m just saying.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Connie said as he turned to Nick. “Now, all we need to think about is how to make tomorrow’s appearance to be as memorable as possible. Any ideas? Illumca? You’ve been staying silent for a while now.”

“No, nothing from me,” Illumca said perfunctorily.

Then, Martell spoke out with a cheeky grin. “Nick, how good are you with heights?”

And that was how the Grand Teacher was created.

After that day, Connie purchased an empty mansion recommended by Harrison and was busy with planning her next steps with Lihua via her familiar. On her desk were letters of congratulations from the Nobles who had found out about her deed of killing an Ur-Nagud with invitations to their events upon her return to the Capital (Of course, to be burned as fuel for the fireplace later). And there was also the matter of letters from her household that sounded more and more desperate with each passing day.

That afternoon, Connie was working on her desk in her room when Akula came in with a tray of food.

“Akula?”

“I got you some food,” The Centaur put the tray on a side table, but made no move of exiting the room.

“…what is it?” Connie asked when realizing that she was still there, looming in front of her desk.

“Connie. You’ve been neglecting Illumca for too long,” Akula said, with all the grace of a horse entering a glass store. “She’s been so down that she refused to spar with me these days.”

“I haven’t! Didn’t we have dinner together just last night?” she asked, confused.

“Is this true, Akula? Did the Mistress neglect her consort-to-be?” the familiar spoke out.

“I don’t know much about romance, but I know that there is something unresolved between you two. Otherwise, with how much she love you, she wouldn’t have stayed away from you for so long. Didn’t you notice that she hasn’t been coming here for a few days now?”

“Well, I…” Connie started, but was lost for words.

“…Alright, Akula. This one will take it over from here,” the familiar said before making a quick turn so that it faced Connie directly. “Judging by what this one heard, this one is certain that you are repeating your bad habit. When you have a big project coming, you’ve always paid too much attention to it, disregarding anything else.”

Connie gripped her arm chair with a frown. She knew that a lecture was coming. No matter how old she was, her mentor always saw her as the naïve youth that she met many years ago.

“You forgot your wedding anniversary because you were too focused on growing a Six Leaves Star Myrtle and left the Wangfei alone that night. Do you remember how long she held that over your head after that?”

She could not hear it, but Connie could feel the exasperated sigh Lihua did on the other side.

“This is your fault. Entirely your fault, Mistress,” the voice of Lihua was rife with disappointment. “Alright, this is what you’re going to do. You will talk with her.”

“I’ve talked with her,” Connie said, uncomprehending.

“No, this one means you must talk with her. Really talk. No distractions, no schemes. Sit down and really listen.”

“But - !”

“No buts! Just do! Do you think you’d even manage to get the Wangfei if it was not for this one’s advice?! Now go and make up for your blunder!”

Connie sighed as he covered the bat’s face with a cloth. In her heart, she knew that Lihua was correct. She was stalling like a coward. She thought that it would be fine, seeing how the Dark Elf was acting normal.

But that was just her seeing what she wanted to see. And Illumca deserved more than half-hearted apologies. She had faced many hardships, which caused her much suffering. She needed to face her properly.

She walked out of the room and asked around for Illumca. She found her sitting outside on the garden, looking forlorn.

“Illumca,” Connie called out. The Dark Elf looked away and stood up to leave.

“Wait,” Connie said as she grabbed her wrist to stop her from leaving. “We need to talk.”

Illumca said nothing back. Connie saw the loneliness on her back and slowly let go of her hand.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. I’m the one who’s sorry,” the Dark Elf said.

“No. It’s not okay,” Connie spoke. “You’re not even looking at me right now. Just…let’s talk, okay?”

“…alright. But not now. I need to sort myself out.”

“Okay. Let’s talk…tonight. I’ll be waiting up at the balcony of the guest room.”

That evening, Illumca walked up the steps to the second floor, her feet felt like they were burdened with lead.

Her hand hovered above the handle, taking a deep breath to steel herself. Many thoughts were flying around inside her head. Her desire to love and be loved, her fear of inconveniencing Connie, and her own fear of abandonment.

No, she won’t abandon me. She’s too kind for that. But I’d rather not have her love me out of pity. But am I really okay with that? Isn’t it better to be loved out of pity rather than not at all?

She closed her eye to compose herself and finally opened the door.

Connie was waiting out on the balcony and gave a warm smile when she saw her. Next to her was a couple of chairs and a small round table.

“I’ve kept you waiting,” Illumca said.

“No. I’m the one who’s at fault. I’ve kept you waiting for too long,” Connie said apologetically.

“Please, sit,” Connie offered her a chair, which she took silently.

The two sat there, looking at each other. Both not knowing how to start. Eventually, Connie took the first plunge. “Illumca. We haven’t really talked about…that day. When we left the matter of me dying unresolved.”

“…”

“I know that I avoided the matter by ignoring you. It was a big blunder on my part. And now, after so long, I just…hoped that you’d just…accept it. So here it is. I’m sorry for what I did. Will you forgive me?”

“Stop,” the Dark Elf said, her lips trembling. “You…you don’t get it. I said it before and I said again. What you did…hurts me. But do you think that much would stop me from forgiving you? If you stab me in the heart, right now. I’d still forgive you.”

“What I’m mad about is something else,” she said.

“Then what is it? Just tell me! I’ll do anything!” Connie said.

Illumca stood up suddenly, her shoulders trembling. Instead of an answer, she began with a story of her past. “Do you know? Back in the days when I was in my old body, my captors shoved me in a dark room because they hated seeing my disgusting self. Days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months. This went on for years. From Dark Elves to humans, the only thing that changed were my captors,” she hugged herself, not out of cold, but out of the chill in her heart every time she was reminded of those days.

“And during those days, the only thing that told me of the passing of days is when the door would and sliver of light peeked through the gap. Every time I saw that precious light, the pain lessened.”

“And a few times, when they moved me out of my cage, I was able to see the sky. It was blindingly bright. And for a moment, I could feel the warmth of the sun before a cloth was put over my cage. Those precious few times lingered in my memory, in my sleep, in my dreams.”

She then looked at her, her gaze looked lonely. “When I saw you in that bandit’s cave, I was ready to die. But instead of death, you gave me the sky,” Her voice trembled. “Connie, you…are the light between the gaps of the doorway. The warmth of the sun that caressed my cheek.”

“When I heard that you are going to die willingly, do you know how devastated I was?” she said, her only eye brimming with tears. “And when I saw you emerge alive from your tribulations, I was so relieved that I forgot that I’m supposed to be angry!! How am I supposed to feel then? I know no other way than to love you so intensely, knowing that you cannot love me as passionately as I do!”

Connie averted her gaze away from her, not knowing what to say. She was old, now, and her heart could not burn as fiercely as before.

“But…that is my path, my Dao,” Illumca smiled weakly as she wiped her tears. “And I do not regret it one bit.”

At first, Connie meant to apologize for neglecting her for so long, however, Illumca’s confession made her realize the underlying problem. That Illumca loved her too much, and too deeply.

“So, it’s fine if you don’t love me as much as you loved Fei. As long as you have me in your heart, I would be content. Even if that love is out of pity. It would be selfish of me to ask for more.”

“Illumca!” Connie said angrily when she heard this. “Don’t put yourself down like that!! Loving you out of pity? How could you say that?!”

“H-huh?”

“You are the reason why I am here right now,” Connie exclaimed as she took hold of Illumca’s hands. “I’m the one who needs you!! Without you I’d become nothing but a husk of a man.”

“When I was inside the cocoon…I met my other self. And what I saw, was an old and bitter man. The person that I would’ve become if I didn’t meet you back in that bandit’s cave.”

Connie knelt down in front of her as she pressed Illumca’s hands to her temple. “You’re right in saying that I’m a selfish man. I want you for myself. To be by my side. To not let me forget that revenge was the means and not the goal.”

“Illumca, all this time, you’ve supported me. Without asking anything in return. But it’s fine for you to be selfish. To desire more from me, to take more from me. Giving without taking alone does not a love make.”

“Do you…really mean that?”

Connie looked up at her. “With all my heart. So never again say that I love you out of pity.”

Illumca chuckled as she brought her forehead against Connie’s. It was like the shackles of doubt that was weighing down on her heart had been shed away.

Connie helped Illumca up.

“Haha, I must look horrible right now.”

“You look lovely,” Connie answered as she took a few steps back. “But, you know, Illumca. Now that we’re here. I want to do something for you. I’ve actually been saving it for later, but I feel so…joyful at this moment that I think there’s no better time than now!”

“What…are you talking about, Connie?”

A gentle curve appeared on Connie’s lips.

“Illumca, would you like to fly with me?”