Within the Darkness

Although the nightmares did eventually subside without the use of sleep aids, James started to develop a new problem. James was always skinny and pale, having always had a high metabolism. However, at eighteen, as if going through a new growth spurt, he started getting hungry more often. It wasn't even noticeable at first. Just needed some extra snacks here and there. But slowly and surely it increased. It was like that metaphor about putting a living frog in a pot of water and cooking it by slowly increasing it to a boil without the frog noticing. James did not even question his increase in appetite even when a year later he was eating a full sized fourth meal plus snacks. The growth in hunger eventually seemed exponential as it only got worse. By the time James hit twenty he was eating six full meals and snacks while still feeling hungry.

James could not financially afford to increase his food intake any farther, and so he didn't do so. He started waiting till pizza places closed and tossed out their unused products to grab the top few boxes so he could eat the pizzas inside them. Eating several large pizzas on top of having extra full meals and snacks. Yet still, even with this, James' hunger did not subside. Instead the hunger only grew more intense resulting in James having slight hunger pains no matter what he did. One day, while walking, James suddenly froze in place as he saw a deer nibbling on some grass in the woods. It popped its head up and stared at James. Then, after a moment of eye contact with the animal, the deer bolted into the woods.

James, without thinking, as if in some sort of instinct, chased after it on foot. He moved faster than he had ever moved before. He moved at inhuman speed while somehow able to avoid tripping over roots, branches, and brush. Unbothered by branches at all heights smacking his body as he ran. Somehow he was able to close the distance on the deer, something that should not have been possible for a human. Then James leaped into a tackle and slammed the deer into the ground before sending his bare hands into the belly of the deer as if he was using claws to rend the flesh from its bones. Shoveling raw meat into his mouth. Even going as far as to take the animal's heart and liver out with his bare hands and savagely munching on it raw like a wild beast.

James slowly came to his senses and looked at the half eaten corpse with its intestines strewn on the grass. His hands, face, and shirt stained with the blood and raw meat of the fresh kill. James stared at his shaking, bloody hands. He had just eaten most of a deer, in a single sitting, raw. Yet still, even with this, he barely felt a difference in his hunger levels. It was like a drop in the bucket of the nearly bottomless bit of his new hunger. Even with the greatest metabolism, the stomach only has so much space. James knew there should have been a point when he felt full even if it was fleeting and lasted just a few minutes. It should not have been possible to eat what must have been over a hundred pounds of raw meat, blood, and sinew. At least, not for a human.

James shakily walked to a nearby creek and started cleaning himself up. Taking off his shirt to dip in the water and wring out multiple times, trying to get the blood out. After wringing out the shirt one last time James puts the soggy wet shirt on before starting to shamble back home. In a bit of a daze, James was practically on autopilot as he made his way home. Once inside he walked to and sat on the couch before putting his face in his hands. “What is even happening? Why am I always hungry lately?”

James gave up on trying to satisfy his endless hunger. The next day, after the incident with the deer, he had gone from eating six plus full meals with snacks to a complete and total fast. Zero food. If eating did nothing for his hunger, then what was the point? For the pleasure of tasting the flavor of it? After a full week of having no food, nothing changed. The hunger pains were nearly unbearable and made sleeping difficult to the point James finally cashed in the prescription for sleep aids since the therapist didn't put an expiration date on it with the meds being paid for in advance. Three months after his birthday the sleep meds had run out and the hunger pains never stopped. James continued to eat nothing for long enough for a human to have definitely starved.

James considered the possibility of a parasite like a tapeworm but if that were the case it would have come out of his nose looking for food after he had smelled it and he would have still died of starvation. One day while James was at the grocery store, helping someone else carry food to their vehicle as he struggled to continue a normal looking life and show no signs that anything was wrong, he bumped into someone while walking to the checkout. It was the therapist. “James, is that you? You're not looking so well. You are even paler than the last time I saw you and the dark circles under your eyes are even more prominent. And that's saying something in your case. Did you relapse again? I heard you cashed in the sleep aids a while ago because I got a call from the pharmacy.”

James looked at the therapist with a blank expression. Even if it were not for the hunger issues he would not have had the energy to have a conversation with him. James blinked a few times before responding. “The nightmares didn't come back, but I've been dealing with hunger pains. My metabolism jumped but it's definitely not a parasite. I would get myself looked at but outside the hunger I feel totally fine.” The therapist tilted his head. “Maybe it's psychosomatic. It might pass on its own but I'd suggest some self reflection to try and find a source. That's just some free advice since I kinda feel bad seeing you in a rough shape.” James responded with an empty “Thanks doc.” Before continuing on with his day.

James did some self reflection but couldn't find a change in his life that would have caused this change and even if he found a source there was definitely something wrong with him that was far outside of a normal treatable problem. He continued with his suffering and the hunger pains even increased despite the fact he should have starved to death by now. With the sleeping aids gone and no more refills he spent the next few nights without any sleep on top of having no food. After the third night of zero sleep the hunger pains had hit a new intense height. He tossed and turned violently and restlessly, groaning out from the literal gut wrenching agony. The pain was so intense that he eventually passed out from the pain of the torture, finally having the first moment of relief in what seemed like forever.

Once he had passed out all sense of feeling, including the hunger pains, seemed to melt away as everything went black. Blacking out from the pain was the first mercy James had received since he noticed his insatiable hunger. After a moment of feeling weightless in the black dreamless void James could see again, what looked like a strange dream. His body seemed to be moving on its own but he could not really feel it. It took his mind a while to process that his vision lacked its normal color.

James watched like an observer as he floated forward through the woods. A bunch of trees and foliage with no color that looked like what one would imagine a three dimensional laser radar scan would look like. Lines and curves showing distance and depth but no color. Like the render of a model in a game that had been made transparent but with an unnecessary level of detail. Then James noticed that from the well lit night, the glow of the moon through the trees. Like waving lines or streaks of gentle purple light descending from the sky. It was strange and beautiful.

The color began to wash into the shapes in James' vision but they were either duller or straight up different then he was used to. The dark dull greens didn't look like the normal look of leaves at night but more like it was desaturated with a filter and the bark of the trees looked more like a dark and desaturated shade of orange then actual brown. James saw waves and ripples quickly emanate from things he pushed out of his way as he floated through the surreal looking forest. When the waves hit him he felt them move through his body and simultaneously heard the rustling sounds of the leaves and branches that were being moved by him.

Any movement and sound disturbed the airflow and James could now see and feel the changes in that flow as he continued to move through the woods at a fast pace. All these senses bombarding him were overwhelming as everything bled together and hit him all at once making it more difficult for James to pull himself out of the dull daze he was in. He snapped into an awareness when he noticed something in front of him that he seemed to be chasing after. There was someone running away from him.

It took awhile for James' mind to process what he was looking at, especially with the sensory overload. But that was definitely a woman running away from him, and she was definitely scared. James could see the heat coming off her, he could feel and practically taste her fear. “(What a strange dream.)” James thought to himself as he did his best to focus. Meanwhile he closed the gap on the woman. James still felt weightless as his body seemed to practically hover at the frightened woman who was screaming. The screams slightly hurt and annoyed James. Then he felt a shift like moving a limb before observing a tentacle-like mass stretching out and coiling around her leg. He then noticed more still coil around her other limbs and torso.

James could feel these masses that were wrapping around the woman as her screams and struggling only continued. He realized that these were a part of him and was suddenly making an effort to move in order to stop himself but his body wouldn't respond. It was moving on its own and he couldn't control it. James could only observe in horror as the tendrils begin to pull at her limbs. James felt disgusted and horrified as he heard the ripping, popping, and snapping noises he knew all too well. The sounds of flesh tarring, bones snapping, and joints being separated at their sockets. This nightmare was more advanced than any he had ever had before, with himself being put into the point of view of the monster.

He felt as the severed limbs were pulled into his body to be crushed down for some form of digestion as the liquid blood dripped through his body as if it were formless and without real substance. He could feel as the limb moving through him was broken down and worst of all as the hunger he felt finally started to dissipate. The vibration from the screams began to hurt too much to ignore as they seemed to shake his very being and James could not stand to watch as this shadow-like form of his slowly quartered this poor woman. “(Oh god, just make it stop. I don't want to see this anymore. I don't want to feel this anymore. Just end her suffering or let me wake up already.)” As if in response to his thoughts a tendril moved to wrap around the woman's head. Then, in a single swift twisting motion, snapped her neck. Finally there was peace and everything went black again.

James slowly regained consciousness, his mind spinning and reeling from the extremely vivid and surreal nightmare he had experienced. However, his grogginess quickly and suddenly washed away when he realized that his hunger pains were completely gone. He tried to blink but nothing seemed to happen as he realized he could see in a three hundred and sixty degree field of vision. He felt an aching as his mind tried its best to possess the overabundance of stimulation from all directions as shapes and color washed in. James picked one direction as forward for his vision and focused on that, letting the rest become background information easing the pain of overstimulation. James saw jagged shapes of dull washed out gray all around him except in one direction where a gap in the gray was bathed in an intense and violent stream of purple that hurt to look at.

James slowly reached out to what almost looked like a solid object only for his tendril to go into it as easily as open air. Only for him to immediately recoil the limb back after feeling an intense burning sensation. He backed away and decided to try a breathing exercise when… no air flows through his lungs. He was not breathing and when he tried to do so manually could not breath. He could not feel or hear his own heartbeat. This on top of not being able to close his eyes and suddenly his mind was reeling again. He forced himself to get a grip and focus. Having a panic attack did nothing to help his situation. “(Okay… let's take inventory. That pain was too much to not be real. Conclusion, this is not a dream. That means last night wasn't a dream either.)” James looked for a puddle of water but on finding one he couldn't exactly see a reflection.

James moved around the cave and found movement to be surprisingly natural. “(From what I can tell my body is an amorphous blob. My mass is collected into a central point that is like a ball. I hover above the ground and when I need to grab or reach out, my body shifts and forms a tendril to act as a limb. My body is not a single solid object, more like a mist. Conclusion, I am either a gas or a collection of particulate solids. Considering I can act like a solid and grab things I lean to the latter. My body is able to mimic many of the functions of a normal biological form. I have vision, hearing, and tactile senses that seem to bleed into one another. When I move it is similar to moving a muscle and the fact I feel pain indicates I have some way of replicating a nervous system.)”

James slapped at the ground and felt the impact vibrate through him just before seeing and feeling the sound ripples created by his action. “(I'm not touching the ground but it's not because I can't do so. I felt no pain from that despite hitting it hard. So outside my sensitivity to sunlight and sound I don't seem to feel pain. I have a sort of echolocation because of or as part of my sensory bleed. Since I was seeing in all directions before I focused myself I'll assume my entire body is like one big sensory organ. Functioning as my eyes, ears, and skin. I can't seem to smell or taste anything though. Probably for the best, all things considered. Although I myself do not fully understand what my body is made of and how exactly it works I'm able to function. I'm alive. I just wish I knew how or why I became like this.)”

James sat still in silence trying to gather his thoughts trying to process what was going on and what had happened to him. Though he knew he couldn't leave the cave during the day he could get more used to his new body by moving around in it. After a while of exploring the very small cave James quickly got bored. “(I wonder how the acoustics are in this cave. I should shout the word echo to test them. … … Wait, how do I talk without a mouth?)” James hoped that just like with his movement if he simply acted his body would respond. If he could “walk” by walking without thinking about it he should be able to “talk” by talking. Just doing the action practically autonomously with no effort as if it was something he always did.

James felt a sensation that reminded him of sand being pushed by the base of a speaker as a part of him in his center vibrated producing a low droning “aaaaa” sound. Followed by a lower “ooooo” sound. Then James let out a high pitched and painful screeching sound. After that he began to practice producing sounds mimicking the phonics of language. “Ah. Ah. Aye. Aye. Oh. Oh. Buh. Buh.” “(That last one felt weird but I guess I'll get used to it.)” “Kh. Kh. Sss. Sa. Sa. Sam. Buh. Buh. Bam. Huh. Huh. Ham. Luh. Luh. Lam.” James then tried to make the “puh” sound but couldn't get the p part. Instead he generated a sound that wasn't a part of English phonics that sounded more like two pieces of sandpaper being scraped together.

“(Well looks like I am going to have to relearn how to speak. Let's try a sentence.)” “Ssshe ssellss sssea sshellss by -” James struggles with the “th” sound a few times. “(I'm dragging my S sounds, can't make the P or t-h sounds. I haven't even attempted an R sound and I have no idea how I managed a L. I'll probably have to keep practicing. Though I'm not sure just how much talking I'll need to do in this form. It's not like I'll be having regular casual conversation.)” James then spends the rest of the day practicing speech, having nothing better to do for passing the time.