What Lies Beneath the Skin

Chapter Eight:

Thinking Twice About My Life

Hayden

A car radio passing by broke the silence of the hotel. It was enough to startle me awake, but when my eyes opened to the beautiful light that washed over my bed, I couldn’t help but lie still a few more moments. The window was cracked still from last night, so the curtains swayed lightly from the wind that found its way inside. It moved through the room with a mind of its own, brushing open pages of a book Emily left on the desk. The wadded-up tinfoil from Paige and I’s dinner bounced across the dresser until it inevitably slipped off the side, hitting the carpet with the lightest of thuds. I watched it roll to a stop before smiling peacefully, and wiggling closer to my pillows with an audible sigh.

Today was my first day of freedom, but I wasn’t quite ready to face the world yet.

The hotel was eerily quiet, but such a welcoming feeling. The only sounds came from an occasional car that whisked by outside, and the crunch of acorns that were being flattened after falling from the vibrant green trees. From the opening in the curtains, I could see a couple walking a small dog through the park across the street; the dog was older, but kept up with its tail wagging steadily, yet passively. The couple gushed over their pet as if he were a new puppy, and I was glad to see the dog had such a wonderful life.

Somewhere in the blissful quiet a set of three soft knocks rapped on my door, which made me slowly turn to face the doorway. I wanted to answer but my throat simply wouldn’t let me, so instead, I let my eyes close once I pulled the covers back over my face. The person who knocked opened the door slowly, peered in, then chuckled sweetly as they set something on the desk. I recognized the chuckle to be Rachel’s deep tone; she crossed the room to place something else in the closet, then laid a hand delicately on my forehead. She counted a few beats to herself before pulling away, only to pause before leaning back down to lay a light kiss to my cheek.

I didn’t want her to know I was awake, so I swallowed my reaction as she stood and tucked the blankets around me better. “We’re gonna take good care of you, honey. You sleep as long as you need to, and we’ll deal with the scary world when you're ready, together.”

Once the door was shut again, I peeked out from the blankets to stare at the ceiling fan that methodically cooled the room for me. My cheek was burning from her gesture, and my hand couldn’t help but slither up to touch the spot. My own mother had never been an affectionate person; I could count on one hand how many times she’d hugged me throughout the years. She never greeted me with kind words and a warm hug when I came home from school, let alone kissed my cheek before I woke up every morning.

Rachel was… her gestures were hurting me deeply, not because they were unwanted, but because I’d spent so long suppressing my longing for a mother, for a gentle touch. I trained myself to rely only on my own two hands, and if I could not make something happen, then it must have been impossible from the start. To have someone, let alone someone I’d just come to know, touch me more in two and a half weeks then my mother had my entire life… it was throwing off my entire algorithm. Though the longer I laid there, the more I found myself craving the sound of the Cromwells voices, craving the undeniable love they had smothered me with, and before long I was awkwardly showering for the day.

Rachel left a box of clothing in the closet: some graphic tees, sweatshirts, jeans and sweatpants. They would surely work until I could get to a proper store, but I chose carefully so that my bruises wouldn’t scare the other guests. I found a turtleneck in the mix and tugged that over my head, glad that it fit well, and layered a t-shirt over it. I liked to be swathed in layers of clothes; it felt like a warm hug when I wore layers like this, a cushion from the world. Sometimes, it was a literal cushion when it came to… him. I shook that thought away and wiggled some jeans on before grabbing my crutches and going for the stairs.

I’d gotten good at navigating the carpet in my brace, so thankfully, I got downstairs without another hospital trip. The sound of my crutches made the spastic dining room quiet down, and excited whispers erupt with anticipation. I peeked around the corner with a half-smile and waved my casted hand lightly. “Morning, girls. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep so late?”

Emily was in a pair of scrubs today, with her hair pulled into a high ponytail. She had a stethoscope around her neck and was already on what looked like a third cup of coffee, which probably fueled her energetic and flippant attitude. Rachel was dressed in high-waisted slacks, a tucked in white t-shirt, and some sneakers to match, though her auburn curls were loose against her shoulders. She’d been pouring a cup of tea for herself when I came around the bend, and her eyes glowed when she took me in this morning. “Don’t you look adorable! I’m so glad those clothes fit; I had some extras from a fundraiser a few weeks back. Up to some breakfast, honey?”

“After how good your food’s been, I can’t say no,” I teased, which made Emily cackle.

“She would burn water if I didn’t teach her anything!” Emily teased, sticking her tongue out at Rachel with a flirtatious wink.

“Good, maybe next time we’re slammed, you can run the kitchen while I file my nails at the reception desk.” Rachel scoffed, rolling her eyes as Emily laughed obnoxiously.

I sat beside Paige, who was half asleep as she skimmed through some pamphlets boredly, and peered over her shoulder curiously. “Are those for colleges?” I asked, thanking Emily sweetly when she placed a plate down for me with a wink.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I’m kind of having a mid-life crisis, and I’m not sure what I want to do. I feel like a loser for sitting around here all day.” Paige answered in a slight daze.

Rachel abruptly shot a devilish look at Emily, who mimicked the gesture before the two creepily turned to sneer at me. “Hayden said he wanted to enroll in college himself, didn’t you, Hayden?” Emily slithered; her smile was so high on her plump cheeks that it made her eyes crease.

I backed into Paige slightly, “Um, I guess so?”

“You two could enroll together…?” Rachel hissed, slinking over to slide the pamphlets across the table to me with a quick snap of her wrist, “I’m sure Paige would love to have your company as you two navigated campus together…”

“Do not use Hayden as a way to coerce me into going back, you sickos?!” Paige roared.

“Coerce? We simply are doing what is best for him…? It was his idea to begin with, wasn’t it, Hayden?” They said my name in unison, which creeped Paige and I out immensely.

“I’m sincerely afraid for my life if I say no.” I gulped, giggling when Emily walked her hand up my arm to flick my nose.

“That’s not a half bad idea?” Paige prompted, peering over my shoulder casually at the pamphlet, “I mean, I don’t want to push you into anything, but it’d be nice to have a friend with me. It’d probably be nice for you to have a routine, too?”

“Not to mention, young runaways get pretty nice scholarships in this state. They have wonderful programs for youth trying to restart their lives, and you’re in the perfect age range for it. We’d have you covered for sure, but the selections might not be vast,” Emily added.

“Well, I’m not exactly picky. I never thought I’d get the chance to go back to school, so I can’t say the idea isn’t appealing.” I pressed my lips together firmly as I glanced over the various schools Paige was been flipping through. Finally, I shrugged simply, “I guess it’s better late than never. I did want to enroll, so… it’s worth a shot? I have all summer to prepare, after all. You going to join me?” I asked Paige, though my words were loaded and truly meant, ‘You’re going if I am.’

She caught on and laughed like a bell, “I certainly won’t let you go into the lion’s den alone, so I guess so…” she abruptly let out a defeated groan and moved to slam her head into the wall behind her, so harshly that I flinched and stuck my hand between her and the plaster so she didn’t knock herself out, “We’re gonna have to go to Garrett’s school, aren’t we? It’s one of the only local schools that have the scholarships for Hayden…”

“Probably, but it won’t be so bad! You’ll get to see your brother more often!”

“Yeah, cause that’s what I want; to be the shadow of the Know-It-All.” Paige scoffed with a melodramatic eye roll, though her voice was layered with genuine sadness.

Rachel frowned and patted her arm lovingly, “Hey, he may be smart, but he’s also running himself into the ground. Maybe you guys can help him relax a little? I mean, Hayden’s been here for nearly three weeks and still hasn’t met him because he’s either in class or working. I’m sure he’d enjoy having you there to help him ease up, Buttercup?”

Paige picked at her nails with a slight smirk, “I miss him a lot, but he never makes time for anyone, even himself. I don’t know if me being there is going to be enough, Mom.”

“Well, not for nothing, but you two going to school isn’t for Garrett’s sake. If he wants to drive himself nuts, let him. You should be enjoying yourselves, not chasing after the overachiever,” Emily winked to make Paige smile fully before turning to me with a slightly worried frown, “I hate to ask Hayden, but… the school will want your transcripts. Are you comfortable enough to disclose that information with them…?”

The entire demeanor of the room changed. My excited smile fell to a flat line, and slowly, my head slunk forward until I was hiding under my hair once again. The Cromwells watched this transition painfully, but before they had time to react, I found my voice. “I don’t want to ask more of you than I have, but can I make one request?” I breathed starkly.

“Of course,” Rachel echoed back sincerely.

“After I get enrolled, can you help me get my name legally changed to Hayden?”

╪

The admissions office was pretty small considering the size of the campus itself, enough that Paige and I had to be standing side by side to make room for everyone else moving around the room. Paige didn’t mind at all, and in fact was gripping my good arm like her life depended on it with a grimace. I couldn’t help but laugh at her scowl and nudge her to try and cheer her up. She was also helping my balance admittedly, so neither of us were complaining. Rachel was incredibly antsy to get the process rolling, especially since it was taking so long for the admissions counselor to get her notes together. I figured this was due to me being a ‘special circumstance’ and tried to distract Rachel by poking her side with my pinky. She finally gave up scowling to laugh and poke me back, rolling her eyes playfully since she realized what I had been doing.

The admissions counselor finally emerged from her office, and called the three of us back with her. She had two folders with her, and when she laid them on the long desk in her office, her smile widened to that of a professional’s. “It’s wonderful that you are looking to join us this fall! Luckily, we’ve just begun summer classes, so we should have plenty of time to get you in for the next term. Paige, your mother brought me everything I need, so you’re set for now. We’ll be able to get things in motion for you fairly quickly.”

“Is it ok that I don’t know my major yet?” Paige whimpered like a kicked puppy.

The counselor chuckled and nodded warmly, “Of course! I was undecided for two years! Now, as for you, Hayden… I am more than happy to pull the strings necessary to get you enrolled. I can help you through the financial aid process so you can apply, and once we get your transcript request settled, we’ll be in business. We’ll make sure everyone here knows that you now go by Hayden, and only the registration office will have records of the old you. Is that ok, sweetheart?”

I nodded sheepishly, “Yeah, it’s fine. I understand, but… I don’t need my real mother to, ya know, fill out anything…?”

The counselor shook her head with a firm and confident smile, “Nope, not at all. Technically, you need a parent to fill out your information until your twenty-four, but I have a trick up my sleeve for your circumstance. Since you’re staying with the Cromwells, we’re going to file you under a special circumstance, that way the state doesn’t ask questions, and Rachel can stand in as your preparer. Your mother will not know a thing about where you are, nor will anyone else.”

I exhaled deeply in relief before shifting on my good leg a little, “My real name is Matthew… Matthew Lambert. I went to Dubois Catholic in Pennsylvania. I graduated twelfth in my class, so hopefully my grades will help leverage me a bit.”

“Twelfth?!” Paige bawled, shaking me dramatically, “Why is everyone around here smarter than me, damnit!?”

“I only had a hundred and fifty kids in my graduating class,” I laughed to ease her anxiety, but she still huffed and brushed me off with a pout. My demeanor changed as the counselor pulled up my high school’s information on the computer, “Um, ma’am? They can’t… like, they probably won’t tell my family I made this request, right…?”

She paused to look up to me with wide eyes, “Hayden, it is highly illegal if they did. Not to mention…” she spun her screen around to me, “We’re going to do this a special way to be safe. When you make the call, ask for them to send your transcripts to three other colleges, all around the states. That way, it’ll seem a much more authentic request.”

“That’s a great idea!” Paige gasped, shaking my good arm wildly.

“I agree. Ok, let’s get this over with…” I took her office phone and waited for the dial to pick up, and after hitting option seven, a voice and name I did not recognize answered gleefully. “Um, good morning. My name is Matthew Lambert, and I graduated last year. I wanted to request some official transcripts to be sent to colleges I’m applying to?” I said with a slight stammer.

The woman who answered began typing rapidly, “Certainly. And what schools are we sending this too?”

“Um…” I named off each college on the admission counselor’s screen as confidently as I could, my throat clamming up slightly when I said my real choice.

The woman scoffed in annoyance in the middle of my list, “Sorry, honey, I’m a bit new, so give me a second… Alright, perfect! I just printed them, and I’ll have them sent by the end of the day. Anything else I can do for you?”

“No, ma’am, thank you for your time. Have a nice day.” I hung up and let out a sigh so loud that Paige jumped a little. “The receptionist said she was new, and I didn’t recognize her voice. I guess Mary-Ann must have finally retired.”

The counselor scrawled down some information before nodding solemnly, “Excellent; that’ll hopefully make things even easier. Until your name is changed legally, do you want to use your last real name, or another?”

Rachel pressed her lips together so tightly that she looked ready to burst, which made me roll my eyes with a smirk. “If it’s alright with them, I’d like to use their last name.”

“Of course it is!” Rachel wailed, throwing her arms around me to make me laugh fully. The counselor shook her head at us and wrote Cromwell on the top line beside my first name. Rachel was still cuddling me happily as we finished up the paperwork, wobbling back and forth on her heels whenever I leaned forward to sign something. She was glowing with pride at Paige and I, and once everything was set and we were out on the front patio to take a breather, she pulled us into her arms with a happy sigh. “My babies are all grown up! Look at you two go!”

“He’s been your baby for eighteen days, psycho.” Paige giggled.

Rachel stuck her tongue out at her before taking my shoulders firmly, “I have a connection at the courthouse who sent over all the paperwork we need to change your name. We have to wait ninety days for your residency to line up, but after that, we have a short hearing, submit your forms, and pay the fee before you are officially Hayden. You have your state ID, social, and birth certificate with you, so that eliminates ninety percent of the problems that would delay the process. All we have to do is sit tight for a couple of months, kiddo.”

I blushed heavily under her loving smile, “Thank you, Rachel, really. Thank you both for just… for everything. I never would have imagined that my life could turn around like this in such a short period of time, and I can’t wait to make it up to you once I’m free from these dumb casts.”

Rachel flicked my cheek lovingly, “Imagine if you hadn’t come to us after all?”