Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

“Attention all summons! Cheer for Vinnie, the fighter in the black shorts, boo Pershing, the fighter in the blue shorts. Before the fight starts, make a point of saying the most distracting, hurtful things you can think of about Skullcrusher there. Get loud!”

Did my Awakened Souls have content specific dialog? Let’s find out! Because I’m damn certain the devs didn’t shell out much for voice actors. AI is a curse on the working stiff.

Rakim nodded calmly and stepped forward. “Hey Perishing, who’s gonna have more teeth after this fight, you or your mom?”

I choked, trying to grab Versai’s pauldron-covered shoulder to steady myself. Versai swayed out of the way, definitely by coincidence, and I nearly fell over.

“Mika wants to know if every woman covers her drink when Mr. Skullcrusher comes into the bar, or if it’s just her?”

Versai, carefully not looking at me, chimed in- “Hey, are you “Wee-Willy-Winky” Pershing? Wee-Willy-Winky Pershing? Or is it Piss-Boy Pershing? You Piss-Boy Pershing? Piiiisssss-booooy Peeeee-rrrshing!” Her voice was a particularly piercing sing-song cadence by the end.

“Pammy won’t have to heal Mister Stinky, right? Mister Stinky is just going to die, right? Oh NO! What if Pammy needs to heal Stinky?!”

“My granny’s a better fighter than you, Pershing, and she’s terrible. Boo. BOO!”

I gave Kim a look, and slowly shook my head. She sagged a little bit. Didn’t like negativity, right? Ah well.

“Think of it as debuffing Pershing before you buff Vinnie.” I encouraged her, even though I was touched that one of my summons still had something like a conscience.

She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and turned back towards the fighters.

“Hey, you in the blue shorts, lie down so we can all recognize you!”

Damn. Ice cold. I could feel my warm feelings freeze over. Seemed to make Pershing plenty hot though, as he swung around to glare at Kim. The charcoal MC rang a bell. Skullcrusher spun and decided to show everyone how he earned his nickname.

Pershing let the momentum launch his fist towards Vinnie’s head. A sharp, slicing left hook, coming almost faster than my eyes could follow.

Vinnie blocked it with his right fist. It took me half a second to see his left buried wrist deep in Pershing’s gut.

“Got him!” Versai hissed. “KILL HIM, VINNIE!”

That seemed to flip a switch in my summons, who suddenly got a lot more animated. Kim was practically a one woman cheer squad. Pammy waved her little fist or hid her face, depending on how things were going. Mika got pretty vocal too- sounded like she liked the fights. Rakim was a bit more laid back, but when she did yell, there was some guts to it.

Me? I just did my best. Never been to a boxing match before. Or… MMA fight? Whatever this was, it was brutal.

The early gut punch had knocked the wind out of Pershing, and Vinnie clearly looked to capitalize. He was throwing punches fast, body shots mostly, with the occasional flickering jab coming for Pershing’s chin.

Pershing was a ring veteran. He tightened up his guard, and I could see not much of it was getting through. Pershing’s right hand dropped slightly- the hook came from the right this time, whipping out for the side of Vinnie’s head.

Vinnie seemed to have seen it coming- he swayed back, then took a tiny step forward and through his own hook. Caught Pershing right on the button, just on the left side of the chin.

He was down! Vinnie rushed in, but Pershing fended him off with a kick to the gut. Skullcrusher scrambled to his feet before Vinnie could capitalize on the slip.

If Pershing was mad before, he was in a blind fury now. He came up swinging. Throwing wild haymakers, varying high and low, constantly trying to bull Vinnie up against the wall of the pit and work him over.

Vinnie wasn’t having it- keeping distance with his jab, keeping moving. Blocking what he couldn’t dodge. It looked like Vinnie was getting the crap kicked out of him.

“Damn, COME ON VINNIE! YOU GOT THIS!”

“He does got this.” Versai grinned nastily. “Pershing is screwing himself.”

“Eh?”

“Watch.”

Vinnie kept moving, dodging, blocking, throwing the occasional jab. I saw a couple of the jabs slip through, but I don’t think they did much beyond piss of Pershing. Or keep him pissed off.

Pershing looked insane. The muscles of his neck swelled and tensed. His head looked like a rounded pyramid sticking up from his shoulders. Like a lizard flaring its frill. Red faced and sweating and swinging like mad.

I thought the punches he was throwing were devastating. They looked like they should smash apart anyone they hit. Though… something was slowly dawning on me. I never would have thought this before today, but-

“Neither of them really know how to fight.” I said to Versai as quietly as I could over the crowd noise.

“What?”

“Look how he’s punching. Remember how Crusher Jim punched?”

Versai jolted a little at that, then seemed to laugh silently. She shook her head and pointed down into the pit.

“This is a fighting pit in the Floating Quarter. They aren’t martial arts masters, or even top notch prize fighters. They are thugs, beating other thugs for money. Compared to the monster in the basement, they aren’t even qualified to be trash.” Her smile was… not nice. “But some trash rests above others. It’s time for the fight to wrap up.”

Pershing was still throwing the big hooks and haymakers. The audience loved him for that, screaming and cheering him on. But even I could see they were slower. Wilder. Vinnie was barely having to dodge, and now he was throwing counters. Hard fists smashed into Pershing’s ribs. If Vinnie wasn’t breaking bones, he was knocking the air out.

I didn’t see what changed. Pershing came high and fast with another hook, and Vinnie caught him with a straight right. Landed just where the last right did- just left of the point of Pershing’s chin. And then the skullcrusher was down.

Vinnie was on him. This time, the defensive kick came too slow. Vinnie shoved it to one side and pushed in, getting between Pershing’s legs, then across his waist. Sitting on him. Pershing was throwing punches, trying to buck him off, but Vinnie had him. Had him, and wasn’t about to let go.

It was all headshots now. Vinnie straightened his back, keeping his own face out of the way while he slipped punches past Pershing’s guard. The Skullcrusher was gassed. Nothing left to defend himself with. Just stubborn pride, and, I suspect, the nagging feeling that this wasn’t how things were supposed to go.

Vinnie changed his attack- rather than going knuckles first, he was dropping hammerfists. You could see why they were called that. Pershing got his head hammered into the ground. His eyes rolled up. He went limp. Surely they would call the fight?

They didn’t. Not for ten long seconds.

“WINNER BY DOMINATION, VINNIE THE VIOLATOR GUUUUUUUSSSSSSTIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!”

The charcoal mannequins went nuts, waving their stumpy hands in the air, the sounds of cheers vibrating off the walls. Vinnie looked up out of the pit, his eyes half closed. Like he was in a state of religious ecstasy. Like it was the greatest moment in his life, cheered on by the corpses of dolls.

The Sons of Crusher Jim weren’t cheering though. Neither was Daphnae, who vaulted the bar and planted herself between us and the door.

“This changes nothing. Nothing.” The Lion brother snarled at us. The others nodded, though the wolf seemed to keep his own counsel for now.

“No, it changes everything.” I smiled. I had always dreamed of this moment. Of finally getting to shut up a bully because I was RIGHT.

“Dad’s still going to kill you. He won’t care about any of this.” Daphnae’s voice came out in a low rasp. There was something in there- wonder, maybe? And fear.

“Nah. You are going to walk us out the door. After you pay us our winnings.” Slowly, savoring the moment, I pulled out the betting slip.

“You didn’t place any bets.” The Orca brother grinned. “Think you can pawn us off with a fake slip?”

“Oh, I didn’t place the bet. Sebastian did.”

The brothers came to a stop with a lurch. “You have Sebastian ap Gradden’s betting slip?” The wolf asked softly. His sharp eyes looked at the eagle brother, not us. I couldn’t read the look.

“Yes, we do. Forty thousand at three to one on Vinnie. One hundred and twenty thousand guilders. Payable right now, thank you.”

There was a beat. Then another. I could see them deciding whether they would just kill me, or honor the slip. Given the way looks were passing, I was betting on them killing me. So I quickly added-

“Of course, we would actually rather not be paid in guilders. Answers, weapons, traps, supplies, equipment you collected from-” I waved at the mannequins. “Those would actually be much more valuable to us than cash. And naturally, we would need to be released from this place. Alive and safe.”

“Fair.” The orca brother nodded, grinning.

“Broad minded.” The eagle brother was also grinning, stepping away from the table.

“Farsighted, I’d call it.” The lion brother was also splitting out from the table, starting to move around the pit towards us.

“I probably wouldn’t go quite that far.” The wolf brother murmured. He had managed to get halfway to us before I had even noticed him moving. He wasn’t fast, it was just… you lost track of him, somehow.

“There is, perhaps, one small oversight.” The Orca brother walked to the edge of the fighting pit, and from a standing start, leapt clean across it. The pit was the size of a professional boxing ring. He made it look like he was hopping a puddle.

“One teensy little thing you missed.” The eagle brother was sweeping out wide, but still making his way towards us.

“Easy to see how you might have overlooked it.” The lion brother rumbled, nearly on us.

“You aren’t Sebastian ap Gradden. And even if he was here himself, he wouldn’t dare try to collect.” The eagle brother laughed, loud and angry.

“You see, welching on a debt only matters if anyone knows you done it.” The orca pushed through the mannequins with a casual brutality.

“And nobody is going to find out nothing. Not now, not ever.” The lion brother was on us now, looking over Rakim, and grinning.

“It’s not much. Not a fancy place.” The eagle brother was leering at Mika, who was glaring right back. “But it is ours. All ours. Forever.”

“You know what? I’m going to save your hat. I’m going to make sure your little puppet body wears it all the time, so I can say ‘Look at old clever clogs! Ain’t he the smart one?’” The orca brother’s breath stank, even from a few feet away.

“Tell me, ‘Tower Master,' you ever been beaten to death? Torn apart by wild animals? Watched your fingers get bitten off one by one? Watched your precious dollies get done awful-like?” The lion brother growled.

“Never had a princess. Never even had a lady maid, unlike some.” The eagle brother’s voice was venomous. “But that changes. Right now.”

Versai had her shield up, and was tugging at her sword. It wouldn’t leave the sheath.

“Oh, no weapons here, Princess. Just fists. And other things.” The lion growled. Showing all his teeth.