Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

The Bloody Pit was accurately named, on several levels. On the one hand, it was the dive-iest of dive bars. On the other hand, there was a big pit in the ground who’s smooth round walls were stained black with caked layers of blood.

Truth in advertising, in this day and age? Gradden Marche really was a nice place to live. Before the monsters came, anyway.

There was a long, brass topped bar running along one wall. There weren’t any stools or chairs. Not even tables to set your drinks on. Almost no furniture at all, actually, except for a wide, round table with a banquette curved around three quarters of it, jammed in one corner.

There were some doors off the main room, but we could explore in a minute. At the moment, I was much more interested in the “people.”

The vast majority of bodies in the room were those charcoal people. Still human shaped, but so badly burnt that they no longer really registered as “human.” More like rough outlines done with the flat of a pencil.

They milled around the empty pit, or queued up at the bar. Some mimed drinking from imaginary glasses. Others pretended to chat with their friends, making noises that almost sounded like words. They wore bits and pieces of costumes- ragged bits of shirts or dresses, a single shoe, or a rope of blackened pearls.

Around the sole table in the room were four beefy men. Clearly brothers, they wore casual trousers and no shirts. Each had their own tattoos- A wolf, a lion, an eagle and an orca. I was sensing a theme. To my quiet alarm, they spotted us, and waved us over.

“Oy! Grab a drink and join us. First round’s on the house!” Yelled the lion.

“Thank you!” I replied. Not daring to disagree. I don’t have a lot of traumatic memories about jocks, mainly because I was so far below their notice, they couldn’t be bothered to bully me. It’s an instinct- the weeaboo cowering before the predator, far from the safety of the internet. It comes with your first figurine.

And yet, weirdly, these jerks all wore Goku tee-shirts. Truly there is no justice in the world.

The bar was a source of fear in its own right. Not that I had never drunk before, or been to a bar- it’s just, it only happened rarely, usually at conventions, never in dive bars. I don’t know the protocol. What… do I say? How do I even get the bartender’s attention? I don’t exactly have cash to wave.

I needn't have worried. The largest woman I have seen outside of a Walmart parking lot was glaring across the bar at me. And unlike the Rascal-riding Roseanne's of New Rochelle, this one looked like she could bench-press a hippo. While running a 10-K. As a warm up for her belt defense later that afternoon.

She was only missing the green skin and tusks to be my Orc-Amazonian Waifu. But we can’t have everything, can we?

“What are you having?” Her voice was low, with a hint of rasp to it.

I mean, that’s just not fair. I am but a man!

I pulled myself together.

“What do you have?” My voice didn’t squeak at all. It did not. At all.

“Beer. Also, Beer.”

“I’ll have the beer. And so will my friends.”

“You don’t have any friends here.” She shoved leather mugs under the taps, filling them with something brown and bitter smelling. Ale? It didn’t look like any beer I had ever seen. No foam. No head on it to speak of.

I… really don’t know much about beer. Not a beer drinker. Just… not going to think about the “You don’t have any friends here” thing. Blowing straight past it.

“Can you tell me anything about the guys in the corner?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you?”

“Nah.”

She slammed the drinks down in front of me. A bold move with leather mugs. The beer splashed everywhere, including over her hands. She could not have cared less.

“Well… who do you like in the fight tonight?”

That got her grinning. I could see her ripping strips of flesh off her opponents with a smile like that.

“Pershing is going to smear Vinnie across the pit. He does every. Single. Night. They never remember. But I do. Every punch. Every kick. Skullcrusher has six stone on me, and I could still take him apart now. Vinnie, though. Vinnie gets-” She laughed, a wet, unpleasant sound. “Violated. Every. Single. Night.”

“Just outclassed as a fighter? Can’t keep up? Not enough muscles?” I guessed randomly. I wasn’t a fan of Baki- just didn’t like the art, and it had zero waifus. But I couldn’t think of another show where they did underground fights. Those usually came down to imagination and just grotesque amounts of muscle.

“Outclassed? Vinnie’s got a glass jaw, and Skullcrusher knows it. First exchange of the fight, Sam lands a left hook right on the button. Drops him like the sad sack he is. After that, it’s all over except the beatings. Vinnie tries to fight back a couple of times, but it’s no use.” She laughed again, this time a little more loudly. “Grounded, mounted and pounded. Just how I like my men.”

And with that, I’m out.

“Thanks for the preview. And the beer.”

I took the drinks over to the table, where the brothers looked us over. I felt like a turtle at a zoo.

“So. What are ya, then?” The Orca brother grunted at me. “Not a fighter. Not anything from what I can see.”

“I’m in private security.”

That was met by slow blinks from the whole table. Versai included.

“What? It’s my tower, monsters are trying to break in and kill me, I’m defending it, and I fund my current lets-call-it lifestyle by harvesting the kills. Private security.”

“Tower Master, then.” The eagle brother snorted at me. “What, you think we don’t know what they are? Look around the room- ‘e was one. And ‘im. And ‘im. Maybe about five people in here were actually regulars, not counting us, Daphnae, the fighters and Dad.”

I squirmed awkwardly. That brief attempt at suaveness had used up all my available bravado. In fact, I was now dangerously overdrawn.

I think the wolf brother knew it too. He was staring. Not being obvious about it, but he was looking at me, and carefully looking through my summons. I got the feeling he didn’t miss much.

“But what are ya?” The orca brother was back at it. “Some of ‘em, ya can tell what they are. They got that meanness to them. Or they got a physique. Or something. Ya all get that body you didn’t work for, but some of ya, ya got a bit of build. That swagger that says ya been punched and punched back harder.”

“Not ‘im.” The eagle brother snorted.

“Nah, not ‘im.” The lion brother shook his head and took a long pull of his beer. “Funny thing is, don’t think he’s a mage or archer or nothing neither.”

“Nah, ‘ee ain't one of ‘em. Don’t have that ‘unger in ‘im. That meanness. You just look like a scared little boy to me, boy.” The orca pressed in. “Is that what you are, a scared little boy, come wanding in where he shouldn’t be?”

“Tower Master. Towering Embarrassment, more like.” The eagle sniggered, and they all laughed with him. Except for the wolf brother. His eyes were still moving, though now he was mostly staring at Versai.

“Think you’ll try and fight your way out of here, then, boy? Get on down in the pit? I’m sure one of us will take real, good care of you. Don’t bother trying to send in one of your pets. They can’t keep up.” The lion brother laughed. “No swords or armor down there! Just fists, and guts!”

“Lots and lots of both. Lots and lots and lots.” The eagle brother leered in at me.

“I know you.” The wolf brother’s voice was quiet, but it shut the table up. He shook his finger at Versai. “You are keeping real quiet, but I know you.”

“We have never met, Sirrah.” Versai’s voice was clipped. I didn’t know what “sirrah” ment, but you could see the eyes narrowing around the table. Except for the wolf brother who just nodded slowly.

“Didn’t say we had. But I know you. Versai ferch-Gradden.”

The table got very still at that. I could feel the bartender staring from across the room too.

Versai slowly nodded.

“Yes.”

“Recon you don’t know who we are, though.”

“The sons of Crusher Jim. I never knew your names.”

“I’m amazed you knew Dad’s!” This from the eagle brother.

The wolf brother shook his head slightly. “No. You only know that because you came here, and you came here for something. We’ve seen loads and loads of Tower Masters in here, all looking for loot, or weapons, or fighters. Half of ‘em try to sleep with Daphnae, which is always good for a laugh. All of ‘em try to recruit her, which is less funny.”

That had the rest of the brothers nodding and growling, rapping their knuckles on the table.

“So. Tower Master. And so, Versai ferch-Gradden. What. Do. You. Want. Here?”

There was a pause. I was almost paralyzed. Versai had gone stoic and silent. She couldn’t answer. I understood in a flash- she physically could not answer for me. If there was going to be the faintest hope in Hell of getting out of here, I had to be the one to step up.

I was sat at the table with the bullies. And I had to find a spine. And I had no time to look for one.

“We want two things- one of them here, one not.” I said, slowly. “And yes, weapons, loot, whatever we could find, that too. But we didn’t know what the inside of this place looked like when we came in, so-” I shrugged, forcing myself to be casual. Trying, somehow, not to look like a boy.

“So you thought you would loot the burning wreckage, eh? Nasty little vulture, is that what you are?” The Lion sneered at me.

I kept my eyes fixed on the wolf brother. “The thing we wanted here is information.”

That seemed to throw them for a moment.

“Got to tell ya, none of us are touts. And even if we were, who’re we going to grass up?” The Eagle brother gave me a weird look.

“What, you don’t like bragging about all the sex you’re having?” I shot back. Desperately hoping that the thing poking into my guts was some bit of vertebrae.

“You want to know who I’m bending over?!” The eagle brother sputtered.

“I heard from a reliable source that you were getting into it with a chambermaid from the palace. I get it. Who doesn’t like a girl in uniform?” Oh I was gasping there.

I could feel the lights dimming around me. The pressure of them. They were Six Stars, all of them. Physically brutal, and the rules of this place favored them. There were no weapons allowed here, No chance of really fighting back.

The wolf brother slowly started chuckling. Then roaring with laughter. “You want to know what happened! The little princess came home and found her doll house burned to the ground, and now she wants to know why? I’ll tell you why! Because your mom’s an imbecile, your dad’s insane, your sisters’ only use is bed-meat, and you, YOU RAN AWAY! And now, now you come to the Bloody Pit for answers?”

He sneered, looking just like his siblings for a moment. “Sure. Ask away. But only the first round’s on the house. If you want answers, you can buy them. With prize money. Fighting in the pit.”