Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

They hit my defenses like a wrecking ball. The subtle slope deflection around the hedgehog walls worked a bit. Which means that it worked on some of them. The others just smashed into them, and kept right on smashing. More armored monsters piled up behind the first. Slowly, they opened gaps in the line. I caught a few of them in the fire traps, but it was a bare few.

“Radz, Pomoroi! Focus fire on the largest clumps of monsters!”

No more time to be precious about preserving the hedgehog barriers. Couldn’t let them be handcuffs. Not when this many monstrous hands were coming to rip off our faces.

Versai and the Mikas were chewing apart the few monsters that were making it past the hedgehogs, though more and more of them were reaching the moat-area. Versai was no longer trying to kill the monsters, unless there was a particularly good opportunity. She was focusing entirely on crippling them. The strategy was working, but it was a worrying sign nonetheless.

The artillery was raining Hell on the armored monsters. It was not as effective as it had been- they were too spread out now for big smashes. It was adding up, though. Every thirty seconds, every forty-five seconds, another huge blast would sound, and monsters would die. Or be badly injured. Either way.

Radz airburst shells were definitely not as effective on the armored monsters, but they did have an effect. I could see the armor plates cracking and deforming. Pomoroi smashed right through them, of course. But Radz… well… I wished I could see stat sheets for the monsters. Was she shaking their organs at all? Doing damage to their brains?

No time for those sorts of questions, it seemed- more of the ordinary monsters were filtering in behind the wrecking crew. I hunted for Rache’s smoke markers. None. Still none. I counted the seconds when I should have been counting my heartbeats.

“Pomoroi, By Imperial Decree!” Thirty seconds and no new markers.

“THAT'S EVERYONE. THIS IS THE LAST OF THEM! PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!” I yelled. Right now, I would take even the hope that yelling would help.

Forty armored monsters broke through the forest and hit our lines. Thirty five were still on their feet by the time they hit the second barricade, and I wasn’t even counting noses on the ordinary monsters coming in behind them.

I still had one more trick left. Still had one final trick. But I had to make it count!

I coughed theatrically. No idea if this would work on non-alpha monsters, but…

“HEY MONSTERS NEENER NEENER NEENER!”

Did it work? Hard to say. Must incorporate more hand gestures.

“MONSTERS ARE DUMB. MONSTERS ARE UGLY. ONLY THE TOWER PEOPLE ARE GOOD!” Not going to lie, I was drawing a blank on insults. Mostly my mind was on other things.

Confession Number Two? I don’t really remember how to dance the Macarena. I went to exactly two Bar Mitzvahs when I was fourteen, and we all danced it then. And that was it. Was I still bitter over the fact that I was told to my face I only got invited because they invited the entire homeroom class?

Yes. Yes I am.

I did my best with the dance anyway. Nothing quite grated on the ears like the Macarena anyhow, and the dance seemed extra humiliating. I hope the monsters appreciated how badly my shimmying hips shamed them.

“Oh god. Oh. GOD. He is dancing again. He is dancing… that’s not even dancing.”

“I feel sick. I think I might puke. Do you have a bucket? Like, a designer bucket, not a whatever bucket.”

“I mean, like, I get that shame is totally a negative emotion and bad vibes or whatever? But maybe some people need to feel that.”

“Right, right. Like, it’s fair. You make other people feel bad because you exist, and you should be ashamed of that.”

“I’m okay if the bucket is, like, a knock-off or something? Like, it doesn’t have to be designer designer.”

Ah yes, the tactical killjoys that are the Blue Roses. Fingers crossed that one day, this tower would have a sub-basement I could banish them to. Or myself to. Oh god, the trauma.

I powered through the searing shame, yelling random crap and waving at the monsters. I think it eventually started working. It looked like they were starting to narrow their attack and clump up again. Maybe it was just because they were closing in on the Tower.

I narrowed my eyes. The barricades were still some help. There was a balance- once the armored monsters spread out a certain distance, they couldn’t break holes in the hedgehog fences anymore. Just not enough weight in the shove. Their armor let them cross over with limited damage, but they still slowed them down.

I glanced down at Versai. She was playing it smart, working the edges. Not letting herself get surrounded. Some of the monsters were reaching the wall now, but Rakim was picking them off before they could climb out of the moat. Not good. Not good at all. But I couldn’t pop the Mikas’ ult- it was too soon.

I had to wait. I had to wait. And while I waited, I did my best to draw the monsters to me. Get them moving in a straight line, right to me. Screaming out that fear. Thrashing my body around, trying to shake the terror clean out of my limbs.

There were too many of them. Just too many of them! And we weren’t hitting them fast enough, hard enough. Could the monsters smell fear? For once in my life, I hoped I stank.

“Come and get me, uggos! I’m right here!”

“Him calling someone else uggo is just…”

“I know, right? Like, where exactly does that confidence come from? Because it’s not attractive.”

“Oh, be nice. Maybe he can finally make friends on his level. You know. People who look like that tend to hang out together.”

“Can you be that ugly and still have friends? Like, I don’t know, biologically or whatever?”

You know, while Versai is distracted, it should be possible to just yeet these witches clean off my Tower. I mean, they are dancer-strong, but I do have this Ken body. Let’s see how far Barbie flies.

Just as I was about to ask the girls to spell “defenestrate,” the monsters threw me a bone. It looked like enough monster bodies were coating the fire trap in the gap of the last hedgehog fence that the big blob of armored monsters were willing to run through it rather than try to climb over the barricades. They literally cushioned their feet on the corpses of their comrades.

“Radz, hold your fire. Pomoroi, hit that clump right there, and keep your fire focused on it! Sweep that gap!”

“Pomoroi, By Imperial Decree!”

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

They formed up in a horrible, blocky mass. They had taken some losses, taken some damage, slowed by the remaining caltrops and Tar Pit Traps but were still mostly intact. They clumped, just before the biggest mass hit the now covered Fire Trap.

“Rakim, hit Pit Trap #1!””

The ground opened up under the monsters. Long iron skewers were waiting for them ten feet down.

I listened for a second- there was an awful lot of roaring and screaming still coming from the pit. And those long, primate hands would be excellent for climbing. Can’t have that.

“Radz, Fire directly into that pit!”

“Radz raining death!”

Pomoroi’s cannon’s firing arc was too flat- she couldn’t drop her rounds into a pit that close. But since the pit trap was just the right side of Radz minimum range, it was absolutely no problem for her mortar. And while the air burst might not have been super effective in the open air, how about in a little, crowded, metal-spike filled box?

There was a terrible explosion. The blast was a bit muffled, but this close it was still shockingly loud.

The pit was a lot quieter after the first blast. Not silent though. Pomoroi sent a round scything through a pair of monsters who had momentarily stalled at the edge of the pit.

Exactly forty five seconds after the first blast, Radz dropped a second round into the pit. And then it was silent.

I slowly pounded my fist into my hand, keeping my eyes moving over the field. We hadn’t won yet. There were still… probably thirty monsters alive. But they were scattered. Even the armored monsters that avoided the first pit were in singles, or clumped in small groups with ordinary monsters.

We hadn’t won yet. But we’d broken the back of it. Now, we just had to watch out for a second curve ball like the damn Alpha. Much too soon to relax.

“Radz, Pomoroi, continue sweeping monsters from the field. Hit them wherever you see clumps, don’t worry about the barricades anymore.” Assuming they were in the first place, being One Stars and all… “Rakim, keep focusing on hitting those armored monsters and sweeping the wall. Mikas, focus fire, burn down the armored monsters first.”

Deep breath.

“Versai- keep doing what you are doing. Disable, unless you can one-shot them with minimal risk. Keep moving. Don’t let them slow you down!”

“Yes, Tower Master!” The cries came back.

I watched the Mikas slam their bolts into a limping, armored freak. They seemed to have gotten the hang of it. Their range, and particularly their accuracy over a longer range, was nothing too spectacular. On the other hand, watching five bolts suddenly sprout out of a monster’s face, shattering the bone armor enough so that at least one bolt got through- that was plenty spectacular.

I kept my eyes moving, trying to see everything. Rache had come in from the woods and was working her way through our now badly torn up lines. Saber rising up and whipping down as she zipped past, collecting heads and splitting open backs.

It was… kind of eerie, watching her work. She loved to move. That was her whole thing. She loved to ride, loved to feel her tassels fly and the wind rushing against her face. I thought the saber was… well… she was a summons. Of course she had a weapon.

But watching her racing through the crippled and wounded monsters, making sure they couldn’t ever rise again… there was more to it than that. She was enjoying this. Whatever shreds of personality they left Rache, they belonged to someone who had done this a lot. Who got off on being untouchable but deadly.

I nodded slightly to myself. Radz was so traumatized, she internalized destruction. Mika was desperate but resolved. Pammy was sincere, but overwhelmed by everything she had endured. And Rache? Rache thought it was all tremendous fun.

Slowly, battle by battle, I was starting to peel back the stamped on personalities and find the people underneath. Still no idea where they all came from. Did they all come from the same world? Didn’t look like it. We were standing on a battlefield with cannons, mortars, rifles, crossbows and a sword and shield soldier.

More to the point, could even the story-within-the-story be fake too? Something the Devs left in there for inquisitive players to discover? It was possible, but I kind of doubted it. That level of subtlety seemed pretty beyond them. They were powerful, yes. Subtle, no.

Oh, I was being dumb. If they were reaching into another universe from outside, presumably they could reach into that universe at any point in its timeline. Time and space being one thing and all. So if you were coming in from outside, it would be all the same to you. Left or right? 3rd century BCE, or year 3259 of the Machine Age?

All the same to the necromancers, and their hot developer cousin. Oh, you thought I forgot that, Black Hood, but I didn’t. I didn’t AT ALL.

Wave 4 Complete!

Didn’t have to pop Mika’s Ult. Good planning, got lucky with the traps, had enough firepower. We made it through.

“Hey, Versai! Come on up here! Time to watch the dawn rise on the Fifth Day.”