Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

“Versai, what do you know about the Blue Roses of Gradden March?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Which was a funny thing to say, given the way the limpid, cerulian ponds of her eyes practically begged to talk about it.

“Can you talk about any part of it?”

“I don’t want to talk about any part of it.”

I paused and thought a minute.

“Would you like to talk about Becky?”

“Ordinarily no! Right now, though? Yes.”

“Is there anything in particular-”

“No. And that’s the thing. Nothing. She is completely useless. I haven't seen any evidence from anyone or anything anywhere that would ever suggest she was anything other than a waste of Resonance Crystals. So I am very, VERY confused about what this dress is doing here, what this bar is doing here, what I am doing here!” She was practically panting now. “Although I don’t want to talk about any of the things related to this bar specifically or the Blue Roses generally!”

Got it. Gated behind the relationship system and also new information to Versai. Ain’t gacha games grand?

“Understood.” I groped for something smooth to say, but drew a blank. The seconds were ticking closer to making this awkward. “Are you able to keep on fighting? I want to clear this bar before we have to go back. Get more information, get more loot, put us in the best condition for the wave.”

Well now I sound like a cold blooded prick. Amazing to think that running my business through chatbots and AI newsletters didn’t prepare me for comforting 3-D people.

“Good idea. And yes, I’m fine. Even if I leave here on a single thread of life, Pammy will be able to heal me up before the wave tonight.” She gave me the world’s most lovely grim smile.

“Good to have that confirmed. Alright, loot the body and let's get set for the next room.”

Total loot- a copy of the helmet we already found for Mika, and the dress. The room was empty, otherwise. I asked about taking the bed and the curtains, but apparently they just turned into trash when you left the dungeon. I had a sneaky suspicion that the Tower would only accept items brought in through the store. Well. I’d figure it out.

The next two rooms were the same- one big, headless monster for Versai to burn down, one dress on a rack, and one piece of armor for a Mika or Mika equivalent. Each room was identical to the first- the same nice bed, same picture of blue roses, same wardrobe, same mirror, even. The only difference was the color of the curtains. Pink, sky blue, a sort of light green I was going to call “seafoam,” and a rich, warm tan.

I smelled a setup. Versai did too, if the expression on her face was anything to go by. “Elemental Type,” she said.

“I… don’t think I know about that yet.”

“Kim is fire type. Mika is earth type. I'm an earth type. Good rule of thumb- shield equals earth type. Not always, but a lot. I think the Judiths are… I want to say also earth type, showing there are exceptions, and I am pretty sure Rache is an air type.”

“Is Pammy a water type?”

“No idea.” Versai shrugged. “There are a lot of Awakened Souls. I’m amazed I can remember any of the details.”

We had reached the end of the short hallway. Versai was still basically fine. She had gotten the hang of fighting the headless monsters. Apparently they were very predictable once you understood the pattern. All that was left was the final door.

Unlike the others, this one had a discreet brass plate on it reading Private. There was a cane backed chair next to the door. A place for a guard to sit, I thought. Keep away patrons who might be “lost.”

“Alright, I’m expecting this room to be different. By my count, we are missing two of the support ladies.” Versai snorted at the word “ladies.” I ignored her. “So my guess is that there is either one very large headless man in there with two of the supporters, or many of the headless guys, or some combination of the two.”

Versai nodded at that, and I think Kim was following as well. As for the rest of the crowd, I might as well have been talking to myself. Well. Whatever. Versai was hard carrying this team regardless. I don’t think my basic team composition was bad, given what I knew, but it was far from optimal. Actually, I didn’t have the right Awakened Souls for “optimal.” Fun.

“Alright, short version? If there is one big guy, we rush into the room. Versai pins him down, while Rache, Mika and Kim focus on killing the supporters. Yes, Kim, I know you can’t directly attack. The distraction routine will be perfect, thank you.”

“Can do, Boss!”

“Never fear, Mika is here.”

“Chromed lightning!”

“Yes, thank you. We will call that Plan A. Plan B is, if there are a lot of them, we use the door as a bottleneck. It will take longer, but we will keep Versai buffed, the enemy debuffed, and Mika will slam in a shot where she can. Everyone else will stay out of it. Right. Positions!”

We lined up. I patted Rache on the shoulder, and she pushed the door open. Versai took a single glance, and rushed into the room.

“Plan A, GO, GO, GO!”

The mini-boss was the same ‘roided out headless muscle freak. He was, however, wearing a sharp looking Fedora where his neck should be. Tattooed over his heart was an elaborate blue rose.

Damn. This mini-boss had style. Nothing quite matched a fedora for sheer class. I still had the “Robin Hood Hat Of Questionable Swag +1” rocking.

Fingers crossed the fedora was lootable. I was tired of ren fair clothes.

The two supporters were there too- one in earth tones with a tan horse on her porcelain mask, the other decked in light green. Both wore long, fluttering yellow cuffs to their dresses, both sported embroidered blue roses.

“Alright just like we planned-” The headless freak jumped halfway across the room and slammed a ham-sized fist directly at Versai’s button nose. She barely got her shield up in time. There was an enormous crash, and she slid back half way across the floor.

This would not go just like we planned.

It was all a mad scramble. Rache was zigzagging across the room trying to build up enough speed to make her saber do some meaningful damage. Versai was just trying to hang on, deflecting what she could and trying to slow the brute down with slashes to its legs and holes in its feet.

Kim was engaged in a dance-off with the air type (my guess about what the foam-green was) while Mika kept trying to shoot the earth type in the head. She wasn’t having much luck hitting her, but she was forcing her to keep moving. They were still getting the occasional buff of, but not often.

I needed to change something up. The dancers were… a little too fluid for anything creative. I looked around the room, trying to see if there was anything I could use. A desk, a couple of heavy chairs, an enormous portrait, oil lamps on the walls and desk. I knew I was missing things, but…

I could work with this.

“Judith! Grab that chair and throw it at that supporter over there. Aim for her legs. It’s okay if you miss, so aim low.”

“Err. Can do?” She awkwardly made her way over to the desk. Fortunately, the aggro was firmly locked down by my real combatants. Judith might not be a fighter, but she had plenty of muscle. She hucked that heavy chair clean across the room. I was hoping she would sweep the legs on the Earth type. No such luck.

The Earth type supporter jumped up high, so high I thought she might hit her head on the ceiling. The long yellow cuffs fluttered as she fell back towards the earth. I cast around for a backup plan. Turns out that Plan A was all I needed.

The Earth type was falling straight down. Couldn’t be easier for Mika to hit. She buried a bolt in the monster’s forehead, cold eyes peering down the bow from under her helmet. The monster managed to land on its feet, briefly. Rache’s bright saber hacked the back of the dancer’s neck open. She didn’t quite manage a decapitation, but it really didn’t matter. The Earth Type was dead as Hell.

It all went very quickly after that. They burned down the Air type even faster, thanks to Kim keeping them mostly in place, then it was just a good old group beatdown on the hatted mini-boss.

The guy was tanky as hell. Luckily there were no fatigue penalties. By the end of the battle, Versai was looking ravishingly disheveled. Badly in need of healing, in other words. But we had won.

The loot was also more or less as expected- two directed summoning crystals in colors that matched the recovered dresses, and a common type helmet. No difference in effect, just slightly better stats. I frowned. It felt… underwhelming, for a miniboss. I had a look around the room. There was a letter on the desk. Two small crates were on the floor. I’d swear they weren’t there a minute ago. Loot chests, then.

“Judith, collect whatever’s in the chests.” I walked over to read the letter.

To The Honorable Right Reverend- the name was smudged.

After I paid for the repairs to the Church’s roof, you told me I could call on you for any Godly aid one such as myself might need. I’m calling in the marker. Not for myself, but for the children of my people. There are thirteen of them, ranging from six months old to eight years. I’m sending a nurse with them, a strong, sensible woman. For the rest, I will have to count on you.

The Church boasts of its orphanages and its care for children. Care for these ones. They will be orphans soon enough.

I have spent my entire fortune to arm and armor the people of the Floating Quarter. We knew the Marchioness would abandon us, and so she has. The lower city has little enough time to evacuate, so we, your inconvenient conveniences, will stop the horde here. All of us. One last grand gesture, and a burning salute to the cowards who spit in judgment on those who served them so pleasantly and so well.

Save the children, Reverend, and I won’t call you to account in the hereafter. Save the children, if for no other reason than seeing your parishioners in their faces.

Godspeed.

Madame-

The name was blurred. Didn’t matter. So were my eyes. Damn it. Damn it. It wasn’t just Mika. Wasn’t just Kim or Pammy. It was all of them. It was this whole damn world!

The walls I had built were crumbling. This reality was battering its way in. I didn’t want it. I didn't want it!

I looked up at the portrait on the wall. It was a beautiful woman, lush, the fabric of her dress carefully painted to catch the shine on the silk. Her sleeves ended in trailing cuffs. Bright yellow, and embroidered with blue roses. Her face had been torn away, a ragged hole in the canvas.

“No name. Not even a face. Nothing. You left her nothing!”

“Tower Master?” Versai asked softly. I realized I had been screaming. I handed her the letter. Shivering. Trying to put the distance back. To not care again.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Judith?”

“Weapon kits and three fire traps. Good stuff!”

“It will do. Back to the Tower, everyone. We will finish Madame’s business in this place tomorrow.”

I went straight for the summoning room, and tossed the crystals in with no ceremony whatsoever. My expectations were nil. My hopes were enormous, but my expectations? Nill. I did have the presence of mind to summon Becky. Just in case something interesting happened.

From out of the mists came three staggeringly attractive women. Leggy and curvy and I couldn’t have been less interested.

“Oh. My. GOD! Becky, is that you?”

“Sammi! OH. MYGOD! How ARE you?”

“Oh, oh, oh, the girls are all heeeeere! Woo WOO!”

“Don’t mind the creep. He tried to boss me around, but I think he gets it now.”

“Ew.”

Ah, now that takes me right back. Yep. Straight back. I could almost smell the Axe bodyspray covering up my B.O. I looked out the window. Still had two orders left before the night and all its monsters. Lots to do. Lots to prepare. Just no reason to do it.

Three new Becky clones? I was already dead.