Waking Dreams & Nightmares, all a fog!

A hand held up, perhaps to wave someone goodbye (we’re both alone) or catch a bus (we’re in a forest) or simply create some type of dramatic effect for your own benefit (you were always so arrogant). Does it matter (do you?)? Are you grieving (but you have everything!)? Why would you grieve with your hand held up like that? Are you asking for help?

That would make sense. Thin-skinned, overly sensitive, and just look at you. You’re frozen, look at you, you’re frozen and shocked and terrified and… and because of what? Ants (which don’t even exist) crawling over you?

So silly, my darling (as always and forevermore). It’s just some harmless little things crawling around your feet. Only around your feet. No, there’s no red ants there, don’t be silly, you just have awful vision. No black ants either. No ants. City child, inexperienced and never got to wander through the greenery of beautiful vicious forests, never endured any hardships… of course you’re panicking over nothing.

Just walk past them! Crush them. They’re tiny. Be strong for me, won’t you? Be strong and kill them.

What, something’s wrong with your legs now? Tired already? Something leeching your strength? No, no, that’s just dirt on your ankles. You’re imagining the crawling sensation. You’re just very anxious and stressed! City life, city life. THAT’S why you’re imagining a harmless bit of dirt to be more dangerous than it is. Really, it’s concerning. I’m concerned for you.

I think you’re too stressed. You know what it is? You’re working too hard. I mean, just look at you, making things up about everything, non-stop. Drama outside the forest complaining about how everything is ‘too much’ (your trademark laziness), drama because you can’t be bothered to use your big brain and amazing skills to do everything you need to (you’re too stupid to figure out how to manage your time and health, that’s what it is), and NOW?! Drama inside the forest too!

But no bother. You’ll come around. You always do. You always love these forest trips. Of course you pretend you don’t, but you do. You love this but you just won’t admit it yet, I know you.

Look at that! In that tree. You love birds, right? You showed me a picture of one that one time– what do you mean it was several years ago? Oh, who knows, maybe we’re both remembering it wrong, but you’re being too serious about such a little thing as this. You’re not tired, are you, darling?

You love forests and trees. When you were younger, you wanted to climb up the trees but the trees back at home weren’t good enough for that. And you were never scared of ants. Such a wonderful child. You should reach out to your inner child, I say. Such a nice, shy, quiet child. You never cried, not after I told you not to. Not after I told you to be strong. That bird over there is gorgeous, and so is its song (you’re saying it isn’t singing and sure, its beak is still, but I tell you it’s singing so it is). It’s singing. How lovely. You know, if you reached out to your inner child, you’d be less stressed. More carefree. A little bit of childishness can be good.

Oh, come on, the ants again? You’re whining about your arms now? That’s just dirt on them! That’s just more dirt on your face and arms! You want to ruin the trip over that?!

And AGAIN you’re going on about those ‘cavities in your skin’, and– oh, right, apologies to your majesty, how DARE I not coddle your ego by remembering EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL about you, and every second of the day too, on top of all the other things I do for you. Of course, of course, there’s the CAVITIES are in your BONES as well (stupid excuse, you can’t HAVE something like that in someone as young as you).

Woe is you, isn’t it! Always is. All is tragic and awful, just for you!

But you know what? That's just the type of thing you learn to MANAGE.

Grow up. Be mature! It definitely can’t be that bad, and you're definitely too stressed, and you really need to relax and STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC!

I get it! You’ve always been like this. Ever since you were a child. When you need attention, you yell for it. But faking being 'swarmed by ants'? Making your pain get worse by being dramatic about it (squirming around on the ground and twitching and screaming)?

It’s so manipulative of you, do you know how much it hurts a parent to see their child in pain? Even though you’re pulling all these theatrics, rolling around, flailing like a petulant child in this squirming black and red pile. Not even talking to me! You’re so invested in your little ego trip that you’re not even breathing, and you do this to me after all I've done for you your entire life.

But you know what? You love these trips with me. And the forest. And the greenery. You always have. I know this because I know you. And that’s why I know you’ll stop sulking soon, too.

Yes. I’m sure you'll come around eventually.

I'm sure you'll start breathing once you realise I'm right.