Wait For Me

“Can you take a deep breath in with me?” The voice from the speaker was calm and measured. He took a breath in to demonstrate. “Good. Now, can you take a deep breath out?”

I sat on my bedroom floor, trying to pay attention to the voice. My dreams had been bothering me again. There was something about them that was exhausting. I would wake up in a cold sweat, my body and heart aching as if I were missing something, but I could never remember what my dreams were. Vague images of rain and altars. The feeling of a broom handle in my hands and robes on my shoulders. Nothing more stayed than a few seconds, but those were the only things I managed to remember. I was hoping that meditating would help.

So far, it was only making me irritated.

With another deep breath out, I fell back on my floor and turned the video off. Meditation had never really worked for me, but I had to at least give it a try. It had worked for my classmate Rory, and she was doing wonders in school these days.

With a long stretch and a heavy sigh, I got up. If I didn’t at least start getting ready, I’d be late for the meet up.

“Did the video help you at all?” Claire asked as I walked toward our shared bathroom. She sat on the couch, leaning deep into her computer. She had an essay due at noon and she’d only been awake for thirty minutes. It was currently 11:15AM.

“Not in the slightest, but I’ll thank Rory, anyway.”

“Sucks, dude. I thought for sure that would help you out.”

I splashed water on my face, trying to wash away the tension with my routine. The face scrub was rough, gently scrubbing away the dirt of last night. “How’s the essay coming along?”

She let out a long groan, and I heard the old couch creak as something was heavily set on the table. She’d flopped onto her side and thrown her arm over her eyes. She was taking architecture appreciation, a class I took last semester and paid way too much attention to. I could tell the differences between roofs, the style of architecture and even what time period it was from if it wasn’t for all of the essays, it would have immediately left my brain after finishing the class. I knew she hated it as much as I hated my calculus class. I was meant to be an English teacher, and I despised any math beyond algebra. Claire was in school to be a biochemist and despised any classes to do with the arts.

Our relationship was typically symbiotic, but I couldn’t write her essays for her.

I splashed water on my face and blindly reached for the towel that should have been right next to the sink. “Do you need a little break?”

“Desperately, but I can’t stop now.” She sighed and I could hear her slide from the couch to the floor. “How do you do this on a daily basis?”

My hand brushed the towel onto the floor, and I held in a sigh as I squinted against the dripping water and grabbed it. I patted my face dry and looked over. She was face down on the floor; her hair fanned out in front of her. I rolled my eyes. Claire never failed to bring in the drama.

“I draw on the inner feeling of not wanting to fail my classes.”

“Speaking of failing, how’s calculus going?” She turned her head toward me. “That bad, huh?”

“It makes me wanna cry and throw up and kick something all at once.” Just thinking about it now made me want to commit several crimes against Newton.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “It’s just like that sometimes. Headed there now?”

I tossed the towel over the rack and shuffled back to my room, keeping the door ajar so I could hear her still. “No, I have to meet up with my project partner to plan out our course of action. Final project for English.”

“What’s this one about?”

“One very big essay, presentation, and creative writing piece about pretty much anything we want. We have to do the research and all that over the course of spring break to the end of the year. Well, we don’t have to do it over spring break, but it’s better to get a head start. I want to do research on Golden Child Syndrome.”

“Gonna do your normal spiel of taking charge?”

I opened my closet. A sweater? No, it was starting to get too hot. “What else would you expect?” Maybe just a cardigan. The café we were set to meet in was prone to being chilly.

“Not gonna lie, Kaiya, if I were a partner for you, I’d want to strangle you.”

“What do you mean?” I pulled my shirt over my head, hoping my newly dyed hair wouldn’t stain the nape of my new shirt. “Wouldn’t you want someone to do all the work while you just got to chill? Some people shirk all their work on purpose. I’m just willing to take it all on.”

I would rather I not have to worry about someone not pulling their weight when I knew I could do the project faster and better. It’s not like I wouldn’t keep them up to date on how it was going. I even had a plan on when to keep people updated on how the project was going.

“Claire?”

She heaved a sigh and said, “I don’t know, man. Just… make sure you know what you’re getting into.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I pulled open my door, and she was still on the floor, this time with a pillow from the couch. She was curled up, her arms around the pillow while her head was on the floor, picking at the skirt of the couch.

“It means what it means. Aren’t you going to be late?”

I glanced at my watch. “Ah, shit.” I scrambled back to my room and grabbed my laptop and bag. “Are you gonna be here when I get back, or are you headed back home today?”

“Going home. When I finish my essay, I’ll get going.” She didn’t move as I stumbled putting on my shoes. Normally Claire always had something to say, but right now she was silent as she messed with the couch. It threw me off a little, but I had to leave.

“Be safe, then. See you after the break.”

“See you, Kaiya.”

I hustled out of the room and down the stairs. Jacob was always on time and like to bitch about tardiness.

I was still gonna be late, but I was at least gonna brace for it.

The walk was short, but brisk. Spring was coming in full force, and I wished I had a mask. The pollen in the air was wreaking havoc on my sinuses.

The café we were meeting at was, thankfully, only a twenty-minute walk from my dorm. We would have time to go over everything and I could still make it back in time to pack and make it to the bus stop.

As I arrived, I saw Jacob already sitting at a table in front. I waved and got in line; I needed coffee to help wake up.

I dropped my stuff down on the table and took a long sip of my drink. I didn’t even have a chance to swallow before he started.

“Late as always, I see.” He swirled his coffee around, showing off his half empty cup. “I was about to get up again to get another you were taking so long.”

I set my drink down, rolling my eyes. “I’m ten minutes late and I texted you.”

“You texted me when you were already five minutes late,” he said.

“Because I forgot you can be so anal retentive and can’t have a single delay.” It was his turn to roll his eyes. For all the years I’d known him, he never changed. “Anyway, I was thinking that I would take charge of this project. I could do everything without you having to lift and finger and I would keep you updated on where I was on it so you wouldn’t be completely out of the loop. It’s a win-win situation.”

He leaned back in his seat, crossed his arms, and said, “No.”

I paused for a moment, thinking I’d misheard him. No one ever said no. “What?”

“I told you I’m not going to let you do that.” He looked pissed off, and it was a far cry from the reactions I was used to getting. Most of the time, people were suspicious but resigned. Sometimes they were relieved and happy. But every time I got what I wanted: the project all to myself.

“Why not? You’ll get a good grade, and you won’t even have to do anything. You know I’m guaranteed to make good on this.”

“It’s not that I don’t think you’ll do it. In fact, I think you’ll do the project very well and pass us with flying colors.”

“Then why—”

“I want to do the work.” He leaned forward, his hands wrapped around his hot coffee as he stared me down. “I want to put in the effort and understand what I’m learning. I can’t do that if you do all the work and I just stand there and look pretty when we present.”

“Jake, I need to make sure that this is good. If I don’t, my dad will stop funding me and I can’t afford to keep going if he doesn’t. I’ve still got my summer classes to think about.”

He rolled his eyes. “When have I ever let you down?”

I’d known Jake since we were kids: same middle school, high school, and college. Teachers had paired us together for more projects than I could remember, and he always pulled his weight. He came from a family as strict as mine and while we weren’t more than close acquaintances, I’d always pick him over anyone else in our classes.

“Never, I’ll admit, but still. You can take this as a break. I like doing all the work.”

“And so do I.” He narrowed his eyes. “I’ll make sure this ends badly if you don’t loosen the reins. I know your parents are a nightmare, but you won’t do this to me.”

I huffed, sipping my cold coffee while staring back at him. There was something about Jake that I couldn’t fight against like everyone else. Maybe it was because we’d known each other for so long. Maybe it was because he was as stubborn as me.

“I’ll think about it.”

He smirked and leaned back, knowing he’d at least chipped away at my resolve. “Think about it quickly. We only have a few weeks to get this done.”

° ° °

“Serves you right,” Enrique said.

“Et tu?” I slumped against the bus station walls, my bag cushioning my butt from the ground. Enrique and I always ended up at the bus station together when the holidays rolled around. Neither of us had cars, and it was always nice to have someone to talk to while we waited.

Unlike me, Enrique was excited to go see his family. He lived in a multi-generational household, and everyone loved it that way. He was in no rush to move out and the only reason he came to this college was that it was the best one for his astrophysics degree. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, he was always someone I could count on to cheer me up.

Well, almost always.

“Kaiya, you can’t strong arm your way into doing things all the time.”

“But it’s not all the time,” I said, throwing my arms out. “It’s only sometimes and I can strong arm it. I always have.”

“And now look at where you are.”

“On the dirty ground in front of a bus station?”

He gave me one of his signature Mom Looks. “Kaiya.”

“Okay, yes, I get what you mean.” I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder. “I need this to be perfect, you know? If Jake wasn’t so bullheaded, I could get it done just fine for the both of us.”

“Maybe bullheaded is just what you need. You’ve been pushing people aside in terms of academics for a long time. I think Jake is just what you need to shake things up a bit. Maybe, I don’t know, put your trust in someone.”

I sighed and nudged his shoulder with my head. I wanted to say that I didn’t really trust anyone, academic or otherwise, but Enrique would just tell me that I need to open up more. He’d been telling me that since we met in our college freshman year.

I’d been sitting in the cafeteria, poring over my schedule, trying to figure out whether or not I’d be able to sleep when he plopped down in front of me and introduced himself.

“Enrique Salazar.”

I stared at him for a moment before saying, “Kaiya Wilson.”

“You looked stressed and lonely. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Um. Yes. I’m fine.” I picked up my books and started to pack them away. I had no reason to speak with him, and the fact that he’d just inserted himself into my space was weird.

“Leaving already? Are you going to the library? I was just about to make my way over there to sort out my course load, too. Maybe we can help each other.”

“How did— Why?” I paused for a moment and took a breath. “Why are you talking to me?”

He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean? I already told you.”

“I mean, I’m probably the least sociable looking person here, on purpose, and you decided that I was the person to talk to. Why?”

“Oh, that.” He chuckled, pushing his hair out of the way. (At the time, he was in the process of growing his hair out to the length it was now. It was a shaggy mess and always falling in his face.) “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you looked like you were trying to keep people away. You’ll have a lonely college experience if you keep doing that.”

“I’m unconcerned with that. I have friends outside of here.” That was a lie, but he didn’t know that.

“Maybe,” he said, sidling up to me as I stood. “But that’s out there. What about here?”

At the time, I didn’t care about having friends at college. I knew that I would run into people at some point, but the beginning of the semester wasn’t when I wanted that to happen. Enrique was having none of it. From that day on, he kept finding me like he had a tracker. At one point, I asked if he actually did and he just winked and said, “I’m just really good at noticing when you’re nearby.” I called him a creep and a weirdo, and eventually, through much pestering, gave into his friendship.

It wasn’t just that he could track me down so easily that made him so weird. I felt like I’d met him before, and he could always pinpoint when I was upset even when we hadn’t known each other for very long. He had no problem handling my once a semester meltdown like a champ even though Claire and Viktor tended to steer clear, but Enrique always knew exactly what I needed when I needed it. He chalked it up to having killer intuition, but for a solid week I was convinced he’d somehow stalked me even though I’d never been on campus until that first week, and my hometown was small enough that I would know about him. The only thing that reassured me otherwise was how genuinely upset he was that I would think that about him.

These days we sought each other out almost equally, but he still had an uncanny way of showing up despite not having any way of knowing where I was. Even after four years, it was still hard to get used to.

“I’ll put my trust in someone the moment the buses start arriving on time.”

He laughed. “Guess you’ll go to your grave first.”

When the bus finally came, Enrique and I sat next to each other for the four-hour bus ride back to Dallas. He slept with his head back and mouth open, even drooling a little. The first time he drooled on my shoulder, I couldn’t handle how gross it was and yelled at him. Now it was just part of the normal routine of going home. I’ll admit I’d kind of miss it when we graduated and rode home for the last time. Knowing I’d get to meet up with him after a family visit was one of the few things getting me through it.

The bus ride was as slow as ever, the dread of coming back to my parents’ home was sinking further and further in as we got closer. It was never any easier coming back no matter how many times I did it. I’d skipped Thanksgiving break, so I had to make up for it with spring break. Three weeks I’d have to have family dinners (interrogations), family outings (making sure we look Perfect for the neighbors), and family time (ignoring each other’s presence in the same room until necessary).

I had special permission to skip out on family time when I could prove I had homework to do.

Dad was standing at the bus stop, hands in his pockets, looking regal as ever. Women and men of all ages kept sneaking glances at him as he checked his watch. Regardless of how I felt about him, Dad was a handsome man by any standards. Dark skin and darker eyes with a jawline people paid thousands for, I hated to admit we looked very similar. My face was, thankfully, softer than his and I had Mom’s thick eyebrows instead of his thin ones, and I was taller than him these days. It was the first thing anyone ever said when meeting us, telling us how much we looked alike. Dad would always smile proudly and say, “Yes, and she has her mother’s personality.”

I shook Enrique awake, and he snorted before blinking hard into the afternoon light. “There already?”

“I don’t know how you manage to sleep so soundly. What did you do before we met?”

We remained seated while everyone got up and shuffled around, looking for books, phones, and earbuds. Enrique stretched and said, “I used alarms. It annoyed everyone.”

“I’m sure it did.” I rolled my shoulders and neck, trying to relieve the tension. “Who’s picking you up today? I’ll keep an eye out for them.”

“I think my grandma. If she couldn’t make it, my grandpa.”

“I’ll look for both of them.” His grandparents were sweet, and I’d met them a few times while they picked him up. They always greeted him with food and kisses and asked him how he slept. Both were very tiny, but surprisingly strong.

I caught Dad’s eye and inwardly groaned. Now that he’d seen me, I had to move. “Sorry Enrique. I’ve been spotted.”

“Sorry, Kaiya. One more hug?”

I quickly weighed the pros and cons before deciding I didn’t care. I gave him a quick squeeze before standing and grabbing my backpack. “See you in three weeks.”

“Three weeks.”