Wait For Me

I managed to sneak away an hour after our performance. Too many people wanted to talk to me, and I extricated myself by saying I wanted a bite to eat.

I didn’t care that they could see me walking toward the lake.

I walked until I hit the shoreline, then followed it west toward the schools. They would be empty that this time of night, of course, but it made me wonder about Kejesi. I’d written Lenris a letter two weeks ago asking about their health and how they were adjusting. Today I’d gotten her letter that Kejesi had been officially enrolled in mage school to better understand his power. She was both relieved and terrified for him. I’d been hoping to at least see them to catch up in person, but I hadn’t seen them even on stage. There was a good chance they were still in their temporary homes. Nicia hadn’t been taking the change well and Kejesi was struggling. I couldn’t blame them for not wanting to join in the festivities.

Zann’s planned work, though. I’d give it up to him that morale was significantly boosted from the show. Most people when I was in town seemed like they were just trying to survive. It was nice to see everyone enjoy living, even if it might have only been for the night.

I kept walking past the schools, following the curve of the lake. I didn’t want anyone to interrupt me, and getting away from the music helped calm my head. If anyone needed me, Enri could find me.

The sun had set, and a chilly wind was blowing off the lake and I shivered a bit. Most of the time it was warm out, but lake weather was a different beast and the people I was looking for could handle it just fine.

I found Eumen, Clecia, and Corek at the edge of the forest where the trees met the lake. They had come in to see my performance but left right after.

Their voices were floating over softly as they murmured together, sitting with their backs against trees. It was hard to make out what they were saying, and as I got closer, they stopped whipping their heads around.

Eumen broke into a smile as she saw me, realizing I wasn’t a random part goer. “Kaiya! I didn’t think we’d get a moment to see you tonight.”

“Or ever again,” Corek said. Her arms were crossed, and she was looking at the ground. “It’s been months, Kaiya.”

“It’s been a month and a half at most, first of all.” Clecia knocked the wind out of me as she got up and tackled me into a tight hug. She squished her face next to mine and nearly threw me off balance. Since she was mute, she did her best to show her affection physically, though it was times like these that reminded me that she was only a teenager. “It’s good to see you too, Clecia.”

“That doesn’t negate the fact that you haven’t reached out to any of us.”

“Corek, when I had a moment to go see you, they had sent the three of you on a mission and wouldn’t be back for two weeks. After that, I was stuck with training for this and none of you are allowed to receive letters. Honestly, if the three of you hadn’t been here tonight, I would have snuck out to go find you.”

“And risk His Majesty’s wrath?” Eumen asked. “You really are something.”

“And risk Enri’s wrath. I care more about hers than his.”

Corek still looked upset but dropped her arms. “I suppose I can understand that. Sit. Tell us what you have been up to.”

I dug my heel into the ground and kicked up. Two benches of tangled root, dirt, and grass emerged. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than sitting on the slightly damp ground.

Eumen looked impressed as she sat, Corek dropping down next to her. Clecia tugged me down on the opposite bench, wrapping her arm around mine, and I recounted my last few weeks without them, save for my discoveries about Enri and Zann.

“So, what have y’all been up to? I hear that you’ve been at pretty much every mission since the first.” The mood shifted. It was small, but enough for me to notice. I pulled my arm out of Clecia’s grasp and signed, “Something I should know about?”

Eumen and Corek exchanged a look and Corek said, “You have seen death.” It sounded like a question, but I knew it was a statement.

My heart dropped as I thought of Noram. I had been having a hard time with his death, given what Enri said, but he was just a person as affected by the war as the next civilian. I didn’t know if Zann was telling the truth and was attacked after the treaty signing, but even if he was, I couldn’t help but feel like everything was still his fault.

She started to sign as she continued. “We have seen death every time after our first mission. We have helped refugees get to shelter and served time on the front lines. We have yet to see a reason for it.”

Clecia tapped my shoulder, and I turned to face her. She looked so tired. “I joined because I wanted to help defend our kingdom, but the more I see what we’re doing, the less it feels like defending. Our kingdom is young, barely older than me, but this feels like the end of something. We’re winning, but at what cost?”

I leaned back on the bench, crossing my arms. I agreed to do this because I wanted to help and do some good. It seemed like a good idea at the time, even if my choices were limited. But the more I learned about what was going on, the more it felt like I made the wrong choice.

The censorship of history books, Enri being a political prisoner, and now home soldiers questioning the integrity of what they’re doing.

“I’m there with you,” I signed. “I’m worried about all that we’re doing, but there isn’t much I can do at the moment that wouldn’t make things worse. Does anyone else share your concerns?”

Eumen shook her head. “If there are, they haven’t said anything. We’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk to you. You’ve always been open about your beliefs. We figured if there was anyone we could go to with this, it’d be you.”

“Thank you for trusting me. I haven’t been close to Zann in a long time, but I can try to do more and understand the details of what’s going on. Hopefully that’ll help us.”

Clecia tapped my shoulder again, looking a bit nervous. “I don’t want you to take what I’m going to ask the wrong way. And I want you to know that I do trust you completely. But do you… Do you…”

“Enri,” Corek said. I turned to look as she lifted both of her hands to her right and closed her fists. Trust.

Do I trust Enri?

It was a question I’d pondered myself many times. Perhaps two months ago I might have said no, at least in this context. As far as I knew, Enri was loyal to Zann to a fault and while she cared about my general wellbeing, it was mostly because it was her job. Now I knew better. She would serve Zann, but only because she wanted to serve her people.

I nodded. “I trust her. She wants this war to end as soon as possible. It’s better for everyone that way.”

Corek seemed a little wary but signed, “If you trust her, then I will. I worry if things don’t change, we’ll be forced to make it change and I don’t want to do that.”

“If it comes to that, I’ll be by your side. Each of you.”

“Kaiya!” We jumped at the sound. Enri’s voice rolled over the beach, breaking the silence. “Kaiya!”

“I’ve been caught. I gotta run.”

Clecia pulled me into a hug again. “Be safe out there. Sometimes being here is more dangerous than out there.”

Eumen and Corek nodded in agreement. “Keep your eyes and ears up,” Corek said. “And come get us if you need anything.”

“Of course. Godspeed, friends. I’ll make sure we don’t go another month without seeing each other again.” I stood, dusting stand and dirt off my dress as they made their way further into the forest, disappearing under the darkness of the canopy. Grinding in my heels, the benches retreated back into the ground.

As I rounded the tree, I was face to face with Enri, our noses only a few inches from each other. She had her hair down again. “Hey.”

“Hi.” She didn’t move. “What are you doing out here?”

“Catching up with my friends since I couldn’t earlier. What are you doing out here?”

“Looking for you. You just left me in there.”

“As much as I love talking to people I don’t know or care about, I needed a break. You could have joined me.”

“I have.” She placed the back of her hand on my cheek. Her hand was hot. “Your face is cold.”

“Nights are always colder than anticipated. We could go back to the town. Enjoy the food and music. I’m sure we’d warm up fast.”

She didn’t move. “I would rather stay out here with you. Most people are drunk enough that they are enjoying the food and music more than we could.” She paused. “Though I think you could give them a run for their money when it comes to food.”

I laughed. “That’s true. Then let’s sit.” I reached out, pulling roots and grass up to create another bench.

She didn’t move. Her hand fell to my collar, turning over my necklace. Her eyes followed as she ran her thumb over the trinket. “You always wear this little dove. I can get you a better one. This one is chipped now.”

I grabbed her hand. “I wear it because you bought it for me. It’s the only thing here that’s mine. And I keep what’s mine close to me.”

She moved closer. In the moonlight, her eyes were pools of sweet honey and I noticed, not for the first time, that she was a few inches shorter than me. Normally she felt larger than life, so it was hard to notice, but having her so close to me, her head tilted up, she looked small.

My heart was beating so loud. I was going to lose my nerve if I didn’t act soon.

“Enri?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

She smiled. “Yes.”

With my free hand, I cupped her cheek, making my way down to her neck and feeling her soft hair on my fingertips. For someone so strong, she was so soft in so many ways. Her body was soft pressed to mine, her hand was soft in my grip, and her lips… Her lips were as soft as a rose petal and just as sweet.

If I could have frozen that one blissful moment, I would have. Kept it in a bottle to drink when I needed a reminder of what I was working so hard for. I didn’t know I would need it soon, but I savored the moment like I knew what was to come.

I held her close, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her up so she was standing on my shoes. I wanted to dig my hands in her hair and keep kissing her until she was breathless, but it wasn’t the place. I didn’t care about being caught. I cared about having to stop.

I pulled away slowly, though our lips were still centimeters apart.

“Kaiya?”

“Yes?”

“You know how I needed help getting into my dress? I’m going to need help to get out of it.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Is that an invitation?”

“For you? Always.”

° ° °

Zann summoned me and Enri the next day. He was laid up in bed, his curtains drawn, and a bucket next to the bed. He was on his side and looked like death. I knew the recovery position, AKA the Violently Hungover Position, well.

I’d never seen him look anything other than kingly or politely resigned. It was interesting seeing the normal man behind the king’s façade.

“You are both breathing remarkably loud,” he said. It was the first thing the break the silence in the past five minutes.

“You got drunk last night despite my warning,” Enri said. “You have yourself to blame for how you feel.”

“Your voice feels so much sharper than normal,” he grumbled. I couldn’t help but snicker. Viktor used to say the same thing to me when I scolded him for getting wasted the night after a big exam.

I heard a soft gurgle and turned my head in time to miss Zann throw up into a bucket next to his bed. I wasn’t the type to barf when others did, but I hated to see it still.

A maid rushed to his side with water and a cloth. He cleared his throat, and when I turned back, he was starting to sit up. “I think that was the last of it,” he said. He took a deep breath. “I apologize for my sorry state, Kaiya. I do wish I had been more restrained, but I was quite excited. You have given my people hope and shown that you are more than what was expected. With this momentum, I was hoping to travel with you to neighboring domains. And—” He paused for a moment, and I turned away as he, again, painted the bucket with vomit. He really went hard last night.

“Apologies.” He slumped against his pillows, not even trying to maintain his appearance. “By visiting neighboring domains, I hope to strengthen our political and practical bonds. The Treaty has the other domains in a stalemate, unwilling to help, but there’s one I believe might be willing to listen. I want both of you to come with me. Enri, I want you there for protection, and Kaiya, I want you there for the experience.” He let out a loud burp, and I was glad we were standing so far away. “I wanted to leave today, but we’ll set out for Feral tomorrow.”

“It’s Fera, Zann,” Enri said. Her voice was tight.

I could feel Enri start to tense up. She hadn’t been back in over a decade and now she was going there to protect the man that had essentially kidnapped her.

“Hm? Oh, yes, right.” He dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Prepare for a month-long trip. Perhaps longer if it takes a while. We’ll leave at sunrise.”

“You know,” I said, before he could bury himself deeper into his bed. “If you want security without seeming like you’re trying to overkill, you could add a few troops from Vanli’s company. They’d be skilled enough to help in a fight without it seeming like you were anticipating anything.”

He paused, the blanket almost over his head. “Well said,” he nodded. “Enri, pick a few troops before we go.”

We left as he sank further into bed, pulling the blanket over his head.

Enri looked aggravated as we walked through the halls, her boots clicking in a way that warned the staff to get out of her way. I followed behind, keeping pace with my longer legs. I wasn’t going to leave her alone, but I would wait until she wanted to talk.

We paced around the palace for an hour. I was lost in my head, wondering what we would have for dinner and if I actually had enough clothes to make it through a month. At least, I wouldn’t have that many clothes I could wear in front of important people. Most of my clothing was heavily patched from training and while I didn’t care, I figured Zann would want us to look our best.

When Enri finally stopped, we were in the garden near my room. It was full of wildflowers, only maintained so much that it didn’t encroach on the walkway. She was looking at the daisies. The white was bright against the purple hydrangeas surrounding them.

Her shoulders fell as she said, “I know he does that on purpose, but it still gets to me.”

“He only does it because he knows he can get away with it. If you could say what you wanted, he’d be crying.”

“If you said what you wanted, he’d be crying. I’m not as quick-witted as you.”

I bumped her shoulder with mine. “It’s an artform, but if you hang out with me long enough, you’ll pick up on it.”

She smiled. “I already have. The other day, I told Iljana to get stuffed when he said I should be harder on you in training. I’ve never said that before.”

“And you should keep saying it. Maybe he’ll get the picture if you start telling him.”

She laughed this time. “Maybe. Thanks for keeping me company, Kaiya. It means a lot.”

“Anytime, Enri. I would love to stay and keep wandering the grounds with you, but I do have a class to get to.”

“Oh!” she gasped. “Of course, it slipped my mind. Go, I’ll see you later. I need to grab Corek, Eumen, and Clecia.”

I was glad she picked up what I was putting down. I meant it when I said I didn’t want us to go another month without seeing each other. Maybe a diplomatic trip outside the country would be a palette cleanser for them.

I waved as I left, picking up the pace as I made my way down to the basement classroom again. Today I was going to meet with Evada to start air elemental training. I wondered if she knew I was going to leave tomorrow.

Evada was lying on the teacher’s desk when I walked in. She was blowing a leaf up and down, but it was too perfect to have been natural. I sat on the desk, kicking my feet. “Hey, Evada.”

“Hello,” she said. Her voice was a little singsongy. The leaf fell and landed on her forehead. It had been a while since I’d seen her, but she looked just as unbothered as usual. Her tawny brown skin was sun kissed, with freckles running up and down her arms. Her left leg was elevated on a pillow, and I could see a scar that was too clean to not be surgical near her ankle. I’d noticed her limp before but hadn’t thought much of it since she hadn’t seemed bothered. Her easy personality wasn’t sleepy like Ikae, but more like she had faith that things would be okay. “His Majesty informed me that we’d be leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah, it’s something that just came up.” I paused. “We?”

“Of course! We still need you to be trained while we can. It takes a week of steady travel to get there. That’s plenty of time to train you.”

“Cool. Well. What do we start with?”

“Jumping.”

“Jumping?”

“Yeah. Jump and land softly.” She lifted herself from a laying position to a sitting position. She looked like she was floating gently on a current I couldn’t feel. “It’s harder than it looks.”

“I am so sure it is. Looks fun, though.”

“It can be,” she smiled. “So much of magic is fun and amazing and beautiful. Some people take it seriously, like it’s a job, but just feeling it and letting the magic run through you is one of the best ways I’ve found to use it. Enri tells me you have an affinity for wind magic.”

“It’s how my magic tended to manifest when I was working the basics of it.” It still manifested like that from time to time when I wasn’t paying attention. Last night I blew the skirt of my dress up several times while trying to take it off.

“Good. This should be a bit easier for you then. When we come back, I’ll take you to the cliffs.”

“Why would we go to the cliffs?”

She grinned. “To throw you off them, of course.”

Despite the grin, I knew she wasn’t joking. I could save myself if I used terra magic or if there was water nearby, but that would be against the point.

Though wind magic came most naturally, there was a precision to it that didn’t come naturally. I could lift myself and other things up, but being gentle about it was something I couldn’t quite get the hang of it. Since I used terra so much, it might have had something to do with it. Even when I summoned flowers and trees, there was a gruffness to it.

“You’re putting too much force behind it,” Evada said. “Did you ever meditate when Madam was teaching you?”

“Yeah, it was one of the things she insisted on doing. It was really annoying at first.”

She nodded. “That’s good, that’s good. Do you meditate often?”

“Not as much as I used to.”

“You’ll have to start doing that again.” She was laying down again, blowing the leaf up and down. “It’ll help you focus more. And you should find a way to relax a bit. Fun is part of the process.”

Enri and I met up in her room after my class was over and I sat on her bed and watched as she packed. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said. “You’re very gentle.”

“With you, perhaps. Not with magic.”

She blushed to her ears and ignored me. “You’re good at water magic and that’s not too far off. This shouldn’t be as hard.”

“Water is still heavy. It has weight and shape. Air has none of that.” Enri was folding her clothes neatly into a suitcase, carefully deciding which outfits to pick. I had already tossed some clothes into a backpack and hoped it would be good enough. Zann could complain at me if he wanted, but I didn’t care. He should have been sober enough to tell me what he expected. “I think I just need to get more practice with it.”

“Evada is coming with us. You’ll have plenty of time to practice with her.”

“At least there will be some entertainment on the way.” Enri closed her suitcase and leaned against her table. She still had her notes about the ritual spread everywhere. The fifth point of the star was still eluding her.

“It will also give me time to study more. When we arrive, I’ll have to ask to visit their library. They’ll have a better selection of sorcerer’s knowledge.” Enri was stiff as she said this. I knew this would be a hard journey for her. For the first time in fifteen years, she would see her family. For the first time in fifteen years, she would be home.

Enri was still as she looked out the window. Her eyes were fixed on the palace in the distance. I had a feeling that if I left her, she would have stayed there until the next morning. I stood and walked over, leaning against the table next to her. I squeezed her hand. After a moment, she squeezed back.

“If you need me to, I’ll tell Zann to fuck off.”

She snorted, still looking at the horizon. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”