Unlimited Isekai and Other Unfortunate Magic

Dave's survival instincts kicked in. Without hesitation, he slashed wildly across Oraniss's neck with the bone knife. The blade connected with a sickening thud, and black blood sprayed from the wound.

Oraniss reeled back, her grip loosening as she clutched at her throat. A terrible gurgling sound escaped her lips as she struggled to breathe, black fluid spewing from the cut, moving almost like... smoke?

The violin sang a note of warning and Dave caught sight of a jagged, rusty blade aimed at his side. With a thought, he pushed everything into Agility and Dexterity and intercepted the weapon, his hand wrapping around the spider-girl's wrist.

In another split moment, he pushed everything into Strength. Her wrist unexpectedly snapped like a twig as he squeezed it with all of his soul-amplified power, liquid-smoke pouring from between his fingers.

The spider-girl's multiple eyes widened in surprise as she dropped the rusted blade.

"Impossssible," she hissed, bubbling and losing more black blood. "You are only level four! How..."

Dave panted, staring back at the unexpectedly murderous spidergirl, not entirely sure if he'd done enough damage to rebuff her advances.

"No matter! I will take what is mine!" Oraniss let out a piercing shriek, her body contorting in ways that defied human anatomy. She lunged forward again, her black teeth snapping inches from Dave's face.

Dave thrust his knife-holding hand forward with all of his excessive strength. There was a sickening squelch as the bone knife sunk into her chest, going right through it along with his entire hand.

Oraniss's eyes widened in shock and pain. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as she stumbled backward.

"No..." she gurgled, black smoke bubbling from her lips and from the hole in her chest. Her spindly legs buckled, and she collapsed to the ground, her body curling in on itself like a dying insect.

Dave stood there, panting heavily, his mind reeling from the sudden attack. As he watched Oraniss's life ebb away, he stood over her, horrified that he had just murdered someone in broad daylight.

Sherlock's violin began to play ‘Materia Primoris’ from The X-Files, which sent Dave's mind careening sideways for a minute, the humming tones making him switch everything to Wisdom and realize that the creature that attacked him wasn't like anyone else he'd encountered so far in Shandria.

He had to know why Oraniss attacked him.

Dave switched everything to Magic and reached out with his Phantomancy, grabbing his assailant's shoulder and attempting to absorb the sparks of her life.

There was indeed a soul there, and as the ethereal silver blue sparks flowed into his fingers, Dave felt a deep sense of unease.

The essence he absorbed felt wrong, fractured, discordant. Instead of a coherent set of recent memories, all he could sense was an overwhelming, all-consuming hunger, a sense of loss, of incompletion, a desire to feast, to kill, to devour knowledge, to fill the missing pieces.

"What... what the eff…" Dave sputtered, horrified by the alien nature of the soul he had absorbed.

Below him, Oraniss's body began to change. Her spider-like form seemed to lose cohesion, her flesh crackling, bubbling, and melting. In a matter of seconds, her entire being dissolved into a dark, viscous fluid that pooled around Dave's feet and then began to fade away into black smoke.

Dave stumbled back, his heart pounding in his chest. "Holy shit," he sputtered, staring at the vanishing puddle that had once been Oraniss. "What the hell is going on in this city?"

He retreated out of the alley. Glancing back he half-expected to see the spider-girl's remains, but there was nothing left of her body- not even a stain on the cobblestones. Only an empty, raggedy cloak remained. With a shudder, he put everything into Agility and quickened his pace, eager to put as much distance between himself and the scene of the bizarre attack as possible.

As he walked, his thoughts raced, trying to understand what had just happened.

Before he knew it, his feet had carried him through Adventurers Gate to the familiar sight of the Cambria Snail Cafe. The whimsical, pearlescent, massive shell stood out against the backdrop of endlessly rising mountains, its vibrant colors in direct opposition to the grim concerns occupying Dave's mind.

As he approached the cafe and sat down, a blur of dark fur and mischievous eyes materialized in front of him. Cedez, in all her foxy glory, deposited a steaming latte in front of him.

"So, how's the dragon-slaying going, hero?" She purred, sitting down across from him.

"Dragon-slaying?" he finally managed, looking up at Cedez's expectant face. "More like dragon-annoying. Remicra is about as friendly as a cactus with anger management issues."

"Uh-huh?"

"Well, for starters, she threw me out. Twice. And when I say threw, I mean literally hurled me through the air like I was a sack of potatoes."

"Kinky," Cedez winked. "You spent the night in her abode, yes?"

"Yes. I spent the night in an upstairs room that looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the dawn of time and got a front-row seat to the most terrifying night ever..."

"Ah, you saw our resident leviathan," Cedez nodded.

"Yep, just your average, run-of-the-mill colossal shadow monster with a thousand eyes that eats everything it catches," Dave waved his hands trying and failing to portray the eldritch several-mile-tall monstrosity that he saw at night. "No big deal."

"Yes, yes," Cedez rolled her blue eyes. "That's normal. Now, has anything odd happened to you since we last talked?"

Dave stared at her incredulously. "Odd? You mean besides nearly becoming a midnight snack for a cosmic horror? Or finding a stained glass window of my dead best friend from Earth?"

Cedez's ears perked up at this. "Stained glass?"

"There was this window in the room where I slept. It showed a woman who looked exactly like my friend Lari, but it called her 'Saint Saria'. It had a date too. 8085 AXT."

"That's one hundred and eighty-eight years ago," Cedez revealed.

“Damn it,” Dave signed. “I really did miss her by centuries somehow. Do… people, uh, healers live… that long? Can magic extend life?”

The foxgirl's expression turned somber. "People don't live that long, Dave," she said softly. "Immortality... exists, but it has a horrible price."

“Like what?”

“I… don’t want to talk about it,” Cedez looked off past Dave into the distance, the sparks of merriment gone from her eyes.

Dave sipped on his latte. The foxgirl was silent for once.

“It's incredibly odd now that I think about it,” he said, looking up at the endlessly rising horizon. “This inverted planet is absolutely, mind mindbogglingly huge. What are the chances of both of us ending up in Shandria?”

“There are no coincidences,” Cedez said. “Everything is interconnected. This is how magic functions.”

“Meaning what?” Dave demanded.

“If your friend lived here centuries ago, she left an imprint of her desires on Shandria,” Cedez revealed. “A final wish, one that made sure that you eventually found her.”

“After two bloody centuries?! After she died?!”

“Yes,” Cedez nodded. “This is just how things work, I'm afraid. You are practically living in your friend's shadow, her legacy… her last breath. Magic outlives people, propagates their desires in awful, twisted ways long after they're gone. You found that stained glass because she wanted you to find her or was trying to find you and failed. Sadly, your best friend is long gone, but her magic remains in the world, influencing it, subtly guiding... your path."

Dave stared at the foxgirl, the silence between them stretching on.

"How do you know this?" He asked.

"It's just something that Murdoc taught me," Cedez shrugged. "He was a dungeon delver back in the day. A girl he loved turned into a dungeon."

"What?" Dave sputtered.

"He can tell you the rest, if he wishes," Cedez shrugged. "It's not my story to share."

"Fine," Dave said.

“So, what else happened today?” The foxgirl asked, sliding a cake over to him.

"Where do I even start?" he muttered. He recounted his day, from his conversation with Remicra to his haggling in the marketplace.

"I had a nice bath with a mermaid Auric healer and started heading your way…" Dave paused. "That's when things got really crazy.”

“Yeeees?”

He described his encounter with Oraniss in vivid detail, describing her sudden, inexplicable attack. As he spoke, Cedez's playful demeanor faded, her smile gone, replaced by a look of barely concealed worry, the dark halo flickering into existence above her head, completely cutting them off from the world.

"She said she could smell an extra day on me," Dave said, eyeing the inverted halo. "How could she possibly know about that?”

“Ugh,” Cedez rubbed her face. “I was really hoping that this would not happen so soon with someone like you.”

"What did you hope wouldn't happen?" Dave demanded.

Cedez bit her lip, her tail swishing agitatedly behind her.

“Did you kill her and… eat her soul?” She asked.

“What?!”

“Come now, all the good little necromancers eat souls of the people they murder to gain power,” Cedez said. “Answer the question–did you devour her soul, feast on her knowledge and wishes?”

Dave shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his fingers tightening around the warm mug of latte. He could feel the foxgirl's eyes boring into him, searching for the truth he was reluctant to reveal. He looked up at the dark halo above her head and made a decision.

"Yes. She wouldn’t stop trying to bite my head off, so I killed her,” he answered. “I wanted to learn why she attacked me, so I... absorbed her soul.”

Cedez leaned forward, deep blue eyes wide. "And what did you feel when you consumed her? What did you learn about her?"

"She was... wrong," he revealed. "She was broken. Like a shattered mirror. Hollow. Empty. Incomplete. There was this overwhelming hunger, a desperate need to consume knowledge that belonged to her.”

“I see,” Cedez murmured.

“What was she, and why did she try to kill me?” Dave asked.

“Can’t say,” Cedez shook her head.

“Hey, come on, this is bullshit!” Dave complained. "I nearly got my head bit off back there by whatever the hell that spider-thing was. I deserve some answers!"

Cedez's silver-blue eyes met his, and for a moment, Dave saw a vulnerability there that he hadn't noticed before. She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping.

"You're right," she admitted. "You do deserve answers. But… Having answers is unhealthy for you at this juncture. The less you know, the safer you are from them.”

“Them?” Dave blinked. “Huntsmaw? That’s what she called herself…”

"Shhhh. You're not up against anything," Cedez hissed, pressing a finger to her lips. "There was no spider girl. Nobody is hunting you. Focus on the wholesome, simple quest I gave you. Make some lovely new armor with Remicra or something. Don't worry about it and don’t say that name.”

"Are you serious right now? You expect me to just forget about nearly being killed and focus on... blacksmithing?"

"Yes," Cedez nodded. "Be simple, ordinary, wholesome. Don't... stand out, don't deviate from the base narrative. Look at me. I'm just a nice cafe maid, see?”

The grin that slid onto her face was somewhat lopsided.

Dave stared at Cedez, his frustration mounting. Her sudden shift from playful to cryptic was giving him mental whiplash.

“You are really screwing with me, you know that, right?” He growled. “I can't just ignore what bloody happened."

“Well, you’re gonna have to learn to ignore some questionable things,” Cedez said.

"But-" Dave started to protest.

Cedez held up a hand, cutting him off. "No. You need to trust me on this. The less you know, the safer you'll be. You’ve got Quests, yes? Focus on your Questing and stuff.”

"So you want me to just... what? Pretend none of this happened? Go back to playing house with a grumpy dragon?"

"Yes," Cedez nodded. "That's exactly what I want you to do."

"And if another questionable thing tries to eat my face for knowing too much or whatever?" Dave asked.

“It… probably won’t,” Cedez said shiftily.

“You don’t seem very sure about this,” Dave pointed out.

“I’m not,” Cedez shrugged.

"And you really think that's going to keep me safe? Just... playing dumb and hoping nothing else tries to kill me?"

"The less you know, the less you stand out, the safer you'll be. Just be a normal adventurer, okay?"

"Normal?" Dave scoffed. "What about my skill is normal?!"

“Why do I need to teach you the basics of not standing out?” Cedez waved her hand dismissively, sliding back into her imperious persona. "Do the things that other beginner adventurers do. What is so complicated about hiding in plain sight, Dave?”

“I understand the basics of not standing out,” Dave replied. “What I want from you is an explanation.”

“It’s just… consequences,” Cedez said. “I took pity on your dying ass, you shook my hand and learned something that you shouldn’t have and got a bit of consequences. This is why I don’t give out handshakes like candy. I thought that you were a big boy who could handle it. You handled it just fine. If another one shows up, handle it the same way. Kill them and eat their soul.”

Dave opened his mouth.

“Wake up, eat breakfast, go on a Quest, kill some monsters, level up, have dinner at a pub with a friend, argue about who has the best beard, rinse and repeat,” Cedez outlined. “Fit in. Think of yourself as a mundane Level four adventurer and totally not a necromancer who might or might not be employed by a questionable... uhh…”

Dave's mind attempted to fill in the blank as Cedez seemed to have trailed off.

A questionable… wish-granting genie? A princess pretending to run a coffee shop to interact with her subjects? A ghost haunting the snail's shell, a girl slain decades ago by necromancer Kells? A Cantigeist bound to the Adventurers Gate by the High Lords of Shandria? A cosmic entity masquerading as a cafe maid the interaction with which summoned lesser dark entities to harass him?

“…barista! Yes, that's it. A barista with mysterious and possibly nefarious coffee-related powers,” Cedez grinned, snapping her fingers.

"A questionable barista? Really? That's the best you could come up with?" Dave asked.

“That’s what I’m sticking with, yes,” she nodded with a sage look. “And I need you to stick to your role and take little steps 'cus if you take a step that’s too big for your boots you might fall over and drown in the abyss.”

“Are your handshakes like the monkey's paw, is that it?” Dave demanded.

“Power and knowledge has a price and there are those who seek to consume it, to take away what they think belongs to them,” Cedez answered.

"So, what you're saying is," Dave began slowly, "that by accepting your handshake, I've somehow painted a target on my back for these... Hu…"

“Shhhhhh,” Cedez hissed. “Don’t say the name!”

“You could have warned me ahead of time,” Dave crossed his arms.

“Nu-huh,” the foxgirl shook her black mane. “Talking about them just attracts more of them. Just drop it, okay? Drop it unless you want more consequences for which you aren’t ready. Get stronger first, got it? Hanging around me and asking too many specific questions about specific things? It's not just dangerous. It's practically a death sentence."

Dave sputtered on his latte.

“You want the truth? Fine. The truth is that the chances of you dying a horrible, painful death increase tenfold the moment you decide to stick with me and shake my hand. The truth is that madness isn't just a possibility, it's practically a guarantee.”

She leaned in even closer. "The truth, Dave, is that some knowledge is a poison in Shandria. And I'm the deadliest toxin of all, the kind you should run away from while you still have a chance."

"You involved me in this mess to begin with! You can't just tell me to run away now!" He objected.

"I was simply looking out for you, darling! Uhh, sort of like... I look out for everyone who orders lattes and comes in and out of the Adventurers Gate, see?"

"Oh, really? You offer every newcomer magical handshakes and cryptic quests?" Dave arched an eyebrow.

“Hey, I saved your life," she rebutted.

“Pretty sure that I’m still dying,” Dave pointed out.

“And I’ve offered you a solution before you even needed it,” she said. “So best get dragon romancing or perish!”