Ch. 134 - Serenity

Freshest breeze
Swipes the tips of my hair
Across my shoulders

And carries
Sweetest scents of flower and tree
Unknown, yet familiar

My heart
Knows the cradle of life
Even as the world dies.

– Tinea, remembering her first steps into the peace of Baie-Comeau, winter 2057

 

***

 

There was a silent hush, the unbroken gentle sway of intimate peace, as we entered the copse. The sunlight filtered through the leaves above us, tinged an unfamiliar green that nonetheless whispered of health and uncomplicated ease.

I came to a stop as I lifted my gaze and found myself falling in love with what I could only describe as paradise. Leah, still holding my hand, followed suit.

She looked down at me and squeezed my fingers when I refocused on her, blinking and occupied with all this natural…newness. Freshness. It was…it was a drug. It reminded me a little of when I'd first laid eyes on the ocean twenty years ago, where the raw presence of endless waters and moving waves had stunned me into speechlessness. One of many moments that would eventually turn mercenary me into a human, bit by bit.

Leah smiled at me and stroked my cheekbone with her free hand.

"It's a beautiful place, isn't it?" she said.

I just nodded mutely, still working through the effect this cradle of life, hidden away beyond the reach of ninety-nine percent of all people, had on me.

Ninety-nine percent. My eyes widened as that thought circled through my mind. And another samurai around, maybe. If they're friendly.

I looked around again, but I couldn't see much of the wider area past the flowering trees.

"What's up, Tinea?" Leah asked.

I shook my head. "Just a potential idea."

Don't know the disposition of this samurai yet, I sent her via text, but I thought this might be an excellent location for your orphanage, yeah?

Leah's brows rose and she pursed her lips. Looking around, she evaluated the area and nodded, then shrugged.

Maybe, she replied, it's kinda far from the city, though.

Right. I'd forgotten that she actually wanders between orphanages again. Samurai gear would let her travel quickly, but…

"Oh!"

"Hmm?"

Teleportation might be an option! I transmitted, until Tynea added her own two cents to the conversation.

"Teleportation absolutely is an option, but gates might be more appropriate for repeated travel. You'll also need several more tokens and two or three hundred thousand points. At minimum. And only because you're looking to cover just a few hundred kilometers between two stationary positions."

"Huh. Is it that expensive, compared to the dimensional shunting for my gear?"

"Yes, it's Class III technology. Transfer of personnel adds requirements to the process that are entirely incomparable in their complexity. The cost of tucking away your wings is already several orders of magnitude higher than doing the same for technological component parts, and you're far more durable than a child. They can't heal microscopic radiation damage as fast as they pick it up, for example."

"I…see." I suddenly wasn't so sure about stuffing my wings through backpack portals.

Leah tugged me forward again, further into the copse, saying, "It sounds like building an entire base is cheaper than that, Tinea. Topic for the future?"

"Okay." My smile widened when she bent down to press a soft kiss against my lips. I also realized, less distracted by all the new scents and flavors wafting through the air, that we might need another bath. After we'd have had a good look around and figured out where we could be private.

That was a change that hit me out of nowhere—suddenly I had to think about strangers again.

I was going to meet other people as a woman for the first time.

Oh god!

I felt dislocated. Like something had just yanked the floor out beneath my feet. Excited heat crept from my chest up my throat and into my cheeks. I was overcome with joy and adventure, but anxiety ate at my curiosity, too.

It was going to be very different from meeting Leah. I'd found her in circumstances beyond the norm, and both our behaviors had been subject to needs that cut right past any…social mores. We'd connected deeply before we'd even had time to do the usual dance of getting to know each other.

My hands started quivering from my flip-flopping emotions. I moved over and pressed my face against the back of Leah's shoulder, hiding from the world. She released my hand to turn towards me, hug me, and wrap her fingers around the base of my tail. It grounded me, like a metal rod grounded lightning.

Part of me wanted to kick myself for hiding again from the specter of strange people's eyes, but another part understood that I was on a journey. That I wouldn't go from near complete isolation to social butterfly in one step.

That this particular step, in some ways my first one into the world as a woman, was a particularly difficult one. Fraught with old angst and worry.

Leah nuzzled the top of my head and I breathed in her scent. It calmed me as I stroked my thumb across the nail of my right finger, the one with the wavy golden path above the black abyss, and the bright light at the end.

One step at a time. And if I slip, that's okay. I'll just try again. Yeah.

I took one last big breath and let myself enjoy the warm softness of Leah's hug before stepping backwards. When I lifted my eyes to meet hers, I found steadfast reassurance there, and patient love.

True to sort-of-puberty, my emotions did yet another flip, and I was just stuffed with happiness at the closeness and support she offered me. Tears spilled down my cheeks and Leah caught them with her thumbs and wiped them away, smiling with just a hint of humor and laughter riding the bow of her lips.

Not even an ounce of what-do-I-do in her expression. She really must be experienced with taking care of teenage girls, huh? Probably seen a hundred thousand mood swings over the years.

I took her hands and folded them in front of my chest, rose up on my tippy-toes and gave her a chaste, lingering kiss. I put all the gratitude I could into it.

"I love you, Leah," I said.

The faint blush that tinged her ears tickled me in all the impish spots, but above all, the brilliant smile she gave me turned my heart into gooey taffy.

"Love you too, Tinea, you sappy mess, you."

Giggling, I hid my face in the crook of her neck before I replied, "No, really. I love you. And also, thank you. For letting me be me. I hope I'm not being annoying."

She sighed softly and rocked us left and right slowly. It was endearing. Motherly in a way. Fed a thirst in me that I'd been carrying my entire life; since I'd spied the girls of our cohort being hugged and cared for by our mothers.

Yeah. Not like I don't already know I need therapy.

"Don't worry about it, Tinea."

"Hmm?" I asked, thoughts jumping between the present and the past.

"You've explained your transformation and what the hormones might be doing to you. Ypsilon told me more, answered some questions I had. It's fine, and it's a phase. It'll last a while, and then it'll be over. Until then, well, a discombobulated Tinea is a very adorable thing to witness. So, don't worry about it."

Aww. I'd have to ask Tynea to check my DNA if I wasn't turning into a koala, considering how huggy and squeezy I was lately.

"Besides, Tinea, you might be experiencing puberty, or at least some elements of it, but you're still not as…aggravatingly illogical as my younger girls can sometimes be. There's still a lot of grown adult in you."

"Oh?" I inquired, leaning back to meet her eyes. I was very curious about a part of childhood that I'd had zero contact with.

"M-hm," she said, "you wouldn't believe the things a pubescent, insecure, inexperienced mind comes up with to be worried about. Especially with the periods."

I froze. Periods. I'd completely forgotten about those after that one talk, where Tynea had asked me if I wanted to be able to have babies. I hadn't prepared anything, either.

Oh, shit. Wait, wait. Uh, what was the math again? How many weeks? Days? Fuck!

My face must've clued her in, because Leah giggled and scritched my tail until I wanted to purr.

 

***

 

Leah was chortling on the inside, and so, so very charmed.

She held her Tinea in her arms, and the complete abandon with which the reborn woman's brain hared off after each new idea and impression was beyond cute. It was like she was gifting Leah with a girl's journey of self-discovery all over again.

And unlike the ones Leah usually cared for, Tinea seemed to have no compunctions about privacy, distance, and personal space around Leah. None of the usual pushing and rejecting that came with puberty and the developing of an identity. Her openness was a trust to protect and cherish, and Leah intended to do so with all her heart.

Luckily, adult Tinea wasn't nearly as impressionable by outside influence as those girls. Just, perhaps, in need of some understanding and care.

Leah did wonder if providing a supportive environment would have a healing effect on Tinea's psyche, a chance to replace some of the twisted, formative experiences she'd survived as Aden.

 

***

 

"Don't worry, Tinea, you've still got at least three weeks. And we're samurai. There's some extremely useful and very cheap stuff we can buy for sanitary purposes. Doesn't even require a catalog unlock."

"Oh, good," I replied, somewhat wanly. Tynea would probably be able to tell me when during the chrysalis my body had been ready to begin that cycle. That'd be a few days more or less. I forced myself to empty my lungs and relax my shoulders. No panic was necessary.

And, really? It was a part of being a woman. Nature's way of hazing us. I wanted to experience it at least once. To share that knowing glance with other women that said, "Yup, been there, done that."

It was me, this time, who grabbed Leah's hand and tugged her forward, past the last trees.

We emerged into a beautiful glade, where twelve particularly tall, slender trees provided a sunlight-dappled shade for a circle of twelve…gravestones? It was a bit difficult to tell if they were gravestones or not. They had the air of small monuments, rather than tombs.

"Ah…" Leah went.

I looked at her questioningly.

"This is the kind of thing you have for people who died, but whose ashes you don't have to inter." Old pain marred her face, then she sighed as she let it go again. "I made one for Lily."

I leaned over and threw an arm around her waist, glad to provide companionship in return. I didn't know what it was like to lose a sibling, or any family member really. But I did know what pain felt like.

With Leah's words in mind, I looked around the…sanctuary again. It felt like a temple to treasured memories, a shrine. There was a statue in the middle, of a woman holding a scythe in her hands. She was halfway between my hundred and sixty centimeters, and Leah's hundred and eighty-something.

The statue was incredibly detailed, made of metals and other materials that had a kind of timeless quality to them. She wore an ankle-length dress that bared her shoulders, but had a wide, deep cowl. A wide belt secured it around her waist, and from it, four long half-moon blades hung. If she twirled, they would swing out and slice anything within reach.

The scythe was clearly a samurai's weapon, shaped less like a farming implement and more like a fighting tool. Tech was worked into its handle and blade in curling, kind of mystical patterns.

I wondered if the gear was real, or if it was a replica? Mementos to honor a fallen samurai?

The statue stood on a low pedestal, one I could sense weak electromagnetic emanations from. A…charging station, perhaps?

Oh, if the statue is samurai made, then it might also be a drone. A guard dog left behind, maybe, while the samurai themselves are elsewhere? That would explain a lack of reaction to our arrival. And perhaps, why the village appeared empty.

Interestingly, I sensed nothing from the statue itself, so I couldn't be sure if it was a functional drone, or a replica of what had once been. It just stood there, a woman completely silent and still, head down, face shadowed within the cowl and eyes closed, as if she was meditating. She had her hands clasped over each other, and the scythe held within a loose fist, hanging horizontally in front of her pelvis. She wore simple shoes with very small heels. Ankles together, prim in a relaxed, earthy sort of way.

All in all, I saw the statue of a woman who was not at all battle-ready, but rather radiated an aura of security.

Then she opened her eyes.

 

***

 

This is the Dervish class from Guild Wars 1, and this is roughly the stance Dolores assumes on her plinth.

Imagine that one of her hands curls around the other, the scythe is less barbs and more decorative, mystical tech integrated in wood, and her face is properly relaxed, with closed eyes.

The dress is very close to what I'm picturing, except the belt is much wider and prominent, with four semi-circular blades hanging from it all the way down to the hem of the skirt. They may or may not be advanced samurai tech blades.

I have no rights to the image.