The Married Life Of Immortals

The Demon Chief rushed Bane in a flash. Its six arms were a flurry of blows, but Bane returned all of the strikes. Bane knew this was unfair, since his body healed almost as fast as the fist collided, but it was still a hell of a workout. He was glad to get this stress relief, and while the hits he was receiving were not the best, he had a hard time finding the strength and speed of the Demon Chief disappointing.

After a few minutes of trading blows, Zibblefritts looked like he was trying to cough, but for lack of a mouth, the blood squirted out of his eyes and ears, causing the demon to stubble back from Bane.

'You really are not a normal creature! Not only can you regenerate your limbs, but your body can repair itself faster than I can harm you!' Zibblefritts screamed mentally, and Bane grinned.

"I know, pretty much cheating. Don't worry, a small part of me actually feels bad for you, but then I remembered you're a demon that has killed hundreds of your own kind in sport, and that small part of me went bye-bye."

'It does not matter! Even if you kill me, someone stronger will come!' Zibblefritts spat mentally, and nodded.

"I hope so. It would take a lot out of my travel time, but that is not a side character problem, right?" Bane asked with a malicious grin, and then rushed forward to Zibblefritts.

Bane drove his fist into the demon's hard stomach rapidly, each blow sinking in and making Zibblefritts's eyes get bigger. His body started to curl over, and Zibblefritts couldn't hold himself upright. His mind was starting to blank, but before he completely lost consciousness, Bane suddenly uppercut him and sent him flying up into the air.

"Sorry, but not sorry."

Bane leapt into the air after the flying Demon Chief, and twisted his body to roundhouse kicked the falling body into the ground. Zibblefritts bounced across the floor like a basketball, and was only stopped by hitting the far wall.

"That looked like it hurt, but did it hurt more than this?!"

Bane rushed towards the fallen body, but just as he was about to reach the body, Zibblefritts suddenly vanished. Bane's eyes widened as a sharp pain went through his back, and when he turned, Zibblefritts had one of his arms stuck through his stomach.

"What?!"

"I have had enough! I refuse to die at the hands of some pathetic creature! This is the end for you, monster! I will crush your body, and then eat your soul!"

As Zibblefritts reared back to strike the creature he had impaled, he felt a sharp pain in arm. The demon pulled it back, but only his bleeding arm that was cleaved off at the elbow was left. The demon stared in shock at the stump as Bane turned around, pulling the rest of the arm from his chest, which healed right away.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to put things where they don't belong?" Bane scolded, shaking the demon's arm by the wrist at Zibblefritts.

'Y-you should not have been able to do that!' Zibblefritts roared and swung its remaining arms at the creature, but Bane jumped into the air, avoiding the attacks, and then slapping the demon with his own arm.

"Hey! I get to carry out the most ridiculous threat of all time! I'm going to rip off your arm and beat you with it! Well, I mean, mostly. I did just slice it internally, but that is just details! Feel the wrath of your limb!"

At the entrance of the cave, hiding in the tunnel, Princess Misery watched the entire mess from beginning till now. Nothing she had seen made any sense. She had been sure that Bane was going to be killed, but he was so unnatural. No matter what happened, the strange creature just shrugged off the attack and kept taunting the demon.

'How is he still standing?! How can his body recover from all this? Is this what all humans are like?! An entire world of unkillable people?' Misery wondered to herself, but then saw the fight come to an end as Bane struck the Demon Chief's head off with its own severed arm.

When the body of the Demon Chief started to crumble, Misery could only stare in wonder until Bane looked directly at her, and then waved for her to come.

"Is this what humans are like?" Misery asked when she got closer, but Bane shook his head.

"Nah, I am just a weirdo. A hot mess of too many different things to count or talk about," Bane said, and then pointed at the head, and then body. "You can have everything but the Demon heart, okay?"

Misery paused, and then looked at the pile or rotting demon corpses longingly.

"Are you fucking serious? You want to eat them all?" Bane asked, puking in his mouth a bite. Even with no horrid smell, there was no getting over the rotting bodies that had bugs on them. "Really?"

"Yes, please. I will retrieve all the demon hearts from them as well, so you should be able to eat well as well!" Princess Misery explained, misreading Bane's disgust for contempt of her not offering something for the bodies.

"Uh, whatever. Giver shit."

"Do you wish to watch me?" Misery asked, and Bane's eye twitched.

"...Sure," Bane finally said after a long pause, and Misery grinned, and started to devour Zibblefritts.

While this happened, Bane paced back and forth with his fist over his mouth. This first part wasn't really bothering him since it was better than the first he had seen eaten, but it was the stress of what was to come next.

'Am I ready for this? Can I really keep everything in my stomach?' Bane questioned himself as Misery finished Zibblefritts's feet.

He had to do it though. If he was going to handle what would come in the future, he had to harden his soul. Bane would watch her eat the entire mound of corpses, and he wouldn't puke once!

Misery walked over to the mound, but then her mouth started to open and stretch, stretching the rest of her face as it did into something hideous. Her mouth kept growing until it was 5 feet wide, and then without hesitation, Misery took a massive bite out of the pile.

Bane's eye bulged and his mouth watered he watched the pretty demon woman turned into a front end loader of doom, eating her way through the mound.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!'

Bane ran to the far wall of the cave and started to vomit profusely. All that came out were rainbows, and twinkling dust like he was in a nightmare. Then the sound of chewing behind him intensified, and then glitter gushed from him again.

"So good!" Misery sighed as she swallowed the pile, and then looked at Bane, who had turned white with rainbow puddles and glitter dust all around him. "Oops!" She laughed in a haunting way, and then puked up over two hundred demon hearts that ranged from blue, green, yellow, and red.

Bane was so busy vomiting his sparkly rainbows, he didn't even see the treasure trove.

"Are you okay?"

"No!" Bane snapped, and Misery burst into laughter.

"I did not expect a human to be so weak! It is adorable! Finally, something you can't just laugh off!"

"Just... shut up!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Misery said, walking over and pulling out a cube. She then focused on it, and all the demon hearts we sucked inside. "Here," She said, and handed the small one inch cube to Bane. "You can access what is in it at any time by focusing on it. It is the same as a storage ring, but of higher quality."

Bane took the cube, but he was too busy vomiting rainbows to really notice. Misery rolled her eyes, and then turned, starting to leave the cave.

"Where are you going?"

"You want me to show you where more demon's are, right? Or are you going to eat first?"

Bane gave him a sideways look. "I am going to take a nap after puking out this rainbow crap, and then eat. Just wake me up if something tries to eat you."

"Okay, fine. You can use my body to rest on!" Misery declared, but then looked at Bane, who was already sleeping on the ground. "Ugh, fine, I will be your lookout."