The Mad Rat’s Lab

*Crash!*

I turn my head in time to watch one of the rock pillars collapse, releasing a large amount of dust and sand into the water. Slowly, the fragments fall to the ground, revealing the perpetrator of that calamity: The Great White Whale.

“It’s the fourth time already…” I gulp. “... can we make it?”

Since we started riding the jellyfish, the white whale has found and killed some of our ‘bait’ units, as well destroying the pillars they were swimming around.

Given how hard it is to control the AI properly without our constant supervision, we assigned a pillar to each one. We ordered them to split up, go there, and circle around it to get the whale’s attention. Our idea was to check how many of our mobs died by keeping track of the whale’s movements, but… it turns out it’s way easier than we expected. We just need to count the number of destroyed mound-like pillars.

Four are already gone.

“Cyam, one of my Good Followers, two of the skeleton archers… Assuming we continue at this rate, it’ll take about– W-wha…?”

My thoughts freeze when the white whale starts swimming in our direction. Is it our turn? Did it spot us already!?

“N-no! This can’t be! I’m too young to die!” Hehe, I always wanted to say this. “Baldy, what are we going to do?” I shout as the whale comes closer. “I can feel its murderous intent directed at us…”

I also wanted to say this since long ago. I then put on a serious face and say one last thing. Something that, like the two previous sentences, I’ve wanted to say for a long time.

“It’s been nice to know you, my friend. See you on the other side–” but, again, my thoughts stop in the middle of talking.

This time is because the whale, instead of swallowing us as I expected, passes right under the jellyfish swarm. If I were to hang upside-down from the jellyfish’s tentacles, I could touch it. Not like I’m going to try it.

But where is it going…? Ah, never mind. There’s my last Good Follower over there.

I watch, horrified, as the whale swims toward my cute baby. My last baby! Without any sign of stopping, the whale opens its mouth and crashes into the pillar, destroying it into tiny bits. It’s the same as all the previous times.

*Crash!*

“This is the fifth time…” I comment. “Why is this taking so long? Why aren’t we there yet!?”

“We’re quite unlucky, aren’t we? Hahaha!” Laughs Ricard. “But I’m sure your plan will work.”

“I hope so…”

What are we talking about? Well… you see… My perfect, infallible, and completely foolproof plan turned out to have a tiny, insignificant problem: we had no idea where the jellyfish swarm we took would go. So instead of going straight to the last pillar and leaving the area, we’ve been on a tour to visit a few of the middle stone pillars.

Sure, we could have analyzed the patterns of all the jellyfish swarms and chosen the best one to reach the other side of this area if we had enough time and patience…

…but there’s no way we’d do that. Planning things is for losers.

Well, at least the jellyfish are properly doing their most important job: to hide us from the boss. Otherwise, it would have eaten us already.

“Come on! Faster! Yiipie yee! Fly at the speed of light, little jellyfish!” I spur the red jellyfish I’m riding with my feet. As expected, it doesn’t react. “Ugh… it doesn’t work…”

“What did you expect?” Still covered in a greenish phantasmal ‘coat’, Ricard laughs. “These jellyfish can’t move on their own, and there’s no way you can speed up the water currents! Hahaha!”

“I know… but I don’t lose anything by trying.”

The colorful streams of jellyfish, driven by the water currents are as impressive as always. With the shining sponges in the background, I feel like I’m in a dream. Driving my jellyfish-shaped rocket through the Milky Way, surrounded by cute creatures and whatever you can call Ricard and his specters… If only I could forget about the giant whale smashing everything in its wake.

If only I could!

I say it twice because it’s important.

Our unlucky trip continues for the next five minutes. From time to time, there’s a loud crash, created when the white whale slams its body into one of the stone pillars. Every time it comes close to us, I shake in fear and pray that it doesn’t see us.

“Hey, Baldy. Your idea wasn’t as great as you said.” I complain. “It’s taking too long. At this rate, we’re going to run out of baits and we’re going to be discovered.”

“What are you saying? It was your idea!”

“Nuh huh,” I shake my head, “my ideas never fail. So it’s clear it was your idea…”

“Me? I, TheGreatBaldSage!? Make a mistake!? Can you please take into account all I’ve done for the good of this world before you blame me for your own mistakes… I was reluctant to this from the start, but you were so insistent that I had no choice but to follow you–”

I stop listening to him and return my attention to our surroundings. There’s no reason to listen to him right now.

Right at this moment, the ‘jellyfish train’ passes next to one of the pillars and changes direction. We start moving towards the last pillar.

“Ooh, yes! Yes!” I dance. “We’re finally going to reach the end! Fufufu! Hahaha! I knew my plan would work! Mad Rat always wins!”

“But didn’t you just say–”

I interrupt Ricard before he can say anything stupid. “It was my plan all along. Didn’t you say it too just now?”

“...”

Excited one and dumbfounded the other, we don’t notice that one of the jellyfish swimming around us, due to the sudden change in direction, drifts to a side.

The jellyfish bumps into the one swimming on top of Ricard, making it shake. Its tentacles swing around with such bad luck that one of them touches Ricard’s ‘specter coat’ and one of the specters is thrown away, affected by the impact.

“N-no way…! Come back, you can’t stay alone!”

“Aah, my perfect plan! This is bad!”

We shout at the same time. But it’s too late. The specter, suffering from a status effect, is incapable of reacting and is expelled from the jellyfish swarm into the surrounding dark blue waters.

Do you remember when I said that the specters glow? Just a little, but they glow. And that they weren’t visible thanks to the colorful jellyfish, which also glow?

Well… it doesn’t apply when the specter is drifting in the dark waters, alone.

Like a beacon, its greenish light immediately catches the attention of The Great White Whale. At a ridiculous speed, the whale starts swimming in our direction.

“This is very bad… It hasn’t spotted us yet, but who knows what will happen when it gets close. Baldy, should we swim away?”

If the AI of that whale is implemented properly, it should follow the trail of the jellyfish swarm where the specter popped out, the one we’re raiding, in search of more intruders.

“No way!” Ricard dissuades me. “If we leave now, we’re sure to die. We must stay here. At the speed we’re moving, we should reach the last stone pillar before the whale does.”

“A-are you sure…? It looks quite far from here…”

“Don’t worry. My calculations are always perfect. Hahaha!”

I look at him with an incredulous look. “Are you sure? Then, why did you fail the last exam–”

“S-shut up! This and that have nothing to do!” He quickly cuts me. “You’ll see. We’ll be fine.”

“Alright…”

We continue our way, leaving the floating specter behind. The whale, which looked small because of how far it was, grows larger as it approaches.

It grows, it grows, it continues growing… Aagh! Will it ever stop growing!?

When it seems it can’t grow anymore, it opens its mouth and swallows Ricard’s specter. There’s no chewing or swallowing. As if falling into an endless abyss, the specter simply disappears into the dark mouth.

The whale closes its mouth, stops, and stares ahead. For a moment I think we’re safe, but then it resumes swimming in our direction.

“Ah, no, shit! We’re done for! My plan has gone to shit because of your stupid mistake, Baldy!” What do all responsible adults do when things don’t go the way they expected? Blame someone else, as I’m doing right now. “If only you took good care of your units!”

Ricard ignores my comments and watches the white whale anxiously. If this were real life, I’m sure he would be sweating buckets right now. “Uh, Mad Rat… maybe my estimations were wrong. It’s faster than I predicted…”

“What!? Didn’t you say we would be safe!?”

“Well, even a great sage like me can make mistakes, ahaha…”

“I think I’m leaving…”

“No! If you leave now, you’ll die for sure! We can’t swim as fast as the jellyfish, and you’ll be exposed! It’s a suicide!”

“But if we’re going to die anyway… why not take the risk?”

As we continue arguing, the whale grows closer.

“Safety is almost here… I can smell it! The smell of wet rock, the indistinguishable scent of the dark holes filled with–” Ricard sends me a questioning look. “...what? Can’t I fool around before we die?”

“No, it’s just… never mind. Get ready to jump, we’re almost there.”

“Finally!”

The jellyfish swarm starts to turn to the right, a signal that they won’t get any closer to our destination. We jump from the jellyfish we were riding and start swimming.

This is the most dangerous part yet. We’ll be completely exposed for a while, the whale is right behind us, and it is a lot faster.

“Quickly!” Ricard urges me. “There’s no time to waste.”

“I know, I know…”

Take a glance behind us. The whale has spotted us and is starting to open its mouth in anticipation. It’s so huge that it takes a while to open and close, so it must do it ahead of time.

The sight of the large abyss reminds me of the specter’s fate and makes me shiver.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I swim at maximum speed. “Nobody warned me about this!” I’m not sure if I’m imagining things, but I swear I can feel its breath on my skin.

Right behind Ricard, I slip into the hole and gasp for air.

“Haa… haaa… I thought I would die… We’re safe now.”

“Safe?” Ricard raises one eyebrow. “If you don’t want to die, follow me!” Immediately after, he jumps into a hole in the ground.

“I didn’t notice yet there was this hole here…” Unlike in the first rock pillar, there’s a vertical hole that connects to all the others. “Well, might as well do as he says…” I shrug and jump down.

But why is he in a hurry? We reached the end, so we should be safe, am I right?

*Crash!*

Following the sound, everything around me breaks into pieces and starts falling. Surrounded by debris, I remember that all the previous pillars were destructible, so why should the last one be different?

“Uaaah! I forgot about this part…!” I shout.

Luckily for me, the fall isn’t too long and no debris falls on top of me. Still, the impact is strong. I’m sure my HP bar took a big hit.

“Ugh… It hurts…” I rub my but, look up, and immediately regret my action. Observing me from above, there’s a huge eye. “The fuck…? Is that the whale?”

Ricard smacks my head. “What are you staring at? Run!” He leaves me behind.

“Run? Again?”

Why do I feel like I’ve been doing nothing else since long ago?

There’s a blue flash of light coming from above, followed by the sound of water. We’re undersea, so it’s not a surprise.

Um… wait a moment…

What I see when I raise my head is a water jet. It erodes the ground, turning the irregular hole, including the ruins of the rock pillar, into a perfectly circular hole.

“Fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck!” I start running after Ricard. “Why can’t you never warn me ahead of time!? Are you trying to kill me!?”

 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted to strangle Ricard.