The Mad Rat’s Lab

“No, please! Stop! Leave me alone!” I barely avoid the attack from the clown chasing after me, using the nearest archway to leave it behind; only to find two more clowns ready for action. “Stop it! Fuck! Is there no exit in this place!?”

How long has it been? I have no idea…

After the first two-meter-tall clown exploded, I encountered at least two more. I’m not sure if there are even more hidden somewhere, but I’m sure there were three at minimum. How am I so sure? It’s because they gave me no option left but to kill them, and they flooded the labyrinth with their smaller clones.

The clowns are relentless, they chase me without end. And they’re stupidly hard to see in this place, so I can’t relax for a second.

I go back to avoid the clowns blocking my way. “There was an archway in that direction… I hope I can cross it safely.” But there are three tiny clowns blocking the path on the other side of the archway. “Ah, shit. More clowns this way too…!”

The archways work as portals. They aren’t the typical portal with a light film that covers it, though. From one side of the archway, you can see what’s on the other. Since they show the other side, it’s as if space is distorted. Sometimes, the linked pairs are close enough that you can see an infinite loop, similar to what happens if you put two mirrors, one in front of the other.

It isn’t a nice experience to watch infinite copies of yourself if a creepy clown is smiling behind you at that exact moment.

“Ugh… that was awful…” I shudder, remembering that horrifying sight.

The three clowns I was running away from catch up. They surround me, three in front and three in the back. I have no option left but to fight them.

“And here I was trying my best to avoid combat…”

My HP is in tatters. My EP has long reached the bottom, from so much running around. Usually, my MP would be fine as long as I don’t cast too many spells, but… since I ran out of EP long ago, my Mana Core can’t spend it to regenerate mana. Now, I can cast Chain Lightning one more time at most.

The small clowns are persistent and numerous, but they’re weak. Any spell except for Cold Blast is enough to get rid of them!

It should be easy, right? But since I can’t kill them with my Lightning Shield nor Chain Lighting on the rare occasions they clump up, they come back again, and again, and again… forcing me to spend more MP or engage them in melee – and take damage in return.

“You know what? Fuck you all! Die, you fuckers! Chain Lighting!” Now that they’ve surrounded me, they’re close enough for my spell to hit them all.

As expected, the lightning jumps from one to the next, leaving them all stunned at 1 HP.

“Haap! Haap! Haap! Haap! Haap! Haap!” Six shouts later, with the corresponding head smashes, the six clowns lay dead. “Got rid of them! Yes! Fufufu! Hahaha! Nothing can stop me...” I drop to the ground.

Now I’m little more than a punching bag. I’m so exhausted – and with this I mean my EP and MP are – that I can’t defend myself if another enemy shows up. Nor can I run away.

If you’re wondering why I’m not saying anything about Usufet, it’s because it died long ago. It can survive lethal traps. It can fall to the abyss, be teleported to the other side of the dungeon, or be eaten by another monster, and Usufet will be ok. What it can’t do, though, is survive the constant assault of at least thirty clowns that can camouflage with the environment and attack from any angle when you least expect it.

“My unkillable mob died before I did… how ironic, don’t you agree?” I smile.

It’s understandable because Usufet wasn’t designed for combat. Generally, it wouldn’t be a problem to keep it alive when the time comes, but… it isn’t so easy to accomplish when I’m alone and the enemy is numerous and sneaky.

I sit on the ground for a while, enjoying the rare lull.

Then, about ten seconds after I killed the last clown, the labyrinth starts to change. It’s the archways. First, the previous blue slowly turns into purple. And then, a light film appears on them, preventing me from seeing what’s on the other side.

“Is this it? I had to kill all the clowns to leave this place?” I drop my head in defeat. “...it only took my everything…”

If I had known, it would have been a lot easier. I wasted so much time and effort trying to leave by the conventional means.

“Haa… let’s forget about this and move on. I hope there’s no more combat remaining, or I’ll surely die.” With shaking legs, I stand up. I inspect the closest portal before putting my hand inside.

After making sure it’s safe, I cross to the other side. Yes, you heard it right: there’s no better way to test if something is safe or not than to touch it first. You’re saying I would have died if it was a trap? It wasn’t so it’s fine, right?

“Alright, here I go.”.

The portal disappears as soon as I cross it.

There’s… nothing. Well, not nothing, but there are no walls, ceiling, or floor. Only empty, dark space. Then, standing proud in the middle of the void, there’s a rectangular object.

“This is weird. There’s no light, but I can properly see myself and that square thing.”

When I get closer, I notice the object is made of stone. It’s an altar, decorated with engravings. They’re creepy. Diabolic. There are skulls, grinning at me, and black rivers of a sticky substance flowing over the stone surface.

I also have the feeling that something is observing me from the darkness. Is it just my imagination? I hope it is.

“So… are we done with the happy stuff, and it’s time for the nightmares to show up? Not like the clowns weren’t creepy, though.” I shrug. “There’s no clue how to proceed. What do I do?”

As if in response to my question, the engravings start to shift around. On three distinct points, the surface rises until three bowls are created. The flowing murkiness starts to flow from the base of the leftmost one to the right, creating arrows along its path.

“Alright, thanks. But this isn’t enou–” I shut up when words appear on the altar’s surface.

Four circles are drawn, with an arrow linking each one with the next. Inside the circles, from left to right, there are the names of the four classical elements: Fire, Wind, Earth, and Water.

Before I open my mouth again to complain there’s not enough information, I notice something approaching my location from the darkness.

Was my intuition right and there’s a hidden enemy?

I quickly prepare for combat, raising my trembling staff. “I don’t have MP nor EP, but I’ll resist to the end!”

My actions fall flat when the ‘assailants’ get close enough. They’re four bowls similar to the ones that sprouted from the altar. Inside each of them, there’s an object of different color and shape.

‘Andreu, will you ever get tired of always being mistaken?’

Never!

The four bowls then settle in a perfect circular formation around the altar, slowly circling us.

“I’m lucky! It seems like a puzzle. No combat means I can beat the shit out of my opponent! Hahaha!”

When I believe everything is ready, there’s evil laughter coming from everywhere at the same time. Soon after, from above the altar, a dark fissure opens in the middle of the air. A dark substance drips from it. If I don’t stop it, it’ll eventually fall into one of the bowls on top of the altar.

The first thing I try is to grab the dripping dark substance to prevent it from falling onto the bowls. It’s useless, it slips right through my fingers like a shadow.

In the text, it says the names of the four classic elements. Darkness isn’t included. Which means… I have a time limit to solve this. I’m sure if that dark substance falls onto the bowl, it’ll be a death sentence for me.

Alright, everything’s fine. I can do it! It’s a riddle, nothing impossible!

I’m sure the arrows point to the order in which I must put each element, so I can’t make a stupid mistake like that. Believe me when I say this is important; it is common to fail a riddle or puzzle because you got the order wrong.

The only problem is…

Why the fuck are there four bowls orbiting around and four elements, but there are only three fucking bowls on the altar!? The numbers don’t match! Have you ever tried to fit four when there are only three slots? It doesn’t work!

What am I supposed to do!?

“...I should take a look at the four bowls for now. Maybe it’ll solve all my questions…?”

I take a close look at every one of the four orbiting bowls.

Inside the first, there’s a brown clump of something hard. This is a rock, so here goes Earth.

The second contains an extremely detailed and semi-transparent depiction of Fire.

On the third, there’s a figurine of a white hurricane. This one is Wind.

And as expected, the last one is Water, a cataract sculpted in ice.

“So we got the four elements. But the question is still the same, how am I supposed to fit four into three bowls? Ah, I know! Let’s see if this works…” When logic doesn’t make sense, what do you do? You brute force it! Hahaha!

I grab the earth and fire and try to put them in the same bowl. But the bowl is too small. Regardless of how I place them, the second one falls off.

“...Brute force doesn’t work… What a shame.” It was expected, but it’s still a shame.

Fire, wind, earth, and water. Those are the names written on the altar. Fire, wind, earth, and water… Fire, wind, earth, and water… Aaaagh! It makes no sense!

“...how much time do I have remaining?”

I raise my head from the text written on the altar to look at the falling darkness. Twenty centimeters remaining. I’m running short of time, I must do something.

“I can always try my luck, can’t I?” I grab three random elements and put one each on the three bowls.

Three seconds later, my vision turns dark, and the same laughter as before echoes everywhere. Pain fills my whole body. When my vision returns, the four elements are on the corresponding floating bowls as if nothing happened. Even the dripping darkness remains the same.

But something did happen. “Fuck. 100 HP for a single failure? I’m dead if I fail another time.” I start thinking very hard while keeping an eye on the dripping darkness.

There must be something I’m missing, otherwise the game wouldn’t have allowed my opponent to use such a riddle. But what is it? Why are there four elements but only three bowls?

Ten centimeters until the darkness touches the bowls.

Does it have to do with how the elements are ordered in the bowls? In the text is fire, wind, earth, and water; but in the floating bowls they’re in another order. Starting with the same fire; it’s fire, water, air, and earth.

Five centimeters.

Is it the substance they’re made of? No, only two of them are made of a substance that represents their element. Two isn’t three either.

Two centimeters.

“Aaaagh, I don’t know!” I start pulling the fur on my head. “This can’t be! I can’t die like this!”

One centimeter.

I must do something! Anything! Since I’ll die anyway, I should at least try it!

With no other options or time to think, I pick up the elements corresponding to the single idea I had in mind and quickly move them onto the bowls.

“...It’s all or nothing.”

Please, let me be right, I need to win this fight. I must show my opponent I’m not some noob he can defeat easily. He was polite when asking for a fight, but this doesn’t mean I should go easy on him.

 

“It took me a while to find the correct answer to that riddle. What about you? Do you know the answer?”