The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Theo’s energy drain spiked again as the skeletal minion punched his avatar into the ceiling. Agonia must have been paying attention to his weaknesses. It didn’t help that the abomination was aware of his true nature.

The avatar attempted to cast a spell, but a new punch made it fizzle out before it was fully complete. Things were getting serious. There was only one thing worse than a glass canon—a fast glass cannon. When one had speed and destructive power, defense was pointless. It was only a hypothesis, but the dungeon suspected that one good hit would instantly bring him victory. The question was how to achieve that one good hit?

At the fourth hit, the avatar cast his ultra swiftness. The spell provided him just enough time for a single action, which, given the circumstances, was entangle.

Magic strands emerged around the skeleton. Yet, before they could acquire enough mass to render him immobile, the great undead snapped then, and continued with his attacks.

Too stubborn to give up, Theo repeated his strategy, this time with an ice shield. The result was partially better. This time, instead of punching him directly, the skeleton punched the massive sheet of ice into the ceiling, causing almost as much damage. If Marquis Leevek were here right now, he’d probably be gloating at the efficiency of his minion. By all accounts, the skeleton seemed to have the upper hand. Even somewhat protected by the shield of ice, there didn’t seem anything for Theo to do. His avatar was stuck in the ceiling, slowly draining away his energy. Then a thought came to mind.

Suddenly a massive chunk of ceiling disappeared, revealing the sky above. Beams of light shone in and while they didn’t have any effect on the great undead, the sight was surprising enough to cause a pause.

Taking advantage of his freedom, the avatar quickly flew to the nearest chunk of wall and pressed his hand against it. Slender towers shot out from parts of the walls and ceiling, all targeting the skeletal minion. Unfortunately, as impressive as their speed was, it was far from enough.

The ballroom was suddenly filled with towers arranged like a very extreme game of cat’s cradle. The minion would change location at such speed that for the normal person, it would appear it was teleporting. Occasionally, it would punch the side of a tower, shattering it on the spot.

“Just a glass cannon,” the avatar muttered.

The fight was costing him quite a lot of energy, although it could be said that the minion’s method of fighting had simplified things. Being on the defensive had cost substantially more energy than going all out.

In-between creating room modifications, the avatar cast a series of tip-blessed ice shards. The point wasn’t to target anything in particular, but rather let them fly indiscriminately in the hopes they would hit.

Nine times out of ten, all Theo managed to do was ruin the ballroom even more. On the tenth, however, the impossible happened. Several of the shards managed to strike the ankle of the skeletal minion. There had been no intention in the action. If Theo had a choice, he would have preferred to aim for the head or, at the very least, the arms. Fortunately for him, he wasn’t the one aiming.

Too fast to stop, the great undead attempted to leap off one of the floors, as it had been doing until now. This time, the pressure proved too much. A loud crack filled the air as the whole ankle shattered, causing the skeleton’s left foot to completely fall off.

The minion stumbled. The temporary lack of balance kept him on the floor for no more than a few seconds. During that time, parts of the affected leg transformed, as miniature skeletal hands and torsos emerged, reforming what had been broken. Those few seconds were more than enough for Theo to make his next move.

Aware that even in its present condition, the skeleton remained rather mobile, he caused several pillars of stone to shoot out from a wall; yet instead of aiming directly for the great undead, he cast several entangle spells on the pillars.

Aether threads struck the skeleton, pinning him to the floor. The entity had made a clumsy attempt to avoid the pillars, yet, to its detriment, hadn’t taken the threads into account.

“Aha!” Theo said, flying away from the wall and above his target. Suspecting he wasn’t going to get many chances such as this, he quickly cast fireballs in the dozens. No longer bothering to wrap them in aether bubbles, he simply blessed the flames, letting them pour down on the minion.

What followed was simultaneously the most unexpected and slightly horrifying sight one could imagine. Acting like acid, the blessed flames melted through the massive bone armor, trickling inside. It was like watching micro-organisms eat their way through a crab’s shell, devouring the creature while leaving the outside intact.

The massive minion attempted to struggle, but more entangle spells were used to immobilize him on the spot.

For several long seconds, the great undead resisted until its heavy armor spontaneously crumbled upon itself.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have killed the Leveek family’s Great Undead.

Created by Xinnamon, the Leveek’s family founder, shortly after the necromancer wars, this Great Undead was instrumental in the reason for the family’s rise to prominence. Currently, the Laveek’s Great Undead contains the bones and magic of three hundred and seventeen necromancers of the family.

7500 Avatar Core Points obtained.

News of your achievement shall be known throughout the entire continent.

Making the rest of the world aware of Theo’s exploits wasn’t the best he had hoped for, but at least it was in his avatar’s name. The large amount of points, on the other hand, more than made up for it.

AVATAR LEVEL INCREASE

Your Avatar has become Level 27.

+1 Mind, MANDOLIN MASTERY obtained.

2900 Core Points required for next Avatar Level

MANDOLIN MASTERY - 1

(Reserved for Mage Bards)

Allows you to perform on even the most intricately complex mandolin with ease.

Using the skill increases its rank, increasing the sound subtleness you are capable of.

One look at the skill obtained quickly made the dungeon solemnly swear never to complain about skills ever again. The universe had just proved to him that it was always possible to get something worse. The exuberance of victory was quickly replaced by a dark sensation of defeat. True, he had defeated an annoyingly tricky enemy—a glass cannon if there ever was one—but it had provided him with nothing. This wasn’t a matter of ability duplication or a non-suitable skill. This was simultaneously so narrowly specific and universally undesirable that Theo was more concerned about how to keep people from finding out about it.

Despite what everyone claimed, bards weren’t particularly liked. The same went a hundredfold for mage bards. As Spok had mentioned, there had been cases of dungeons being driven insane by such bards venturing within their bodies. Now, Theo’s avatar—and by extension, the entire dungeon itself—had become one of the most detested entities the world had ever known.

As the baron remained floating in the air, a massive strike originated on the floor, pushing large chunks of debris away.

“You really went all out, didn’t you?” Liandra emerged.

The heroine looked around, nodding as she did. As someone familiar with Baron d’Argent’s style of fighting, she wasn’t particularly surprised. Even so, she was visibly relieved that there didn’t seem to be any people hurt.

“Everything alright?”

The baron looked at her with the gloomy expression of someone who’d had their favorite set of clothes forcibly given to charity, then formed the gloomiest smile in existence.

“It’s fine,” he uttered. “Everything’s fine.”

“Well, I took care of the ones below,” the woman said casually, making her way to the great undead’s remains. “Nothing you couldn’t have handled. More annoying than difficult. Still, always good to boost a skill.”

“You… you boosted a skill?”

Theo’s depression was suddenly replaced by an even greater depression, this time served with a side dish of anger. He knew for a fact that her heroic level had to be vastly greater than his. For her to have increased it, the amount of core points received in the tunnels had to exceed those of the massive minion at least five-fold.

“Do you need to rest?” she asked, ignoring the question. “The next one is it.”

“I’m fine.” Theo would have preferred if the minion contained a core he could somehow send to his main body. Even so, getting a minor energy boost was better than nothing. In fact, it was almost as much as the energy used during the fight against the minion.

Mandolin, the dungeon thought. Why did it have to be a mandolin skill?

“What about you?” He turned to Liandra.

“I’m fine. I rested for a few moments while you were wrapping things up here. I’d like to have seen it, but it was probably as destructive as always.”

“Well, I—”

“And completely useless against a blood abomination,” she interrupted.

That was a bit harsh. Minutes ago, Theo was having the same doubts. Having them pointed out by someone else, on the other hand, instantly put him on the defensive.

“You’ll be surprised at what I can achieve.”

“I’ve seen you can do a lot, but it won’t help. Strength and magic cannot defeat abominations.” She looked him in the eye. “You’re strong, but if one of the greatest archmages in history couldn’t, what chance do you have?”

Normally, that would be the case. It was a fact that the heroes that faced Agonia the last time failed to kill her. Instead, they had been forced to lock her in a memory prison. Yet, by the same logic, the hero that accompanied the legendary archmage had failed as well.

“I’m convinced you’ll be able to weaken it, maybe even to a large extent,” Liandra continued. “There are only three ways to destroy an abomination. One is to unravel it by learning its nature. The hero guild has had centuries to try to figure that out and are nowhere. The second is for a deity to appear in avatar form and smite it outright. There are a few high clerics capable of conversing with their patron deities, but even in those cases, it would be next to impossible to get one here.”

The dungeon’s thoughts instantly fell on Paris. If the flaky deity hadn’t gone off somewhere to do whatever it was she did, he could very well ask her for this minor favor. Given that her temple remained technically part of his main body, there was more than enough room for loopholes and rule bending to have her appear in the cursed estate and end everything there and then.

“The last way is a precise heroic strike,” the heroine said. “You know that, don’t you? You’ve always known. That’s why you’ve been keeping me from fighting. As a party leader, you cannot risk me getting hurt or wasting my strike on lesser enemies.”

“Actually, I just—” the avatar began, but was instantly stopped by a single chuckle coming from the woman.

“I knew you’d say that. Pretending to the very end. Sometimes I wonder how you know the things you do. You’re quite the mystery, Baron d’Argent. You’re a noble, yet nothing could be found about your family tree. You’re a mage, yet you keep your distance from the mage towers. You’re risking your life to save the world twice, but let others take the glory.”

It was comical how wrong someone could get. And at the same time, everything that Liandra said was absolutely accurate. The reason that no one talked about Theo’s family tree was that less than a year ago, it didn’t exist. It was thanks to Earl Rosewind’s interference that he had gotten one at all. As for the mage towers, Theo was a member by mail. Frankly, he was still astonished that the tower he’d bought his permit from didn’t end up being a scam. Finally, regarding the matter of credit, any and all attempts of the dungeon at keeping a low profile had been thwarted more times than he could remember. It already bothered him that more people were aware of his avatar than he would have liked. Strictly speaking, the only reason he had misgivings on the topic of glory was that it went to Cmyk.

“We all have our secrets,” the avatar said. “Right now, the only thing that matters is killing the abomination.”

“Yes.” Liandra looked at her grandfather’s blade. “There’s only that.”

After a few more moments of silence, the avatar cast a fresh flight spell on the heroine, then surrounded both of them with aether spheres.

Extending up the steps of the staircase, the crimson carpet remained. Ignoring the destruction around it, it calmly showed the way, both mocking and daring the group to continue.

Since they were flying, there was no particular need for Theo to search for curses. Even so, he did. Finding that apart from the carpet itself, every step of the staircase was individually cursed. There were the standard life-sapping, movement-restricting, and slow poison afflictions one would expect, but also a surprising amount that seemed to have been added out of spite. The dripping nose, itchiness, and severe diarrhea curses were obvious examples. No doubt the marquis and his wife were more than a little angered by Theo’s actions so far. The dungeon could only hope that they kept their focus on him and Liandra and left the adventurers to do their own thing.

The staircase continued all the way up to a large platform, which had a surprisingly unimpressive double door at the end. While it appeared to be made out of high-quality steel and marble, neither the size nor the craftsmanship could compare to many others within the estate itself.

Two rows of marble statues decorated both sides of the platform.

“Careful with the statues,” Theo said. “They’re—”

Before he could finish, Liandra took out two boomerang swords from her dimensional ring, and threw them, shattering the Aether bubble around her. The weapons swerved, proceeding to chop off the heads of all statues on both sides of the room, then safely returned to their owner.

“—extremely ancient,” the avatar finished. Moments ago, he had entertained the idea of taking them back to his main body. If nothing else, they could have served as conversation starters for the increasing number of surprise visitors that had been stopping by. Now, that was no longer possible.

“Better safe than sorry,” Liandra said unapologetically.

“Sure.” The baron gave her an annoyed glance.

As the pair approached, a bone pedestal rose up from the floor just in front of the door. Reaching three feet in height, it stopped. The top opened up, revealing a silver tray holding a sealed letter.

A quick arcane identify revealed the letter not to be cursed, so the avatar used telekinesis to break the crimson seal and open it.

“Don’t,” Liandra said. “It might be a trap.”

The avatar didn’t respond, reading the contents.

“What does it say?” the heroine asked.

“All debts settled,” Theo read out.

“What does that mean?”

On cue, the double door opened, revealing a moderately large chamber. One could call it a throne room, just as one could call a shack a cottage. All the required elements were there: a throne, lavish decorations, lots of paintings, and decorative suits of armor… and yet it still gave the impression that someone had worked on a budget.

Casting a few more swiftness spells on himself, the dungeon’s avatar floated in. No sooner had he done so than a cluster of bone spikes shot up from the floor, blocking the entrance.

“Theo!” Liandra shouted, throwing her boomerang swords at the bone spikes. Unfortunately, as they struck, the bones changed form, growing into a solid white wall.

“Better to leave the nuisance outside,” a high-pitched female voice said.

The crimson carpet that covered the floor, liquefied, trickling up to the throne. A blob of blood formed, quickly transforming into what some would call an elegant woman in a crimson dress.

“Abomination,” Theo grumbled.

No doubt some would describe her as attractive. As far as appearances went, she was just that—a maiden combining charm, beauty, and sophistication into one. Red curls covered her youthful face that held as a disarming smile as women could muster. Even the crimson red eyes somehow had obtained an exotic quality, rather than outright scary. Curiously enough, the woman’s lips remained rather plain, no redder than the “skin” of her face.

“Dungeon,” the woman said in an equally disdainful fashion. “Scouting for new resource pits?”

“Scouting?” Theo grumbled. “Your letters dragged me into this!”

“Oh…” The woman waved her hand as if she were dealing with a trivial matter. “That was an accident. My children tended to get a bit overenthusiastic. It’s not that I could blame them, though. It’s thanks to them that I’m free.”

Sounds of fighting were heard beyond the now blocked entrance. Someone had engaged Liandra—someone rather skilled judging by the intensity of the strikes. There was no way of determining who had the upper hand, but as long as the fighting was going on, one could rest assured that the heroine was alive.

“That’s why I’m making you this offer,” the abomination continued. “Clearly, mistakes were made on both sides. You did some property damage, quite significant if my children are to be believed. However, half the people of your little town more than make up for it. Here’s what I propose. I let you go and leave what’s left of your town alone. In turn, you don’t send any avatars or minions to my territory. In future, whoever claims a town first gets to keep it. I say that’s fair, considering.”

In his previous life, Theo had spent a significant amount of time reading business strategy books. All of them made a vast number of claims, none of which tended to work when he tried to follow them. There was one established rule he had seen to be true: no one ever offered anything unless they weren’t forced to.

Seemingly, the abomination held all the cards. She had overrun Rosewind with her letters, separated the dungeon’s avatar from Liandra, and locked him in a small space with her present. If it came to an actual confrontation, it was very likely she’d win hands down. But in that case, why was she still offering to let his avatar go?

“I can easily bring this whole castle down with my avatar.” Theo decided to bluff. “You’ve seen what I’ve done to your “children.”

“So, you’re refusing the offer?” The abomination’s eyes widened, as if this was the first time she’d been refused.

“I’d be a fool not to.”

In his mind, the dungeon saw this as the usual start of negotiations. As the saying went, it was only after the third offer that the negotiation actually started. Feeling smug with himself, the avatar crossed his arms, expecting a sweetener. There was none of that.

As he stood, the side walls cracked up, bursting into thousands of hardened blood shards in all directions. At their current size, even a few dozen hits wouldn’t have caused any serious damage to the avatar. This wasn’t ordinary blood, though—it belonged to the abomination, and as Spok had told Theo a while back, each drop held the power to corrupt him.

Ice shields formed on both sides of the avatar, blocking any potential threat. The faster needles were caught within the ice itself, while the slower ones hit the hardened shell. Had this been armor of any sort, there was a good chance they would have seeped through. When I came to ice, it was the best isolator. Out of curiosity, Theo also used a few blessings on a few areas of his ice shields, causing the blood within to evaporate into nothingness.

“Impressive,” the abomination said. “If your avatar is this strong, I’m almost curious to see what the real you is capable of.”

The slabs of ice crashed to the floor with a loud clunk. At that point, Theo found that he had underestimated the abomination’s cunning. Based on his experience so far, he expected her to swarm him with traps, skeletons, or blood spiders of some sort. Even in the case of a one-to-one fight, he felt confident he could eventually win, especially if he unleashed a few wild ice elementals. One glance at what lay beyond the walls made him reconsider his strategy.

The newly uncovered space made the room almost twice its previous size. The space was filled with nothing less than hundreds of people, standing calmly one next to the other. Some of them, Theo recognized from the ballroom incident. Others he’d never seen in his life. More ominously, there were two—the only ones seated on large chairs—that were nothing more than shriveled corpses.

“Surprised?” The abomination mocked. “I’ve no idea how you’ve granted your avatar a heroic trait, but it was quite the clever move. This way you can kill off a lot of the competition rather easily. The last dungeon I fought struggled for months, trying to kill me with minions and magic, until it used up all its energy, shrinking to the size of a single room.”

The description reminded Theo of his early days. Back then, he found his existence calm and blissful, yet now that he thought about it, he wouldn’t want to return to that state. He had achieved too much, made too many buildings and tunnels—and thankfully no other minions—to just give it up.

“Having a heroic trait would interfere, so I won’t let you use it,” the woman finished.

“How will you do that?” the avatar asked. “Curse me?”

“That’s a given. But no. Do you know why heroes are insanely powerful when facing us, but still have to obey one simple rule—kill no innocents. Do that and they lose their trait.”

It was the first time Theo had heard such a rule. He knew that was something a hero wasn’t supposed to do, but all this time, he believed it to be a matter of image and public perception. Could that explain why Liandra was always so careful to remind him to save and protect people? Reluctantly, he had to admit that there was a certain logic to it. The heroic trait had come from the deities with the sole purpose of defeating demons and other dangerous supernatural entities. Of course, there would be a safeguard to keep it from being abused. Unfortunately, that put the dungeon in a serious dilemma. He couldn’t go all out like before without running the risk of killing someone, and he definitely couldn’t win if he lost his heroic trait mid combat. Were that to happen, the connection to his avatar would be severed, and there was no telling what other side effects that would cause.

“Both of my children have been nagging me for hours to punish you for ruining their collections.” The abomination’s female form distorted, abruptly changing into a whirlpool of blood. “It’s time to grant their wish.”