The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

Three adventurer souls, Theo kept thinking as the group made their way up the staircase. Despite the seriousness of the situation, or maybe just because of it, he couldn’t get the thought out of his mind. Was a hero’s soul worth ten adventurer souls? If that was the accepted conversion, the owner of the castle was demanding a thirty percent tip. That was way too much, regardless of the actual cost of damages. On the other hand, if a hero soul was worth a hundred adventurer souls, the initial price was ludicrously high for a simple run and a few knick-knacks. Theo himself could recreate it for a fraction of the cost.

“You’re unusually quiet,” Liandra whispered as they continued along a wide hallway towards a large double door. Its wood was covered in cracks that showed through the aging polish. A frame of oxidized metal gave the impression that the castle hadn’t been maintained for decades. In all reality, this was probably due to one of the many curses the abomination had scattered over all of its material possessions.

“I’ve been thinking about something,” the avatar replied. “How much is a hero’s soul worth, exactly?”

“What do you mean?” Liandra pulled away slightly.

“The note said that it would take a hero’s soul to cover the damages.”

“How much is a demon’s heart worth?” the heroine countered. “It depends on the hero. I’d say my soul would be enough to raise a dungeon by a few levels.”

That was not at all how dungeon advancement worked, but Theo made sure to nod with his avatar. Seen from a hero’s perspective, he would assume that it was the equivalent of several thousand core points. Since it was likely she took level increases in the mid to high-level range, it was more appropriate to consider her soul between ten and fifty thousand.

The baron glanced over his shoulder. If his calculation was correct, that suggested that each of the three adventurers were worth between a few goblins and a skeletal minion.

“Spok,” the dungeon said throughout his main body.

Unfortunately, the spirit guide chose not to respond. She had a rather good excuse too, doing exactly what Theo had requested. In this case, she was having a long conversation with the town’s tax collector as they were going through the needlessly complicated process of obtaining an out-of-town workshop permit. Unable to enter the tax collector’s premises due to her limitations as a spirit guide, Spok had asked that they go over it outside. Since she had brought a rather large and expensive-looking bottle of brandy, the tax collector had quickly agreed.

“Finish what you’re doing, then let me know,” Theo grumbled as he created a cluster of floating eyeballs to accompany Cmyk on his way to Switches’ workshop.

The sound of flapping wings filled the air as Octavian flew past the group, then made a semi-circle and flew past them again. The large width of the hall combined with the high ceilings let the creature stretch its wings. For a split second, Theo could almost swear that the massive ruby chandeliers slightly tilted away, preventing the griffin from brushing them with its feathers.

“Stop!” the avatar and Liandra said almost simultaneously.

Each looked at the other, while Ulf, Amelia, and Avid kept switching their attention between the two.

“You first,” the avatar offered with a polite smile.

“Thanks.” Liandra smiled back, acknowledging the momentary awkwardness. “The final two columns are bone golems. They’ll attack once we get near.”

Of course it would be the columns. Internally, the dungeon cursed himself for not casting an identify on those. He had taken special care to identify everything along their path, along with every flowerpot, painting, and statue in sight. And still, he had completely ignored the columns, considering them part of the walls.

Just to be certain, he did that now, checking every column in sight.

ENHANCED BONE SERPENT (Dormant)

A bone golem that has the form of a large serpent. Created of hundreds of skeletons, this creature has the ability to condense, filling in all gaps within its body, becoming nearly indestructible.

That was an interesting ability. Any normal person would have sworn that the final set of columns were just that—finely polished columns made of white marble. Quite a useful anti-intruder protection, although as it had been demonstrated, it didn’t work on heroes and people with sophisticated identify abilities.

“What were you about to say?” Liandra asked.

“Oh, the doors are another death gate,” the avatar replied and cleared his throat. “No one’s to approach them until I break the curse.”

“We make quite the good pair.” Liandra took hold of her two-handed sword. “My guess is that the golems will attack the moment you open the door. I’ll take care of the right one. Can you three manage to handle the other?”

The question made both Theo and his avatar shiver.

“There’s no need for that,” he quickly said. “I’ll handle it.”

“I appreciate what you’re doing, but they have to start learning at some point. You can’t keep coddling them forever.”

There was nothing worse than using someone’s words against him. Liandra couldn’t have made a better argument if she had tried. For Theo to argue against it would either mean that he didn’t consider the trio particularly capable—which in all honesty he didn’t—or the tirade that he had made back in Rosewind was nothing but a pack of lies made up on the spot—which it was. The issue was that he couldn’t openly admit to either.

“Well, if you’re sure about it…” He looked at the trio. Each of them had already drawn their weapons, which was their way of saying that they were ready for the challenge. “Fine,” the baron sighed. “I’ll break the curse and you’ll deal with the rest.”

After all, it wasn't such a big deal. The core points of the two snakes were probably a thousand points in total. The way things were going, there’d be plenty of other strong minions further on, not to mention he’d get at least a thousand points from breaking the curse itself.

Approaching the door with the attitude of a pensioner going to check his mailbox, the avatar placed his hand on the double door and used his minor open ability.

CURSE BROKEN

You have opened the Death Gate, breaking its curse.

The curse is no longer in effect.

1000 Avatar Core Points obtained.

AVATAR LEVEL INCREASE

Your Avatar has become Level 22

+1 MIND, EAVESDROP skill obtained

4500 Core Points required for next Avatar Level

“Here we go again,” the dungeon’s main body sighed.

EAVESDROP - 1

Spend 10 energy to hear whispered conversations within 30 feet for 1 minute. Additional energy will increase the duration of the ability.

Using the skill increases its rank, making it more effective at greater distances.

“Alright.” The avatar started turning around. “It’s cle—”

Before he could finish, the columns on each side coiled, transforming in a vast bone serpent and flew at him like whips.

No one had any time to react. Merely watch as each of the two massive heads opened their mouths, ready to sink their teeth into the baron’s sides. The creatures were so large that they could swallow a pony without half trying. Before they could bite onto the baron, the avatar’s hands moved like lightning and came in contact with the snakes’ upper jaws. An instant later, both creatures burst into bones that covered the floor.

CORE CONSUMPTION

2 Enhanced Bone Serpent cores converted into 2000 Avatar Core Points

Incapable of speech and movement, the rest of the group—Octavian included—kept on staring at the avatar. The more their minds tried to come to a reasonable conclusion, the more they failed. By all accounts, it was the baron that was supposed to be torn limb from limb. It wasn’t that any of them were disappointed—they were relieved that the baron had survived—yet were still having trouble believing their eyes.

“What?” the avatar asked, seeing everyone’s glances. While Liandra had managed to maintain a calm exterior, the three adventurers were all but gaping at him. “Not my fault you were too slow.” In his mind, he was worried that they might be annoyed at him stealing the core points.

“Seems you didn’t need any help.” The heroine nodded, taking his comment for creative criticism. “I’ll be better next time.”

“How did you do that?” Amelia voiced the question on everyone’s mind.

“Minor blessing,” the avatar replied. “I thought it would just hurt them, but when I blessed their heads, they just fell apart. Seems you can’t get good minions these days.”

The comment was a bit too dungeon-like, though thankfully passed unnoticed. While Ulf, Avid, and Amelia were still dazzled by the performance, Liandra had other concerns.

“Everyone, pep up,” she said. “Set up all spells, amulets, and enchantments.” Gripping the hilt of her sword with both hands, she slowly approached the double door.

“You’re worried they’ll come back to life?” Amelia looked at the nearest bone fragment, looking for signs of motion.

“If all this was set up to guard the door, what do you think might lie beyond?” the heroine asked.

The point was well made. It was standard practice to have the stronger protections closer to the dungeon core. Of course, no dungeon would keep its core so high above ground. Likely, this was one of the boss’ chambers where they’d face a stronger version of the skeletal amalgamation. If Spok weren’t wasting time with Rosewind’s tax collector, Theo would have asked the chances of coming across a bone dragon and, more importantly, the best way to defeat it. Something told him that it was unlikely a minor blessing would do the trick.

The griffin slid its claws along the floor like a cat sharpening its claws. All three adventurers held their weapons, mentally preparing for the fight of their lives.

“Take down the door,” Liandra whispered. “I’ll kill anything that charges.”

“And I’ll freeze and burn anything that doesn’t,” the avatar replied.

Extending his hand forward, the baron cast several instances of swiftness on himself, then created a large fireball and threw it straight at the pair of doors. With no curse to maintain them, both surrendered to the fiery explosion toppling into the other room with a slam. Everyone tensed up, expecting an infinite number of monsters and skeletons to pour out. Even the dungeon was contemplating resorting to his legendary sword again when the sound of festive music filled the hall.

“Presenting the esteemed Baron d'Argent and his plus one, the first-class heroine Liandra Sky!” the deep voice of a steward announced. That was the least weird thing.

Beyond the opening where the door used to be, lay a vast ballroom full of dancing couples. All the ladies were dressed in long gowns and dresses in various shades of red, while the gentlemen had a more black and blue attire in tune with the general noble fashion.

The first thought that came to mind was that all this had to be an illusion. There was no way people would be still alive, let alone dancing in this decaying castle.

“They’re human,” Liandra noted, still holding her sword. “And alive.”

Given the crimson and white semi-masques everyone was wearing, it was difficult to tell, but Theo trusted the skills of his companion.

“What do we do?” Ulf whispered from behind.

“The only thing we could do,” the avatar replied. “We accept the invitation.”

Naturally, he inspected everything in the nearby vicinity. At first glance, everything seemed alright. The carpet, although bright crimson, was perfectly normal. There were no ominous statues, cargoes, or skeletons about… although judging by the look of some of the nobles, it was difficult to be a hundred percent certain.

“Would you like a mask, sir?” The steward approached, holding a silver tray with three equally disturbing masques.

“No, I’m perfectly fine,” the dungeon refused.

Liandra did the same, though in her case one hard glance was all it took for the little man in the red vest and obviously fake wig to rush to the door.

“What do you think?” the avatar asked.

“I don’t think it’s a spell,” she said. “Doesn’t look normal, either. It might be—”

“Announcing Lady Amelia Goton, Lord Avid Rosewind, and Ulfang von Gregor,” the steward shouted five steps from the avatar’s ear.

“Hey!” the baron twisted around, still affected by the swiftness. “You do that one more time and there’ll be issues!”

As threats went, it wasn’t the best, but apparently enough for the steward to scuttle away. That was a good sign—it suggested that the man was very much human.

Meanwhile, the trio of adventurers slowly entered the ballroom. Being the weakest of the group, they were more suspicious about everything. It didn’t help that, other than the steward, no one seemed to react to anything so far. The orchestra on the far side of the room kept on playing and the people kept on dancing.

“Baron,” Amelia whispered as she moved closer. “What are we supposed to do?”

“Stay close, don’t try any food, and don’t get in trouble,” he said, busy casting arcane identify on anything that moved.

Avellian Franz (cursed)

Avellian Franz is a high-level adventurer, most famous for killing the minor demon Hert.

Somewhat alarmed, the avatar cast his arcane identify again.

Mirym Bool (cursed)

Mirym Bool is a rebound thief that rose to prominence in the Hook Claw gang, before going solo.

Septebrus Illigh (cursed)

Septebrus Illigh is mercenary and former shield-bearer who assisted in the killing of four low-level dungeons and a demon.

While Theo’s three adventurer companions slowly made their way towards the nearest wall, moving out of the way of the eternally dancing pairs of people, the dungeon had made several startling discoveries. For one thing, everyone in the room appeared to be cursed. For another…

“They’re all adventurers,” he said to Liandra. “In one way or another.”

“All of them?” She looked about. “How can you tell?”

“There are a few thieves, and a…” He paused for a few seconds. “A mage-bard, but yes, all of them are adventurer-adjacent at the very least. Also, they’re all cursed.”

“That’s obvious.”

“Nothing else in the room is cursed, as far as I can tell.”

“You really are good at this.”

There was no reason for Theo to feel pride in hearing that. He was a dungeon after all, with a heroic trait, a unique spirit guide, not to mention his main body included more than half the town of Rosewind. Yet, he still did, causing several of the buildings to let out a creak of content.

“There’s something else.” Liandra moved closer. “Have you noticed that there aren’t any servants in the room?”

“That’s obvious,” the avatar lied. While seeing curses, he had completely missed that detail.

“Then who fixed the door we came through?”

The avatar briskly turned around. There was no denying it—the massive double doors were there in very much perfect condition. The frames and door hinges were a bright gold, unlike the cold grey color they held outside. Even the wood was a warm reddish-brown, almost as if it had been painted.

“Ah, I say.” A chubby, bald man in a golden monocle stopped dancing, as if noticing Liandra and the baron for the very first time. “You must be the new guests.” He glanced in the direction of the three adventurers, who were visibly on edge. If there was an image a person could get when hearing the phrase “walking on eggshells”, that was undoubtedly them. “By Fern, there’s a lot of you, isn’t there?”

“Let’s not be rude, dear.” The thin woman with whom the man had been dancing with, hushed him. “I’m sure they have been through a lot already.”

“I was just making a note that they’re a larger group that we’re used to,” the man said with a single note of annoyance in his voice. “I had no intention of insulting them. Right?” He turned to the avatar.

Theo started the process of explaining that they didn’t feel insulted in the least, yet never got a chance to finish.

“See?” the man with the monocle continued barely a moment after the avatar had opened its mouth. “If you don’t mind me asking, did you arrive by letter or happened to stumble upon my estate?”

“Your estate?” This time, the avatar managed to complete a few words.

“Why, yes. I’m Marquis Leevek, owner of this estate.” The man puffed up before getting a tap on the shoulder from his woman’s fan. “Well, former owner. And this is my charming wife, Lady Raffel Leevek.”

“Charmed, I’m sure” The woman smiled, extending her free hand towards the avatar.

Normally, Theo was beyond things such as etiquette, especially since it, at best, had limited use. However, given the circumstances, he gently kissed the woman’s hand. The large ruby ring she was wearing flashed, at which point he felt a surge of energy in his main body.

“Baron d’Argent.” Theo remained in character, although he was definitely not doing that again.

“You’re a baron?” The woman quickly covered the lower part of her face with her fan. “Marvelous. I thought…” she moved closer “…that you were merely a common adventurer.”

Based on her intonation, it was safe to assume that she didn’t exactly approve.

“And you, my dear?” The marquis addressed Liandra. “You must be a heroine, if I’m not mistaken?”

“First class.” The woman wasn’t taking any crap. Also, she clearly didn’t trust anyone she hadn’t entered the room with.

“My, my. I’m sure you’ll be the envy of the ball. Being the first hero here is definitely a monumental occasion. As the saying goes, people always remember the first. The first kiss, the first drink, the first—”

“Please be civil, dear,” Lady Raffel interrupted. “Give our new guests a chance to take their breath while they can.”

Out of pettiness, rather than curiosity, Theo cast an arcane identify on each of the nobles.

Sarina Teug (cursed)

Sarina Teug is an aspiring adventurer who made a name for herself by single-handedly defeating the tyrant dungeon Vezel-y-Kaltt.

Mark Lemming (cursed)

Mark Lemming is a retired adventurer who had slain fourteen minor demons and five dungeons during his active years.

Theo knew from experience that mistakes were abundant no matter the universe he found himself in. The reason that he was here was nothing more than a vast chain of mistakes starting from him stepping into an elevator shaft back in his previous life. This, though, was far from a mistake. It would be simple to explain it away as a lie coming from a pair of cursed adventurers who’d spent goodness knows how long dancing. Still, that wouldn’t explain what had attempted to sap his strength.

Feeling intrigued by the puzzle, the avatar cast an identify on the woman’s ruby ring.

Lady Raffel Leevek (cursed)

Lady Raffel Leevek is a minor noble of no importance who has been cursed to take on the form of a ruby ring.

The discovery was mildly disturbing, but just to make sure, Theo checked the marquis’ monocle.

Marquis Sullivan Leevek (cursed)

Marquis Sullivan Leevek is a minor noble of no importance who has been cursed to take on the form of a golden monocle.

Cautiously, the baron looked around. This time he could clearly see it: everyone dancing in the ballroom was wearing a uniquely remarkable item, including the orchestra. The only exceptions to the rule were the so-called Marquis and Lady Leevek, Liandra, Theo, and the three adventurers.

“I am available, sir,” Spok said back in the dungeon’s main body. “What seems to be the issue?”

“Out of curiosity, what types of abominations are there?” The floors of the baron’s mansion creaked.

“Depending on the point of view, there could be one of an infinite number of types. Each abomination is unique and they are always focused around a concept.” The spirit guide placed the workshop permit she had procured on the guest room table, then magicked a suitable frame to put it in. “Other than that, they could take any form and have their own particular powers, but it all revolves around a…” Her words trailed off. “Sir, did you come across an abomination?”

“How do I kill one?”

“Other than relying on the heroic trait of your avatar, I’m not sure, sir.”

What else is new? Theo grumbled to himself. It wasn’t the first time an evil force had hypnotized a large group of people to do something. Of course, Lord Mandrake had used them to create himself an army. Here, the abomination was just… cursing the original inhabitants of the castle into items so they would curse all the adventurers lured here into dancing?

Thinking it through, it sounded rather stupid; too stupid to be true.

“Is everything alright, Baron?” the marquis asked.

“Oh? Yes, I just noticed that everyone is wearing masks.” Everyone except you two.

The avatar cast another identify.

BLOOD SPIDER (abomination’s minion)

A creature created entirely out of blood and emotion, capable of cursing targets and sapping the blood out of them.

The spider uses fine strands of liquid to create a massive web with which it controls its targets.

While the spider itself isn’t strong, it uses everyone under its control to fight for it.

The mask wasn’t at all what Theo expected it would be. The realization made him inadvertently look up. The ceiling was covered with massive blood red chandeliers—lots of places a blood spider might hide, if it wasn’t actually one of them.

“Oh, dear,” Lady Raffel said in a sad tone. “We so much hoped you wouldn’t notice. You would have been so much happier joining the everlasting dance. Now—” Everyone in the ballroom froze mid-action. Ten-inch claws of blood grew from the woman’s fingers, as sharp as daggers. “—you’ll have to become part of the decoration.”