The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Time passed, yet there was no sign of the curtain falling.

The original script I had practiced and pondered over dozens, even hundreds of times, was now useless.

Switching to improvisation had its limits.

The more I continued, the more I couldn’t shake the feeling of sinking into an endless mire.

When would the curtain finally fall?

How long must I drag this life on?

I thought this time I could gracefully adorn my finale, but the many opportunities to end this life had long since faded away.

If only I could fly far away, those who had become elegant swans soaring in the sky from small ducklings still circled around me, washed away by the water, showing no intention of leaving.

While feeling a sense of pride in their beautiful form soaring through the heavens, I was painfully jealous of them.

Wishing to be like them, yet knowing I could never become one.

Truly, it was an undeserved desire.

“…How pathetic. All of it.”

Complaints aside,

The sounds echoing from the stage around me,

The bright lights shining down on me, standing alone on stage,

Didn’t seem to know how to disappear and sparkled mockingly at me, who was still sitting on the floor.

No more mistakes were to be tolerated.

Ding!

The pink shoes were placed on my feet.

One, two. The frenzied dance that would never stop until death began.

Even if I were to cut off the dancing legs, the curse of these red shoes would never cease,

For the hands that held my legs wouldn’t allow me to stop dancing.

Rugged hands filled with wrinkles and delicate hands.

Deformed hands that looked terrible and tiny, pure white hands.

Hands bleeding from lost nails, hands thick with calluses.

Smooth hands and hands adorned with unique rings, hands with burnt marks and hands missing a few fingers, hands holding bills and hands with striking red nail polish.

All of them wouldn’t let me go,

If they didn’t.

If one person is happy, does that mean another person will be unhappy?

Conversely, if one person is unhappy, does that mean another will be happy?

Such binary claims, I don’t really know.

I don’t want to think about it painfully.

But one thing is certain.

The happiness I unknowingly enjoyed until now should have been someone else’s who was supposed to be in this spot.

And the fact that I merely extended a meaningless life means I took away what was theirs.

The hands gripping my legs are their hands.

The hands of those who couldn’t live a happy life because of me.

Whether it was an infinitely continuing life I wanted or didn’t want,

The fact remains I took from them,

And the fact remains that I must pay the price.

Thus, I should not desire happiness.

Bowing my head and kneeling down was the only thing I could do to allow them to step on me and rise to that high place.

A single flower they drop and a single tear,

A place that would never be forgotten in their memories is all I could receive.

Be satisfied with enjoying that process.

Haven’t I been doing well until now?

Haven’t I been enduring well until now?

“…..Ha. Haha.”

I stood up from my seat.

If I start dancing once, I have to see it through to the end; I don’t want to see a ridiculous and unsightly conclusion. Who said such a thing?

None other than myself.

Thud.

“……….”

On the table, a small knife used for cutting fruit was visible.

So sharp that used improperly, it could easily take the life of a little girl, even by mistake.

As if possessed, I began walking towards the table, stepping down from the window ledge.

“…..Ugh… the princess…”

“………..”

Who was she calling?

It would be far too easy to quietly grab the knife and ensure Tessa, who was sleeping beside me, wouldn’t wake up.

Grabbing the handle, I caressed the sharpest object carrying that death with my shaking thumb.

Swish, swish.

“……….”

A throbbing pulse and a fast-beating heart.

My reflection in the opaque blade. The red liquid streaming from my fingers completely covered the fabric of my shirt.

Yet, even so…

“I feel nothing.”

Like I’ve completely broken.

Really, I felt nothing at all.

It hurts like hell.

That feeling was the first to come to mind.

“…From now on, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t block my path with that absurd sense of duty.”

“…Is this my fault? Why? I mean, really, why!? Hey!!”

“…………”

Swish, swish.

I looked at her with dissatisfaction as I calmed my swollen cheek with a cup full of ice, while she walk leisurely in front of me.

She said she stopped the fight and corrected the course when it was going weird, but can she treat me so coldly?

Plus, she even broke my sword.

My wrist, which still held the hilt, was throbbing.

Look at my wrist! Look!

Clomp, clomp.

“………”

Like a cat that knows it messed up but can’t confront the issue directly.

Saelli was doing everything in her power to avoid making eye contact with me, and in the end, I was the one who raised both hands.

Well, what can I say, but it’s only natural that I, with a heart as vast as the ocean, let it go.

Or rather, in this case, was it a lion instead of a cat?

Anyway, I heard Saelli had lived several times longer than me, but due to her relatively less experienced human relationships for her age, when you look closely at the things she says and does, she seems just like a child.

A foolish child who grabbed hold of something too precious and is stuck, not knowing what to do with it.

She used to give off a much more mature vibe, but perhaps living with Alice has made her more faithful to her emotions.

Thud!

“…Phew?! Ah, s-stop. That hurt, seriously…!!”

“……..”

I got hit again.

My side hurt a lot. Really, it hurt enough to make me cry.

While I was moaning, clutching my side to catch my breath, Remi Akaia looked at me with disdain rather than worry.

Even though she was basically saved by me, why is she treating me so harshly?

While Saelli was arguing with me, I was the one who was thumping her arm while she pressed her own neck.

Really. It seems everyone around me has lost their conscience.

“Hiiing… where else is there to hit me…”

“…….You know, I think you have a talent for wielding whips.”

“…..?”

“……Go ahead, hit me one more time.”

Thud.

The fight was somehow resolved.

Saelli didn’t truly think that way, and she confessed to being overly reactive about Alice’s safety due to the sudden invasion of unidentified individuals.

Now that I think about it, that’s why they sent Alice to Muzeion.

Who on earth were those shameless individuals that invaded Saelli?

“…..Sigh.”

“…What is it? You should tell me.”

“………You don’t need to know.”

When I asked about the identity of the invaders, she stared hard at me, then clamped her mouth shut, not explaining further.

I didn’t even understand what the weeds were about.

I don’t know why she looked at me when she said that.

Anyway, even though it ended that way, Saelli still opposed Remi Akaia being close to Alice until the end.

When Remi heard that, she began to fly into a rage, and it almost led to the second fight, but that was a headache, so let’s skip it.

Well, the conclusion was to just say let’s go see Alice already.

Looking at it that way, perhaps we were all thinking the same thing.

Clunk.

“The fact that we’ve already crossed the line does not grant us immunity.”

“…..Are you bringing that up here?”

“Before I meet Alice, I feel like I should say something.”

Just a single step from entering the dormitory where I’m currently living, I turned back and advised Saelli.

We have certainly done wrong.

But it should become a firm milestone in our hearts so that the same thing never happens again.

It should never mean that because we already committed a sin, we can commit the same sin again without care.

Even considering the emotional turmoil caused by the sudden invasion, what’s wrong is wrong.

“I didn’t mean to confine Alice. I just meant to remove those who could harm her from her side—”

“That’s noisy. A sturdy fence is no different from a cage.”

Did she expect me to say that just because it wasn’t Alice being caged, it was right?

If we confine everything else so they can’t reach Alice, how is that different from making the outside just another prison?

Saelli needs to understand that difference.

Of course, seeking balance is the most challenging task.

Finding ‘protection’ between neglect and confinement is our mission.

Well, she’s lucky she apologized, claiming she wasn’t thinking straight at the moment.

If Saelli were to get serious, no one could stop her except Alice.

In the earlier fight, it was purely luck that I managed to catch up with her.

“Anyway, Alice has been sulking a lot lately since you’re not around. Go quickly and comfort her.”

“…..Ha ha, understood.”

“…..Tch.”

One person was dissatisfied with a woman they didn’t like approaching her younger sister, but overall, it was a satisfactory conclusion.

To be honest, I feel like she herself is not purely a victim in this.

And so, we slowly entered the dormitory where Alice was waiting.

What would happen next, I couldn’t even begin to guess.

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