The Gendered Crown: Rise of the Felinor Lady

“I stared down at the bowl of soup Myra had selected for me, steam rising in gentle swirls but I felt too exhausted to dig in. “You should eat,” Myra said, nudging the bowl closer to me.

I picked up the spoon, the warmth of the soup inviting, but my body felt heavy. “I’m fine,” I replied, though I knew I didn’t sound convincing.

Myra smiled sadly, her gaze steady on me. “You remind me a bit of my children—stubborn, anxious, but good-hearted. I miss them.” She said as she pointed to the bowl.

The mention of her kids made my heart tighten. “What happened?” I asked. I tried a bit of the soup and suddenly I felt a bit hungrier.

She took a moment, searching for the words. “Before I was brought to this world, I had a fight with my eldest. He was a good boy, but he was going through a phase, wanting more independence. He wanted to stay out later with his friends, and I just worried. I kept reminding him about the dangers outside and responsibilities he wasn’t ready for. We shouted at each other, and in a moment of anger, I snapped, ‘Well, if you are so unhappy then leave?’”

She paused. “The look on his face when I said that—it haunts me. He stormed off to his room, and I remember thinking how much I wished I could just be anywhere but there, away from the tension and the hurt. I wanted to reconcile, but my pride kept me silent. Next thing I knew, I woke up in a field with everyone else.”

I could sense the pain in her voice, the weight of unspoken regret. “I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever get the chance to tell him how much I love him, how I only wanted what was best for him,” she continued, wiping away a stray tear. “I can’t get that memory out of my mind. I hope they’re okay.”

“I’m sure they are,” I said.

Several minutes went by as we ate in silence. She had opened up to me so quickly. She would never meet her children again and to leave on that note… I felt selfish thinking about my problems.

“I…” My voice wavered, barely above a whisper. “Look, there is something I need to tell you.”

I hesitated. Do I really want to do this? My heart raced as I looked back at Myra.

No, I need to tell someone. Just then, I heard the sound of footsteps from right behind me and I turned quickly to see who had snuck up on me. A familiar face appeared before me—Nessa along with a younger dark-haired male Felinor stood behind her to the left.

“Good morning, Landon,” Nessa greeted, her tone light.

I froze for a moment, my heart racing. Myra looked puzzled, glancing between Nessa and me. “Hello, Lira. Do you know this woman?”

Thankfully it seemed she didn’t catch the little slip. I nodded, a grimace forming on my face. “Yes, I do. Good morning, Nessa. I was just about to return to my quarters. If you’ll excuse me.”

Nessa’s gaze shifted back to me, her head tilting slightly to the side as if assessing me. “Lira,” she said under her breath, rolling my name over her tongue. She stood in deep thought for a moment, but then I could see a flicker of recognition in her eyes, and I felt my stomach tighten.

“I was informed you are unwell?” she continued, her smile still present but now tinged with a hint of something more. “My friend Rael here is an excellent healer. I’m sure he can help.”

I turned to Nessa, forcing a grateful smile. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”

Nessa’s expression softened, “You’re ill and a young woman, Lira,” she emphasized my name with a slight purr. My heart raced, a mix of embarrassment and the awareness that she was on to something, the question was did she know what yet?

I glanced back at Rael, then back to Nessa. “I really appreciate it, but I am fine.”

Myra, sensing my unease, stepped forward, her voice amicable. “I’ll escort Lira back to her quarters. There’s no need for—”

But Nessa interrupted, her tone unyielding. “Myra, if I recall correctly, you and all the Felinor who are not ill are to attend the gathering today. It’s important that everyone’s questions are answered and concerns soothed.” She looked at me, her expression softening slightly. “I’ll come by later to tend to your questions, Lira.”

Nessa moved closer and took a more authoritarian stance. I could see Myra’s frustration building, but I quickly cut her off in an attempt to soothe her. “It’s okay, Myra. I’m fine, I’d be happy to accept, ah, Rael’s help.”

Nessa's demeanor remained unwavering for just a moment, but suddenly she seemed to relax. “Just consider it a precaution. Rael is a warrior and a man I trust. You wouldn’t want to push yourself too hard, and he will be there in case you do.”

With a reluctant sigh, I nodded. “Fine. But I really am okay.”

Nessa smiled, her expression both warm and knowing. “Good. Just remember that it’s alright to accept help sometimes. We don’t need you running off every time something doesn’t go your way.”

With that, I started to walk away, Rael falling into step beside me, silently. Even with my improved hearing, I could barely hear his footsteps. The corridor stretched on, and the silence made the air feel heavier. I kept my eyes forward, trying to focus on anything but the fact that he was still here, following me.

 

I was tired, my body felt heavy. Did I make that kind of impression when I met Nessa? I thought about it for a few minutes. Maybe it was because of the panic attack I had. Surely, that left an impression on everyone around me. But she seemed specifically to be coming to look for me. Now I had an escort, but something didn’t feel right.

“Why?” I asked, the question slipping out before I could stop myself. The whole situation felt strange, and I couldn’t help but wonder why Nessa insisted on having him escort me.

Rael shrugged, his expression unreadable. “You’ve caught her attention. She likes pretty things and loves games. If you play along, it should end sooner rather than later.”

I rolled my eyes. “Easy for you to say.”

He chuckled softly, but there was something more in his tone. “Secrets have a way of coming to light. Whether you like it or not. The longer you hold out, the harder she’ll hunt.”

His words hit me like a punch. I glanced at him sharply, heart pounding. “What are you talking about?”

Rael raised his hands in mock surrender, his sharp features betraying no malice. “I don’t know your secret, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I’ve been around long enough to see what people look and act like when they’re trying to hide something. Some are good at it; others, well, they’re like you. I’d suggest coming clean sooner rather than later in this particular case.”

I frowned. “Easy for you to say.”

He chuckled again, his steps still in sync with mine. For a moment, he stayed quiet, as though weighing his next words. “So... how’re you holding up with all this? These places can get pretty overwhelming,” he remarked casually, his eyes flicking briefly to the small bag of herbs hanging around my neck.

I glanced down at the pouch, my fingers brushing over it. Nessa had given it to me when I first felt like my senses were spinning out of control. Thankfully, the pungent smells of the camp didn’t seem to affect me much.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, taking a deep breath. “It helps. I guess I’m more sensitive than others.”

Rael’s eyes flickered with interest, but he didn’t say anything at first. I blinked, suddenly realizing how strange that sounded. “That’s... odd, isn’t it?” I added, more to myself than to him. “Other people don’t seem to have as much trouble.”

Rael’s lips curled into a slight smile. “That’s interesting.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly at him. “What is?”

He kept his tone casual, though something lingered behind it. “Most Felinor don’t need something like verilan leaf to dull their senses. It’s used when someone’s sensitivity to smell is a bit... stronger than normal. Not something you see often.”

I glanced down at the pouch again, feeling a knot form in my stomach. “Verilan leaf?” I echoed, brow furrowing. “That’s what’s in here?”

Rael nodded. “Yeah. It’s strong enough to tone things down for Felinor senses. The fact that you need it says a lot.”

“What does it say?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

Rael smiled slightly, his eyes watching me closely. “Now that is for my lady to clarify. I would’ve assumed you knew why, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t.”

“I’m not sure why,” I admitted, unease creeping in. “I didn’t think I was that attuned to anything, nor have I done anything the others haven’t.”

Rael simply smiled, his gaze assessing. “Strange world, huh?”

Before I could say anything more, we reached the building where my quarters were. Two priestesses stood at the entrance, and when Rael moved to follow me inside, one of them raised a hand to stop him.

"No men allowed past here, young lord,” one of them said. I saw Rael’s tail flicker with annoyance.

My legs started to feel weak after our walk, and it must’ve shown. The other priestess ran over and threw her arm around me to assist. “It’s okay, dearie. We’ve got you.”

By the time we reached the building where my quarters were, exhaustion weighed heavily on me. Each step felt harder than the last, and all I could think about was collapsing into bed. Rael glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, his sharp gaze assessing.

“You alright?” he asked, voice softer than before.

“I’m fine,” I replied, forcing a weak smile. “Just tired.”

Rael nodded, expression unreadable, but before he could say anything else, the two priestesses stepped forward, their calm but firm expressions blocking him from entering.

“This is as far as you go,” one of the priestesses said, her voice cool and unwavering.

I exhaled deeply as the door to the sanctuary closed behind me. The priestesses offered brief nods before retreating back to their posts, leaving me alone in the quiet room. My muscles ached, and my head throbbed with exhaustion, but my fever was gone at least. I trudged up the stairs.

By the time I reached my quarters, my body felt heavy. The familiar pull of sleep tugged at me the moment I lay down. Soon my eyes drifted shut, and the world around me faded away.

The world faded away, and soon I found myself in a familiar dreamscape, surrounded by shimmering lights and a gentle breeze that felt like a warm hug. Remnants of my old life drifted by until it one of them finally stopped.

Suddenly, she appeared—the Felinor woman from the night before. Her figure was outlined by an ethereal glow, her face concealed, yet that infuriating smile remained ever present. The surroundings shifted, revealing an old room from my past—filled with faded colors and dust-covered furniture. As I turned, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in an ornate mirror. My old face stared back: brown hair, green eyes, and unremarkable features marred by a light five o'clock shadow.

“Lira,” the Felinor said, her voice smooth and melodic. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Who and why do you keep appearing in my dreams?” I asked, a mixture of curiosity and frustration bubbling within me. “What do you want?”

“I want to make sure you’re okay,” she replied, stepping closer. The glow around her illuminated her features just enough for me to see the kindness in her expression. “How are you holding up?”

I hesitated, caught off guard by her sincerity. I chewed my bottom lip for a moment in thought. It is just a dream what can it hurt? “It’s... a lot. Everything feels so different.” I said as I glanced back at my reflection, frustration creeping in. “And yet, it feels like I’m stuck.”

The Felinor’s gaze softened, and she nodded. “It’s natural to feel that way. You’re in a place of transition. Change by it’s nature is uncomfortable.”

I crossed my arms, trying to maintain my composure. “And what if I don’t want to change? What if I just want to be… normal?”

“Normal is a construct,” she said giggling. “What is normal here is certainly not what it was back home, am I right?” I scowled, and she continued, “You have already noticed but Nessa is paying too much attention to us.”

My heart raced at the mention of her name. “What do you know about Nessa?” I asked defensively.

“She’s been watching you,” Aurelia replied, her tone thoughtful. “I can feel the tension between you two. There’s a weight to her presence, the weight that she knows something about us that we are unaware of. I’d suggest distancing yourself if possible.”

"Okay, and what good will that do me right now? I’m in a different place, with no friends or family, no resources. What am I supposed to do and why should I trust you. This is just a dream after all.” I paused, “Unless it isn’t? Oh! Why can’t I just go home.” I whined while looking at the room around us.

“Familiar can be comforting, but it can also be dangerous,” she cautioned. “You need to be careful. Secrets can bind people together, but they can also tear them apart.”

“What secrets? What do you know?” The frustration bubbled up again, a stark reminder of my past self—always questioning, always unsure.

Aurelia stepped closer, her eyes shimmering with understanding. “You’ve carried secrets yourself, haven’t you? The weight of your past—who you were, what you’ve done. But you’re in a new place now. You have the chance to shape your future.”

“Shape my future?” I echoed, the words heavy with meaning. “What if I’m not ready for that? How about I just hide away. I’ve always been good at it.”

“Lira,” she said softly, “hiding may feel safe, but it won’t protect you forever. The world outside is vast, and there are parts of you waiting to be discovered.”

I felt a knot in my stomach as I turned back to the mirror, studying my reflection. “I don’t even know who I am anymore. Landon was someone I thought I knew, but he feels like a ghost just after two days.”

The Felinor’s expression deepened, a mixture of compassion and resolve. “Landon is part of you, yes, but he doesn’t define you. You have the power to choose who or what you want to be. Embrace those pieces, but don’t let them control you.”

“Then who am I supposed to be?” I asked, my voice trembling slightly. “What if I make the wrong choice?”

“Every choice takes you down a different path, and sometimes we stumble,” she said, her voice steady. “Take Nessa, for example. She remains a mystery, and that uncertainty holds its own power. She could either become a close ally or a fierce opponent, but for now, maintaining some distance is wise. Each step forward carries its own risks. Yet, forming connections with others can be a strength that compensates for your vulnerabilities. It all starts with one question: Who are you?”

A moment of silence stretched between us as I pondered her words. It might be safer in the long run, but I felt overwhelmed as I was now. I wished I had someone to talk to; I might have if Nessa hadn’t butted in. What would Myra and I be discussing now? How would she feel? Would she hate me? Forgive me? These thoughts swirled in my mind as my reflection in the mirror flickered slightly.

Then it dawned on me—this woman knew my secret. Sure, she was just a construct of my own mind, but she was still someone to confide in. “What about you? You keep appearing. What’s your name?”

“Aurelia,” she laughed “Is it not beautiful?”

“Aurelia…” I repeated, letting the name linger in my mind.

“Please remember it since it will be of value to us” she said cryptically, her form shimmering. “Just remember, Lira: you’re not alone in this. Embrace the uncertainty.”

Just as I opened my mouth to ask more, the dream landscape began to fade, the warmth of our conversation dissolving into the air. “Wait! Don’t leave!” I called out, but Aurelia’s figure melted into the light.

With a sudden jolt, I awoke, the muffled sounds of voices drifting from beyond the curtain. I recognized Katrina’s voice leading someone to me, and my heart raced as I heard the familiar tones of Nessa and Myra arguing just outside.