The Dungeon Child

It is... magnificent.

All I'd had to do was ask the Mother if I could borrow her smartphone, and lo and behold, she simply gave it to me. At the moment, I'm deeply invested in a 'site' entitled Omnipedia, and am currently browsing underneath the arachnid sections.

This Omnipedia is a truly majestic thing. Not only does it include the strengths and weaknesses of every type of spider known to man, but a detailed autopsy and anatomical analysis also accompanies it! I can literally tap on a species' name, and their every inner working is laid bare before me! These humans haven't the slightest idea how powerful this is!

Who needs textbooks? I can enter the name of any creature in existence and gain absolute knowledge of their most infinitesimal details! I could improve my army a hundredfold with this level of information!

And that brings me to another exuberant discovery.

Weapons.

Thousands upon thousands of weapons of every kind are located in Omnipedia's infinite pages, ranging from bows to catapults to cannons to artillery. And oh, what glorious artillery I find. Something called a 'railgun'. A 'Gatling' gun. And something that the site describes as one of the most dangerous weapons of them all: a Browning Fifty Caliber 'machine gun'. Supposedly, it was considered to be the most powerful weapon in a world-wide war that humanity endured some time ago, and remains one of the greatest.

I'm certain I could create an organic version of this weapon based on its blueprints. The result would likely be hideous even by my standards, but the thought of a walking weapon hurling shards of magic-infused bone at six hundred projectiles a minute is just too inviting. I'm almost salivating as I consider the process.

At the moment, however, I need to use the resources I have available, and if my estimates are correct, even my substantial mana supply isn't enough for the particularly juicy minions I have planned. For now, I choose to improve Theory and Thesis.

Sitting in my room cross-legged, I invite both of them to approach me. Smiling down at Thesis, I lean down and whisper, "What do you want, Thesis? Armor that not even humanity's bullets can punch through? Venom that can melt steel? Webs sharper than any sword? Impart your desires unto me, that I might fulfill thy every wish."

Granted, I'm waxing a bit poetic, which is usually unnecessary. My excitement overrides that inefficiency at the moment, exceeding it in a way I can't express in words.

Thesis's grin is wide, her mandibles wiggling in anticipation that matches my own as she waves her legs around in a wide circle. I clap my hands in glee. "All of them it is! Sit still, Thesis. This may take some time for you to get used to."

Summoning an enormous amount of mana from the school and from my house, I funnel it all into Thesis. This time, I can distinctly see every vein, every organ, every follicle and cell and bacteria inside of her. Due to my newly acquired knowledge from Omnipedia, I can begin improving her power in ways that I could only have imagined prior to discovering the existence of smartphones.

As Thesis begins to twitch, already expanding as she sheds her skin to grow larger and stronger, I turn to Theory. "And what do you want, Theory? I can give you nearly anything!"

Theory begins to dart from side to side, increasing in speed until she's barely even visible. A black blur streaking back and forth so quickly I can't see her. I smile as I understand what she's saying. "Theory, there will be no creature on this planet faster than you once you are done. Prepare yourself, for you will awaken a different spider than the one you fell asleep as."

Purely metaphorical, of course. I have no desire to change Theory's species and I doubt she does either. Regardless, I build every possible amplification of speed I can think of into her. Micro-graphite layered skin for maximum durability without loss of flexibility. A light-quick reaction speed for her brain, even faster than she already is. And of course her legs. Those already phenomenal legs are improved far beyond their limits, and the majority of my mana vanishes into my loyal spider.

Leaning back with a sigh, I open one of Theory's trapdoors and carefully slide both of my bosses into them, using a fraction of my mana to make the cave as large as possible.

Closing my eyes, I flop backward and grin at the ceiling, a laugh trying to exit my mouth. I had gone from having a decent army of thousands to having two bosses, two true monsters the likes of which this world had never seen.

But now there is time for one more thing. One last thing which will seal the final nail in my failure's coffin.

Taking a deep breath, I turn my attention inward. To my pathetic six-year-old human body. To start with, I give my own skin the same treatment as Theory's, and then reinforcing my bones with a tungsten-steel alloy, reducing the toxicity to zero and adding the appropriate ventilation for blood flow. After that, I improve the retinas and walls in my own eyes, which should give me nigh-perfect vision. Finally, I add an especially tough layer of titanium just in front of my knuckles. I'd like to see someone try and hit me now.

Oh, Richter. I may have worried about you. To some extent, I may have feared you.

But now I am coming for you.