The Castle in the middle of nowhere.

I was lying in bed looking at the ceiling with a lazy but very satisfied smile after yesterday. My previous hesitation and strange mood swings were gone, and I can think clearly once more. Or I should say I could think clearly if my thoughts were not occupied by the fresh memories of last night and a subconscious anticipation for more...

...aaaanddd the mood is gone.

•••

I angrily entered my war room with bloodthirsty thoughts and flames in my eyes, hot enough to simply evaporate anything I would even gaze upon. I was actually shocked that nothing had caught fire yet.

That fucking Goblin Dungeon.

"Status!" I demanded from Galahad, who calmly directed Legio Aegis to reinforce with what was left of Legio Fulminata to secure defensive positions.

"My King! The goblin army used earth wyrms to dig the tunnels right before our walls."

"The fucking nerve of that trash..." I glossed over the battle situation. "How many?"

"About one and a half hundred thousand and still growing, my King." Galahad replied, looking at a map. The goblin army started flooding the fields around Avalon and has spread around the walls like a filthy tide. "Legio Aegis is already at the exterior walls, and archers have started to fire upon the enemy. I ordered to hold fire from most of our siege engines and only trebuchets have permission..."

"Thank you." I raised my hand, silencing my marshall, and moved my gaze upon the map. "How could we have overlooked mobilization of an army this big?"

"We never managed to see how deep that cave dungeon is, my King, so it could have underground chambers big enough to gather an army this big. It also looks like the Goblin Dungeon can influence or even take control of the feral goblin tribes living in the area. Some of the goblins besieging the castle are not affiliated with the Goblin Dungeon."

"But... That many? Do they breed like rabbits?" I was looking at the goblin army forces' distribution as I rubbed my temples.

"We do not know, my King. We never checked this before..."

"Goblins are like parasites." Irene's voice, full of despise, sounded from behind the doors. "They kidnap any female they can find and use them to breed more of their foul species."

"You are joking, right?" The hand that rubbed my temples froze in shock. Really? A fucking goblin slayer out of nowhere?

"No, Theon, these creatures are the most hated among the monsters of this world. They kill, destroy and kidnap... The fate of the women they kidnap is dark and gruesome."

"God... 'Entire cities were conquered by...' Knys and Sig told me this..." I turned around and saw her nervous facial expression.

Amber, Irene and Luna went closer to me and my black-haired wife continued her lecture. They were wearing royal gowns, as we were so deep in Avalon nothing could touch them and thus their battle gear was not needed at the moment.

"Fortunately for the people of the world, only the feral goblin tribes do that. Dungeon goblins simply spawn, but their brutality is the same." She summoned a book I don't think I had seen before. "We planned to give you this as a gift, my King. I asked Knys and his guild to gather everything they know about monsters of this world. We even found old books he took with them when their guild was banished. All our knowledge is in these few books we prepared..."

She gave me a book, beautifully made, and I smiled a bit when I recognized Idna's intricate and vividly coloured illustrations. Irene gave me the book, opening it to the entry on goblins. A surprisingly long article described them and their tribes, differences, types and sub-species, their weak spots and even what weapons they use. If the book was right, these nasty things are like a curse. They produce nothing, their loot is garbage and not worthy of the effort and the dangers these monsters pose to adventurers, yet the regular quelling efforts were made every early spring to eliminate or lower populations of goblins. I glossed over the text, looking for any information I needed now when I noticed a section rewritten in a different style than the rest of the book. It looked as if someone tried to copy something, but was not able to read it.

"Irene? What is this?" I tapped on the mysterious text I couldn't read.

"We believe that is a note that the ancient hero Alvin Furry gathered about goblins, but we couldn't read it. But we copied this nonetheless, to preserve it until someone else could read and understand it."

I looked once more at the crooked letters. The person that wrote them long ago used Latin letters, very similar to the ones used by people of the Cridia Kingdom. But this was English, written so atrociously it was barely palpable- I blame ages of copying this note without any comprehension.

"These monaters... Should be monsters, are the most foul critters of this land, deserving only contempt and swift death..." I started reading with great effort, trying to guess some deformed or butchered words. "They captured poor Nadia a month ago, and we finally tracked their foul den. Marchus and Fovl counted... Hundreds of them but we are ready to take on them..." There are a few lines I couldn’t read before the passage continued: "we found Nadia in the large unde..". Probably they meant an underground chamber… "with others like her, women chained or tied with a rope and held like cattle, forced to live alongside filthy animals. Anything in this chamber seems to be female and pregnant..."

I stopped reading and looked at the map showing the goblin army that finally stopped pouring from the underground passages- it was big, with over two hundred thousand disgusting creatures which defiled my walls with their mere presence.

"Stella."

"Yes, my King?" She asked while tilting her head to better see the content of the new book.

"Deactivate the limiter runes on the Legions. I decree exterminatus upon the race of goblins."

"Yes, my King..." My faé scion simply nodded when she fulfilled my order.

"Galahad?" I looked at the next blood-curdling words in the book, which are now clear to me as the testimony of the eyewitness.

"It shall be done, my King." My faithful marshall bowed to me and silently added.

I returned to the text, wondering what twisted mind could create creatures like this.

"... Death was a mercy in the goblin's breeding chambers, and new rage and fury burned in our hearts. Nadia was too weak to cry when she saw us and she begged us to kill her and end her suffering... The… scream of insufferable pain terrified us... A woman much weaker than Nadia screamed holding her bloated belly… the blood was everywhere, and then she was dead, after six foul beasts clawed their way out from inside her, killing their mother..."

I looked at my Queens but besides being pale, they simply pursed their lips. Luna sat down on her throne with shaking hands, but Amber had a fire in her eyes.

"Theon. No, my King! Please, destroy as many of them as you can!"

"I will, Amber..."

"I'm so ashamed that I ever suggested you use goblins... But I was ignorant back then." She rubbed her hands nervously and lowered her head.

"Don't mention it, Amber. Besides, I never considered goblins even remotely useful. According to the..." I blinked a few times and facepalmed. "Thank you, Sweetheart!"

I opened the shop menu. I was able to build the goblin spawner after their last failed assault. I read their description.

Evil and cruel creatures, created as a weapon millennia ago by the Dark Lord and first Demon King, whose name was struck down from all records. These monsters are still a blight upon the world, roaming its lands as a reminder of the war waged before the people of the world came to be.

Cheap monsters to mass produce but stupid and unable to perform complicated tasks in its basic form.

Cost:10000 mana.

Would you like to build a goblin spawner? Y/N

No! Fuck you. Gross. Block this option.

"Goblins are weapons created by some Dark Lord." I felt extremely uncomfortable. "What sick fuck created a race like this?"

I blame you Goblin Slayer!

•••

The slavers made me disgusted, the Lich incident made me angry, but this... This was a fucking new level of darkness I was ignorant of, however, and thankfully I could now fix this situation. Starting as a mild inconvenience, goblins very quickly changed into extermination targets. I ordered the evacuation of all women from Everlight to the middle castle and I gave them no choice in that matter so they couldn't have any stupid ideas, especially the one where they choose to fight. Maybe they can. I don't care, I'm paranoid. After the limiter runes were deactivated, the fairies of Avalon unleashed the fury of elements upon the besieging army. It was hard to shoot the trebuchets, but the archers have an easy job. Goblins died by hundreds; their puny shields were unable to stop an arrow, not to mention the fairies' spells.

The goblin army, after a failed surprise attack, retreated partly to the underground tunnels and my eagles spotted them while they were building something in the forest. This was concerning because goblins shouldn't be able to do that. I was also concerned with the precision of their attack- their commander targeted all four gates of Avalon and goblins tried to fill the moat with dirt and trash they hauled in carts from their tunnels. The earth wyrms they used to build these tunnels must have been precious to the Goblin Dungeon because they were pulled back as soon as they broke the ground.

The siege lasted already about a few hours, but it was a stale battle where my archers and mages killed thousands of goblins. Even so, the rest of their army looked like they were determined to capture and break into the lower castle. The goblins that built something in the forest returned with the crudely made rafts and a big trunk of a fallen tree. They probably wanted to use it as a battering ram. I just found out that I do not have any low-profile means of direct defence, so I allowed the usage of more powerful magic. Goblin shamans, however, concentrated on defending the ram and the area in front of the north gate where goblins filled the moat with dirt. This was so frustrating... I could probably destroy them outright if I decided to unleash the full might of Avalon- but I have no idea who is watching!

Please... Let it be already spring...

•••

By the end of the day, the goblins finally filled the moat enough to try to destroy the drawbridge. About fifty thousand of them were killed, but I looked at this scene, feeling a little bored.

"The amount of mana they give is probably not worth the cost of the arrows we used..." I ruffled my hair in frustration over and over. "Five mana per head... That's insulting!

"They breached the drawbridge." Stella pointed to the map.

"Uhum... Congratulations." I shrugged.

Behind the drawbridge are gates and behind them were the portcullises in succession. Before they managed to move inside the castle, they had to pass a total of six portcullises and three gates while being constantly shot at and in the rain of boiling water.

"This is going to be a very long evening." I sighed.

"My King?"

"Sebastian! It's so great to see you. Report." I smiled just with my face.

"The isolation centre is now sealed. Nothing comes in, nothing goes out." My butler and head of the intelligence division nodded his head. "My best subordinates are on the spot guarding our, hmm... Guests."

"Excellent! Did you identify this pest that coordinates this siege?"

"I am afraid not, my King."

"Let me know when you find him. Or just kill him and then let me know." I ordered and turned towards my Queens.

They were sitting in the alcove and were chatting with the Flower Girls, who, at this point, were their personal bodyguards.

"I want to check the situation at the gate. Please, stay here." I looked at each of them in turns until all three of them nodded in agreement.

•••

"Their army is just a mass. Looks impressive at first glance, but they have nothing to seriously threaten us with." Knys looked out of the arrow slit and fired his slingshot, killing a goblin.

"I never heard about a Warband this big!" Sigismund chalked another line on the stone when he killed another goblin. "I took part in the goblin quelling a few years ago, but back then it was very different..."

"Like' yer fightin’ for ya life, my Lord?" Ori laughed and huffed when he poured a kettle as big as himself of boiling water through the machicolations down at the horde below. The screams and howling multiplied when water sprayed over a dozen goblins, burning their faces and other exposed parts.

"Hahaha! Exactly!" Sigismund was running out of the empty wall to mark his kills. "But don't you think, boys, that the experience received is rather poor?"

A dozen adventurers started laughing earnestly at his last remark.

"We got anything? I thought it was for idle chatting!" Someone yelled. "These goblins are piss poor!"

The crack of enchanted wood made them stop joking, and they started swearing instead, seeing a large breach in the drawbridge.

"Huh... These bastards destroyed the bridge!"

"Thank you, Waren. We would never guess without your keen eye..." Knys scratched his neck. "Okay, guys. We are preparing the water and we are going to boil some nasty soup, and I don't want to eat it later!"

"Hmmm... Guild Master, are you sure that the King allowed us to be here?"

"Ugh... Ikki... King Theon told us to defend the gatehouse, you know?" Knys nervously cleared his throat.

"So we shouldn't be here?" Ikki leaned over the wall, pouring another barrel of boiling water on the goblins. "I ask because if we survive, the King is going to kill us and I want to know if it will be your fault or mine!"

Everyone laughed this time at Knys, who shrugged. "Fine! You got me! But I wanted to check this horde on my own. They are pretty strange..."

"Oh? So what do you learn?" Everyone turned their heads towards the new voice in the room. "Because if that's something at least interesting, I might forgive you..."