Sword and Snow

The following few weeks after our initial attempt at Paired Cultivation went pretty smoothly, all things considered. We were both making incredible progress toward the Sky Realm, and Emery and her family had been open and welcoming hosts. Especially Cierra.

Vale had been helping us train a few hours each day, before we would go into one of the extra bedrooms for Paired Cultivation. It took a few days for us to really get used to the whole process. The first few days began similarly to the first, but we would start each day with Emery sitting between my legs and leaning back on me. It was a comfortable position to be in, and one that wasn’t very awkward to start with. Maybe it was because we weren’t facing each other?

Each day would end with us entangled similarly to the first as well. By the second week, we were opting to just start cuddled up like that as well. The efficiency boost from the additional contact was significant enough to warrant it, even though it was somewhat awkward for us to slip into bed together and immediately get so close.

Thankfully, the awkwardness was about the only real issue. Emery and I were both adults, and we were doing our best to act like it. Or at least I know I was, I just assumed Emery was as well.

The intensity of the emotions brought on by the Paired Cultivation never seemed to dull. It was a constant semi-conscious battle to keep myself on guard against intrusive thoughts that seemed to randomly surface while we were in such close proximity. I could see the same battle every so often playing out on Emery’s face as well.

Vale had confirmed for us that at least some of those urges were entirely caused by the connection during Cultivation. On a spiritual level, we were basically mashing our very souls together in an intimate way, and apparently that translated to the related physical urges. More than once, when I was alone, I had laughed at the absurdity of it all - here we were, basically having soul sex, but drawing the line at our physical bodies.

I couldn’t explain it logically to myself, no matter how hard I tried. Together, we were experiencing all kinds of raw, powerful emotions that should easily top any sort of physical intimacy we could ever have. And yet, the physical interactions felt like the line we shouldn’t cross. At least not without thought. And certainly not on a random urge that may not even be our own.

Or at least not entirely our own.

And that was the part that kept me on my toes. I could certainly recognize that the physical urges that cropped up during Cultivating weren’t necessarily my own, and not acting upon those was easy enough as long as I was conscious about it and not too deep in meditation.

The issues were the intrusive thoughts outside our Paired Cultivation that kept coming back.

I had always been more attracted to women than men. I couldn’t really say why, I just was. As I imagine was the case for most people with a given inclination. At the time, I thought it was funny that the first two times I had met Emery originally, there was almost no attraction there. Or at least not enough for me to take particular note of. I imagine it had to do mostly with the situations I had found her in.

But after coming to visit, things certainly changed. Seeing Emery more at home had been one thing. Without her being emotionally wounded or covered in blood, I felt like I got a much clearer picture of who she was. It was enjoyable to interact with her as more normal friends, and she was fun to be around.

What really kicked me in the heart was watching her with Cierra. When I had first arrived, watching Emery be an ever attentive and perhaps over protective mother had been a particularly sweet treat. She seemed so caring and loving - in direct contrast to what I had seen on the battlefields previously - that it had sent me for a bit of a loop at first. I had expected her to be a serious, maybe even hard-ass mother. But here she was playing like a kid, drawing silly pictures with Cierra, or giving the girl rides on her shoulders.

And then in the last three weeks, with Cierra’s emotions unsuppressed, Emery’s behavior had been even more charming. Some of the over protectiveness was gone, and she was no longer constantly keeping tabs on what was going on around Cierra, as the girl seemed to be capable of handling herself quite well emotionally during the day. Instead, Emery was attentive and playful, and just an all around good mother. And she smiled so much more, especially when she saw Cierra doing something with a smile on her own face.

And on top of all of that were the nights. After we had cleared the demonic Qi from Cierra, she had gotten attached to me as well. Not nearly as much as with Emery, but it was enough for her to ask if I could stay in the same bed with them, like that first night. Emery didn’t seem to mind, and I couldn’t say no to the girl. So, for something like three weeks, I had been sharing a bed with them at night.

Cierra’s night terrors had continued, though not nearly as often as Emery had said they were before - maybe once every three nights or so. And watching how easily Emery slipped into comfort mode and took care of Cierra in those moments had absolutely melted my heart. Cierra deciding that she had found me comforting as well and holding my hand to get back to sleep afterward…Well, to say I had fallen in love with the little girl wouldn’t be a lie.

All of that brought me back to my dilemma with Emery. Throughout the day, I would find my eyes tracking her across the room. Or I’d catch myself watching her mouth when she spoke. At first I was pretty sure that at least some of it was a direct result of the urges during Cultivation. But after we had been at it for a few weeks, I was pretty sure that a good portion of the attraction I was running into was solidly my own.

After three weeks or so, I had considered bringing it up more than once. But I was hesitant. For as much as I caught myself watching Emery, I never really noticed her watching me with interest. Our eyes wouldn’t meet randomly all that often, and we certainly never had one of those moments where our eyes meet, and one of us looks away blushing.

Not that I expected the two of us adults to do that, but just once would’ve at least been a positive sign for me. Instead, Emery seemed to not pay me much mind outside of when we were either training, Cultivating, or actively engaged in talking or playing a game. Which, for the record, I could never win thanks to Vale. That bastard had taken so much mortal money from me at that point that we had to lower the traditional buy-ins on games to keep playing.

In any case, Emery’s seeming lack of interest kept me from actively bringing it up. We never really spoke about the Paired Cultivation outside of the bedroom we were using for it, so any related feelings were basically brushed under the rug, so to speak. And during Cultivation itself, while I certainly caught Emery making eyes at me more than once, I couldn’t tell how much of that was just the Cultivation effects. I had assumed all of it, given how much safer that was.

Sometime around four weeks into our training, there was a small turning point. At least for me.

The day itself had gone well. Emery and I had done well with our Paired Cultivation, and were steadily approaching the Sky Realm. What would have likely taken a year, maybe two, was steadily going by. It felt as though we would both reach a Breakthrough in a few months, and we had been in a good mood.

After dinner and some time spent doodling with Cierra, we got ready for bed. The three of us went into the master bedroom, changed into the lighter sleepwear robes, and crawled into bed together. Emery was on the left side of the bed, with Cierra in the middle, and me on the right. That was our normal sleeping arrangement, and had been for weeks at that point.

Cierra fell asleep pretty quickly, all things considered, and Emery and I sat quietly reading for a few hours before putting out the candles and preparing to get a few hours of sleep ourselves. Shortly after that, however, Cierra had started shifting about, likely signaling a nightmare.

Emery moved to comfort the girl, preemptive hugs and cuddling now a standard procedure rather than holding back like before. I didn't want to overstep, so I just held onto one of Cierra’s hands, hoping to give her whatever minor comforts I could.

The girl’s nightmare proceeded roughly as expected. Cierra eventually thrashed around and woke up with a sudden scream of agony. Emery’s comforting reassured her she was safe, and Cierra was able to calm down within a few minutes. She was comfortably preparing to go back to sleep, but hadn't let go of my hand, which she had held through the whole ordeal, squeezing it for comfort.

As she cuddled into Emery to sleep again, she tugged on my hand. When I didn't move, she turned to me indignantly.

“Ri, cuddle.” She said sleepily, still tugging on my hand. I glanced at Emery who looked back with a small smile and a nod.

“Yeah, okay.” I whispered, and slid closer. Cierra tugged, still holding my hand tightly, pulling me close. She laid my arm over her side and snuggled up to it, all but forcing me to snuggle up to her back, while her face was buried in Emery.

With Cierra’s head tucked under her chin, Emery and I were face to face on the middle pillow, mere inches apart. I tried not to focus on her, keeping my eyes moving about the room, on Cierra, or closed.

While I was busy trying to keep myself from staring at the woman before me or chatting inanely, Emery seemed to have no such qualms. She reached out to take one of my hands in hers and squeezed.

I turned back to her on reflex and met her eyes, the gray shining like a newly polished blade. I could feel myself lock up momentarily as I fought to swallow, mesmerized by the other woman’s eyes.

She squeezed my hand again. “Thank you.” She said, and gave me the most brilliant smile. I just nodded and smiled in response, unable to trust my voice to not crack at that moment.

With a second, warmer smile, Emery snuggled up closer to Cierra, wrapping the little girl in a hug and settled in for sleep. I turned away to try to do the same.

She did not, however, let go of my hand. And I couldn’t tell if it was on purpose as a statement or just laziness or comfort. Eventually my eyes wandered back to Emery’s face, and I let out a big breath.

“Oh yeah. I’m in trouble.” I muttered to myself.