Soulforged Dungeoneer

I came back to my senses in a little break room somewhere. There were padded, armless seats, a little water dispenser, one of the florescent lights flickered every few seconds, and there was a gem of pure mana hanging in the air, surrounded by three spell circles--one centered on the gem and parallel to the ground, one smaller and slightly askew, but also centered, and one hanging off to the side, connected by a line to the skewed circle. The last orbited around the gem slowly, as well as tumbling slowly perpendicular to the rod connecting it.

Vlad was there, fiddling with his phone. By the sounds of it, he was playing Angry Birds.

I got a cup of water, and I noticed Vlad glance up at me, then back immediately. Given the amount of time and the noises from his phone, I'm pretty sure he finished the level before turning his attention back to me.

"So," he said. "Could not finish talk because of creepy spider fairy. We would like to assure you that nothing is wrong but we would very much like the details of your mystery quest.

So I went over it, briefly. "The first time I came through the Dungeon, I was blooded. There was an NPC in the Cannibal biome who let me trade human bodies for abilities. I... regretted doing it immediately, but I did do it, and then I turned on them and killed a bunch of them before having to flee. All of that turned out to be required for a hidden boss."

Vlad nodded, not bothering to take any notes.

"The first time through, the hidden boss did nothing; he wasn't intended to be beaten. But when I came back recently, I still got that boss, only now he had a piece of loot... that, uh, I don't want to describe. Apparently people might want to farm it and that's only possible if you perma-death people. You understand."

"Yes, there are a few of those. Very nasty business," said Vlad, but he sounded less worried and more intrigued by the whole situation.

"...right, well, that special item is also a key used at the final boss to unlock a quest. I am... a little bit confused about the details for reasons that do in fact touch on the... agreement." I gestured vaguely into midair. "But I did get the final boss to explain what would happen if I completed the quest, and he said that 'matters that were once restricted to the dungeon would spill into the mortal world'."

Vlad nodded. "Yes. Nasty business. We are fortunate that nobody has actually done those quests yet. Usually they appear in very high level dungeons, teams hear the details, they say no. Always these quests come at the very end, usually they can only be beat when you hit level cap. If we wanted to explore quest, we would have to go back in with new low level party, is complicated."

"And you call them Full Clear Quests?"

"Is System name. Some teams accept quests then refuse them. Always quest is named Full Clear."

"Does it usually come with some kind of... trade?"

Vlad shrugged. "Most often party seems shady. All parties had at least one blooded member, some had clean members. Sometimes party does not explain how they get quest. Sometimes they tell what they know but they do not understand. Sometimes party lies. Not sure."

"Well, as far as I'm aware, a human being dying is completely necessary for this one." I pursed my lips. "The Administrator said the item required 'one human life'."

Vlad scratched his chin as he nodded. "Of course, you spent two."

I must have looked surprised, because he gave a small apologetic turn of the head. "International Dungeoneers Association pays much attention to Dungeon Divers who get in trouble. Your case is quite famous. You are not child, you killed, repented, and went to jail. While in jail, killed again, then were quiet. Death Wizard even gave you tools that you could have used, but you did not try to escape. Seemed genuinely interested in doing good. Is not common."

"I guess I didn't realize I was famous."

"Oh yes, very widely known. Can show you social media posts, very divisive. I know of at least ten different groups who are interested in seeing you dead."

I blinked, and my heart rate shot up. "Wait, what?"

Vlad straightened up a bit, as though my response was unusual. "Ah, I forget sometimes this is frightening proposition. You do not need to worry, most of them it is, what is word, aspirational. Would like to see you dead, would also like to spend budget on other things. Good assassins are not easy to come by. You do not need to worry." He paused, and as I sat there sweating, he seemed to be thinking something through. "Except maybe bomb."

"Bomb?"

"Yes. Very sudden, easy way to kill low level Diver. Bomb is definitely a concern." He kept staring off into the distance, though and after a moment, added, "Also sniper."

I stared at him, exasperated, and after a moment, he realized he was being stared at. "Look," he said after a moment, "is not concern. How often you hear of assassinations--not often, yes? They are expensive and draw attention to people who hired them. Also assassins fighting Divers is risky operation. They may succeed and get hunted down by Diver friends. Also may fail. Equipment and wizard spells are tricky things to predict. Person may have medallion of being bulletproof, of being bombproof. Also some kind of poisons which are also thing to worry about. But mostly," he shrugged, "assassin group will not send high level people against stupid small target. They will send people around your level. You are solo diver, yes? No need for concern. Just kill anyone who wants to kill you."

"So to be clear," I said after a moment of processing his speech, "you don't think I have anything to be worried about."

"Yes," he said, sounding confident.

"...unless I'm outside, where I could be sniped, or inside, where there could be a bomb, or eating or drinking things which could be poisoned."

Vlad considered. "Yes," he said after a minute.

"Thanks, Vlad. Good talk."

Vlad just shrugged. "Look," he said, "This whole thing seems scary to you, but to me, not so much. Before Diving Dungeon I was mob man. Have been attacked many times since then. Still have many friends in organized crime. Last week was having dinner with boss of Japanese Mafia, interrupted by bomb, and also two assassins, moderate level, maybe 300. One was very sexy, very tight suit, big boobs. Mafia boss, he was scared, hid. Made several silly mistakes, did not take any food with him, very stressed. Offered him sushi while hiding behind desk, this seemed to clear his head. Should remain calm at all times, like me." Vlad nodded seriously. "You are solo diver, will keep head on shoulders, I am sure. Just understand mind of assassins; is not movie. Failure very real for them. You are not machine, are not predictable. They will guess, and when first shot does not kill you, it will be normal fight, and you will win. Just keep head on shoulders."

I stared at Vlad for a moment, then had to sit down, processing what he had said for a good ten minutes. I had never been in a room with someone who would just openly admit to mob ties, much less someone who had practical experience with assassins. In all honesty, it made no sense that he would say such a thing, even to a low level person like me, unless he was positive that it made no difference.

"You know," I said after a while, "I don't know about other people, Vlad, but I for one am glad you have no idea when to shut the hell up."

Vlad looked up from his phone and studied me for a minute.

"Have not thought of it like that," he said. "Possibly why my brother got me invited to council. Tend not to think about talking. Have spoken to him about many things. Will ask."

At that moment, he tapped a few times on his phone and, by the sound of it, started to dial a number. After a moment, he froze, then glanced at me, as though suddenly remembering I was there. A moment later, he walked outside, and for a little while I was alone.

Which was disconcerting because I had no idea where I was or why I was in that room in particular or what I should do afterwards.

About ten minutes later, Vlad ducked back in, a mean look on his face, and he whispered into his phone very loudly, cupping his hand as though that would keep anyone from hearing his incredibly loud whispers. He didn't immediately see me, and seemed not to remember that I was there.

"I don't care if they won't kill him," he hissed. "I am just trying to send a message. Jus--no, I understand that, just find some expendable people to--hang on." He caught sight of me after turning back to pace, and then walked back outside. "Listen, my brother is powerful, I know this, but he has--" and then the door slammed shut.

And I sat there, mostly glad that I was just a very low level idiot stuck in the wrong place, who could not possibly be blamed for overhearing what I had just overheard.

A few minutes later, finally, blessedly, Harold walked in, Vlad behind him. Vlad had visibly calmed; Harold had a strange look on his face.

"So Vladimir seems to think that you experienced a standard Full Clear Quest, and that quite possibly all Full Clear Quests involve killing someone." Harry sat down in a nearby chair. "Is that about accurate?"

"I could repeat everything--"

"We'll talk later. The others prefer a written report anyway." Harry swirled his jaw like he was trying to wash his teeth with his tongue. "Okay. I probably violated the terms of your parole by taking you out of the country, but we'll handle that if it comes to it. We can go ahead and head back, now. And sorry about Herman."

"No, that's fine," I said, and stood up. "Vlad, it was nice meeting you."

"Yes, and thank you for the comment earlier. On an unrelated note it appears my brother was having sex with my wife. Would not have discovered it if I were sticking to my normal schedule. As appreciation I will send you a gift basket." He paused. "Nothing expensive. Possibly fruit."

I blinked. "Okay. Thank you, Vlad."

He made a noise, and looked back down at his phone. Harry guided me back through the hallways to the room we'd arrived in, and then shortly I was back home.

I leaned against my door, Harry stood there for a minute, looking at me. I thought about the last few hours, about Vlad and others I'd met, and on an instinct, turned to look up at Harry.

"Are all those guys evil?" I asked, a bit too tired to phrase it tactfully.

"Yeah," said Harry. "Really when you think about it, there are a lot fewer nice people who sign up to do violence as an occupation, and stay in the game long enough to get really good at it. You know as well as anyone what it feels like to take a life."

I did, and I nodded at that. Even taking the lives of dungeon monsters--who turned to ash and sparkles when you killed them--felt like cutting living flesh. It was raw violence. That was why, I realized, I had no qualms against cutting the head off of ol' Ham Hands Joe in prison; as a person who'd felt that sick giddiness of killing and disliked it, I could tell that he didn't. Wouldn't.

I sat and Harry stood there for a long moment, before finally, Harold asked, "So, do you want to have sex?"

I just let out a long sigh. "No thanks, Harry."

"Another time?"

"You're not really my type, man."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No biggie."