Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

“Agent Romanoff.” Nick Fury said in a deceptively calm voice when the surveillance footage from the hospital wing ended. “Would you mind explaining exactly what you were trying to do?”

Natasha didn't flinch at the tone of his voice, even though she felt like she should have. “I was trying to confirm an asset's real identity.”

“Before he was fully assessed or placed in a department.” Fury asked.

“It was the perfect opportunity to...” Natasha started to say.

“...force a potentially essential asset to put himself completely on guard.” Fury interrupted.

Natasha sighed. “I know I screwed up, sir.”

“Almost detrimentally.” Fury said and picked up the official report. “Agent Parker has only finished half a day so far and he has already threatened to eliminate a medical asset and all of our biomedical research.” He put the papers down and gave her his patented one-eyed glare. “Because you were not escorting him like you were supposed to, he has also been caught in a sexually compromised position.”

“What?” Natasha asked and sat up straight in her chair. She hadn't even realized she had slouched.

Fury hit a button and the scene in the secure hallway in the administration department played on the meeting room's monitor.

“Jesus.” Clint whispered as Ben was assaulted right there in front of the camera. He was sure the look of panic on his face was real and he was glad that Ben hadn't tried to manhandle the woman and kept his hands on the wall and in clear sight of the cameras.

“What was he doing there?” Natasha asked as thoughts of dealing with that woman later flitted through her mind.

“He had a list for three assessment tests, secretarial, data entry, and computer maintenance. Two of which he completed.” Fury said and slid the list across the table. “We can't make out the signature or find a match for the handwriting.”

“Where did he get this?” Natasha asked as she read it.

“Out of the manual he was given in HR.” Fury said and tossed it to her. “Back page.”

Natasha flipped to it and slid the list inside to see that it matched. “Who would help him like this?”

“It was Ben, of course.” Fury said with a chuckle. “The sneaky bastard's already found a secretary that's been taking advantage of several interns, as you just saw. He's also the darling of the computer department and the department head actually begged to have him assigned to her.”

“Not for that, surely.” Clint said and waved at the monitor.

“No, he apparently types like a demon if it's just numbers.” Fury said and brought up the footage and a side window showed the words per minute and the average entries per second.

“Even I have to admit that's amazing.” Clint said. “His dexterity must be off the charts.”

“Just the fingers of his dominant right hand and only in that small of an area for the number pad. If he has to type words, he slows down significantly.” Fury said and showed the results of his typing test.

“That doesn't make sense.” Natasha said and slid the manual back over to Fury.

“I've had the secretary interrogated and she said she saw him intentionally pause while typing, then she admitted he had turned her on by saying he has a design for a rubber pad with a keyboard printed on it that can be rolled up.” Fury said. “With no keys to punch...”

“...a person's typing speed could increase by about 30%. At least.” Maria Hill finished for him. “Secretaries with years of practice could be 50% to 60% faster, at a minimum.”

“Several departments could benefit from that design.” Fury said and nodded to Maria, who handed Natasha a list. “I'm assigning several other assessment tests after reading through his exam from this morning.”

Natasha looked slightly surprised at the different lab tests, research and development, and then a tactical exercise. “Sir? Are you serious about this?”

“Hill?” Fury asked and she nodded. He hit another button and the scene in the cafeteria played on half of the monitor while the other half showed the view from a camera Maria had worn on her breast pocket.

Clint and Natasha watched as Ben confidently confronted Maria, told her of the social situation that she had inadvertently created for herself and why he was trying to mitigate it for her. His witty comments at the end made the whole thing seem utterly surreal.

“Tell me what you're thinking.” Fury asked them.

“It only took him a few seconds to case the room.” Clint said. “He didn't recognize anyone until he saw Deputy Director Hill.”

“He could have lied about the rumors.” Natasha said. “I wasn't with him all the time, however. He could have met anyone in the hallways and asked them what was going on.”

“How did he know about the team assembly?” Clint asked.

“Gail from HR let it slip this morning and he gave me a look to ask if I was on it.” Natasha said. “I shook my head no.”

“Anything else?” Fury asked them.

The two agents sat there and thought about it.

“It's simple, really.” Fury said and nodded at Maria. “Hill, go ahead.”

“Ignoring the confidence required to approach me so blatantly and openly, considering he knew who I was, he talked to me as if he was my equal.” Hill said and both Clint and Natasha looked surprised. “He showed respect, as is expected for a new hire; but, he didn't mince words, he didn't stammer or show any shyness, and he laughed when he caught so many people listening in on our conversation.”

“Do you get it now?” Fury asked and both agents nodded. “He adapted to each social situation as needed. He wanted access to the administration department and created a reason to be there. He stumbled into a sexual situation and acted exactly how someone would if caught like that. He even warned her of the cameras.”

“Damn, he's good.” Clint said. “It usually takes years to get good enough to adapt so quickly.”

“Exactly.” Fury said. “I'm sure that's why he didn't hesitate to threaten the doctor and refused to hand over his blood. He knew how the man would react.”

“But, sir. Without his blood or some other sample...” Natasha started to say.

“We can't gather it now, even though you had access to his home, bed, and body.” Fury said and Natasha closed her mouth. “You see, now that he's had access to the computer mainframe and can easily find and decipher our communications, he can easily monitor anything we do concerning him.”

“Aren't you going to stop him from doing that?” Natasha asked.

“Why would I? He's literally proving exactly why I approved of his recruitment.” Fury said.

Clint nodded. “How are we supposed to find out who he is?”

Fury motioned to Maria.

“For all intents and purposes, he really is Benjamin Parker. Absolutely no records, accounts, witness statements, or anything else from the people in the apartment building he lives in, have shown that anyone else except him and his aunt have been there, except for the wife of his boss, and that was before he was hired at Bestman Salvage.”

“Hold on, there was no one else? Not one other person ever visited them?” Natasha asked.

“No one.” Maria said and handed her a file folder. “They are classic introverts. They kept to themselves and they don't even know who their neighbours are.”

“How did you find that out?” Natasha asked as she and Clint went through the file.

“The same way we find out a lot of our general information. Gossips.” Maria said. “Page three. The old lady down the hall keeps tabs on everyone on her floor. She has a journal and everything.”

Clint couldn't stop his chuckle. “Maybe we should put her on the payroll.”

“I already have.” Maria gave him a nod. “She's been very cooperative.”

“Any juicy gossip?” Clint asked.

“Since Ben has been around, both he and May have started going out more, usually on Sundays, and they carry library books to and from the downtown library. They also have picnics in the park.” Maria said and nodded at the folder. “The last big thing she noted was a scandalous party that Ben had in the apartment.”

“We knew about that.” Natasha responded.

“Did you know it was four girls from his high school?” Maria asked and Natasha nodded. “They arrived at noon and didn't leave until several hours after supper.”

“He had friends over to watch movies.” Natasha said and handed the folder to Clint. She was only a little surprised that it wasn't as detailed about Ben's comings and goings as the schedule he had already given to her. That brought back to her mind the conversation she had with him in the medical wing.

What Ben had said about the problems she was having with him, that they were actually her fault and not his, really stuck with her. He was also right about her not actually apologizing and about her trying to use her seduction techniques to distract him. She was just so used to doing them that she was almost doing them subconsciously, and it was messing things up for her.

No, I'm messing things up. Natasha thought and held in her sigh.

“What about this latest thing?” Clint asked and pointed to the preliminary police report at the back of the file folder.

“One of the girls was drugged while out on a date and was almost assaulted at a frat party.” Maria said and her face turned stern. “They found the supposed boyfriend and he said she wasn't fun enough for him and passed her off to his friends.”

“They haven't found those friends yet.” Fury said and Natasha and Clint exchanged knowing looks. “Don't do it.” He cautioned them and they looked back at him with blank looks on their faces. “He wasn't a SHIELD agent at the time, so anything he may or may not have done, does not fall under our jurisdiction.”

“But, sir...” Natasha started to say.

“He has been warned about taking the law into his own hands in the future.” Fury said and gave her his patented one-eyed glare again. “You will not ask him about it.”

Natasha opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. She knew when not to push.

“Take him to R&D first. I want that keyboard design.” Fury said.

“He's going to hand it over?” Clint asked with raised eyebrows. He knew the problems Ben was having with Stark and how angry he was over getting his ideas stolen.

“He will be appropriately compensated, which Director Fury has already approved.” Maria said as she looked into another folder. “Depending on the complexity of the construction, we should have enough of them made by next week for distribution to our local assets.”

“Assets and not personnel?” Natasha asked.

“It rolls up to the size of a pen, can use a cord or wireless signal, and connects to our cell phones.” Maria said and closed the folder as she enjoyed the surprised looks on Natasha's and Clint's faces.

“I want it as soon as possible.” Fury commanded. “If he mentions any other ideas or you know of any he's mentioned before, contact myself or Hill immediately.”

Before they could stop themselves, both Clint's and Natasha's eyes went right to the garishly large Stark Protect security device that hung on the wall at the side of the room. Nick Fury and Maria Hill turned their heads to look at the wall and Fury let out a curse under his breath.

“I don't want to know what's going on with that, do I?” Fury asked.

Clint shook his head and kept his mouth shut. He might have given the secret away; but, he wasn't going to talk about it, just like he promised. Ben was right that SHIELD couldn't really do anything to help him with that kind of problem. Not officially, anyway.

Fury sighed and managed to not rub his face in frustration as he checked the time. “All right, we've made him sweat enough while we talked about this.” He said and picked up the manual and handed it to Natasha. “Give that back to Ben and inform him that he's not in trouble before you take him to R&D. Let him have fun with the tech guys and contact us if he mentions anything. Anything at all.”

“Yes, sir.” Natasha said and quickly left the meeting room.

“Sir.” Clint said and left as well.

The door shut and Fury turned to Maria. “Thoughts?”

“He could be a supreme asset or he could be extremely dangerous.” Maria responded.

Fury didn't say anything for a moment. “What do you think of him on a personal level?”

Maria hesitated as she thought about that. “Sir, should you let my opinion factor into this?”

“I wouldn't ask if I didn't value your input.” Fury said.

Maria nodded. “Very well.” She said and gathered her thoughts. “He has experience in both espionage and personal interactions. The brief time I was around him, I couldn't help but look at him. From what I could see, he's fairly muscular and moves like he knows how to do it properly, with full balance and awareness of his surroundings.”

“And his attitude?” Fury asked.

“Completely forthcoming when confronted. He didn't hesitate at all when he came back to HR to explain what happened and even let us search his gym bag.” Maria said. “Being too bold could work against him in certain situations, however.”

Fury nodded. “What's your assessment of everything we know about him?”

“Besides what I've already stated about him being both valuable and dangerous?” Maria asked and he nodded. “I think he can be cultivated and could become one of the best well-rounded agents we've ever had. He could be useful in nearly every department and that's so rare that it's almost scary.” She said and gave Fury a stern look. “Anger him and he won't hesitate to bring everything down.”

Fury gave her a rare smile. “Those were my thoughts exactly.”

“Sir?” Maria asked, because it was very odd to see him smile. It would be like she had smiled herself, which she almost never did.

“I left a single page out of Richard Parker's file.” Fury said and pulled it out of his inside jacket pocket and handed it to her. “His assessment results.”

Maria took it and her eyes widened as she quickly read through it. She opened the folder in front of her and went to Ben's results and she confirmed what she thought. “They're nearly identical.”

Fury nodded and took the page back. “Richard Parker was one of the best agents I've ever worked with. He would, and could, do anything we asked him to do. It didn't matter what the mission was, he would complete it.”

Maria stared at him, because she understood what he meant.

“As soon as Ben completes the other assessments, give him a general pass for SHIELD and don't assign him to any department. He's too versatile to lock down to one of them exclusively.” Fury said and walked over to the door. “Issue the standard IDs for agents to use when dealing with the police, fire department, FBI, CIA, and any other governmental agency or department you see fit. Altered for his apparent age, of course.”

“Sir? Is that wise?” Maria asked as she made note of it. “That's a lot of power to hand over to a kid.”

Fury turned and gave her another rare smile, which was one more than she had seen on him in over a year. “Richard Parker had half of the agency's security compromised within the first week of becoming an agent. Ben's only been here for half a day and he already has the computer department head's access code to the mainframe.”

Maria's eyebrows rose and Fury nodded once more.

“What do you think he will be able to accomplish tomorrow?” Fury asked and left a fiercely contemplative deputy director behind.