RWBY – The madness of Lappland

Blake pov 

Kali : " Blake we both know that Lappland at that time was not often herself . We both know that it was mainly due to her mental state , which doesn't excuse anything Lappland did as a White Wolf but it certainly puts it in a different light . However at the time I for one was very tired of constantly worrying about you two . So, without thinking about it too much, I got carried away with my emotions, which made me acte instinctively. "

Kali : " I didn't look at the situation from Lappland perspective and I didn't delve into her thoughts . I didn't listen to her version of events . I didn't even consider her mental state and her mental illnesses . Simply when I confirmed that what she did had happened I felt it was right to punish her . It may have been a quick thought that never even had time to come true , but it was there ."

Mum says with bitterness in her voice. I can really tell by her face that she regrets it . But I also understand her feelings as I too feel this anger that arose from the realization that people not involved, in the affairs of the white fang Suffered at the hands of Lappland. However, now that anger is almost gone . Because I am no longer so stupid and blind as to believe that I have not harmed innocents with my actions . 

Kali : " Blake , Lappland is not simple . To even begin to understand her we both had to spend years with her . As for you it was always more difficult because of your age and your approach to the world . But me? Unlike you, I know more. As I know Lappland's past I understand what she sees through her eyes . "

Mom says , catching my attention with the mention of Lappland's past . After this wards mum paused for a moment looking as if she was thinking . Eventually mum sighed and with the most gloomy and sad face she continues her thoughts .

Kali : " Lappland..... She doesn't have the same view of the world as we do . The way she sees colours the way she hears people's voices , the way she perceives facial expressions and the atmosphere of her surroundings . Each of these things are the first things she pick up from her surroundings as child. Although everything seems to be identical to every other person for her it is different . Everyone should see the biutifule colours of the world . However Lappland sees only black , white and...... red ."

Kali : " Because of the conditions in which Lappland grew up , her first contacts with the world is wrong . First voices are for her associated with loud shouts and annoying noises . The male face are pain and pathology , the female face are betrayal and lies . The adults in Lappland's eyes had become someone untrustworthy , a direct source of her pain. "

Mum says squinting her eyes for a moment . However, she is not looking at me rather she is looking into space thinking about something deep .

Kali : " Lappland growing up was not listened to , Lappy was not free , the love she received was not even close to be enough to cover or ease her pain. Lappland was treated like an animal , so she became one too . I do not know myself what exactly was going on at the time what I am saying now is a simple psychological analysis combined with the study of Lappland's body . "

Kali :" But one thing I am sure of if it were not for Lappland's mother , little Lappy would already be dead , and even if she had lived I do not even want to think how worse life could have been for her . Blake what you should understand from this or you already understand is that , the only thing Lappland really knows  is  lies and violence  . "

Says mum with so much emotion and weight in her voice that I feel it all even deeper than my words can describe . However, her words became even more profound and painfull when she mentioned Lappland's mother. I could see her trying to hide this reaction however her words when she spoke of Lappland's mother sounded as if she knew her 

 Her tone was as if she was talking about a old friend her eyes did not help hide these reactions either. However, out of respect for my mother's silence and pain I did not ask . But by then I had already confirmed that Lappland's story is much more connected to my parents than they want to admit .

Kali : "From Lappland's first visit to the psychologist, me and your father already knew how bad it was with her . It was so bad that we knew that she would never be considered normal by people . Her treatment plans were multi-year plans . And it was in the first instance that these negative views of Lappland's world were to be suppressed . "

Kali : " Unfortunately, Lappland was already suppressing many memories and emotions by which nothing could be done without breaking her comfort zone . However, over time these views and wildness on her began to straighten and fade on their own . Unfortunately, it was only later that it became apparent that her old view of the world , along with her animalistic behaviour had not disappeared . Rather it was retained , absorbed by her other self which was already a huge problem at that time . "

Mum says sighing with fatigue. At my mother's words I myself recalled that monstrous part of Lappland that I had already seen in her . Just then in Atlas when she rescued me , she tore people's throat with her teeth and bit off their fingers while at the same time they threw her little body all over the bathroom .

 Lappland didn't show the slightest human behavior then, she was just an animal backed into a corner. For the next few years this behaviore it almost never appeared until we joined the white fang together . Lappland over time became more aggressive even to fellow members occasionally growling at them as a response while showing her fangs .

Kali : " For many years of her life Lappland relied only on her aggressive primal instincts to survive . Which caused her old world recognition and memories to hide there too, thus creating a second more violent and savage personality . Unfortunately, Lappland's instincts have influenced her so much that they have become an inseparable part of her. It is the instincts of Lappland , that is her schizophrenic voice in her head . Her second self . A monster I don't want to see in my own daughter . The Lone White Wolf of the white fang  " 

Says mom pressing one of the titles that Lappland through her career of several years has collected . Lone wolf defines the last year when everyone including even me turned away from Lappland leaving her with the title of lone . A title used right next to mad Lappy or rabies wolf.

Kali : " Unfortunately, because of so much pressure on this Lappland brutal self . It has become completely unstable and deranged by the past . So it constantly presses on Lappland causing more damage . Unfortunately Lappland is so deeply connected to her instincts that they directly merge with her core self . Luck's instinct for self-preservation suppresses Lappland's natural instinct. "

Says mum slowly explaining . Mum doesn't have to do that though , over the years of knowing Lappland I have looked at this type of confusing mental illness many times making me understand how one can affect the other making everything even more complicated . This is how I know how unstable and hopeless Lappland's situation is .

Kali : " Hence Lappland personality disorder . Her two selves unconsciously clash affecting her . Disturbance or abrogation on either side can lead to extreme emotional disturbance. However, it also works the other way round. Intensifying emotions directly affect the Lappland selves , which have gained their own voice and appearance through schizophrenia creating a real impact on Lappland . This is why she can be so easily annoyed , angered , driven to fury . "

Kali : " This is why Lappland is so often cold and indifferent . That's why small Lappy does such stupid things despite her intelligence . Therefore, I cannot really judge Lappland for her crimes even if she herself is aware of them . I can not judge a young girl who for most of her youth has seen things at which even adults should not see . How can I judge a girl who even as an infant had her bones broken . How can I judge a girl who only saw the sun for the first time at the age of six . How can I be angry at a girl who enjoys even the mere feeling of fresh wind on her face . Lappland is someone for whom freedom was not guaranteed from the beginning ."

Says mom when with every word tears gather in her eyes and her voice breaks . I myself also tightened my lips . Listening more myself I began to cry at the same time biting my cheek so hard until I felt the taste of blood in my mouth .

Kali : "  Lappland is a wolf , a wolf who was kept on a chain for most of her life . A wolf whose fangs have sharpened more and more over time by the pain and will. A wolf who needed her freedom like a bird needs the sky . But the world of Lappland has been locked within her chain for too long , so that even with freedom in her hands she doesn't understand how to live with it . "

Kali : " Her past and fear of it limits her , creating a monster within her . A monster in Lappland , which we have experienced with our own eyes . A monster who is lurking in her waiting patiently until Lappland's will weakens and she hides within herself letting her instincts take over . I know it still doesn't explain anything, I know it's not fair to many people but Lappland........ is sick and she cannot be held fully responsible for her actions in the state she was in at that time ."

Says mom emphasizing her point of view . And honestly from the information given by mom I know that Lappland has already suffered her own in life and the fate I inflicted on her was painful enough for her . 

' The only person who has not suffered punishment for her sins is me .'

 I think . However, despite these thoughts, I tried to behave normally to no longer sadden my mother . Both of us are apparently fed up with negative emotions .

Kali : " Perhaps more knowledge for you , about Lappland past would have changed everything that happened but I was afraid to tell you . Not because I don't trust you but because knowledge Lappland's past might change too much in you . This case goes far beyond domestic violence . And it involves dangerous circles of people creating danger from the very understanding of what consequences this informations has."

Kali : " Besides, I have come to the conclusion that Lappland's past is not something you should hear from me but from Lappland herself as no one has the right to tell you about it except her."

Mom says explaining herself . And I fully understand her . 

' It's Lapplad's past and no one has the right to talk about it except her , especially with the burden that this past carries. '

 Thinking about it I look at my mother who looks at me with a weak smile.

Kali : " And it is because I know all these things and know the whole truth , I really thought I would never see my little Lappy . I thought that the past had caught up with her , that this demon had finally found her !!"

Says mom at first with sadness and then mentioning the " demon " she explodes with an anger I have never seen in her . Mom's pupils contracted as if in Lappland's eyes when showing her teeth she hit the wooden table with her fist and by the sounds it made immediately afterwards I could tell it was seriously damaged . However, immediately afterwards, Mom calmed down and looked at me again .

Kali : " Balke darling you do not understand Lappland as well as I do , but even with all my knowledge I don't know how to deal with her. Over the years of looking after her I have learnt more and more about her so that I know that despite how tough she may seem , she is terribly fragile . Maybe her body is a "perfect killing machine". Maybe her thinking  is different. "

Kali : " But we both know that in them end , a gesture, a word or just a bad day and Lappland strong , dominant personality comes crashing down. This whole mask of hers is just pretending to be a castle . But unfortunately this castle Is made of glass which when broken eventually hurts her even more . Thats why Lappland needs the support of people who even if they don't understand her well .... still love her and guide her by the hand through this world that wants to drag the worst out of her . "

Kali : " Lappland is a good child , no matter what she does , she was always honest about it . It's just that some wounds never heal and just cause pain in a person for the rest of his life . In the end , it is impossible to forget some things even if we want to . But don't forget Balke that if you cross the border and break Lappland ......"

At that moment mom fell silent . I could see the tears gathered in her eyes again .

Kali : " She will kill you . "

Says mom directly with a palpable pain in her voice caused by the mere enunciation of this thought . I for that feel a cramp in my heart , because I realize it very well . Even if in my entire life , Lappland has never hurt me does not mean that the moment Lappland loses her mind she will not do so , especially since she has every right to hate me .

Kali : " Blake I never want to think about the fact that I lost you because of Lappland just as I never want to lose her because of you . Both of you are important to me . The only thing I want to see is your smiles . That secretive , shy smile of yours at which you always blush and the pure and kind of real smile that only Lappland can show ."

Says Mum , smiling herself . I don't blame her , the thought of the Lappland genuine and pure smile is really comforting , especially since it is shown by a person who has been through a lot .

Unfortunately , according to Mum's words , the smile on Lappland's face over the past few years has been invisible . Even at the beginning of her career in white fang Lappland practically stopped smiling . The only smile that remained was that smile full of pain showing the edges of Lappland's madness .

Kali : " How much I wouldn't give up to see her with such a smile again . "

Says mom completely anticipating my thoughts which causes me another sting in my heart . I received the first such smile in years when I helped Lappland escape from her prison after a year . It was our first meeting in a year and her first real smile in years . However , I could well see the way she looked at me then , it was as if she was absent . Just awakened from a strong and long sleep .