Rising Shards

Berin looked out over a stone balcony, leaning on it and looking serious. He turned his head slightly as I approached.

“Hi there,” Berin said. “Don’t I look like I’m in a serious drama or something like this? This is a great brooding location.”

“Kind of!” I said.

The next time he was available, Berin was at a staff building on campus, which had a balcony area that offered a great view of the forests around campus. It was less chilly than it was when I went to see the light show, but my breath was still visible.

“So, what’s up?” Berin asked.

I took a second to gather my thoughts.

“I’m sorry I’ve been weird,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting it to, but Safe Silver this year had me thinking a lot about my Tesata time, and I had a lot of bad Safe Silvers."

“That makes sense,” Berin said. “I’m sorry if I was pushing the holiday too much.”

“No, no, it’s not your fault at all,” I said. “I think I was just being accidentally defensive.”

“Defensive?”

“Yeah…” I said. “A lof of the badness during Safe Silver was because of Mikkel. And Mikkel was kind of my dad. And now you’re my dad. So I think…I was accidentally taking it out on you, a bit." I crossed my arms. "Maybe I was scared, I don’t know.”

I didn’t want to hurt Berin’s feelings, and his silence made me think I had done just that.

“I guess I just don’t want you to be like him.” I said. “And I figured if I just avoided it, I wouldn’t have to find out.”

“Oh, Oka,” Berin said. “I hope I’m never anything like that man.”

“I thought about it a lot,” I said. “I don’t think you will be. You’re too much of a dork.”

Berin laughed. “Is that why?”

“Partially!” I said. “The big difference between you and him is you’re kind of a dork, but he’s a total, er, word I probably shouldn’t say.”

“I was gonna say I’m a dork and he’s a jackass, to describe my feelings about him as mildly as possible.”

“That works!” I said. “And I’d rather have a dork for a dad. A nice dork.”

“You could have started with nice,” Berin said.

“Yeah, but I wanted to start off strong, you know?” I said. “You’re nice too, don’t worry.”

Berin looked like I’d taken a weight off of him.

“I’m feeling a lot better about this whole Safe Silver, too,” I said. “I’m not fully there yet, but Zeta’s been such a big help. And my other friends too, of course.”

“Speaking of Zeta…” Berin said. “You’re OK with having a heart to heart with your dorky dad with your girlfriend right there?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have been able to say any of that without Zeta here!” I said.

I probably should have mentioned that Zeta stood off to the side of us, nervously shuffling with a crooked grin. She’d only spoken to Berin once or twice before this and it showed on her precious lil face. 

“H-hi, Mr. Kilander," Zeta waved. "I mean I suppose I should have said hello instead of just standing over here this whole time, but, um. I’m a bit shy, and I’m mainly here for emotional support. Mainly for Oka, but if you need it too, I can try to be supportive?”

“I think I’ll be alright,” Berin said. “We should have you over sometime. I know I’m busy a lot, but we can figure something out.”

“And with us Kilanders being less famous, you’ll hopefully have more time for me,” I said.

“Hm.” Berin said.

“What?” I asked.

“Sorry, weird hearing you say ‘us Kilanders.’” Berin said.

“Well! I’m still an Ohri. But I’m also a Kilander, I guess. But in a cool way, not a jerk rich way.” I didn’t really have a big emotional connection to my Ohri name. It was just something I always had. But I liked how it sounded. And I did still have issues with the Kilanders and their wealth. And I definitely still wanted to take Zeta’s last name one day. But for now, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with accepting the good parts of my family.

“So…a Berin way, and not a Kitty way?” Zeta said.

“Oh wow, Zeta going for the big points, now we definitely have to bring her with someplace.” Berin said.

“I want Zeta to meet Uncle Corus and Uncle Lucri.” I said.

“Oh, they’d love her.” Berin said.

“Heh…r-really?” Zeta asked. “Oka told me about them and they seem pretty cool.”

We made some rough plans for Zeta to visit. She’d been to my house before, but that was a more informal family get together, even if it was the unveiling of my cousin 09 joining the family.

“Another thing,” I said. “I think I probably won’t be the wintry queen this year.”

“It is pretty late to join now,” Berin said.

“I do want more acting gigs, don’t get me wrong,” I said. “I’m just…not up for that, yet.”

I was worried he’d get mad at this, as he was really into me being in this little town play. But he just ruffled my hair. “Totally understand.”

As we chatted, we all leaned on the balcony and looked ahead to the trees. The way the snow and ice clung to the branches combined with the midday sun made them glisten, much like the points of light Zeta and I had ridden through with Kalei and the others. The sight before me hit me just as hard as the light show did. There was a long road of bitter memories of Safe Silver that stretched far behind me. Memories that would probably haunt me for a long while. Ones I’d have to endure, all stemming from a horrible, horrible place. But like the Silver Family, I survived the journey to a better place. Safe Silver wasn’t magically fixed for me, but I found a lot more holiday spirit than I expected. While the road behind me was filled with pain, I hoped the road ahead would be filled with joy. And with the family and friends I’d grown to love, I knew it was possible.