Rising Shards

“Is it normal to be really down at holiday time?” I asked.

Zeta pondered my question for a bit. I had found her by herself listening to music as she worked on her Safe Silver list for her sister Stella. It mostly consisted of Raina Starlight books and toys, which was so cute.

“I think it’s pretty normal,” Zeta said. Her expression quickly turned to concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah…I don’t know. No, maybe?” I said.

“That…covers all the possible answers, so I’m not sure what to say,” Zeta said.

“I’m just a little down I think,” I said. “Not terribly down."

"You said 'really down' at first." Zeta said.

"I don't know if really down is terribly down," I said. 

"Fair enough..."

"Berin wants to do holiday business and it’s got me thinking…I haven’t had a good Safe Silver like, ever. Mikkel and the Tesata people used to just treat us like crap like they normally did. So when I think about Safe Silver, I just feel bad. But then I feel bad for feeling bad, because other people are clearly super happy about this. Berin wants me to be the wintry queen in the town…whatever. Play, I guess."

“Ohhhh, the wintry queen!” Zeta said. “I bet you’d do great at it. If you wanted to.”

“I dunno,” I said. “I don’t think I can work up the nerve to even act my way into making people believe I’m feeling alright about this holiday. But I want to try, so. Can you help me enjoy this?”

“I don’t know if I want to say you should force it,” Zeta said. “Stella told me it’s OK for us to process trauma even if it’s a while after. And you only like, just got out of Tesata in the big picture of things, right? So it makes sense that bad vibes are still around for Safe Silver.”

“I suppose…” I said. “But here’s the thing.” I held up my phone. “I don’t have entirely bad vibes about Safe Silver. When I think about this? I get super happy. When we had our mall date and all the Safe Silver lights were around, I didn’t worry about any of this. I don’t want this to always be a bummer…and you make things not a bummer.”

“Awww,” Zeta said. She pressed her hands to her cheeks, maybe subconsciously trying to hide her blushing. “Gosh, I don’t even know what to say.”

“I just…if you already help me feel better, I bet you can help me feel good enough about Safe Silver so I’m not the worst daughter to Berin about this holiday that makes him so happy.” I said.

“Maybe we can do some Safe Silver-y traditional things on our own?” Zeta suggested. “That might warm you up to it more.”

“I like it!” I said. “Just like my ‘catch me up to now times’ training, can you like. Catch my vibes up?"

“On one condition,” Zeta said. “If it still feels bad, like really bad. We stop and don’t push it.”

“Like Tesata bad?”

“Exactly,” Zeta said.

“Right, that’s fair,” I said. “But I do wanna try.”

“We can!” Zeta said. “I’m not doing anything big right now.”

“Sounds good,” I beamed, giggling a bit at Zeta. She unwittingly gave me that mouth slightly open smile that made my heart feel like winter was over already and that we were in a lovely spring. “I’m so glad I have you to talk to about this sort of thing.”

“Is what Oka Ohri wanted to say…until she remembered that Zeta was a ghost of a girl that died a hundred years ago, and had been communicating to her beyond the grave this whole time, so were they really talking…?” I whipped around to see who said that. It was Kalei, who had snuck up on us.

“Shut up! That is not funny! Bad Kalei!” I said, smacking her on her shoulder as she laughed at me. "I told you I don't like when you say Zeta or I were ghosts the whole time or some other depressing crap!"

"But you react like this every time I do my narrator voice and give you guys a tragic backstory, how can I resist?" Kalei asked.

"I can think of a lot of ways you can resist it." Zeta said.

“What are you two up to? If it’s a date I can leave you to it,” Kalei said.

“I’m trying to get good at Safe Silver,” I explained. “It was really bad at Tesata, but I want it to not be really bad here, so we’re gonna try some holiday traditions to hopefully make it better.”

“Ahhh, gotcha,” Kalei said.

“Got any ideas for Safe Silver things we could do?” I asked.

“Uhh, well maybe…hm.” Kalei said.

“I was thinking seeing the light show,” Zeta said. “Or building a snowman maybe? I’ve never done that though.”

“A snowman's more general winter than Safe Silver,” Kalei said. “How about doing something with Zeta’s family? I bet you could tag along to my family events or whatever. It might be weird if you come with to us on Safe Silver business, but we always hit up the lights, so you could come with us to that. I bet Lillia’s family does some nerdy crap you’d be down for. Like a family marathon or something to hype you up for yours.”

“That’s…a super cute idea.” Zeta said.

“What the hell, don’t act like I can’t come up with cute ideas.” Kalei said.

“I’m just surprised is all!” Zeta said.

“I would probably feel the most comfortable seeing Stella first,” I said. “Does she do anything fun?”

“Oh yeah!” Zeta said. “We can go see her now, I wanna make sure she got my updated list.”

“You two have fun with that, I have an important nap to go to,” Kalei yawned. “Because I’m sleepy. I might just game though. Do you guys care about that, though? I don’t really need to give my complete play by play, do I? Isn’t that a waste of time for all parties?”

“We care, but the way you’re talking has me unsure if you want us to or not…” I said.

Stella was at work in the library, putting plastic covers on books when we found her.

“Did you get my email?” Zeta asked.

“I haven’t checked my computer in a bit,” Stella said. “I assume it’s about your Safe Silver list?”

“Uh huh, I made some important additions,” Zeta said, drumming her fists on Stella's desk. “So make sure you see it.”

“Right, right,” Stella said. “Is that the only reason you came over?”

We explained our situation and our plan to get me in a happier Safe Silver mood. Stella’s eyes lit up when I mentioned the play role Berin offered to me.

“Oh my god, Oka, you would be such a good wintry queen,” Stella said. “But if you really don’t want to, give them my name. I have been the wintry queen so, so many times. Still have it memorized. Wouldn’t even need to practice.” She puffed her chest out. “Nay, that the silvery drink we consume conveys truly, the togetherness we share. The love of our friends and family is as pure as our drinkage.”

“Aren’t you a bit old to be the wintry queen?” Zeta asked with the dull tone of someone who’d heard their big sister deliver those lines more times than she could count.

“One is never too old for Safe Silver cheer,” Stella said.

“But you can be too old to be the wintry queen,” Zeta said.

“And I’m not too old for that either!” Stella said.

“It’s usually played by someone like our age.” Zeta said.

“Whatever. More importantly, I know just the thing we can do for Safe Silver.” Stella said.