Paladins of the Pickle Goddess

“My boy?”

“Duran.” She pursed her lips and stared at me. “Not doing too well, are we?”

“What do you want with Duran?” I paused. “Is he- did you lose him?”

She did work for Lady Sylvia- I remembered now, as my eyes adjusted and I could see her better. I peered over her head. “Did you bring guards to arrest Apis? Let me through!”

The guards were heading up the stairs. I pushed the woman aside and made for the stairs, trying to get up on the top deck. The woman and the Laundress followed behind me, all of us clattering up.

It was mid-morning. The stink of the sea was stronger up here, a breeze starting in the heat, although as it hit the city it clearly gave up and turned back towards the open ocean instead. The guards for the quarantine ship itself were giving way to the city guard, who walked in an efficient phalanx and had clustered around Apis, obscuring him from view except for a few coils of dark hair that I could see through their cloaks.

“Hey!” I shouted. I was a little unsteady on my feet, head throbbing, but I was angry and in the sun for the first time in days, so I could overcome it. I ran towards the guards, making it towards their group just in time for one of them to pull his sword on me.

“This isn’t an argument with you, Miss Elysia,” he said. There was a thump. They’d thrown Apis into a boat. “Please,” he continued. “Kingshome even has visiting hours. Usually.”

“Why are you putting him in Kingshome, if you think he’s the arsonist?”

I tried to push the sword away. It came back to rest at my shoulder. Thinking back on the throbbing wound at my head, I decided not to pick another fight. The guards were stepping into the boat, one by one. Comparing their efficient group to the motley crew of hired guards that escorted the quarantine ship was like comparing a pack of hunting hounds to a rich woman’s little purse-dog. I swallowed, nauseous again.

“Ah,” said the guard. He scratched at his cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding the sword. “After, uh… you know, it isn’t important why we aren’t using the Infamy at this time.”

“Is this about the escape?”

“There was no escape,” he said.

I stared at him. He stared at me. I could tell him that the letterboys from the Infamy were in the hold. They had blamed the Arson on Apis now, so presumably, the letterboys had been freed.

Then again, I didn’t trust the guards as far as I could throw them. Who was to say the letterboys wouldn’t just be taken again?

“It’s just maintenence,” he said. He pulled back the sword and turned to step on the boat himself. “Ah, good luck. With… whatever you’re doing. Good day.”

He tried to salute me with the sword, then put it away. I scowled at him the whole way.

“He’s a murderer,” said the woman, who had walked after me at what seemed to be a sedate pace. “Hardly worth worrying about.”

“Excuse me! He did nothing of the sort!”

“The guard’s identified him,” she sniffed. “Would they ever make a mistake?”

The Laundress coughed, before we could start arguing again. “Cornelia, ah…”

“Ah, yes.” She held out a hand. “Cornelia. Head Housekeeper for the Household of Lord Julian, Councillor-”

“I get it,” I said. “We’ve met.”

“Yes, I know. And you’ve met Egnatius, of course.”

No wonder he acted that way, if his name was Egnatius. I ignored their conversation as I watched the city guards row Apis to shore. Wanting something to do with my hands, I pulled my cloak open and pulled it on. At least this felt right.

“Hey,” I said. “I’m banished, aren’t I? I want my crab back. And my apprentice back, too.” No use in wasting a good host-gift. This had all gone wrong because I’d gone to meet Sylvia. If I wanted to fix it, I needed to start repairing it, bit by bit.

“That’s what I was trying to ask you, before you ran off! He’s gone- rogue. That boy is useless. A bad worker, with no focus. Doesn’t want to do anything!”

Well, she didn’t have to be so rude about it. I scowled at her. “Duran’s got a unique personality.”

I had to find him. Not only was he my responsibility- I shuddered to think of what he was doing, alone in the city- but he also, if Andrena could be believed, was holding one of the rarest swords in existence. One that could strip someone of their soul.

It made me a little nervous.

“So you lost my apprentice, got Apis arrested, and now you want me to fix it for you,” I said, straightening the cloak. “And you don’t even have the crab with you. Am I understanding you correctly?”

“I hardly said it like that. I was given a task to make sure he was trained. I must fulfill it. I have a purpose of Consistency, Quality, and St-”

“Don’t care.” I turned to Egnatius. “Did you bribe your way onto the ship, like a normal person, or did you just rely on the guard? Because I wasn’t the only one stuck on here?”

“Relying on the guard is a perfectly reliable-” He avoided my eyes. “Well, yes, I might have done a little- it is within regulation to offer free laundering in exchange for a favor!”

Well. At least something could be salvaged. I watched the boat of guards shrink a little further on the horizon for a moment more before I turned back towards the belly of the ship. “Come on,” I said. “We’ve got some kids to release.”

The stink of the interior of the ship, the darkness, were no better the second time I went inside. I shuddered to go back in. It felt like any moment they would shut the doors again, this time for good. I almost wanted to give the cloak back to Egnatius, force him to have a reason to let me out again.

I cleared my throat. “How did you even find me?” I had expected Duran to do something…. Duran about it. Not successful, necessarily, but if anyone was going to attempt a rescue…

“I was searching for Duran,” said Cornelia. “The boy escaped instead of cleaning floors, taking a weapon with him. Bold! I followed him across the bridge to the temple district- the guard remembered him- but I lost him after that. Since I am an extremely diligent-”

“Skip all of that.”

“Well!” She sniffed. “Suffice to say, I was able to track your past movements. You’re hardly subtle.”

“How did that lead you here?”

“Someone reported you to the guards,” said Egnatius, who was keeping up with us and seemed to view Cornelia with the same amount of fear as someone might approach a snake in the grass. “The guards were searching for you on the streets. We.” He coughed. “Ah, we ran into each other. It wasn’t difficult to come to a mutually beneficial solution.”

Before I could ask about what exactly was mutually beneficial about arresting Apis, we’d come to a room I was fairly certain sat underneath where I’d been imprisoned for the last few days. I rapped twice on the door. “You still in there?”

A raucous chorus of voices answered. The door was only barred by a plank of wood held up by a pair of metal brackets. Embarrassingly minimal security.

I lifted it up, pulled the door open. The letter-boys flooded out. I smiled towards Egnatius and Cornelia, happy despite myself. It had been a horrible week in the Capital, filled with failure after failure. But at least I’d finally finished my first goal. The letterboys were free.

Cornelia’s nose was wrinkled in disgust. She stepped back, obviously trying not to inhale the stink of a dozen pre-teen boys that had been cooped up for days. Next to her, Egnatius had frozen. After a moment, he coughed.

“As it happens,” he said, “I do have somewhere else we need to go. Everyone, stop.”

The letterboys didn’t do anything. He reached out and grabbed one of them by the back of the cloak.

The boy, caught, turned to stare at him. “What?” He said, choking.

“I’m here for a mutual friend,” said Egnatius. “She wants to see you. All of you.”

Gathering up the letterboys was a considerable mission. I didn’t trust Egnatius, not really. But the look of his eyes, behind those tiny glasses, seemed sincere.

“I promise it isn’t the guards,” he told me, as we followed the letterboys up and onto the deck. “Truly. I didn’t even know the letterboys were here. But- I- as much as I hate it, I swore an oath to the guild.”

“You won’t hurt them?” I stared him down. He pushed his tiny glasses up his nose again.

“Upon my honor as a Laundress.”

Well, it wasn’t much. It would have to do. I took the rungs of the ladder two at a time.

When I finally sat upon the bench of the rowboat, it was a revelation. We were leaving. I stared up at the ship. Letterboys had crammed in next to me, making the boat swamp every time we moved. It was barely buoyant enough. Cornelia was perched on the bow. The Laundress had taken the oars. I wondered if Apis was in a cell yet.

“Well,” said the Laundress, as we got out of the boat. “Thank you for your help. This should be it for me. Be well, Cornelia.” He bowed to both of us, as if that was it.

I grabbed him by the collar. “As if!”

“What?”

Cornelia was already walking away. I didn’t pursue her. If she wanted to leave, she could. But I had started rescuing those kids, and I wouldn’t leave until I knew I hadn’t sent those letterboys into a trap.

“You wanted me, you got me,” I said. “Go on. All of us.”

“…Very well,” said Egnatius. He straightened up. “Proceed!”

I followed the Laundress through the winding streets, up to the Laundresses guild. The building still made an imposing statement, billowing pale steam and cloaking the figures that moved through the streets. Cornelia popped up again before we’d made it within a block. Like a leech, that woman. I shuddered at the look in her cold eyes.

The laundress slipped us in through side-stairs, up towards the top. We kept climbing, up and up, until we were interwoven in between the clothes flying out to dry. The boys clustered into small packs, whispering.

There, hidden between tunics and trousers and unmentionables, a girl stood. She was as wide as she was tall, with hair bright orange as a carrot and spiked just the same. Her feet were planted wide, her arms folded, like she expected us to charge at her.

She wore the uniform of a letterboy.

I didn’t have to ask for an introduction. I abandoned the Laundress entirely, ducked underneath a clothesline and stepped up until her face was clear through the mist. She was young, I realized. Fifteen, maybe sixteen at most. “I didn’t realize they chose Voices this young.”

“I liked Marcia better,” said the Voice of Celeres.